The Plot Thickens....

with respect to the whole WOHM/SAHM thing for me.

We'd originally planned to have me work PT after the job share went thru so that I could keep my insurance til delivery; but having spilled the beans to my boss the other day I now have some new details to consider.

The day after the big whoopsie, I came into work with an “About yesterday….” schpiel.

The Boss had one of her own. She’d been going back and forth about the job-share situation as she had details that I haven’t been privy to. That is, the City anticipates implementing a hiring freeze effective Jan. 1 (the start of their new FY) due to current economic conditions. This means that if a person is hired to job share with me prior to the end of the year and then I left, that the Boss would be stuck with 50% FTE in a 100% FTE job.

Ethically, I just don't feel like I can do that to her. And personally, I’m ready for some respite. But, wowzas….the reality of us hiring someone before the end of the year and me quitting looks butt-ugly.

I’d planned on staying on and staying mum about leaving so that we’d have health insurance coverage.

Kind of screwed that pooch – and I’m ambivalent about that too – on the one hand we’re not sure what is gonna happen health care wise, but on the other hand talk about a Huge Lie of Omission. I’m rather glad that we’ve taken the honest route – but scared to death about the financial realities.

Because I’m already pregnant individual health plans for families would look at the pregnancy as a “pre-existing condition” and cover nothing.

Charlie Brown’s employer coverage would have to give us “open enrollment” status if I quit/was fired, but even at that the plan sucks big time. Not only is it a $700+/month premium, but it is 70%/30% coinsurance with a $2000/person or $6,000/family deductible. OT coverage for LMNOB sucks – caps out at $2,000 per 12 mos (which is not much).

COBRA might be an option, but I’m doubtful since we’re covered as a family right now. Edited to add: Uh yeah, no snake oil insurance for us – monthly premiums of $1100+/month.

So there’s all the cons.

Ready for the pros?

I would have TIME. Time to reconnect with God, my husband, friends and community. Time to reclaim myself. Time to write – which could bring in income. Time to rest – which could save medical money. Time to volunteer in the kids’ classrooms before baby comes. Time to keep the house clean and spend quality time with the kids at home. Time to stick to a strict sensory diet for LMNOB that might eliminate the need for regular OT (we’re nearing the end of that path anyway – though it makes me sad because BT the OT is WONDERFUL!). Time to cook more home meals and order less takeout – time to actually be able to think and stick to a budget! This time thing alone is invaluable.

Also, I rather think I might enter the direct selling world. :gasp!: I thought I would NEVER EVER say that. I also never ever thought I’d say that I wanted to be a SAHM – so now is the time for never say never proclamations, eh? Lia Sophia has brought so much financial peace to my neighbor (who’s been at it PT for less than a year and is now bringing in as much as I gross FT), I believe in the product, their sales are going up despite an economic downturn, and it would give me a chance to revive my social side! I miss that lady. And the startup cost is CHEAP. So, perhaps some of these added costs could be offset.

No child-care costs. Fiscal or emotional. ‘Nuf said. Another cost-shift.

Baby’s due date coincides with Charlie Brown’s open enrollment period, so most likely we will drop the coverage and opt for a less-expensive (hopefully better coverage) individual health plan for our family. Hopefully, I mean what do I know about planning these things? God seems to have different ideas for us all the time.

And, the greatest God thing of it all….I sent an e-mail out to our church family the day that the Boss and I talked to pray for this situation. Hours later, Charlie Brown called and said he’d finally been given a raise, a raise that has been VERY elusive over the past 18 mos, in the amount of 8.5%. Talk about timing. He provides – this I know, and yet it continues to be such a struggle for me to trust in this basic concept.




© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

There's a Monster at the End of This Blog Post

Sort of....

You see, this is my 666th blog post (oooh, spooky, evil number, I know!) so I thought it would be kind of cute to mimic my favorite children's book since there really is nothing to be scared of, right?

Right?

Oh, wait, there is something to be scared of......

