Settling Back In...

:big contented sigh:

So I officially started this SAHM thing last Monday, but it was too overshadowed by Christmas and felt a bit vacationy.

Yesterday was the real deal. No office to jump up and get to, no harried breakfast or drill sergeant routine. Of course, next week may look a bit different as we will be back to making the school bus again, but *I* will not have to have myself together and ready to leave at the same time as them.

We had errands of course; my end of the year dental work that I needed to squeeze in before my coverage ends tomorrow (fillings - fun!), grocery shopping for a home that had been uninhabited for nearly a week, etc.

Grocery shopping with both kids - who were rather opposed to such an outing, even if it meant no food in the home should we have opted out - was not exactly fun per se. They were in re-entry mode and pushing every button possible on each other, or even worse, on me - together.

In all, it was a good day though. And we finished it with a fabulous home-cooked dinner (I love to cook but with the FT work gig we often ate out to avoid further exhaustion) of lemon-teriyaki chicken, rice pilaf and green peas. The kids ate it like no tomorrow and Charlie Brown was very appreciative of dinner at 6 o'clock instead of 7:30. As was I.

Today we've accomplished a fair amount of laundry and unpacking of the Christmas stuff, I've done my prenatal yoga DVD, showered, and got to enjoy LMNOB's heart-felt sing-along with the Francisca Battistelli cd I had in.

These are the days....to enjoy and savor.

I'll be around a bit more hopefully and can settle back into the regular writing thing.






© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Merry Christmas, Y'all!

We've officially "done" Christmas with both sets of parents and we are officially blessed with loving, kind, and thoughtful family.

On both sides.

Loving life.

Hoping the same for all of you!



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Surreal Surrenders

What a week.


At any given minute this week, I felt as if my head would just wind up and spin Linda Blair style and life as I've known it would just stop.


There were the mornings, the relentless "Oh my hell, child how many times do I have to tell you to get your shoes on before you even motion to do so," preparations before school, the incessant and shrill "Go, go, go - Do this - Don't do THAT's," that automatically fired out of my mouth like a machine gun, and tears, always tears. We made the bus none times this week. None. These mornings leave me so frustrated - but hopefully they are a thing of the past.


There was the Particularly Bad morning - Wednesday - this week where Punkinhead had once again misplaced his snow boots and mittens (I am finally beginning to understand Mother Cat's wrath towards her kittens in new light) and of course this was made known to me at 8:10 a.m.. We leave for the bus stop at 8:12 a.m. So the hunt for the aforementioned boots and mittens ensued, and as you can imagine, took longer than the 2 minutes we had allotted to Make The Bus In Time. I had decided to give up the search, Punkinhead would just have to live with the natural consequences of being irresponsible with his boots/mittens: be unable to play in the snow at recess and have cold hands, respectively. I threw everything together, grabbed my lunch, grabbed backpacks to cram into the car, locked the door and proceeded to the car.


Without my keys.


The babysitter has our spare!

Called Charlie Brown with a plea for him to come be my white knight and open the door so that we could get the kids to school and me to work. He was soon on his way.

In the interim, I called my OB's office as the night before I'd come home to a voicemail asking me to please call them back about a lab result...I hadn't had any labwork done at my previous appointment so I was a bit confused. Then the nurse proceeds to tell me that my urinalysis was suspicious, so they'd cultured my urine and I indeed had my 2nd UTI of this pregnancy - I was supposed to begin antibiotics immediately, and had I had any symptoms? Nope.

So I had her call the rx into the Safeway by my office. Call my boss to let her know it is a morning from hell and I am running late. Get to Safeway and the pharmacist tells me that they no longer carry the old antibiotic that the doc has rx'd. He calls Walgreens to see if they have it.

They do.

Backtrack a bit and go to Walgreens, and proceed to wait 45 MINUTES for them to fill my Rx. Ya'll I so will not be fun when I'm elderly and on a million drugs, because my idea of a trip to the pharmacy is 15 minutes total. Plus, you know, I kinda had a place to get to. Called WORK.

That all was frustrating enough but the realization that I had had some menstrual like cramping, which I'd written off as uterine stretching and/or round ligament pain, and had also had an untreated UTI going on meant that this babe could now be at risk for preterm labor. Not to mention all the frackin' stress that we'd had lately in the mornings. I really am questioning whether to stay with my present OB or if I ought to be shopping - I mean, she's the one who was so concerned about the POTENTIAL of me having preterm labor before these UTI's came on and yet when I have something that could actually CAUSE preterm labor, she is inattentive to detail (the prior UTI she put me on antibiotics the day of my urinalysis, before the lab culture even came back as a preventive measure) and potentially put me and the baby at risk. Nice.

