A Milestone I Would Have Preferred to Have Delayed

Last Friday's post was just a teaser for what would prove to become a weeklong parenting exercise.

Key to aliases - L = teasing boy that LMNOB hit, X = teasing boy that helped L, J=boy that L, X, and LMNOB all play with at recess; also insinuated in teasing.

I forgot to mention that prior to the shiznit hitting the fan, LMNOB had been rather distraught because her BFF A, who is also our neighbor, had done the off-again-on-again thing with their friendship more times than Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee.

So she was already feeling vulnerable in an area that she is rather awkward in (social skills) before being teased by some boys that she was friends with.

Then, given LMNOB's confrontational speech issues, she wouldn't tell anyone what the hell was going on after she'd hit L. Seriously, I pulled EVERY trick out of the parenting bag.

I went all 3D analogy, picking up a heavy rock, saying, "Honey, right now without telling anyone what happened, you are holding on to that hurt all by yourself," as I illustrated with one hand. I shifted the rock into both of my hands while adding, "If you tell me, I can help share that weight, and guess what else? I can help you get rid of it too, but not without knowing what's going on."

That got me nada. She kept saying, "I can't say it or else it will be inside my head again." Which I totally get, given her obsessive tendancies, but the girl has got to learn to process rather than ruminating and going postal on people!

Ms. M said that the incident totally threw her, since she had just that day made a note to tell me how awesome LMNOB was doing in branching out socially – she’d been playing with a new gang of kids every recess with a tag/imaginative play activity for the past couple of weeks. Ms. M had pulled LMNOB outside and asked what was going on – where she did her clam up and remain silent thing. Ms. M is a bit more patient in this area with LMNOB than I am as she did not just say, "Well, since you won't speak you do have to face the consequence." She gave it a bit of time, letting L and LMNOB do an errand together, thinking that they would talk – nope.

It was in the midst of this conversation that Charlie Brown called with the answer to the mystery. I called Ms. M back and filled her in, and she thought that it made sense to talk it over and have LMNOB communicate with both L, the boy she hit, and X, the other boy who had been teasing her with L.

When I got home that night, we worked on letters to both boys. I had LMNOB follow this formula: 1.) remorse for the action, 2.) explanation of feelings, and 3.) request for change. Who’d have thought marriage counseling would apply to the school yard?

LMNOB told L,

"Dear L,
I am so sorry I hit you yesterday. I should never hit anyone, specially my friends! It really emdarrassed me when you teased me. I had asked you to stop and you didn't. That hurt my feelings a lot. Please stop teasing me.
from: LMNOB"

She then wrote X,

"Please don't tease me anymore. I do not like it."

She then went into people pleaser mode and illustrated the letters with themes that she knew each boy would like. :sigh: She just melts my heart!

The next day at school, X had an apology note for LMNOB before he'd even received the one she'd written to him. L wrote one of his own after reading LMNOB's note to him. Ms. M had mentioned it, but conveniently, LMNOB neglected to bring that one home.

At dinner that night, we were all talking about this and I had a light bulb go off. "You know LMNOB, sometimes little boys, especially when they are still young, sometimes when they tease a girl that means that they really like them."

Before Charlie Brown could nod his head and concur, LMNOB put her hands flat on the table, eyes big, and resolutely said, "No! Uh-uh Mommy!"

I tried to convince her, but she would have none of it. The tone of her voice said, "This conversation is so over. You are W.R.O.N.G. PERIOD."

That part of this whole deal has been the funniest, actually.

Monday, when I dropped LMNOB off to school, I told Ms. M that L's note had not made it home. So we managed to get it.

Behold:

Translation:

I'm very sorry I teased you yesterday. Me and J are brothers* you were just too "crazy and corny" I thought you were J's boy** friend. I guess you are not his girlfriend. Love, L. PS Give this back to me check yes or no if you are his boy** friend.

*Part of the new imaginative playgroup

**He's a little confused - ain't it sweet though?

With the "Love" and the fact that this is the first "check yes or no" letter LMNOB's received, I think Mommy is in fact right.

And holy crap if I am not prepared for this. At. ALL!



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

No more anonymous comments

Sorry ya'll...

I just got a ton of anonymous spam. The irony is though, that I can't read a lick of it because it's in Asian characters.

Know your audience, spammers, duh.

For my commenters w/o a blogger account, you may still leave comments thru the open ID system.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Things That You Don't Like to Hear at the Register

At Kohl's the other day, I found a dress sort of like this for $9. $9! I couldn't just let that sit there, so I scooped it up and helped LMNOB do some birthday shopping.