This weekend was sensory overload......

For.....

.......

.........


ME!


My in-laws were up for a four-day weekend, and I love them. Love them!

In small quantities. I've come to learn that 3 days is my max, but since we were together for 4......

Well, I am not a nice person and at best look like the worst pregnant mama ever.

Or maybe I am being too harsh on myself - whaddyou think.....

First... Thursday evening - ok, I had to work late for a monthly meeting. My house was mostly clean.

(I left the floors because my in-laws have 2 dogs that they bring with them and I knew if I cleaned the floors on Wednesday, they would just need done again for my Friday night jewelry party)

Charlie Brown and his dad were gone, as MIL bought them Av's tickets for their upcoming [November] birthdays.

Friday - I had to work, Charlie Brown took the day off since the kids were off and his folks were here, assuring me that he and his parents would help clean up for the lia sophia party I was hosting that night.

Got home early and they hadn't been home all day. Not only did I have some things of ours to clean up in preparation, but the inlaws' stuff was all over and needed put up. Floors needed cleaned. I would have been hot not-pregnant, but being pregnant, I was pissed.

I started making the refreshments and doing what I could when everybody came in. They all pitched in [GREAT] but it still completely frazzled me as we were in a last-minute cleaning spree [NOT SO GREAT]. I'd wanted to RELAX y'all!

Everything was done* on time and the party was great fun, thanks to 1.) gorgeous, affordable jewelry, 2.) some homemade spinach artichoke dip with bread and various veggies, 3.) lemon dip with strawberries, and 4.) Nana’s sugar cookies**.

* and by done I really mean, a clusterf*&k of crap got shoved into my bedroom with the doors shut

** I'm telling you, I DO love my MIL - I just feel so inferior around her because she’s never taken antidepressants, and she’s so domestic and crafty, and because she “just” did abc when her kids xyz’d. We look somewhat alike and I tell Charlie Brown all the time that if he’d wanted to marry his mother he must be sorely disappointed. :sigh:

Saturday….
This was the Big Get Together of the weekend.

Our niece 3M turned 10 on Friday and we had all planned to get together on Saturday because my SIL’s family was staying at their house in Aurora.

We’d decided to meet in the middle and check out the family-friendly adventures that Miller Farms had to offer us. We planned a picnic lunch and had been told that BIL was treating us to dinner at their home afterwards. Since we wouldn’t be back until evening, we left my inlaws’ airbed out in the living room. Remember this…

We had a GREAT time at Miller Farms. We all got to go out into the fields and each got to pick a bag of the following:

-Indian Corn – more for decorative purposes than for edible ones

-Onions – while many of them had to be picked through since they’d been exposed to freezes, a number of them were still in great shape – and these suckers were HUGE too!

-Carrots – again, you had to dig for ones that were still deep in the ground and not rotten, but we got a TON

-Potatoes – they had a tiller go through and dig them up for each group and then everyone bagged their loot

-Beets – not my favorite, but I plan on using them as stamps for the kids one afternoon, more than for food! I do like pickled beets but one can only eat so many.

And we each got to pick a pumpkin out of their pumpkin patch. We were LOADED in fresh produce.

My littlest niece, Double A, is 2 and she got antsy in the middle of the crop pickin' - which was more stressful for my BIL and his wife than it was for any of us. Otherwise it was a grand time. We also did a corn maze, rode pedal tracters, and Charlie Brown bought me a 20 minute massage at a merchant booth - which was heaven and ended up being 30 minutes actually. :contented sigh:

At the end of our Miller Farms adventure - it was announced that we were all going back to MY house, not BIL's house. And all the crap was still out! Minor heart palpitations at that thought, but eh, life goes on.

Get home, order pizzas to take and bake. I end up waiting on everyone, hand and foot, which my MIL said I "didn't have to do," but since no one else was taking the damned initiative who was REALLY going to do it?