So there's that.

Later that day (Wednesday, still) was my going away party at work. I could lie and say it was overwhelming that so many people showed up and embarrassed me with their kind words, but truthfully, it was really energizing for extroverted ole me and I felt really loved and encouraged by a lot of people whom I respect greatly. I was surprised by the turnout being as big as it was - and with so many community players (as opposed to strictly City employees) - but it was a great time in the spotlight for me and I felt like a shining star.

Thursday and today were a bit anticlimactic at work after that, but they flew by.

It was bittersweet.

On the one hand I am so looking forward to being with my kids - and this week really hammered home for me that they are too. Sometimes you wonder if kids really get it, and LMNOB dropped enough clues in her conversation for me to say, "Yeah, she does get it and it means a whole heck of a lot to her." I.e., "The bus driver is going to be really surprised to see you every day when we get back from break," and other things that illustrate the nuances of what my being home with them will mean to her.

On the other hand, I had to keep telling myself - especially after Wednesday - that I am not putting my SELF on a shelf. I am kind of mannish in this regard that I tend to overly identify my sense of self with what I DO, and I think particularly because I have long felt that I'm better able to use the gifts God has blessed me with in the career path I've taken than say being a SAHM. But that's the thing...Just because I'm not going to be on a payroll doesn't mean that I'm going to become a recluse and insulate myself from my community. I'm still on the IHN board of directors, I'm still going to volunteer at my kids' school, etc. My gifts will not be "wasted" says my head, but my heart struggles with believing that at times.

And, I was with the City for 4 1/2 years. It was my 2nd post-college job and by far the longest one I've held. It's a pretty big chapter on which the final page was turning for me.

And it wasn't totally the end today, either, because I'm going back next month for a few hours here and there to train my replacement. But I still cried as I drove out of the parking lot after the Boss helped me pack up my things and gave me a hug. The tears almost felt foreign to me as I have been so happily looking forward to this day that sorrow seemed out of place. The uncertainty of our financial picture is nervewracking to say the least, but every day I'm asking God to help me grow in my faith that He will provide - and I know that He will. And then the relief flooded over me - the stresses of our mornings will be reduced, I can rest and take care of myself and my baby and not feel guilt for it, my kids will benefit from having more of me, and on the list goes.

And then I realized, it's all ok.

I've surrendered my old life and am now embarking on a new one. Filled with wonder and excitement.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Dream a Little Dream With Me

Ah, pregnancy dreams...they're so.......

• Vivid


• Memorable


• Wacky as hell


• Pleasurable (:wink wink, nod nod:)


• Terrifying

And on down the list we could go.



Some people say the dreams associated with pregnancy are due to hormonal shifts, while others insist it is because of more interruptions in REM sleep (nighttime potty breaks, waking up with hip pain and the need to flop over to the other side, and the like), and still others insist that these dreams are expressions of the mixed emotions a pregnancy can create.



I've had a bunch of dreams this pregnancy, but three in particular stand out.



Every Mother's Worst Nightmare

It's been awhile since this one ran - and the details are foggier than ever now - but in a nutshell, we'd been kidnapped as a family and our abductor was horribly violent, in the worst kind of ways.



Thankfully he was not putting LMNOB and Punkinhead through his tortures - but somewhere along the way it became clear that he wanted us to murder our own son. I pleaded with him to take my life instead, that if he was so sick as to want one of us to do it that Charlie Brown could kill me. To no avail.



I'll spare you the remaining details. They were awful and I can still recall that part of the dream as if it were yesterday. Suffice to say that I woke sobbing and screaming from that one. And when I realized it was "just a dream," I ran first thing to Punkinhead's bed and just sat there stroking him as he slept, telling him how much I loved him.



Ugh.....now there are two funny ones....



One Stop Shopping

This one is just so kooky to me. You know how when you're dreaming and something is this, but it's also that and this too? Yeah, it was one of those dreams.



I had a dentist appointment and upon arriving at my normal dentist's office, I soon discovered that the dentist was also now an Asian nail salon. Because they just pair together so naturally, right?



So anyways, a Vietnamese nail tech/dentist leads me to the exam chair and proceeds to tell me they are now doing routine ultrasounds with all expecting dental patients - again, it made COMPLETE sense to me in my dream, but after the fact??? WTH?



