Say Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?

Just overheard on the History Channel's Modern Marvels re: Coffee:

"We are passionate about instant coffee," --Sanka spokesperson.

Pardon me, but that's hysterical! I'd rather drink a soda in the morning than drink instant coffee! I want the real java, preferably ground just before brewing in a french press, so that the essential oils for good coffee form a nice skim on the top of my mug!

mmmmm, is it coffee time yet?

Political Philosophies

Basically, I think the partisan politics that have been playing out for the past 6 years are beyond retarded. Yes, I know that calling something retarded is not PC, but it is what it is.

And yet, as retarded as the childish, mud-slinging, "oh yeah, well MY party is better than YOURS," nature of contemporary American politicos is, it is 100% in line with our culture. Look at all of our dumb-da-dumb-dumb-dumb lawsuits, where people lacking ANY common sense are awarded huge settlements. Look at the mean-spirited, "I'm gonna get you," mentality amongst the celebs - who apparently model cultural standards?

Politics in America boil down to this simple truth: Regardless of party affiliation, those in the runnings for major offices simply cannot represent the common citizen of our country. These people are so rich, so privileged, they have NO connection to the common citizens of our country, thus will not know how to best represent them. And in the meantime, America continues to dumb down to the point where people don't think about writing their representatives and telling them the desires of their constituents. And, if we did, a lot of the politicians simply don't care..........hmmmm?

The two major parties are now such polar opposites, that it's rare to see them work together, save for at a more local level. And a third party? Puh-lease, we all know the only thing a third, fourth... party does is take votes away from one of the two majors, ensuring victory for the non-affected party.

It's frustrating to me....very frustrating.

Why is it?

That while I'm throwing a load of clothes into the dryer this morning, a completely random piece of information from my college biology days- ATP is the metabolic fuel for cellular energy; further, ATP stands for adenosine triphospate - enters into my consciousness, but I'll forget several times today where my keys are, what I just set out to do, etc?

My brain is like that, always spewing random trivia that I've learned somewhere along the line, at the most crazy times.

Preacher Challenge

Sunday, the preacher challenged us to consider only good thoughts about our church this week. No grumblings, coulda, woulda shoulda's, no bad whatsoever. Easy enough, b/c we have a terrific church body!

So, my Monday positive: We have a nice balance of old, young, and in between members, conservative and liberal, and it warms my heart to see our worship leaders balancing the song service to meet everyone's needs. (and, being the eclectic sort of music lover I am, I love the variety!)

Tuesday: We have a generous congregation. We have several members who have stepped up to the giving plate when times have been tight for our congregation, or just people in the body. It has always made me smile and think of Acts where the early Christians gave at every opportunity.

Wednesday: I LOVE the belief of my church that we are our own authorities regarding our faith. To elaborate, a pulpit minister is still just a man, and not more/less holy than any one of us in the audience. We are encouraged to discuss differences in interpretation of Scripture with the church leaders, and take responsibility for our walks with Jesus individually.

Thursday: We have been blessed with an amazing senior minister for the congregation. His insights fan the flame within me to be a better Christian. He makes the Old Testament relevant for me. When he came here, just 3 years ago, our church was a very divided and hurt church, and now, we're close and connected - a lot to do with his clinging to Jesus' message of love, hope and self-examination in my opinion. God knew what this messenger of His could do for us, and we are so blessed to have such a knowledgeable, ornery, and loving man as the communicator of our church!

More to come....

Ignorance ≠ compassion!

At church today, I was explaining to an older, female, distant relative-by-marriage about the homeless coordinator position. (NOT MIL, note the DISTANT, hee hee)

Said relative is perceived to be notoriously harsh by many in the congregation. Having talked with her about this years ago, she's told me, "I'm not harsh, I just ask questions, I'm curious!"

Well....this may be, but combined with her very direct statements of opinion, tone, etc, those questions tend to put most on the defensive, even me.

No sooner than I explained the position did the interrogation begin.

"You're not counting illegal immigrants are you? I don't believe they should be counted for; they spend enough of taxpayer monies," etc, etc.

I, myself, am torn re: the illegal immigration issue(s), but for the purposes of the count;
#1: I'm not designing the survey nor the the parameters as to who should take this survey, and
#2: It's a homeless persons count, not a homeless citizens count.

I tried to convey points 1 and 2, as well as the fact that this effort is NON-partisan. Then, I redirected with a fact from my previous homeless worker days, "More often than not, in our county homeless persons are actually working poor families."

"Well, those people should be working two jobs."

No, she di-uhn't!! Tell me she did not just say that!

"Some of them are, believe it or not. But, given that our welfare system penalizes, i.e. lowers/eliminates the benefits when there is an income, regardless if it's insufficient to live on, and there are children who are to be cared for in day care, and average market rate apartment housing that requires a minimum-wage earner to work at least 120 hrs/wk to afford, can you really tell me that their problems will all be solved if they just work harder? And that's just the "easy" cases - we're not even talking about the cases where there is a mental illness, post-traumatic stress disorder, domestic violence, disabilities, or addictions, that as much as a person may want to overcome - can't without HELP. It's not always that simple."