As we checked out, no joke, the cashier lady actually said this, "Wow, it takes a bold person to wear a print like that - it's wiggin' my eyes."

No wonder you are not working the floor, lady - retailers such as your employer usually like to sell their products.

I just quipped back, "Takes a bolder person yet to make a comment like that."

LMNOB was embarrassed by my response. "Mooommm!"



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Soul Food

Found this over at Larry James' site. He is a brother after my own heart.

May God bless you with discomfort
at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships
so that you may live deep within your heart

May God bless you with anger
at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people
so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace

May God bless you with tears
to shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war
so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and
to turn their pain into joy

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
to believe that you can make a difference in the world
so that you can do what others claim cannot be done
to bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.

--a Franciscan Benediction


© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Clarification

I really appreciate the kind words (and ego stroking) from those who commented yesterday, and I just wanted to add that mostly I feel so angry about those sorts of sermons because of the shaping effects they have on the young girls in the audience.

I mean, yeah, it hurts me from time to time, but I have had several moments with God that have shown me I am going in the right direction, and I cling to them often.

But for a young lady who is torn between her heart and the propaganda being preached to her from the pulpit? I think it is unfair, unscriptural, and I struggle with knowing the line between speaking up or just praying for discerning hearts in the audiences.

It's these things that make me realize why Jesus wept. And, sadly, I know that that is just the tip of the iceberg.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Ta-dah! Tuesday

This is my 500th published post, ya'll. Ta-dah! I have 12 posts that never quite made it past draft format, for whatever reason, but this is the official 500th post.

I've been feeling a bit pressured about it - as in, lately my blogging has not been a high priority due to the frenetic sea of busy that I'm drowning in, and well, I had this expectation that 500 would be special. Meaningful. Poignant...something that would leave you all going, "Damn, she's good," which would in turn stroke my small little ego.

But here's the thing. I'm processing a million different things, but things that are huge, and I'm seriously trying to figure out whether they are worth hanging on to and figuring out or if I just need to let go of it.

2+ weeks ago, we had a sermon at church about a godly roles. It was rather gender biased, focusing solely on those type of passages about women being submissive, keepers of the home (which in turn was interpreted as stayers-at-home as the sermon went on), and rearers of children.
Thoughts about men treating wives better than themSELVES? Not so much.

Thoughts about how men should be servant-leaders? Nada.

I wanted to jump up and ask "What about Lydia? Priscilla? The Proverbs 31 Woman? They all worked outside of the home, and the latter of which was for sure a mother!"

I wanted to ask about Mother Teresa - what if she'd bought the line that the head of every woman is a man, and married, dutifully serving a husband and children? Had she done that how many millions of people may not have seen the face and felt the hands of God?

I wanted to testify to the stirring that has been in my heart since a young girl to serve others facing poverty and adversity, how chains of events have led me to where I am right now, how my career path had brought me to pivotal moments that saved my marriage, and how difficult it is to carry the burden of many talents as a godly woman with children as sometimes it is an Abrahamic dilemma of serving God at the expense of your children - which do we do?

I wanted to ask if we have placed our families on a pedastal, as a new idol that has distracted us from reaching out to strangers with love, kindness and compassion. By keeping our focus on our inner worlds, family, church, school, and neglecting to reach out, are we hiding our lights under a bushel?

I read on another blog the other day, "Some people are so heavenly minded that they are of no earthly good." And that made me think of this bit out of James.

The answer is, I don't know. I don't know and I don't know that I'll ever know - so how can another human - equally as vulnerable to flawed thinking as I am - state with certainty that they do?

This I do know, however. My husband not only supports me in my career, he does not want me to stop working to stay at home. My husband held me and comforted me while I was so bruised by the stones that had rained upon me from the pulpit, and said, "Your work is one of the loudest testimonies our kids are seeing about the Lord." And yet, when I'm maxed out (frequently) my voice is also one of the loudest negativities in their lives - sweet Jesus, I pray for balance and patience.

So, that's that I suppose. I just keep praying that God directs my path and onward I go. I just feel so alone in it sometimes, because I'm leaning in a different socio-political direction than many of those whom I sit with on Sunday mornings are. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, that that may not be such a bad thing, given that the Lord and the religious folks of his time didn't exactly see eye to eye either. But...I also don't want to assume that I've got it all figured out.

That's just one of the things roiling around in my head...