The worst part was when 3M made it known that she had been supposed to have gone to her bff's house in Aurora after we'd been finished with our family party. This was now Not Going to Happen. And she displayed her [rightfully so, imho] tween angst about it. I sympathized with her internally, noting that we weren't all supposed to be here if I'd had anything to do with it too.

By the time they left and we got the kids bathed for church in the morning - it was an incredibly long day with out an ounce of rest for the pregnant, weary, pitiful woman that gazed back at me from the mirror that night.

Sunday....
Church - getting ready went off without a hitch, although the morning did arrive too damned early.

Church itself was interesting as the octogenarian who led the song service picked only obscure and ancient hymns that no one knew, which resulted in his bellowing vibrato solos. I am one who preaches that we don't attend church to be entertained and serve ourselves; rather that we go to church to worship and serve God. However, this particular morning my own admonitions were difficult to swallow.

I'd told my in-laws that I had a baby shower to prepare punch for and attend that afternoon. I'd planned on making the punch at home after church and then leave for the shower. Which was no big deal.

Except....we HAD to go to the BlackEyed Pea for lunch. At least where we live, the BlackEyed Pea is frequented largely by seniors after church on Sundays. Which means the table turnover is V.E.R.Y. S.L.O.W. at best. We left the restaurant at 1:36. The shower started at 2:00.

It became very painfully apparent to me that we would be LATE. And then when I discovered that I had filled a 2.5 gallon jug like it was a 2 gallon jug (i.e. with too much water), I went completely apeshit, freaking out that Charlie Brown hadn't told me it was a 2.5 gallon jug and that we were going to be late, and ohshitohshitohshit! In front of my inlaws mind you. I'm crying and screaming and cannot escape the frustrations that keep pummeling me.

I left, was 1/2 an hour late -felt terrible - but everyone assured me it was fine and the punch was a hit.

The rest of Sunday was ok, except for bedtime. Which was expected.

Today....
LMNOB had one of THOSE mornings. I'm frustrated. There is yelling and gnashing of teeth.

MIL comes up and tells LMNOB, "You know, 3M gets herself up and dressed and makes her own breakfast and fixes her hair and then walks to school all by herself..."

Which struck me about like it did LMNOB: Well, whoopdie freaking do for HER.

Instead, I gritted my teeth and we got through it. Backpack was missing and then so was jacket. And the bus was missed and then I found said backpack and jacket, and took them to school in the car - while bidding my inlaws adieu.

Work was ok....until about 4:18 when my phone rang and it was a neighbor saying the kids were with her; their babysitter hadn't showed up.

Call babysitter - no answer.

Call babysitter's mom and start to leave a frantic message when babysitter's mom picks up. Oh, no she said - babysitter had asked her mom to pick the kids up today as she had a conflict arise and their clock had defaulted to the old end of daylight savings time setting and it read 3:20 instead of 4:20. She was so sorry.

Yeah, me too. I'd already done the mom-obligated "what ifs," and that was NOT pretty.

So I'm emotional and the Boss had overheard. I share with her the story and she empathizes. She offers to help push the jobshare earlier and I'm honored by that but feel badly that I'm burdening her with that. I say it is no wonder to me that affordable quality child care is a number one priority for a local poverty initiative; I've had a hell of a year with childcare and I CAN pay for good care. She says no kidding and asks if I've got the baby on a waitlist yet.

:GULP:

I'm not going to lie - but I hadn't quite wanted to discuss this yet.

And it just blurted out, "Well, no, I actually don't think I'm coming back after the baby is born."

OH CRAP!

She took it ok, but yikes! I had not wanted to let that cat out of the bag yet - I'm hormonal and freaked because my babies had been standing at the bus stop for who knows how long and who knows who could have been around, and....

Yeah, it probably couldn't NOT have come out with that mindset. But still....

So I've been bawling all night and am the red-eyed monster at the end of this post.

Charlie Brown is singing to me as I type, "There's a light and the end of this tunnel..." as sung by Third Day.