Now, I am not for a minute suggesting we as a society erase others' consequences for choices made. But what if we can help mitigate the effects, and meet them half-way, offer them the grace to at least get started on a second chance?

Stereotypes exist for a reason, b/c there is some fraction of truth to them, and this bit of truth makes critical thinking less analytically rational and more emotionally judgmental. In other words, stereotypes are the lazy person's friend when it comes to thinking; the lazy person does no work at all on the thoughts, and instead relies upon a seemingly tried and true categorization of deductions arrived upon a group of persons. Ahhh, but there's the rub....what seems true very often is NOT.

Jesus saw past stereotypes. He saw past the incorrigible prostitutes and depraved tax collectors, and instead saw hearts seeking love and truth in a hurting world. Seek and ye shall find. Both God in the flesh and these hurting people sought something. He sought sinners with a thirst for Truth. They sought answers, and found the One great Answer.

It makes me sad that hearts can be so hard, and minds so lazy that critical thinking is overlooked, compassion revoked. But, as in the apostle Paul's example, all the more, I rejoice. God has given me opportunity to remove barriers and speak truth in this quest for a homeless count. And through that, hearts may be softened, with servants crying out to the Master, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have held hatred in my heart towards my brother. Teach me to love as Jesus did....." Please keep me in your prayers...to whom much is given, much is expected. Help me to live out my Father's will.

***btw, older female relative does try to love others, it's just not apparent at first glance. This is where I struggle with stereotypes - as I often just want to write her off as a judgmental legalist, but the Lord keeps showing me, in several dreams of late, that she has a heart for loving...may I always see the good and try to improve on what is lacking, versus fixating on the negative.***

Braggin' time

Yes, this is going to be self-promoting post. Note: I don't talk about myself irl like this as I'm actually prone to feeling quite insignificant, I figure this is my blog and since I'm using it for a variety of purposes, one being self-awareness and discovery in the midst of depression, I have every right to brag on myself!

Sooo...this week on the homeless count front:

-Monday, I wrote a report of completed activities on the project thus far, those up ahead, and attached an early revision of my contacts spreadsheet. Then I sent it to all who have put in to pay me, herein referred to as the "investors," as well as the state folks coordinating the project.

-Tuesday, I spoke to our local Homeless Task Force - a grassroots group comprised of agency reps and citizens who'd rather take a vigilante approach to our homeless problem, the latter of which have made this group rather ineffective. As luck would have it, the agency reps were pushing for more structure and organization for the HTF so they could become more effective, including prioritization of projects, clarifying missions and values, etc. I stepped right in, as the homeless count would be a terrific starting place - once the actual number for our area is known, it will give them a better idea of which things are first and second order on the task list. After that meeting, I spoke to our local paper's city reporter about the project, which went in the paper.

- The rest of the week, I worked on finishing the afore mentioned spreadsheet of contacts for the county. If anyone has any political aspirations in my county, I've got a great list of contacts going on: City Councilors, Town Trustees, Mayors, Citizen Advisory Boards and Commissions, Agencies both Government and Non-Profit, School District Contacts, Newspapers, Faith Community,etc etc.

-Yesterday, I worked on a press release and sent it to everyone on said contact list. did you know that Outlook won't allow 300 e-mail addys on the same distribution list? LOL

Also yesterday, the woman from the National Research Center in Boulder who is the Statewide Logistics Coordinator for the project, called me and told me how wonderful my work was and that she was going to be using it as a model for the other "rural" communities in the state that she would be working with! WOW! That was an awesome boost to the self-esteem :D

I'm hoping that my career path will be set with this project...God's blessed me much.

Hmmm?

Thanks to Purple Kangaroo, I took this quiz twice, with differing answers each time, but I guess I'm dominant to this category b/c this is where I ended up each time:

Which Classic Female Literary Character Are you?

You're Beth March of Little Women by Louisa May Alcott!
Take this quiz!

Quizilla Join Make A Quiz More Quizzes Grab Code

Quite flattering actually, but I don't see myself in such an altruistic way.

First blooms of the season

My lone little forget me not ahem, baby blue eyes bloom, an individual amongst the sprouted "surprise" variety of wildflowers we planted. It is the first of any of the wildflowers to bud, let alone bloom.

Then, our columbines (this blue variety being the CO state flower) just opened up yesterday, and we have a bunch more on the way.


Finally, our hot poker flower plant is true to form and producing a lot already. It's fun to watch the asparagus-looking buds go red to orange to yellow.








I think I've mentioned on here how LMNOB is a green thumb? Well she is, and she DELIGHTS in every seed, bud, blossom, and mature plant stage that gardening entails. I'd say the flowering stage is by far her favorite though. Every night this week we inspect the plants for new growth when we come home...and oh, the joy, the bliss on her face when there is new life to behold! And, the truth be told, it's on my face too...I've been thinking about God, during the time of creation and how much fun it must have been to craft all of these very different plants!

So...the other day, we're praying...

We, being myself, LMNOB, and Punkinhead, in the car on the way to daycare. LMNOB likes for me to go over items of concern, then pray in a manner where she repeats what I say. So, we prayed for: babies, both born and to be born (a boom at church ;) ), Daddy to have a good day, Mommy to be productive, LMNOB and Punkinhead to obey Miss B, and later Mommy and Daddy...etc.