Stay tuned for tales of poverty theorists, retail workers who should keep their mouths shut, and leadership/ethics class details.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Adding Injury to Insult

Yes I am aware that the phrase is usually insult to injury, but there is a reason for my unconventional usage.

Yesterday I was feeling guilty about the dental issues. I found out, however, that this is relatively common and not blameworthy - yay!

When I went to pick up LMNOB at school for her OT appt., there was a note.

From Ms. M.

With the word incident in it.

SHIT!

Well over the next 3 1/2 hours, I pulled every trick out of the parenting bag I could think of to get to the bottom of it.

She hit a boy, (slapped him right across the face, per an astonished Ms. M) I determined after about an hour. A boy who is a fairly good friend of hers.

Getting to why was the hard part.

When I had to leave for a meeting and Charlie Brown impressed it upon her that for real they were not going to swim lessons if she did not tell, she finally mustered up the wherewithal to explain what had happened.

Seems this boy and another had been teasing her about her recent friendship that had developed between LMNOB and another boy. These boys had been doing "LMNOB LOVES NEW BOY," and that mortified her. Apparently this has been going on for days. She said she's asked them to stop before, but they wouldn't.

So she hit him.

I can understand her frustrations, but crap! she HIT another child.

And then refused to talk about it with Ms. M AND with us.

This is not the first such time that communication has proved to be difficult - and damn if it isn't getting a bit tiresome.

I love her. I love her like nothing else - but I worry for her because of things like this.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

True Loser Mommy Confessions

I am an educated woman.

And a dedicated parent.

I know that dental care is important.

That said, it is really difficult for me to admit that last year was the first year we had dental insurance for our family. Which translates to neither of the kids had been to the dentist yet.

:ducks from the guilt being thrown my way:

This next confession is even more shameful, though.

Despite having had insurance last year, I did not manage to make the routine care visits that were now available to us.

:ducks from the rotten tomatoes:

I KNOW! Time just slipped away from me. (Insert rationalizations here:They did get all of their well child visits and LMNOB did get all of her weekly OT time in!)

Anyway, today I’m feeling like a huge loser mommy, because LMNOB told me last night that her teeth felt weird.

On closer look, she has a permanent tooth which has erupted behind her bottom front baby teeth and the baby teeth are not the slightest bit loose. Oh joy, she has inherited my woeful oral genetics.

Had she had routine care, though, the x ray would have shown that puppy coming up.


© 2008 Ramblings of a RedHeaded Step-Child. All Rights Reserved.

Because Every Sermon Should Involve Trivia

So, we sing this song occasionally at church, and it is a very beautiful, traditional song full of meaning.

Written in 1785 vernacular, some of my friends have written this song off as irrelevant to new Christians. "Sigh, we sang the Ebenezer song today - who is gonna know what that means?"

And certainly, whilst I was a young Christian, I had no clue what some of the words meant, as I hadn't studied them yet. But, I have always been a literary lover and a musical maven who can spot worship fairly easily. As such the song has always had a fond place in my heart.

Yesterday, we had a sermon on Ebenezer. And it was wonderful. Check it out for yourself if you are so inclined.

I found myself nodding several times. I felt encouraged, because while I may tend to be quiet in evangelical endeavors, I am very vocal about declaring and remembering the personal "Ebenezer!" moments in my life.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

When Crazy is Really JUST PMS

Sunday and all of this week I seriously considered going to the doc for antidepressant meds.

Thought I was losin' my mental shiz again.

Crying for NO reason. Raging all the time. Not. motivated. at. allllllllllllllllllllllllll.

Yesterday in the bathroom, I came face to face with the culprit of all this emotion.

Effin' Estrogen - I hate that biatch.

Cuz she makes me a certifiable, grade A, loony biatch.

Damn Eve. Was the apple so good that it was worth this hell on earth?

Gladness and Sadness Meet

I am so glad we switched LMNOB's school this year.

Because there is more drama. (The first link is the current hubub while the last is what happened last year) I got an anonymous e-mail today with a link to a new blog for the parents of the school. They've got a lot of work cut out for them.

Thank God we are not in the middle of it. SO. GLAD.

But then I'm sad.

Sad that somehow capitalism (Mosaica, one of America's fastest growing BUSINESSES in 2004 - read: they are in this for PROFIT, not the welfare of our children's future ) has tainted our public education system (through non school-district chartered schools, as opposed to charter schools under the umbrella of a local school district).

Sad that these kids' educational consistency may be at risk because of unethical and shady characters.

It's education, folks, not The [effin'] Apprentice!