He begins the ultrasound and I tell him, "I DON'T want to know the gender because my husband and I are going to the OB/GYN ultrasound next week and we're finding out together then." He says ok, does the exam, does the cleaning.



As I'm leaving, the nail tech/dentist says, "You baby girl be beautimous like her mama! Bye now."



I was left saying, "I DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW!!!" and then debated as to whether to tell Charlie Brown or pretend like I didn't already know at the u/s we'd go to together.



Infant Style

This one is based on a true story, lol. Apparently a particular detail from my day stuck out at me and my psyche decided to make a whole dream centering on it.

Prelude: Earlier in the day The Boss and I attended a data release meeting re: homelessness in the highschools of our district. The man who sat directly in front of me was a principal at one of the highschools. He had weird hair - with a wiry texture that one could expect from a crack whore who'd fried her hair one too many times, and color that can only be described as harvest ORANGE. But the worst part was that he had a large comb-over; rather, and in fact exacerbating this fashion faux pas, it was a comb-up. The hair well below his crown (in line with his ears!) was combed up and over his crown to cover his bald head. I chuckled inwardly and wondered how anyone could even attempt to pull that off, let alone the principal of a highschool! I mean, it was straight out of a bad teen movie!

So the dream....I was in the hospital, had had the baby and it was a boy. With red hair similar to the shade of Punkinhead's. But, it was patchy and predominantly located on the back of his head.

So what did the nurses do?

You guessed it - my infant had a comb-over and was doomed to geekdom from birth. I gave the nurses what for for this and reamed them about not even giving the poor child a chance at social acceptance.

I woke up and had a good laugh at that one.

What's the wackiest dream (pregnancy or no) that you ever had?



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Brain Dump: A Blogging Free For All

I started the below post 2 weeks ago...I feel like I'm losing my blogging mojo.

I've had so much stuff rolling around in my head lately that it's caused severe anoblogia.

an·o·blog·i·a (ān'ə-blog'ē-ə)
n.

1. Loss of blogging appetite, especially as a result of overwhelm.
2. Similar to anorexia nervosa, when one is afflicted with anoblogia, one thinks about blogging (eating) obsessively; however, cannot bring oneself to blog (eat)

I'm quitting my job in 3 weeks less than a week. The 19th is my last day. I am having trouble wrapping my head around it - despite the frantic brain dumps I've been doing for my possible soon to be successor. (THAT was quite a story too - after much drama, a hiring freeze being implemented the day after the posting for my job closed, and again, drama - they finally decided to hire someone to fill my spot)

There has been much to do at work to tie things up...and thus no goofing off and blogging in the interim....

Because at home I've been desperately trying to get my lia sophia business up and going (Excellent Beginnings goal is probably easier to achieve any month but December - duh). But, I made my goal at the 11th hour and I'm so proud!! Now I can breathe a bit and get my house cleaned, because if ya'll thought this place was suffering, you ain't seen nuthin'.

My house is a disaster. But it is getting there. When I'm home and the holiday rush is over - this place is going to be a clean machine. I can't wait.

I've been doing too much in life, juggling too much trying to go through the motions and avoid the emotions, I think. I'm looking forward to rediscovering who I am supposed to be in this world - or wait, do we ever find that out?

Charlie Brown and I are doing good - found out yesterday (really - this part was not written earlier) that the baby is a boy - which is great, of course - no pleas from the children to send it back, as they were both hoping for a brother. He has an in utero nick-name of Bud now because the u/s tech announced that he was 12 oz, the weight of a soda (or a beer in this case).

My writing is suffering in my absence - I feel like this reads similarly to a 5th grade book report. Will improve, I promise.

Have had some funny pregnancy dreams this go round and will be sharing them with y'all shortly - good for a snicker or two.

Well, must go - have chores and bathing children to attend to before going to a Christmas party tonight.

Ciao....




© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Help a Girl Out, Will Ya?

I need your help! (This is a repeat of my facebook note if you're on there, I apologize for the redundancy)

As you all know, I recently signed on to become a lia sophia advisor.

One of the first goals to meet as an advisor is your Excellent Beginnings goal: hold 3 parties and sell $1,500 of jewelry within your first 5 weeks as an advisor. If I meet this goal, then not only do I get my share of the profits off of all sales, but lia sophia will award me $200 in jewelry to add to my display stock for parties.