"Dear Father, God in Heaven"

dear fodder, god in heavvvven

"Thank you so much for today and the blessings within it,"

tank you for today, and what a lovely day it is - is that pretty sky for me? Tanks anyway, even if it's not!

"Please be with Baby Hank, and make him strong to go home,"

and PLEASE make his mama not so sore anymore too!

"Thank you for the miracle of Baby Hank, Lord and be with Miss A and the baby boy she's expecting,"

Mama, what's his name gonna be?

"We're praying, sweet..." prompting to repeat above.

tanks for Baby Hank, God, he's just not so big, so help him get bigger. Oh, and make Miss A's baby come out, else he's gonna be tooo big. Mama, that's an opposite! Baby Hank and Miss A's babies will be opposites, big and li'l!

*giggle* look upward, remind my heavenly father of his words re: children, and wonder, do WE get in their way of seeking Him, or do they just meander in their thoughts too much? Smile deeply. Almost there...

Rushing, "Be with Daddy and give him peace during a hard day, Lord. And be with Mama so that she can do good things for people who need it. And be with me and brother so we will be good today...."

Be with Daddy and give him peace during a hard day, Lord. And be with Mama so's 'at she can do good tings for people who need it. And be with me and brudder so we will be good today

"In Jesus' name"

in Jesus' name,

"Amen" (pronounced Ay-men)

hoity-toity corrective tone: AAAHHH-men! Mama, that’s the way some people say it.

LOL....the Legacy of Little Miss Can't be Wrong lives on. This fall will be interesting when she starts school!

Loving my Lord, the Life He's given me, and my Lovey

LOL, Loving my Lovey...I'm just a regular sentimental cheeseball tonight, but I do!

I came across this passage in Isaiah earlier this week and sent it to my friend S, whose husband is battling sexual addiction:

Isaiah 14
A Taunt for Babylon's King
1But the LORD will have mercy on the descendants of Jacob. Israel will be his special people once again. He will bring them back to settle once again in their own land. And people from many different nations will come and join them there and become a part of the people of Israel.[a] 2The nations of the world will help the LORD's people to return, and those who come to live in their land will serve them. Those who captured Israel will be captured, and Israel will rule over its enemies.
3In that wonderful day when the LORD gives his people rest from sorrow and fear, from slavery and chains, 4you will taunt the king of Babylon (Satan). You will say, "The mighty man has been destroyed. Yes, your insolence is ended. 5For the LORD has crushed your wicked power and broken your evil rule. 6You persecuted the people with unceasing blows of rage and held the nations in your angry grip. Your tyranny was unrestrained. 7But at last the land is at rest and is quiet. Finally it can sing again! 8Even the trees of the forest--the cypress trees and the cedars of Lebanon--sing out this joyous song: `Your (Satan’s) power is broken! No one will come to cut us down now!'
9"In the place of the dead[b] there is excitement over your arrival. World leaders and mighty kings long dead are there to see you. 10With one voice they all cry out, `Now you are as weak as we are! 11Your might and power are gone; they were buried with you. All the pleasant music in your palace has ceased. Now maggots are your sheet and worms your blanket.'
12"How you are fallen from heaven, O shining star, son of the morning (Satan)! You have been thrown down to the earth, you who destroyed the nations of the world. 13For you said to yourself, `I will ascend to heaven and set my throne above God's stars. I will preside on the mountain of the gods far away in the north. 14I will climb to the highest heavens and be like the Most High.' 15But instead, you will be brought down to the place of the dead, down to its lowest depths. 16Everyone there will stare at you and ask, `Can this be the one who shook the earth and the kingdoms of the world? 17Is this the one who destroyed the world and made it into a wilderness? Is this the king who demolished the world's greatest cities and had no mercy on his prisoners?'
18"The kings of the nations lie in stately glory in their tombs, 19but you will be thrown out of your grave like a worthless branch. Like a corpse trampled underfoot, you will be dumped into a mass grave with those killed in battle. You will descend to the pit. 20You will not be given a proper burial, for you have destroyed your nation and slaughtered your people. Your son will not succeed you as king. 21Kill the children of this sinner! Do not let them rise and conquer the land or rebuild the cities of the world."
22This is what the LORD Almighty says: "I, myself, have risen against him! I will destroy his (Satan’s) children and his children's children, so they will never sit on his throne. (And He HAS!!! He is RISEN!) 23I will make Babylon into a desolate land, a place of porcupines, filled with swamps and marshes. I will sweep the land with the broom of destruction. I, the LORD Almighty, have spoken!"

In NO uncertain terms, the Lord has won this battle over Satan, and it is SO comforting to me to repeat verse two, particularly the latter half: Those who captured Israel will be captured, and Israel will rule over its enemies. It's not just a hope I cling to, but a living truth that has been played out in a very real way in my marriage. My husband has risen up to be a mighty warrior for God. He's reading the Word - actually READING it, on his own, apart from Bible Class/Church. This is a first in ...EVER, at least in 8 yrs of marriage. And how sexy and romantic this is to me! My need for Charlie Brown to be a spiritual leader in our home has gone unmet for a number of years, but now, Satan- who once captured Charlie Brown is now defeated and Charlie Brown is ruling over him, by the grace and transforming power of Jesus.