I sure hope so. God, please carry me through this.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Lucky Number 13

I hit 13 wks pregnant yesterday, or as Punkinhead would say, last day.

I'm tired, y'all.

Pregnancy with the other two was always easy, it was what came next, motherhood with a baby ex-utero, that was hard!

This pregnancy has been rough on me. First it was the incessant itching on my palms and feet - and the ICP scare that that suggested. Thankfully it turned out to be nothing. Then it was a bit of spotting - which also turned out to be nothing; however, the doc wanted me in stat and that required me taking time off work. Then, for the past week I've had a horrible sinus/chest cold that has me hacking up phlegm and hurling the contents of my stomach subsequently. And a bladder infection. At least the bladder infection was asymptomatic - if it had hurt I would have been a sad, pathetic creature. Which is how I feel most days anyway, lol.

On top of all that, because Punkinhead was born at 36 wks, my OB is REALLY pushing me to take on weekly progesterone injections starting next month. I'm really frustrated by her insistence. I am convinced Punkinhead's birth was due more to Divine Intervention than it was to a medically-induced miscalculation by my body; I did not go into preterm labor, rather my water broke spontaneously and then my body still did not go into active labor even with the aid of pitocin. My insurance's delivery fee was scheduled to go from cheap to sky high effective July 1 - my water broke June 30. Those extra hours that Punkinhead got to stay in utero helped his lungs mature enough for his survival. And we were fine. I shared the whole testimony with her at my last prenatal check up and she still dismissed it, saying that she really wanted to abate the risk of another preterm birth. Whatever. If she insists, then I will insist on seeing if I am carrying twins or a singleton, because there is evidence that progesterone injections do not prevent preterm birth in twins, and I'd rather not inject something if it is pointless anyway. I'm still so sick and tired, and HUGE for this stage in the game that I think it is a possibility - and will want to know for certain before I agree to any poking and prodding!



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

How to Make Mama into A Big Puddle of Emotional Fondue

This is the best sensory meltdown recipe EVER.

Take one Colorado autumn (which has frigid A.M. temps and summerlike afternoon highs).

Add one sensory disordered LMNOB who is FREAKING out about the fact that she has no clue what she could possibly wear that is warm enough for the morning and yet not going to be too hot in the afternoon. Also, know that the thresholds for cold and hot are EXTREMELY sensitive - the child is either freezing or being burnt alive.

Stir in a Mama, having had some serious childcare woes this year and subsequent ramifications for such instability at work, who CANNOT be late for a morning meeting lest she face another, "I'm not sure how committed you are to this job" talk from The Boss.

Mama and LMNOB mixture was settling overnight with an admonition that LMNOB HAD to get ready easily in the morning - but obviously this failed to settle in.


Fold in one Mama-picked outfit, then another, and another when finally THE outfit is selected and LMNOB is rhythmically told that she will get dressed or else she will go to the bus-stop in her pjs.


Tantrum violently for an hour plus - this includes one LMNOB kicking Mama in her [pregnant] abdomen repeatedly as Mama struggles to dress LMNOB and Mama subsequently feeling such visceral rage that she has to refrain from murderous thoughts and a yen to react with equal violence. LMNOB will finally, slowly emerge from her room dressed with mere seconds to spare. Mama informs LMNOB that she will have to brush her hair in the car on the trip to the bus stop.

Repeat tantrums - throw in "But that's not enough time, I HAVE to have my hair fixed" into the mix.

Mama tries to leave both children, now somewhat calmed, at the bus stop only to arrive at work on time. LMNOB is stuck to Mama, however and must be pried off of her and forced gently onto the bus as it opens its door.

Let LMNOB simmer on the bus, while Mama is put into a fondue pot known as her car wherein she melts effortlessly into a saline fondue of emotions. Preheat the school with a warning of horrible, rotten, no-good morning in the event that LMNOB desires a little extra simmering down. Melt into further puddle at the humiliation of communicating just how awful said meltdown has been.