My starter party got me 1 party and over $600 toward meeting this goal. It seemed like I was off to a good start when one of my colleagues offered to host a party, then another, and then my mom! This would be easier than I thought.

Except the first party got cancelled, the next party is fizzling out as a catalog party, and my mom's catalog party is not faring so well either.

Now I'm on deadline to meet my goal (Dec. 12th) and the only way for me to meet the goal is to get plenty of outside orders.

That's where you come in!

I know you gals love to look good - But, I also know that bargain shopping is your modus operandi!

And the December Special is a steal: Buy 2 items at regular price and get up to 4 items at half-price! But, that's not all - your most expensive items get the discount! Also, if you refer a friend to me and they mention it when placing an order, I will grant you $10 off your order!

Please stop by my website, browse the catalog by clicking the "Our Jewelry" and either use the "Contact Me" tab or e-mail me at hthrmyr@yahoo.com to make your purchase!

Thank you so much for your support of my new business with lia sophia - you'll fall in love with the jewelry, I just know it!

xoxo




© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

"There's Something Different About You Today...."

This is how I know that this pregnancy has taken its toll on me, lol.

Today at least 5 different people have said to me:

"You look SO pretty today! Have you done something different?"

At first I said no and they guessed away:

"Color your hair?"

"Cut your hair?"

"It's that maternal glow thing, huh?"

When actually, I realized it.

"Nope, none of the above - I actually had the time/energy to put my makeup on today!"

Aha!

I always knew that makeup took me from drab to fab, but today was outside corroboration to this fact.

Note to self: Must make more time for self-care! It will bode well for your self-esteem!

Feeling a Little Blog-Conscious

:sigh:



Rolling through my head is an old familiar tune….

“Oh life….is bigger…

It’s bigger than you,

And you are not me….”



I’m not losing my religion, nor am I particularly melancholy, so why this song I don’t particularly know….besides the fact that I lurve REM and wish I heard them more, I think it mostly has to do with me just thinking about just how big life truly is and how it can become bigger than me, the person to whom my life belongs* if I let it, what with my life going in a million different directions.



* That isn’t quite right….I am not the author and finisher of my life, God is – what I meant to say was, you know, that I’m the supposed container for this life and yet if I let it life can outgrow me and make me feel like a tiny being watching my life as a bystander rather than the major actor in it….sort of an out-of-life experience, so to speak.



I haven’t blogged in 9 11 days. I think that is my record….I mean, even on our vacation this summer I took the time to blog. Lots of blogworthy stuff too…And the fact that it’s taken me this long makes me feel so disconnected from my bloggies! Let’s see….


The other night Punkinhead was standing over by Charlie Brown, and he tooted. An exaggerated “Excuse me” followed from one little red-headed boy, and then his quip, “That’s because I farted and I always hafta say ‘scuse me when I fart.”



Since when, I wondered, as half the time we have to beg him to employ his manners. Also, it wasn’t like we needed to be told that he’d had a gaseous emission as it was really quite audible.



But perhaps the funniest part of this exchange was when LMNOB, sitting at the table in the kitchen with me, leaned over, hand to the side of her mouth and with a stage whisper, said, “You ought to put that on your blog, Mama.”



The girl knows me. Or, rather, she’s banking on being able to pull these stories up in the teen years to embarrass the hell out of him. Yeah, probably the latter.



******************

And because I believe in equal rights….



here’s a story about LMNOB.



The last several weeks at church I’ve noticed a little boy who used to be more friends with Punkinhead than LMNOB showing LMNOB some newfound attention. They’ve been playing together quite physically at church with the usual platonic rough-housing of children whose sexuality is still extremely repressed and in latency…and will forever stay there in the boys/girls have cooties phase, right? I jest….I know I need only to blink before LMNOB starts thinking she needs a boyfriend, let alone want one.



Anyway, Saturday this little boy and my two were at the same birthday party and he came over to LMNOB to give her a great big bear hug. At this point, I caught him trying to give her a peck on the cheek. I also saw that he had to really try as LMNOB was desperately trying to fend him off with a look that said, “Duuuuuuuude!!! So not requited!”



I intervened and said, “Hey, let’s not get too crazy here in the hallway – we’re blocking people’s way.” And the situation was remedied.



It was totally innocent enough – it felt reminiscent of being in grade school and the boys chasing me on the playground. But still, highly entertaining – so as I relayed the story to Charlie Brown that night, when LMNOB finished it all up with wide eyes and the resolute proclamation that, “Yeah! Mama, it was really.... AWKWARD!”