Abba, Abba Father! I love you and thank you for this priceless gift of love! Your gifts of love upon me are so numerous, from Jesus offering salvation, to the teachers of the truth you've blessed me with, to my children, friends, etc. Salvation alone is wonderous enough, but that you keep on pouring your blessings on me humbles me. A million thank you's are never enough!
I pray that you are with our many friends experiencing trial right now. Lord bless them with the comfort of your arms, bind the influence of the evil one, and remove it from their lives, Father. Be with those who are graduating and moving to a new phase in life right now, Lord. Guard their tender hearts and direct them in paths of righteousness. Strengthen them and blossom them into the men and women you would have them be.

I just want to be where You are
Dwelling daily in your presence
Take me to the place where you are,
I just want to be with You...

Be with us Lord. In Jesus' name, Amen.

I'm SOOOOOOOOO TIRED!!!

Friday didn't come fast enough yesterday. This was my first week working the new part-time job as homeless count coordinator, in addition to my normal part-time job as municipal employee. 40 hours isn't so hard when it's evenly dispersed over a 5 day period....but, halfway through the week, that balance shifted.

On Wednesday, there was a statewide conference that Colorado Coalition for the Homeless, (CCH) sponsored, and in one of their breakout sessions was a training for those who would be involved with the statewide homeless count on August 28th. Being true to their metrocentric form, CCH scheduled the blasted event from 7:30 AM to 4:30 PM. I had to leave at 6:15 AM just to get there on time, which, ladies with wavy hair will appreciate and knowingly nod along in sympathy regarding the fact that for me to have been up, hair straightened nicely, made up to look professional, organized to the extra business cards in the bag before I left, etc - I HAD TO BE UP AT 5:30 AM!!! I'm so not a morning person! But I did it, with massive amounts of caffeine coursing through my veins. CCH's director, Mr. Non-Dynamic Speaker with a horribly monotone voice, tendency to go on and on AND ON , let alone a very narcissistic agenda for his agency proceeded to get all of us workers from the "rural" areas to all but protest: . Don't get me wrong, his agency does great work, in DENVER. CCH, to the rest of us, is little more than a paradoxical agency, displaying overbearing micromanagement in their role as fiscal agent and yet a very keen disinterest in the unique needs of the "rural" balance of state (probably most notable when a couple of years ago CCH was under sanctions with HUD b/c of improper usage of federal dollars and their subgrantees had to operate CCH funded programs for 9 mos without funding!), and has long since frustrated many to tears.

You see, we aren't Denver in a number of ways. Predominantly, we're not the same political climate, at least not at the leadership levels. Secondly, because our experience of homelessness is different - often hidden and not the in your face panhandling variety of many urban homeless - our communities do not have a reason, desire, etc. to change this difference in political climate. Another thing is that our homeless populations are TOTALLY different - so what works in Denver, may not work in other cities/towns through the state. And that, is where CCH's arrogance comes in. Mr. Non-Dynamic Speaker went on this asininely long diatribe touting the agency's many successes in the past year. The implicit message was rife with the understanding that all we had to do was mirror them, with their help, and we could have the same successes. And nevermind the above cited differences, we're supposed to have the same FISCAL RESOURCES to implement these programs? Thank you, CCH for solving all of Colorado's homeless issues...or not. Anyway, I digress...my very LONG point here, is that most of what ended up to be a 12 hour day was really useless to me, equivalent to Ron White's joke about ear rape. The part that I attended for, was actually really good, and gave me what I believe to be a leading edge. That day wasn't over at 4:30...no, I still had prime-time rush-hour traffic to face on my ride home. Then, when home, it was cook, clean, put the kids to bed, etc. Didn't hit the pillow until 11:00...AAAck!

Then....Thursday, I ended up meeting with a church who had approached my office about our City's homeless needs. Since it related to the Count...yeah. I'd gone to work at my normal 8:30 and got home just before 9:30. Bed at 11:30 that night....then dh gets frisky in the middle of the night....normally, I'm ALL for midnight nookie, but that night, I was SOOO "just have your way with me and hurry, 'k?" LOL.

Friday, I have a breakfast meeting with some key players about homeless discharge planning, a huge item of research I tackled last year in aiding my boss with developing the city's 5 yr. consolidated plan, and the count. By 2 that afternoon, my brain resembled an old campaign: , no drugs involved, per se, but apparent lack of sleep, which researchers now say can be equivalent. We DID have date night that night, but I'm ashamed to say I became rather maudlin and no fun to be around after a 23ox light beer with dinner. Self-sabotage?!?

Today? Our neighbors were moving, and Charlie Brown helped via manpower. Me? I watched 4 children 2-5 yrs of age...then took LMNOB to a 5 y/o b'day party for 2 hrs. Then, Charlie Brown and I attempted to take them to Home Depot for some landscaping needs we'd wanted to address...well, we actually did, but it was with an assaulting barrage of whining, sibling attacks, and flat out disrespect, that it didn't have any resmblance to the outing Charlie and I had in mind.