Seriously, as I told Charlie Brown on the way to work - it is like 95% of the time she is fine - a stubborn child within the normal ranges - and the remaining 5% of the time I think she is a certifiable poster child for institutionalization. Feeling such things about one's child is not pleasant; nor is the realization that you came THISCLOSE to completely losing it on her and going across THAT line.

As I got to work, I only grew more compassion fatigued. We were meeting with 30+ non-profit agencies, funded [in parts] by our grant program to go over changes for the program's upcoming year and to also have them fill us in on trends and changes they were seeing.

It was a depressing blur of the stark realities facing our community....
....12% client increase over last year with 15% funding cuts....5,000 unduplicated clients in the FIRST 4 DAYS of OCTOBER (that was the local Food Bank's figure)...decrease in adult mentors for troubled youth due to economy driving people to take second jobs...increase in domestic violence and child abuse cases....an increase in crisis care offered by Respite Care, a facility offering child-care respite to parents of special needs children...

It went on and on, and the last two hit me particularly close to home, having been extremely stressed about potential conflict at work due to my special needs child freaking out.

It was not good. At. All.

Oh, and to boot, it was Wednesday, LMNOB's current day of choice for her freakouts. Just morning instead of evening. We could almost set a clock by it.

Tonight was better....though not without red flags.

I had LMNOB hang on bars at the park and she jumped the crap out of her trampoline tonight for sensory activities. But then she went and played with sidewalk chalk and wrote a novel on our driveway. BACKWARDS. She has not had issues with writing things backwards or in mirror image for a long time, and even when she did it was not a lot, ya know the occasional letter or two - this was 1/4 of our driveway. Bunch of stuff regurgitated from school work about taking care of earth and plants and all that jazz. But SDARWKCAB. Entirely - the words were still in order but read completely right to left instead of left to right. Talk about a mind-bender.

I'm trying a new product with LMNOB tonight to see if it helps her - she's been complaining about being unable to settle down to go to sleep.

Also? Consistency with the sensory diet. Exhausting, time consuming, but ultimately life-saving consistency.


Sigh.....


© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Indulge Me, Dear Readers....

Blogger has a new "Follower" Gadget that I've put in on my sidebar. Currently, it just looks like a bunch of blah-blah because no one is "following" my blog. To follow a person's blog, all it does it put your blogger profile pic in a little diagramy thing that looks like I have friends. So click away and become a follower!



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Hoping She "Gets" It This Time

So, the other day I shared with y'all that LMNOB's Second-Grade Teacher has frustrated me a bit. This is not the first time, either.

After I spoke with School OT (who very much agreed with me) I e-mailed her this:

Hi Ms. Second Grade Teacher,

I just wanted to check in with you on a few things.

First of all – thank you for making sure LMNOB sends home the checklist each day. They are helpful tools for me to gauge what needs to be done that night at home.

1.) Volunteering – I have a couple of things that I wanted to check in with you about. First – I know that teachers rely upon volunteers to be there when scheduled and that is why I’ve tried to let you know in advance when I have a conflict – to
demonstrate respect for your planning needs and to allow for ample time to develop a plan around it. However, as illustrated by the misunderstandings that occurred on September 18th and today, something is failing in my communication with you, and I want to do my best to remedy this.

Would it be more helpful* if I gave you a month’s schedule at a time, as per the example below, rather than saying “I won’t be there Oct. 16th?” I would like to
avoid miscommunication as much as possible, so please let me know how I can best
meet your need here.
Second – As you are aware, the transition has not gone well from my volunteer period to recess with LMNOB. As you and I have both talked with LMNOB, we’ve both let her know that if she can’t transition well then I should not be coming in to volunteer. I feel that today’s transition failure caused undue stress for myself and possible social ramifications as her peers witnessed her inappropriate response.