Charlie Brown and I just busted up laughing at her seriousness. Then we did the proper parenting thing and took advantage of this teachable moment; Charlie Brown showed her how to elbow a boy where it hurts. In all seriousness, we talked about how this sort of thing doesn’t mean anything at this age and boys just do silly things to girls they like to get a reaction. We also told her that she is always allowed to say no and to tell a boy to stop when/if someone is crossing the line. But, :sniff: my baby’s growing up now, having awkward moments, let alone being capable of verbalizing such!

*************

Last Thursday night, our house was trashed. It seems as though it gets clean over the weekends, and we do ok the first few days of the week, but something happens by Wednesday night. Dishes don’t get washed, school folders have vomited papers ALL over the place, and random articles of clothing just appear out of nowhere on the floor. I had a lia sophia team meeting that night and asked Charlie Brown if he and the kids could make some serious housekeeping efforts because DSW and my two brothers were coming over for dinner Friday night.

“Whaaaaaa?” Charlie Brown inquired, “I’m just now hearing about this, on the night before and our house is trashed and you’re LEAVING????”

I apologized half-heartedly, begging pardons for placenta brain. Inwardly though, I did the mental retort: “Uhm, yeah. The house is trashed because I’m PREGNANT and TIRED of doing EVERYTHING for the past four days and when I quit no one picks up the slack.” Said retort may or may not have been highly subjective and based on little to no factual occurrences, nevertheless, said retort stuck in my head.

Then I left and heard some AMAZING success stories that just inspired me to work hard at this gig.

Came home and there was still a heap of dishes in the sink. The living room was ok but not up to my standards. It was late though and a colleague had decided she’d like to book a party in 8 days – so rather than pick up the slack and tend to the house, I had to get my first hostess pack together to give her in the morning. Spent time doing that, which was labor intensive as I had a bunch of 1st time set-up formatting type things to do. Got to bed at 11 that night.

Friday morning, the kids were complete bastards. Sensory hell and hateful raging fits out of both of them over EVERYTHING. And so, in lieu of employing my rapid cleaning plan that had hatched overnight, I had to play firefighter and put out every little spark that proceeded to ravage our morning. We missed the bus. I cried. They cried. I called Charlie Brown in effort to garner someone in MY corner.

But I spilled over and out gushed my frustrations with his lack of cleaning. “If you’d have helped last night, instead of playing X-box, then I wouldn’t be quite so stressed. I ASKED you for help and I NEEDED you. I’m just canceling dinner – that’s what I’m gonna do.”

“No, don’t cancel dinner. Besides, you said you were going to help when you got home and you didn’t – so why am I getting all of the blame?”

That was gasoline on my fire. Emotions burst out and before I knew it I was uncontainable and out of control. I eventually hung up on him.

Drop the kids off at school.

Call him back.

“I thought you wanted me to do the lia sophia thing so you didn’t have ALL the burden of income on you, and that’s fine, I understand that – but do you understand that to be successful I need to invest my time and energy NOW, even though I’m still working FT and it is a MAJOR CRUNCH?”

Yes, he did – and he was sorry, I was sorry. Kiss thru the phone and we’ve made up.
Fast forward through the day.

I left work early to get home and tidy up. I called Charlie Brown on the way home. Got home, and bulldozed straight for the dishwasher. Unloaded the dishes, thinking, “These almost feel warm to the touch….weird.” Then, when I looked around at the living room a wave of remorse hit me as I realized I was probably a total shrew as it really didn’t look all that bad in there.
Right about then, the phone rang. It was Charlie Brown, even though we’d JUST TALKED.

Exasperated, “Hello – did you forget to tell me something?”

“No – I was just wondering if the house looked any different to you.”

“Well, actually I was just thinking that maybe I was too hard on you this morning because it doesn’t look all that bad….wait….”

“I came home, Heather. I came home on my lunch break and you didn’t even notice,” I could hear his laughter.

I giggled, “Oh my goodness, DUH..No honey, I didn’t notice because of my placenta brain – but now that I know,” I squeaked, “That is sooooooooo sweet. I love you and thank you.”
This is my man lately – still working on becoming the perfect male (timing honey – it is all about timing and doing something the first time!) – but totally willing to admit when he was wrong and do what he needs to make things right. Soo sweet!