Now...it's nearing 11:00, yet again. I'm not in bed, we have roughly 10 loads of laundry that are dirty, begging my grudging attention to my domestic neglect this week, my eyes burn this week with what I imagine are allergies, and I'm only 24 hours from preparing for my return to the work week. And yes, there is another long day in Denver this week - for my municipal job this time.

In the words of Shania..."Man, I feel like a woman"

particularly those too-tired, always got a headache women who prefer sleep over sex whom I never used to identify with....

it's happening...

I'm getting older

Another Potty-Training Story

So...this morning Punkinhead goes out to the garage and gets in the car. No biggie, a slight headstart to the timeframe I was operating on. Get LMNOB ready, walk out the door, and into the garage.

Punkinhead is "driving."

This means anything that can operate without the key being in ignition, hazard lights, the dome light and an alternative head light, is ON. Usually, he's got the doors locked too...and he did.

But I have the KEY!!

Open the door, and he says, "Mama, I wet." And he is....thoroughly.

Back into the house we go, new undies, shorts and shirt.

I ask him, "Why?!? You know how to tell me when you gotta go. ******SIGH****** But honey...it's ok, just don't do it anymore okay? Tell me when you have to go."

His answer?

(hint, I think big sister has been feeding him this line)

At not even 3 years old, my baby looks at me, shrugs indifferently and lightly says,

"I dunno, it's naht my fault, Mama."

We had a discussion on how bodily fluids are, in fact, one's own fault when we see fit to let them escape us while a toilet is lacking. But this attitude CRACKS me up - it's so out of nowhere!

Homeless People Count

These three words are the double entendre slogan for Colorado's statewide homeless count on August 28th. I'm the coordinator for our county, and yesterday I got to attend a training for the "how-to." Now I'm fired up!

In my previous employment, I worked as a homeless outreach worker for the county mental health center. In addition, I coordinated 2 subsidized housing programs for homeless persons. In short, I met them in the shelter/streets, helped them out, and if I had room in my programs, housed them too. After 2 1/2 years there, poverty-level pay (I've never understood how an agency can require employees to have a college degree yet pay them less than a living wage for the area!), and some ethical issues I had with a direct co-worker (and mgt not doing ANYTHING about it), I quit to work for the City I work for now. My office does several things for the community. I just do things from behind the scenes now.

I'd forgotten how good it feels to be a direct contact worker, the energy that is created when all the workers get together in enthusiasm. I think of Margaret Mead, and her truely wise words: "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."

More on this later....

Oh my!

Punkinhead has been wearing big boy undies for upwards of about 2, maybe 3? months now, with only 3 documented accidents. The first was near the start of wearing big boy pants. The second was a few weeks ago at daycare, when he opted to continue playing outside versus inconvenience his fun-time by stopping and using the toilet. The 3rd? Yesterday. Yup.

And get this...Miss B, the daycare provider, tells me that she had him pee on the potty, asked him if he needed to poopie, he said no, and 5 MINUTES LATER, she asked him if he was dirty. Supposedly, he proudly smirked and said, "Yes," with his newly developed ess at the end of this word. (Until just recently yes was yeah, very New Jersey sounding).

Miss B, in her recount to me, belabored this next point:

I never punish kids for potty training issues, but we had just been in there! And, his attitude was wrong. So he got a time-out.

I don't blame her; I'd have done the very same thing.

So...I had to tell you that story so I could tell you this story....

Last night, Punkinhead asked everyone what their favewit paht of the day was. When it was his turn to report on his favorite part of the day, his answer was, with this smile:

"poopie in my pants."

What do you do with that? Try as I might, I simply couldn't keep a straight face. The boy is ORNERY!

Short on time...but here's a quandary...

I should be drying my hair right now and dashing out the door for work - however, it's been nagging at me that the last post of mine is so negative. I hate sounding like that! I'm better now, had a beautiful Mother's Day yesterday, and am overall in a better place.

So this post is not to be positive or negative really, but more thought and discussion provoking. I will edit it as time permits - right now is NOT the time, lol.

But, some Christian friends and I were discussing the whole spiritual warfare issue and the powers and limitations Satan has. I'll admit offhand that I think he's more powerful than my friends were giving him credit for, particularly when there is an area in one's life that gives him an inroads.

That said,

-What are the limitations you believe Satan has and why?

-What are the powers he has and why do you believe this?

-Specifically, do you believe that Satan can know your private thoughts? Why/Why not?

I'm curious to hear what ya'll think.

Whoah there! Rant inside...

Grrrrrrr........

This is going to sound REALLY shallow and self-absorbed, but I have to say it - it's eating at me and I need to purge it from my system.

My birthday was Tuesday, right? Same day as it has been for the past 27 years, right? Being a mother myself now, I start to relive the labors and deliveries of my children on the days labor actually started (like a day or two before for each time) - it's just the way my brain works.

Baby sister remembered my day and mailed me a package of yummy things to acknowledge me. My In-Laws remembered my b'day, with a card that got here the day before and a phone call the day of. Charlie Brown's sister-in-law's parents sent me a card even - is that like in-laws twice removed or something?The boss got me a really nice potted miniature rose and bacopa arrangement. Big n' tall bro sent me an e-card, then the next day both bros had delivered a real card. Charlie Brown and the kids celebrated my b'day first thing the morning of and then we went to dinner that night.