I feel that I must either work with you to find an alternative for the transition or hold true to the statement of me not coming in to volunteer, as repeat of the above is not acceptable to me. I would like for you to read the short article I’ve attached on Sensory Integration, as it illustrates some of what is happening with LMNOB during these transitions and is good information for you to have about her – also I have added some of my own notes as applies to LMNOB in the article.

One alternative that we could do** is have you escort LMNOB out to recess after she and I’ve had a bear hug (good input for her). She may resist at first, but past experience in various settings (school, daycare, church) has shown me that this works for her – makes the transition short and swift rather than prolonging it. Some quick input to her shoulders (a squeeze or two) from you will likely aid in the transition, as well as an instruction to bunny hop/do the monkey bars, etc., as a sensory input AND a diversionary tactic. If you find it too difficult to accommodate (only once/week), then I’m afraid I will have to stop volunteering so as to avoid repeated bad transitions. Please let me know which option you would prefer.

2.) Theraputty/Chewies – I sent these to school with LMNOB last week and she’s
reported that her desk-mates (the two boys on either side of her) have told her that she shouldn’t be doing that (theraputty) and she’s embarrassed/scared to use it. As we’ve talked before about confrontational speech and how LMNOB struggles with it, I would just ask you to keep an eye on this and perhaps talk with the boys about how LMNOB has special permission because it helps her hands get strong.

3.) Wednesdays – We have had serious weekly melt-downs*** at home with LMNOB on Wednesday evenings, resulting in some homework wars that could come to her academic detriment if continued – and the only thing I can come up with is that it is due to the shortened day. I have not had a chance to analyze her checklists and see if there is less being done by/for her on Wednesdays, but could I ask that you please try to ensure a minimum of 3 in-class activities that provide a strong input (i.e. hard bunny hops v. theraputty) on these days? I’d like to see if over a period of weeks it makes a difference.

Thank you for your time in reading this. I look forward to your response.

* This is my attempt to demonstrate a willingness to work as a team, a 2 way street. I do have that willingness, even if I think it is a bit ridiculous to explain a schedule to a teacher of 15+ years.

** Again, this is my [generous, imho] attempt to not just complain, but to offer solutions as well.

*** I did not link that story in my e-mail to her, but perhaps I should have as we'll soon see.

Hi Heather,
I was going to call or email you too in regards to yesterday. No worries about the confusion with you coming in yesterday...I've just had some volunteers change times etc. and I didn't get your time change in the right place.

Again? Seriously, I asked her if we can work on this communication issue because when I've been on a different schedule than she was, she's made her inconvenience rather well-known, if you know what I mean. That's what I'm trying to avoid.

Thank you for the info on sensory integration. I have read articles that
Ms. M had but of course I can always learn more! I will read it over the
weekend.

Yes, I agree it is stressful for you and me ( as well as LMNOB) when you try to leave the class. I would love to have you continue to help, Heather but I agree we need to be able for LMNOB to let go. When you come in next time let's try the strategies that you mentioned and see if that helps. As you know I have morning duty at 10:00 and need to be on the playground supervising all students. If it doesn't work, then I
think it best that you no longer help.

I will talk with the boys next to her to be sure they understand that it is okay for LMNOB to have the theraputty and chewies.

I have no idea what is happening on Wednesdays with her, but we will do more strong inputs on those days.

Thank you for helping me help LMNOB!!

Ms. Second Grade Teacher

Of course she has no idea what is happening on Wednesdays - aside from the separation freak-outs, Ms. Second Grade Teacher has no clue what crashing with LMNOB is like. And without children of her own, she can't even imagine a fraction of it.

I'm hoping that she gets it as much as her e-mail made it sound. I'm reserving judgment as I thought I'd made headway with her before and to no avail.

For what it's worth, yesterday's checklist had remarkably more things facilitated in the classroom than the past several weeks have had. And, last night was a great night with LMNOB.

I'm so sick of this....

My in-laws, bless their hearts, are of a different political persuasion than I am.

Ok, that's allowed, right? I certainly think so, even if I don't really understand the other party's POV/MO.