There’s more – as always, but tying up the loose ends at work has kept me pretty busy – and add to it the fatigue of pregnancy – I just haven’t been keeping up here in the blogosphere. Soon, friends, soon.
xoxo



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Letting Go

Soooo.....sorry for my blagrancy....been busy with life changing decisions and all....oh, and our president elect? Couldn't be happier

In July, I wrote about how a song of the same title spoke to me.

Just why it spoke to me, and how, I’d kept a lid on; because it had everything to do with planning this baby.

and we weren’t ready to say anything until we were official given family readership ;-)

You see, I’d heard that song a few times while we were on our vacation and I liked the sound of it. But on July 24th when I got in the car after having my IUD taken out, it was on the radio.

And it hit me, right as the chorus hit:

♪This is a giant leap of faith….♪
There’s no turning back!

Definitely, having this baby in and of itself has been a ginormous leap of faith – and there is no turning back whatsoever….

However, all of the stuff that has followed makes it feel more like that leap we envisioned as starting with two feet firmly on the ground has since evolved into a leap off a plane and we are plummeting to the ground with the blind faith that all parachuting systems will be go.

I put in my notice Monday.

My last day of work will be December 19th. Which is not far off at all. I vacillate between being giddy at the prospect and scared to death.

Oh, but wait, it gets better. Then, I signed up to become a lia sophia advisor.

I never in a million years thought I would be doing direct sales....But here I am.

I'm excited, but totally letting go of "the life I planned for me." And that is a bit scary.




© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

The Plot Thickens....

with respect to the whole WOHM/SAHM thing for me.

We'd originally planned to have me work PT after the job share went thru so that I could keep my insurance til delivery; but having spilled the beans to my boss the other day I now have some new details to consider.

The day after the big whoopsie, I came into work with an “About yesterday….” schpiel.

The Boss had one of her own. She’d been going back and forth about the job-share situation as she had details that I haven’t been privy to. That is, the City anticipates implementing a hiring freeze effective Jan. 1 (the start of their new FY) due to current economic conditions. This means that if a person is hired to job share with me prior to the end of the year and then I left, that the Boss would be stuck with 50% FTE in a 100% FTE job.

Ethically, I just don't feel like I can do that to her. And personally, I’m ready for some respite. But, wowzas….the reality of us hiring someone before the end of the year and me quitting looks butt-ugly.

I’d planned on staying on and staying mum about leaving so that we’d have health insurance coverage.

Kind of screwed that pooch – and I’m ambivalent about that too – on the one hand we’re not sure what is gonna happen health care wise, but on the other hand talk about a Huge Lie of Omission. I’m rather glad that we’ve taken the honest route – but scared to death about the financial realities.

Because I’m already pregnant individual health plans for families would look at the pregnancy as a “pre-existing condition” and cover nothing.

Charlie Brown’s employer coverage would have to give us “open enrollment” status if I quit/was fired, but even at that the plan sucks big time. Not only is it a $700+/month premium, but it is 70%/30% coinsurance with a $2000/person or $6,000/family deductible. OT coverage for LMNOB sucks – caps out at $2,000 per 12 mos (which is not much).

COBRA might be an option, but I’m doubtful since we’re covered as a family right now. Edited to add: Uh yeah, no snake oil insurance for us – monthly premiums of $1100+/month.

So there’s all the cons.

Ready for the pros?

I would have TIME. Time to reconnect with God, my husband, friends and community. Time to reclaim myself. Time to write – which could bring in income. Time to rest – which could save medical money. Time to volunteer in the kids’ classrooms before baby comes. Time to keep the house clean and spend quality time with the kids at home. Time to stick to a strict sensory diet for LMNOB that might eliminate the need for regular OT (we’re nearing the end of that path anyway – though it makes me sad because BT the OT is WONDERFUL!). Time to cook more home meals and order less takeout – time to actually be able to think and stick to a budget! This time thing alone is invaluable.

Also, I rather think I might enter the direct selling world. :gasp!: I thought I would NEVER EVER say that. I also never ever thought I’d say that I wanted to be a SAHM – so now is the time for never say never proclamations, eh? Lia Sophia has brought so much financial peace to my neighbor (who’s been at it PT for less than a year and is now bringing in as much as I gross FT), I believe in the product, their sales are going up despite an economic downturn, and it would give me a chance to revive my social side! I miss that lady. And the startup cost is CHEAP. So, perhaps some of these added costs could be offset.