SO, who's missing?

Dear ole MOM! Oh yeah, this is a common occurrence - don't know why I'm letting it bother me, but IT DOES! Every year wtihout fail, she's late for my b'day, and then denies she's responsible for it. I don't care so much about a gift - but just plain acknowledgement that she's celebrating the birth of a child who's special to her....but I guess that would require her viewing me as special, a status that is apparently reserved only for herself and live-in love of the moment.

She sure put a lot of thought and time into her new love's son's graduation from high-school.

I've got to let go of the bitterness. Give it to God...does He care if it's a repeat return, these feelings of mine? Just when I think I've gotten to some semblance of a relationship with her, she goes and jabs the wounds again. Will they ever heal fully if she's in my life? I wrestle with this....more than I should probably.

I get stuck on the shoulds of motherhood.

A mother should love her child unconditionally, let alone care.
A mother should sacrifice at times.
A mother should mature at a rate faster than that of her children.
Simply put, a mother should act like a mother, not the unreliable girlfriend in your life.

Ok...rant over...

My favorite picture of LMNOB's babyhood:

After a hard day of playing and getting to know each other, LMNOB at 4 mos, and new dog Gracie, just 7 weeks, were tuckered out. Isn't it precious?

Wordless Wednesday: Punkinhead's my Sunshine

He's so sweet and ornery at the very same time! Who can resist his sweet, ketchuppy face?

Prayer for Intervention

Father God, I'm struck with awe and wonder at your love, your power, your presence in everything I do, see, and am. Thank you for this day, and this unquenchable thirst for You that You've restored unto me. May I always seek you first in all that I do.

You have blessed me so richly of late, and I graciously acknowledge Your Hands directing me. I praise you for the miracle being done in my husband's heart, Lord. I delight in my newfound intensity in the love I have for him. Thank you for such a wonderous gift.

Father, there is so much to be done here. So much hurt, so many wounded by the barbs of the enemy. Help me to do your work, according to your will. I see your Word coming to life before my very eyes, Father, and I am reassured that you are leaving the flock to attend to those who've wandered astray. I pray that you find them and they are willing to come back. For those who've been ensnared, I pray that you will release them and bring them back into the fold of righteousness, back to the love of their families and friends. I pray that you intervene and allow for restoration, renewal, and repentance from these lost sheep. And I'm more in love with you for listening to my plea.

I've felt You stirring within me, Lord. I am rising up to be what you want me to be. I pray the same for all those whom I love and are not actively seeking you. I feel so earnest Lord, is there something you are trying to tell me?

Please be with me and bestow me with discernment, love and compassion.

Thank you for Christ, and His precious Blood.

It is in Jesus' name I pray all these things,

Amen

Warning! Shameless Self-Promotion Inside!

It's MY Birthday today. Yes, 27 years ago, God let me grace the world with my presence....giggle I did say shameless, LOL!

My reflections of the past year?

- I worry too much. This is something I am trying to give to God, as I really want to say that worry wasn't part of my life after the 27th year.

- My downs certainly make my ups just that much sweeter - right now, life is good, because God is good - wait, shouldn't life always be good then?? You know what I'm talkin' about though, right?

- Someone told me 30 is the new 21, and 50 is the new 30. I think she is SO right, because as I approach 30, I just get excited about more confidence and security in life, knowing myself and God that much more. I've grown more comfortable in my body as the years pass on - who'd have thunk that one, with all the age defying products on the market?

- I'm me. And, who I am is not a static thing. I can and will grow, change my mind, falter, stumble, learn, and simply live. To expect me to know myself and stay the same is to put myself in a cage, lock the door, and throw away the key.

Oh, there are more, but there's not enough time to name them all...Suffice it to say, I'm another year older, another year wiser.

Monday Memories -

Monday Memories: Did I ever tell you about Our First Overnight (and Only So Far) Without Kids?



Last Spring, when the kiddos were 4 and 18 mos, we got to have a night away...the first time since LMNOB's birth that we'd been kid-free overnight.

I'd gotten free tickets to a blacktie event (one of the grantees from my work, no, it wasn't a bribe, lol) and our d/c provider offered to swap out a night of care with us. She called me the morning of and said, "The kids know me and my house, and we'll see each other at church tomorrow, why don't you guys just let them stay the night?" It was awesome!

We went to our dinner and dance and had a great time; the next morning, Sunday, we got up and drank coffee on the patio, then, since we had all this time before church and no kids to get ready, we went for a walk along our neighborhood's nature trails. In the big vacant field along the trail, there were several hot air balloons lifting off, so we stood and watched. It was really neat and very romantic! Charlie Brown told me he'd never felt so connected to me; I felt the same.

We've really got to do this again sometime...

Links to other Monday Memories
(If you participate, leave your link in the comments and I'll post it below)


Click here for the Monday Memories code
Click here for Shelli's blog

Trackbacks, pings, and comment links are accepted and encouraged!

View More Monday Memories Participants
Purple Kangaroo
Amy

5 Random Things on Cinco de Mayo

This post will have no theme - just random things I thought I would update on.