What I am SICK to DEATH of, though is the constant bombarding of my in-box for their politically charged BS forwards about my candidate.

Just once, I am waiting for an original, moreover, factually-based commentary of their own, not some insipidly anonymous rumor-mongering e-mail that clings to fear and uber right-wing talking points.

Hey, I was reading on factcheck.org or some other such credible source that your candidate was not totally on base in xyz claim - what are your thoughts on that?

Yeah, that's not gonna happen. However, being a planning kind of gal I'd best prepare an answer for such a question:

Wow! You mean I don't have to go to snopes?





© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights R
reserved

Same Song, Different Verse....

Today, I wrote the following e-mail to school OT and the guidance counselor:

Hi ladies,

I’m writing today because I’m having a few issues with Second Grade Teacher and LMNOB. More than anything, I just need to get my thoughts out and maybe get some guidance about how to communicate these things to Second Grade Teacher in a manner such that she will truly hear me. Communication with Second Grade Teacher has already proven to be a difficult thing for me. As you were party to at the 504 review I had to correct her on something that we had previously discussed. Additionally, twice now, I have told her that I had conflicts with the volunteer schedule (I was unable to start volunteering until 9/25 and that I would be gone on an upcoming Thursday, 10/16). Both times I wrote the specific dates in the e-mail, and both times she misunderstood me – thinking I was going to be there on 9/18 and then thinking I wouldn’t be here today 10/2. I don’t know how to be more clear.

I’m receiving the daily checklist and that’s good; however, it seems to appear that the majority of sensory activities are occurring on the playground at recess rather than being facilitated in the classroom. If this issue was the sole issue, I would not be writing. But combined with some of the other things – I’m a little frustrated.

We have been having weekly blowouts at home with LMNOB on Wednesdays – the shortened day at school – which makes sense because a shortened day gives even less time to have the sensory input that she needs. As a result, homework struggles have followed – which can have academic impact since she is now being graded on homework. I have some suggestions that I can offer to Second Grade Teacher – largely that the ante is raised on sensory things on Wednesdays.

I sent LMNOB’s theraputty and chewies to school with her and LMNOB has told me that she has not used them because her deskmates have chastised her for it – not understanding that she is “allowed.” I asked her if Second Grade Teacher knew about this and she said that she had not said anything (true to her difficulties with that confrontational speech) about it. I plan on addressing this with Second Grade Teacher, but again just put it in so that you could understand where I am coming from.

I have been volunteering on Thursdays for two weeks now. Both weeks, LMNOB has had struggles with the transition of going to recess and me leaving. This is true to her pattern of having difficulty with transitions. Last Thursday I told Second Grade Teacher repeatedly that she needed to take LMNOB from me or else it was just going to prolong things – this also happened on the first day of school – and she ignored me and proceeded to try and reason with LMNOB (if you can’t let go of Mom, she can’t come volunteer any more). This does not work and will not work when she is in a heightened arousal/anxiety situation such as transitions. Today, she left me to fend for myself while LMNOB kept grabbing at my purse, my clothes, etc. such that I was unable to leave. Another teacher had to intervene after several minutes of struggle.

It is a simple enough strategy to just take LMNOB away from me at the end of the volunteering session and things would go pretty smoothly from there on; however, with Second Grade Teacher’s reluctance to think outside of the box, and accommodate LMNOB’s needs which are different than a “normal” child, it would appear that my volunteering is causing more harm than good at this point. It places undue stress on me, creates a scene that her peers are witness to and could have undesirable social ramifications for LMNOB, ultimately feeding negative emotion back to LMNOB about herself. As a parent who loves her child and wishes for her utmost well-being, none of these options are acceptable but it is really frustrating to me to have to make an either or choice because it doesn’t have to be that way if I could just get her teacher to be supportive.

