the roundabout way of doing things

Dreams, aspirations, life goals, bucket lists....they are a funny thing.

Funnier still is the idea that if we work hard enough, plan well enough, and just stick with it and keep on moving, we'll be 'successful' in such endeavors.  The picture below is so true to life, as I've come to find, anyway.

I used to subscribe to the view of success being a linear approach to life; but after several hard knocks, personal failings, and countless end-goal revisions, I'd say success is found in one's flexibility, and willingness to bend {break, even} and reevaluate when things change.

Right now, I'm looking at the potential fulfillment of the life vision I'd had as a young woman.  This vision had my young self drafting her life plan and charting the initial courses toward a degree that would hopefully yield a life of impact for those in need.  I had it in my mind that I would be a private practice family therapist, and help steer at-risk youth and family to stable, more successful life patterns.

The unplanned conception and subsequent birth of my daughter, plus a lengthy job search after college kept me from being quite so picky and the first available job set me down a different path than that which I'd originally imagined.  I worked as a homeless outreach worker and subsidized housing coordinator for peanuts with a local non-profit.  There, impact was measured by reductions in hospitalizations, because they were going to happen with this population, and steps toward greater personal independence.  Steps toward something none of them would ever fully achieve in the capacity as you or I would.  It was hard work for very little pay and ultimately, I moved on to more administrative work.  I found my stride in admin work, and thrived on the behind the scenes work that supported a diverse array of vital programs in our community, even embarked on higher education to provide me with future opportunities to advance.  

But four years ago, God called me to leave it all.  I felt Him urging us to have another child, which we did, and what a blessing Christopher has been to our lives at casa del Meyer!  In an attempt to have us take our eyes off the prize, though, there have been many tribulations these past 4 years.  The economic downturn, right as we leapt in faith from two incomes to one; my earlier than planned departure with the city and the added health care costs that created; my near-death experience just weeks after giving birth to our angel; et cet er a, etc...

Most nights I struggle to sleep because of the money juggling we face each day, and in late July, I thought an executive job with a non-profit was our answer.  Especially after the first two interviews advanced.  But, it was not to be.  And, I was ok with it.  I know that God is in control; that He has a plan for me.  I struggle with the timing and not knowing the details, {don't you?} but I knew that the right thing would come along and that there was a lesson to be learned from that process.

The lesson I learned came in the reflection afterward.  In evaluating what it would have taken to make that job work for us at casa del Meyer, I determined it would have taken a lot of our time and robbed quite a bit of our relationships with each other.  I realized, maybe I don't want {or NEED} to work full-time, but if I did, maybe it didn't need to be the most taxing FT job ever.  But most importantly, I realized, I AM TALENTED AND CAPABLE AND PEOPLE SEE THAT IN ME!  And, here's the beauty of that epiphany: I don't have to let knowing that enslave me.  I don't have to be ambitious and nail every aspiration I ever had at the expense of my family.  I want to find a job to help pay the bills, that is flexible with my time, that won't stress me out after I leave the site, that I can leave each day when it is quitting time.

My former boss at the city sent me a job announcement for an office manager with a local non-profit that I thought was perfect {she did too, apparently} and I promptly replied with a resume and kick-ass cover letter via e-mail, just as directed.

Crickets.

So I followed up a week later after hearing nothing and apparently that e-mail is floating somewhere in cyberspace; I resent my info.  She called my former boss - former boss gave a glowing review; and I get an e-mail saying, "Well, we already hired the office manager position, but we have a part-time case mgr position open, would you be interested in that?" 

It's less pay than what I was hoping for, but I'd be working directly with youth and families who've had trouble with the law.  It's PT and I could still have Mommy/Christopher time plus help with the older kids' school things.

The interview is in 30 minutes.  So I'm off.

I'll catch up with y'all later.