1 - Our couple friends who are separated are getting a good dosage of us this weekend. God's timing is just breathtaking when we get to see it unravel before our very eyes. S (the wife) and I are going out of town this weekend for girl time that's been on my calendar long before they even split, and the theme matter of the weekend is right up her alley right now. Charlie Brown is taking D out to lunch today, and has been praying for boldness in spirit. Charlie Brown has really shown me his warrior heart for the Lord this week, particularly regarding sexual addiction and how he desires to "pay it forward" with this friend who is battling the very same demons of Charlie Brown's not too distant past. I love my husband, probably more than ever, and praise God for him.

2 - I got the other PT job I talked of earlier. I begin FT status on the 15th, and will be seeing Denver 4 times in 6 weeks! Thank goodness for mileage reimbursements and my fuel economic Subaru!

3 - Charlie Brown.....mmmmmmm......Have I mentioned that I ADORE him?

4 - Joy despite a very real spiritual battle. The miraculous birth of Baby Hank has been a modern day rainbow - a reminder of God's promises to us - as a church family, struggling with many other things.

5 - Rejuvenation - just feeling good this week - I think b/c crunch time at work is nearly over - NEXT WEEK!!!

Now...off for a weekend of girl time, fellowship, and love!

The Deeper Beauty of the Lotus

Today I found myself thinking about something a woman who's gone through the same hardships as my friend and I had written awhile back, and I wanted to dig it out and post it here so I could remember it.

I like to liken myself to a lotus flower. For one thing, they are NOT small and delicate, but rather round and hearty... But more than that, I relate to the manner in which they grow. You see, a Lotus flower takes root in the muck and the mire of a swamp or a pond. The roots become strong in the icki-ness, and they grow. The stalk, too, is hearty, and then at just the right time the most amazing, beautiful flower appears. This flower is born out or the muck and the mire (adversity and filth of life, perhaps?) and is shown to be radiant and beautiful.



We are like that...

See Psalm 40...

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.

5 Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.

6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but my ears you have pierced ;
burnt offerings and sin offerings
you did not require.

7 Then I said, "Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll.

8 I desire to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart."

9 I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;
I do not seal my lips,
as you know, O LORD.

10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.
I do not conceal your love and your truth
from the great assembly.

11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;
may your love and your truth always protect me.

12 For troubles without number surround me;
my sins [and those of others]have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.

13 Be pleased, O LORD, to save me;
O LORD, come quickly to help me.

14 May all who seek to take my life
be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
be turned back in disgrace.

15 May those who say to me, "Aha! Aha!"
be appalled at their own shame.

16 But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation always say,
"The LORD be exalted!"

17 Yet I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
O my God, do not delay.

Satan is an obvious "other" mentioned in v. 14, seeking to take our lives, or the lives of those we love. As the Psalm mentions, we have hope that he will one day be put in his rightful place, forever, to torture us no more.

We can't help that there's a lot of mire and muck in our history. But, isn't it great to know that God has used it to create beautiful lotus flowers all around us?

Monday Memories: Punkinhead's Birth

Monday Memories: Did I ever tell you about Punkinhead's Birth?

Miracle Baby Hank got me to thinking about our own miracle birth.

Punkinhead's Birth Story
June 30, 2003 7:00 pm:

We had gone to Petco to buy some dog food for the in-laws as they have really no pet stores where they live to buy quality food at, and we were planning on seeing them for the 4th of July when we all were going to camp together. As we’re stockpiling the canned dog food in our carts I felt my underwear get really wet. This was not the “gush” or “trickle” I’d heard about in reference to someone’s water breaking, so I was like, “hmm, what is this all about?”

I told Charlie Brown, “I think I’m leaking amniotic fluid,” to which he looked down at the floor and said, “I don’t see a puddle,” rather sarcastically. My mind was just racing…finally I determined I had to go to the bathroom to check this out. Pulled down my underwear which were soaked and low and behold there were lumps of mucous too. So now I was confused, with LMNOB, I'd been induced. I didn’t lose the plug or have my water break on it’s own. Is this just losing my plug or is it more?

So while we’re checking out I told Charlie Brown, “SOMETHING is going on.” We got home around 7:30 and I called my mother in-law to see what she thought. She advised me to just call the dr. So I did. His response? “Get to the hospital and let’s see what’s happening here.”

So we put LMNOB to bed, called a friend who could come over to sit with her and headed to L&D. There we discovered that it was in fact amniotic fluid that I was leaking. I was only dilated to 1.5cm and no contractions at all. The dr gave me Ambien, sent Charlie Brown home and told me that if contrax started they’d call him in, otherwise it was Pitocin in the morning.

July 1, 8:00 am:
Pitocin drip begins. Intense and uncomfortable contrax follow.

2:00pm:
I’d only dilated another .5cm despite regular contractions. So, they tried to put a pressure catheter inside the uterus to gauge how intense these regular contractions were. However, b/c I was only 2cm, this was a rather painful and in the end, futile attempt. They did discover that there was still a small sac of amniotic fluid that needed ruptured, but couldn’t get to it due to the lack of dilation. So they unhooked the pitocin and told me to walk around and get something to eat, they would rehook it up in awhile.