Sensory integration disorder is a hard one because no two cases are identical – nor are the nuances of the disorder static and fixed – what is a fun activity one day becomes a trigger for a melt-down on others. I know that with such nebulous details it is hard to fully convey the ins and outs, ups and downs in a ten minute meeting before class (as I did on 9/5) or a 40 minute 504 review – it took me several weeks of OT and LOTS of reading to truly “get” it, and even now, there are times when a new trigger pops up and it takes me a long while to catch on and remedy it. However, I get the impression that it’s not a priority for Second Grade Teacher to learn so that she can understand and employ proactive tactics that will improve the chances of LMNOB’s success. And I’m a little stuck on that. I know that each teacher is different and I got spoiled last year with the best case scenario. I know LMNOB is 1 of 24. But she is the only 1 out of 24 that is mine and I want her best interests to be considered.

Again – I’m not asking for intervention on your behalf so much as some guidance on how to best address these issues. I’m a straight shooter when it comes to communication and not used to having the type of communication struggles as I have with Second Grade Teacher and just wondering if there is something I can do to better get these concerns across and ultimately, resolved.

Thank you for your time. I appreciate your thoughts.

Respectfully,
Me

School OT called me back very quickly and she "feared this is the way things would go." She is going to continue to "educate" Second Grade Teacher re: the legal nature of a 504 Plan as well as try to increase her awareness about SID. I am doing the same. If the e-mail I sent to Second Grade Teacher does not get results, the next step is me going to the principal.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

In a fog

I think it’s the first trimester that has me so blasé right now – I can’t sort through my mind long enough to find my voice without being interrupted by nausea or fatigue or yet ANOTHER thing that I dropped in this juggle called life as a working mom.

Every day is a struggle just to wake up at the right time, get the kids up and readied for school, fix breakfast/lunch, get out the door, proceed to work for 8 hours, come home, cook, bathe, do homework, unwind a little and then hit the sack, exhausted.  Let alone add in the “extras” that I used to do – going for walks, visiting with friends, cleaning my house, and sex.  Oh that last one I could squeeze in if I weren’t dealing with yeast, yet again.

I am happy to be pregnant – do not get me wrong.  I can’t wait to meet this little one and I love him/her with my whole heart.  I just sometimes wish I could “just” be pregnant and not have to deal with anything pertaining to the real world.  Or other people.  Or any external demands on my life.  Hee.

How did I do this before?  With LMNOB I was young, but also finishing up my last semester at CSU.  With Punkinhead, I was older but still young, working FT and had a toddler.  I remember some difficult stretches with fatigue, but otherwise the pregnancy was uneventful.  This time, I am pushing 30 (I know, I am relatively young in this regard – but remember, it’s been 6 years since I’ve done a first trimester!) working FT, have 2 school-aged kiddos, and am pathetically trying to remain a graduate student…I withdrew from my last two classes and this semester’s prospect of class completion is looking equally dismal. 

And, though I have a lot more on my plate this time, I also have a partner who is much more accommodating than he was with the previous babies – so shouldn’t some of this be a wash?  I mean he cooks, cleans, gives me back/foot/leg rubs on demand, watches out for me and most of all is so involved with this pregnancy that it should theoretically be easier, right?

I’m a little worn emotionally because of the election.  I’m really tired of seeing the world hurt because of bad political decisions and the ensuing blame game that never stops and only acts as smoke and mirrors instead of solving the problems.  I’m scared of our economic downturn and what kind of world I may be bringing this child into, that my other two children are already in.  I worry that I’m not preparing them enough for dealing with the world – I can’t even get them to clean their rooms, much less think of others first.  Then I remind myself, “They are 7 and 5, still very egocentric per Piaget.”

I’ve checked out professionally – despite still working.  It’s almost as if I saw the light at the end of the tunnel and then fast forwarded to it before I was supposed to.  Which means things are kind of automotron and lifeless – and because I still have to go through the motions, I’m not energized enough to check into my family, which is what I wanted to do in the end.

I’m hoping it’s just a season – and that with the passage of the 1^st trimester I’ll get over this hump.