No child-care costs. Fiscal or emotional. ‘Nuf said. Another cost-shift.

Baby’s due date coincides with Charlie Brown’s open enrollment period, so most likely we will drop the coverage and opt for a less-expensive (hopefully better coverage) individual health plan for our family. Hopefully, I mean what do I know about planning these things? God seems to have different ideas for us all the time.

And, the greatest God thing of it all….I sent an e-mail out to our church family the day that the Boss and I talked to pray for this situation. Hours later, Charlie Brown called and said he’d finally been given a raise, a raise that has been VERY elusive over the past 18 mos, in the amount of 8.5%. Talk about timing. He provides – this I know, and yet it continues to be such a struggle for me to trust in this basic concept.




© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

There's a Monster at the End of This Blog Post

Sort of....

You see, this is my 666th blog post (oooh, spooky, evil number, I know!) so I thought it would be kind of cute to mimic my favorite children's book since there really is nothing to be scared of, right?

Right?

Oh, wait, there is something to be scared of......

This weekend was sensory overload......

For.....

.......

.........


ME!


My in-laws were up for a four-day weekend, and I love them. Love them!

In small quantities. I've come to learn that 3 days is my max, but since we were together for 4......

Well, I am not a nice person and at best look like the worst pregnant mama ever.

Or maybe I am being too harsh on myself - whaddyou think.....

First... Thursday evening - ok, I had to work late for a monthly meeting. My house was mostly clean.

(I left the floors because my in-laws have 2 dogs that they bring with them and I knew if I cleaned the floors on Wednesday, they would just need done again for my Friday night jewelry party)

Charlie Brown and his dad were gone, as MIL bought them Av's tickets for their upcoming [November] birthdays.

Friday - I had to work, Charlie Brown took the day off since the kids were off and his folks were here, assuring me that he and his parents would help clean up for the lia sophia party I was hosting that night.

Got home early and they hadn't been home all day. Not only did I have some things of ours to clean up in preparation, but the inlaws' stuff was all over and needed put up. Floors needed cleaned. I would have been hot not-pregnant, but being pregnant, I was pissed.

I started making the refreshments and doing what I could when everybody came in. They all pitched in [GREAT] but it still completely frazzled me as we were in a last-minute cleaning spree [NOT SO GREAT]. I'd wanted to RELAX y'all!

Everything was done* on time and the party was great fun, thanks to 1.) gorgeous, affordable jewelry, 2.) some homemade spinach artichoke dip with bread and various veggies, 3.) lemon dip with strawberries, and 4.) Nana’s sugar cookies**.

* and by done I really mean, a clusterf*&k of crap got shoved into my bedroom with the doors shut

** I'm telling you, I DO love my MIL - I just feel so inferior around her because she’s never taken antidepressants, and she’s so domestic and crafty, and because she “just” did abc when her kids xyz’d. We look somewhat alike and I tell Charlie Brown all the time that if he’d wanted to marry his mother he must be sorely disappointed. :sigh:

Saturday….
This was the Big Get Together of the weekend.

Our niece 3M turned 10 on Friday and we had all planned to get together on Saturday because my SIL’s family was staying at their house in Aurora.

We’d decided to meet in the middle and check out the family-friendly adventures that Miller Farms had to offer us. We planned a picnic lunch and had been told that BIL was treating us to dinner at their home afterwards. Since we wouldn’t be back until evening, we left my inlaws’ airbed out in the living room. Remember this…

We had a GREAT time at Miller Farms. We all got to go out into the fields and each got to pick a bag of the following:

-Indian Corn – more for decorative purposes than for edible ones

-Onions – while many of them had to be picked through since they’d been exposed to freezes, a number of them were still in great shape – and these suckers were HUGE too!

-Carrots – again, you had to dig for ones that were still deep in the ground and not rotten, but we got a TON

-Potatoes – they had a tiller go through and dig them up for each group and then everyone bagged their loot

-Beets – not my favorite, but I plan on using them as stamps for the kids one afternoon, more than for food! I do like pickled beets but one can only eat so many.

And we each got to pick a pumpkin out of their pumpkin patch. We were LOADED in fresh produce.

My littlest niece, Double A, is 2 and she got antsy in the middle of the crop pickin' - which was more stressful for my BIL and his wife than it was for any of us. Otherwise it was a grand time. We also did a corn maze, rode pedal tracters, and Charlie Brown bought me a 20 minute massage at a merchant booth - which was heaven and ended up being 30 minutes actually. :contented sigh:

At the end of our Miller Farms adventure - it was announced that we were all going back to MY house, not BIL's house. And all the crap was still out! Minor heart palpitations at that thought, but eh, life goes on.