The words “no progress” and “c-section” raced around frantically in my head.

4:00pm
Pitocin re-established.

5:00pm:
Some friends had picked LMNOB up at daycare and brought her in…this was a huge comfort to see my girl! She was cautious at first, but in the end warmed up and entertained us all. Seth and the gang that was there decided to go and get something to eat.

6:00pm:
Internal check…4 cm!! They were now able to put the pressure catheter in and break that last bit of water. The pressure catheter would gauge how intense the contractions were and let the nurse know if she needed to up the pitocin or not.

7:00pm:
The contractions that were, up to now, bearable became a bit more intense. I was having to breathe thru them now. I called Charlie Brown, told him I thought things were rolling now and he should come back. My Big'N'Tall brother took LMNOB back to the house and put her down for the night. My contractions got bad, much worse than I tolerated with LMNOB, and the med staff kept asking me if I wanted the epi. Being that an epi could slow down labor I kept saying no, not yet b/c I didn’t want to stall out. They did give me a few doses of IV pain meds when it got really bad and I asked for them. I didn’t like it though, as my head felt so disconnected, so I chose to breathe thru them. I was feeling pretty good in that I just knew things had to finally be progressing, the contractions were one on top of the other and just SO bad!

10:00pm:
Internal check…only 5 cm. I was devastated and began to cry thinking it would be c-section time. The nurse asked again if I wanted the epi, and I said yes…why go thru the pain if it was all for naught?

11:00pm:
Epidural has been administered, and life is again good on the pain front. We all kind of relaxed and tried to rest.

Midnight:
Internal check….6.5cm.

July 2, 2003 1:30am:
I was feeling pressure for about 15 minutes and feeling like I had to breathe thru what felt like vaginal, vs. uterine, contractions. I paged the nurse as I felt like I had to bear down. She came in and checked me and I was at 9cm! I began to cry and told her that it was the best news I had heard all day. She got some stuff ready and paged the dr. But before the dr got in the room, I said, “I gotta push now,” and the nurse looked and replied, “Yep you do, let’s go.” I pushed 2 times before the doctor got there, and about 4 times after the dr arrived, there was a baby at 1:53am, almost 31 hrs after my water first broke.

He was 5 lbs 15 oz, and 19 in long. Breathing was excellent, which was a concern for him only being 36 wks. We knew his first name, but the middle name controversy had come up again during the labor process. When we saw him, he looked just like Charlie Brown's baby pictures. He asked me, “Is Archie okay? It just feels right.” Archie is Charlie Brown's grandfather’s name. Granpa Archie had been gone for a long time, but Grandma Nina, loving wife to Archie, had joined him in Heaven that spring. I told him it only fit as Charlie Brown was called little Archie by many b/c of the resemblance he bore towards his grandfather, and Punkinhead appeared to be carrying the looks on.

Being a “36-weeker” as the hospital staff so lovingly called him, sucking/feeding were likely to be issues because 1.) the suck reflex is still immature at this stage and 2.) they are not ready to be out of the womb yet and are very sleepy. All day Wednesday was an ordeal trying to get him to eat. But finally he did nurse, for 20 minutes at that! It was just after this that the lactation consultant came in (she was req’d to see me as he was in the special care nursery) and I excitedly told her he’d just eaten well. Instantly she started second guessing me and questioning me about his latch and whether or not I heard swallowing or not. I firmly told her he’d done them well, that this was not my first nursing experience. She wanted me to get him to eat on the other side then…wasn’t 20 minutes with a preemie enough for her? No. So then we fought and fought to get him awake and latched on. She “corrected” me on my hold very rudely (I was wanting to do the football hold as that was what had just worked, but she insisted on cross-cradle), told me I was presenting the nipple incorrectly. I was getting really frustrated with her. She then gave me the kit for a hospital grade pump…told me I was going to have to pump and supplement from the get go, that we wouldn’t be able to just nurse. I would have to rent the actual pump from the hospital, blah blah blah. Then Charlie Brown came in. He and his parents had gone to the mall and visited Motherhood Maternity and bought me two sets of nursing pjs and a small electric Medela pump.

The LC saw it and jumped all over them, “Whoa whoa whoa, what is this?” and proceeded to tell him he’d wasted his money, it wouldn’t work, and the only thing that would come close to hospital grade pump was the Pum In Style. Charlie Brown got upset and left. the LC's work was done and she left. We never did have any nursing issues! Well, at least not until Punkinhead was 10 mos old!

So….all things considered, 1.) My water broke when for all medical purposes, my body was NOT ready to go into labor, the drs told me this was a fact and that was why I stalled so long, 2.) Our at-risk baby was little, but overall very healthy, and 3.) My insurance changed over to a much more expensive delivery coverage on 7/1, but b/c I was admitted 6/30, my old, cheaper insurance was the one responsible for delivery coverage even though it was after 7/1, this was not a case of coincidence, but rather one where we know God was truly in control and totally watching out for us.

Links to other Monday Memories
(If you participate, leave your link in the comments and I'll post it below)


Click here for the Monday Memories code
Click here for Shelli's blog

Trackbacks, pings, and comment links are accepted and encouraged!

View More Monday Memories Participants
Amy