Get home, order pizzas to take and bake. I end up waiting on everyone, hand and foot, which my MIL said I "didn't have to do," but since no one else was taking the damned initiative who was REALLY going to do it?

The worst part was when 3M made it known that she had been supposed to have gone to her bff's house in Aurora after we'd been finished with our family party. This was now Not Going to Happen. And she displayed her [rightfully so, imho] tween angst about it. I sympathized with her internally, noting that we weren't all supposed to be here if I'd had anything to do with it too.

By the time they left and we got the kids bathed for church in the morning - it was an incredibly long day with out an ounce of rest for the pregnant, weary, pitiful woman that gazed back at me from the mirror that night.

Sunday....
Church - getting ready went off without a hitch, although the morning did arrive too damned early.

Church itself was interesting as the octogenarian who led the song service picked only obscure and ancient hymns that no one knew, which resulted in his bellowing vibrato solos. I am one who preaches that we don't attend church to be entertained and serve ourselves; rather that we go to church to worship and serve God. However, this particular morning my own admonitions were difficult to swallow.

I'd told my in-laws that I had a baby shower to prepare punch for and attend that afternoon. I'd planned on making the punch at home after church and then leave for the shower. Which was no big deal.

Except....we HAD to go to the BlackEyed Pea for lunch. At least where we live, the BlackEyed Pea is frequented largely by seniors after church on Sundays. Which means the table turnover is V.E.R.Y. S.L.O.W. at best. We left the restaurant at 1:36. The shower started at 2:00.

It became very painfully apparent to me that we would be LATE. And then when I discovered that I had filled a 2.5 gallon jug like it was a 2 gallon jug (i.e. with too much water), I went completely apeshit, freaking out that Charlie Brown hadn't told me it was a 2.5 gallon jug and that we were going to be late, and ohshitohshitohshit! In front of my inlaws mind you. I'm crying and screaming and cannot escape the frustrations that keep pummeling me.

I left, was 1/2 an hour late -felt terrible - but everyone assured me it was fine and the punch was a hit.

The rest of Sunday was ok, except for bedtime. Which was expected.

Today....
LMNOB had one of THOSE mornings. I'm frustrated. There is yelling and gnashing of teeth.

MIL comes up and tells LMNOB, "You know, 3M gets herself up and dressed and makes her own breakfast and fixes her hair and then walks to school all by herself..."

Which struck me about like it did LMNOB: Well, whoopdie freaking do for HER.

Instead, I gritted my teeth and we got through it. Backpack was missing and then so was jacket. And the bus was missed and then I found said backpack and jacket, and took them to school in the car - while bidding my inlaws adieu.

Work was ok....until about 4:18 when my phone rang and it was a neighbor saying the kids were with her; their babysitter hadn't showed up.

Call babysitter - no answer.

Call babysitter's mom and start to leave a frantic message when babysitter's mom picks up. Oh, no she said - babysitter had asked her mom to pick the kids up today as she had a conflict arise and their clock had defaulted to the old end of daylight savings time setting and it read 3:20 instead of 4:20. She was so sorry.

Yeah, me too. I'd already done the mom-obligated "what ifs," and that was NOT pretty.

So I'm emotional and the Boss had overheard. I share with her the story and she empathizes. She offers to help push the jobshare earlier and I'm honored by that but feel badly that I'm burdening her with that. I say it is no wonder to me that affordable quality child care is a number one priority for a local poverty initiative; I've had a hell of a year with childcare and I CAN pay for good care. She says no kidding and asks if I've got the baby on a waitlist yet.

:GULP:

I'm not going to lie - but I hadn't quite wanted to discuss this yet.

And it just blurted out, "Well, no, I actually don't think I'm coming back after the baby is born."

OH CRAP!

She took it ok, but yikes! I had not wanted to let that cat out of the bag yet - I'm hormonal and freaked because my babies had been standing at the bus stop for who knows how long and who knows who could have been around, and....

Yeah, it probably couldn't NOT have come out with that mindset. But still....

So I've been bawling all night and am the red-eyed monster at the end of this post.

Charlie Brown is singing to me as I type, "There's a light and the end of this tunnel..." as sung by Third Day.

I sure hope so. God, please carry me through this.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved