Whispers of Reinforcement

This morning, after a brief sensory meltdown (initially she was cold, legitimately as Charlie Brown left the downstairs windows open last night, and from there it spiraled as she couldn't have the juice she wanted in her lunch....seriously?!?) made us late for the bus and I'd subsequently dropped the kiddos off at school, I ventured out for a run.

A run. As in that thing I haven't done most of September due to a cold that hit me particularly hard after Labor Day. As in that activity that helped me drop 7 lbs in 2 weeks while changing nary a thing in my diet (which is already pretty healthful as I'm feeding me and Lil Guy but there are the occasional transgressions ;)).

And as I did so, I was struck. Not by lightning. Not by some giant epiphany. I was love-struck. Not by my love for someone/thing, but rather I found myself face to face with the Love that my God lavishes upon each one of us. I smiled as I saw the autumn sunlight casting beams off the trees and landmarks, just like He knows I love so much. As the cloudless sky, so pristine and crisply blue, seemed to purify the air simply by being, I found the strides, the breaths effortless and exhilarating at the same time. Just 4 months ago I was being released from the hospital and could barely walk up my stairs to go to the bathroom - and here I am running with a healthy body. Praise God! He has been so good to me and my family!

I reflected on yesterday's bible class. This quarter we are studying the emotions of the Psalms, and for the past two weeks we've been focused on joy/praise as is found in Psalm 8. Despite Psalm 8 being more apropos for a starry evening, the words fit the moment this morning:

¹ O Lord, our Lord, your majestic name fills the earth!
Your glory is higher than the heavens.
² You have taught children and infants
to tell of your strength,
silencing your enemies
and all who oppose you. ³ When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers—
the moon and the stars you set in place—
⁴ what are mere mortals that you should think about them,
human beings that you should care for them?
⁵ Yet you made them only a little lower than God
and crowned them with glory and honor....

Indeed, when I think of ALL that God created and how small mankind is, relative to the planet, let alone the whole universe, and further how small I am in the grand scheme of things, I wonder how it is that I am so important to him that he is so intimately involved in my life - and those of others too?

And lately it seems to me that I can see God reinforcing this idea of his intimate knowledge of my heart everywhere I turn. Largely, where I turn in the Word.

Certain Scriptures keep getting cross-referenced in my path, reinforcing their truths upon my heart. I know better than to believe that these are coincidences, and know that God is working to let me know that He cares for me and wants me to rest in the promises of these passages that keep popping up.

The preacher's sermons seem to be tailor made each week for what I am facing personally.

This morning, as I was reflecting on the Psalms class, I noted that the first emotion we're looking at being joy/praise was just the jolt that I needed out of my recent depression. I mean, certainly there are Psalms where David was depressed and fearful - and those have comforted me in times of trials past - but it's no small thing.

Today is good. God's mercies are new every morning. I will rejoice and be glad in this day that the Lord has made.

© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Rejust served

Finding the Right Words

I just want to be understood.

This lifelong desire stems from so many different experiences I've had in life.

As a child, I was often told that my feelings were wrong. Unfortunately, as a child I didn't realize that feelings are not like facts and thus not so easily relegated into the right or wrong categories.

Then, there were all those times when I couldn't skillfully articulate just what was on my heart and used a word or two that completely changed the message I was trying to convey. I'm grateful that God gives us the Holy Spirit to correct this in our prayers to Him and that He knows EXACTLY what it is that I'm trying to spit out, but it doesn't always work that way when conversing with other humans.

I hate being perceived as something so contrary to that which I wish to be about. For example, I recently was told that someone close to me felt like I looked down on them because they didn't hold a degree, that this person thought I treated them as dumb and ignorant. It hurt me deeply to hear this - partly because that is so disparate from my values system, which is that we ALL have something to bring to the table of life regardless of our socioeconomic status, education (or lack thereof), religion, race, etc., but mostly because in this misunderstanding, another person was caused pain. I'm a lover not a fighter, and to cause others pain, however unintentionally, always grieves my soul.

Sometimes, this desire to be understood, and thus accepted by others and loved, manifests in a tendency to overshare. Sometimes I don't understand myself and share for the purpose of having another person weigh in. Related to my childhood admonitions that my feelings were so far off base, sometimes I share as a means of checking my reality.

But a sense of cautiousness has grown over the years. As I've tried to make sense of things on my blog these past few years my sharing has hurt those who are close to me. Unfortunately, as much as I've claimed it's about me and not them it hasn't helped.

So, I have been in a quandary lately about what to share, what not to share, and everything in between. The things that are big in my life right now, and likely to be written about, are probably not best to be shared on a blog as they concern my close relationships - and I'm trying to deal with that privately and avoid dishonoring someone I love by oversharing.




© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Super Bawl Sunday

So, it's been 2 weeks since this happened - finally time to sit and write about it, eh? Also; any mention of voices in my head is regarding that inner turmoil that we ALL have in our thoughts - no auditory hallucinations for this girl, thank you for your concern.

Two weeks ago, we had just returned home from our short-lived camping trip. Both Charlie Brown and I briefly entertained the thought of not going to church in the morning, since we were supposed to be gone afterall. We decided that was just silly and ended up going.

Sidenote- in the weeks preceding this I'd been having lots of doubts about life. Doubts about our financial security, my mental health status, and the joint decision for me to stay at home among many other things. In chatting with girlfriends about these doubts, a few of them had suggested I maybe look for a PT job to help me regain some of my self-confidence as well as make a little extra cash for those daunting medical bills. And the juxtaposition of all the voices of these doubts with the tidbits of "helpful" advice was driving me to the edge.

Ok....so, back to church.

Our Sunday morning bible study this summer has been on Romans. The text for the day was Romans Ch. 8. As the teacher droned on about how an abstract was different from a book review (re: a handout that he'd thought was helpful to the study), Li'l Guy began to fuss and alert me to his growing hunger. So I took him into the "cry room" (a little private area for nursing moms) and fed him. While doing so, I halfheartedly listened to the teacher on the speaker. As the abstract v. book review discussion went longer, I grabbed my Blackberry out of the diaper bag and pulled up Romans 8 using the Youversion app (which I totally ♥ btw).

I read the whole chapter, the words not unfamiliar to me as Romans is probably the book I've read most in Scripture during my walk with the Lord; but towards the end my face grew hot and moist as the tears came down, for I read:

26 And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. 27 And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers[b] in harmony with God’s own will. 28 And we know that God causes everything to work together[c] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them...

...35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”[d]) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[e] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.

I'd been feeling guilt about my silence in the dialogue between me and my God lately. Even knowing full well that this promise of an intercessor exists for those times when life gets so overwhelming, so full of other voices that I cannot find my own, beyond the simple gut-wrenching utterances of "Lord, please help me," despite knowing that, I was in a place where Guilt had begun to plague me, adding just one more voice in the cacophony that my mind had recently become. So irrational was this Guilt, bothering me over things of which I had no control - namely my getting sick. Yes, I know, like I could have prevented such an anomaly; the doctors still aren't quite sure how I came to be so ill.

Through this passage, God assured me. The Voice of Truth stilled the others and spoke, in solo: You are still my child, sweet girl. I have not abandoned you and I know you are overwhelmed right now. My Spirit is translating the woes on your heart and I am listening. NOTHING can ever change that. Keep going.

I was so thankful that I was physically alone, just my baby and I, in that room because I wept freely at the reassurance the moment had afforded me.

Later, the preacher's sermon (link opens an MP3 recording of the sermon if interested) was on Luke 5:1-11. Specifically, he focused in on how the men, professional fishers of their day, had fished ALL night and not caught anything yet Jesus told them to go out and launch their nets one more time. They did and the blessings (fish) were more than abundant, they almost sunk their boats! Perseverance, especially when all looks bleak, pays off, was the message in a nutshell.

Keep going.

The words, coupled with my moment in the cry room, were just what I needed to hear. Tears streamed down my face long before the conclusion of the sermon, as the realization hit me that it was no mere coincidence that our camping trip had gone south and caused us to return home early. How amazing is this Love that notes every detail of my life along with those of every other living being?

I knew I had to go forward at the invitation, to ask for the prayers of my family. But what most people didn't realize is that it wasn't a feeling of hopelessness that drove me to asking for help - rather, the hope and reassurance that God had given me that morning made me want to publicly recognize my need for Him in my life. We have been so blessed over the past several months with my rapid recovery, the help and support we received, and through things not yet revealed. Several people mistook my emotion as a cry for more help - but as I talked with them I assured them it was just a realization that I needed to keep going.

And how much good it does me to know that as a direct result another young mom shared her struggles with me that night. And then another. When a dear older sister e-mailed me the next day to see how I was doing, she mentioned "mom coaching," so I called her and asked if she would meet with some of us to pray and talk some things through. Not only would she, but she and a couple other more experienced sisters had been praying for such an opportunity in the spirit of this Scriptural example. Not because of me, but because of God.

Keep Going.




© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Fragmented Snippets and Linky Love

Oh my....

So I have a post in my drafts folder , one of many right now, that I'm working on. It's titled Super Bawl Sunday (watch for it soon) as it is about how God totally met me where I was a couple of weeks ago, and it is crystal clear that He arranged a couple of "coincidences," for this little meeting to occur. Said meeting of me and my God caused a bit of a breakdown in an "I can't do this [on my own]" fashion. Said breakdown inspired other people in my life to share their struggles....and now I'm heading up the organization of a ladies prayer/mentoring group at my church right now. Amazing how God uses people to facilitate events that have a greater purpose than originally imagined.

My good friend Jen/Huckdoll recently re-entered SAHMhood also and has a post up that pretty much describes my blogging state too.

On Monday, I saw my lady doc to get some "hardware installed." Apparently so did Amanda at The Mom Job....her rendition suffices for now, LOL.

I got a new haircut - rather, it's not a new style for me but it's been awhile since I've sported this particular cut, almost a year - on Wednesday. My hairdresser said when it was done, "I like you so much better with short hair. I concur, even if Charlie Brown called me "butch." Oh, yeah....he did.

Been running/walking everyday for a week now. 50 minutes of activity minimum. Feeling increasingly good with this.

Hoping that all of the above might rekindle some of the fire between Charlie Brown and I. Things are a little quiet on that front right now and I am getting cranky about it.





© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Dear Hanes,

Yes, you Hanes, the underwear, socks and T-shirt company.

Ok, good - I and all of my 20 readers have your attention with that clarification.

So, uh, yeah....your new "wedgie free" undies? Let's talk 'bout that.

They feel great upon slipping them on.

They even stay put, as promised.

Er, sort of.

On a low-moderate activity, kickin' it at the house kind of day - A+.

While working out, when being wedgie free is an absolute must lest we get our lady parts all mixed up with sweat from other parts and other nastiness, ahem, Not. So. Much.

Might I suggest that you invest in Goody stay put headbands technology for your leg holes?

Seems like that might actually work.




© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Forget Fragmented Friday, How 'Bout Fragmented Life?

So, new drill here, remember? Yeah, I'm doing Mrs. 4444's Friday Fragments thing. Click thru the links for more info.

***In reference to the title above, I feel fragmented and chaotic in my mind. I have started to write several times in my head but get interrupted or never have the time to finish the thought itself, let alone being able to process it by writing/talking about it.

***Li'l Guy covered some serious ground today by pseudo crawling (rather like an inchworm, he has yet to coordinate his arms). The dude is not even officially 4 mos old yet (Tuesday), and we are dealing with crawling???? Oy vey!

*** LMNOB and Punkinhead started school Weds. and I have still not posted pics. slacker! LMNOB seems to really like her teacher who is a rather hip young thing. This is good as LMNOB is excited for the year and has not been anxious and fit-throwing. Punkinhead, on the other hand, is not quite as enthused with first grade. Seems kindergarten was Much Better in his mind.

***I have been living a luke-warm life when it comes to my faith over the past several years. I'm trying to heat things up which means some serious Growing Pains. Charlie Brown has been experiencing the same thing over the past year and this is good, but can be quite exhausting seeing all the errors of your ways in a relatively short period of time. Dying to one's ego and living for Christ is no small task....truely no one ever conquers it on earth, but we still push forward, eh?

***I have exercised 3 mornings in a row now, with some good running even! I am determined to show how God has worked in my body - from being on death's doorstep 3 1/2 mos ago and unable to inhale more than 500 mL at a time (normal lung capacity is about 4+ times that) to being able to run is quite something!

***Well, bus is almost here and baby is crying.....




© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

A Day Late and Several Dollars Short

So, all the cool kids do it....I figured I probably would too...if I can promise to get on regularly enough to participate in Mrs. 4444's Friday Fragments.

So.... let's go.

**** Li'l Guy started rolling over last Saturday, at 3 1/2 mos. Since he's begun to roll, he now fancies a life of mobility and has been spotted getting on all fours and pushing with his legs - and has started making headway. He has yet to coordinate his arms, however, and I'm hoping full-fledged crawling will be at least another month away. Can you imagine?!?

**** I have yet to write up Li'l Guy's birth story and he is as mentioned above, pushing 4 months old. For shame.

**** I have been in a weird funk of late. It could be that I'm looking down the barrel of post-partum depression. Or dealing with a form of post-traumatic stress disorder on the heels of nearly dying. Or, switching to a different tense of conditions, it could be pre-menstrual syndrome. Good ole PMS. Wait, Heather, aren't you exclusively breastfeeding? I mean what with the whole 'I nursed Li'l Guy come hell or highwater' attitude while you were in the hospital - you are still nursing right? Ahh, yes, I am. And yet, I had not one, but two periods in July, 21 days apart. My OB/GYN had the nerve to call me "one of those lucky women," and I had the nerve not to slap her across the face. So, going off my mental state, I am right on schedule for another dousing of estrogen and such. Add to it just some general senses of failures as a Christian mother, and well... you know, a lot on my plate right now.

**** The older kids start school on Wednesday. I am both elated and yet oddly enough, given my complaints about the stresses of dealing with 2 school-aged siblings over the summer, saddened by this. On the one hand, ROUTINE!! On the other, well, uh, ROUTINE!!

**** In effort to do just one thing that we'd originally planned to do this summer, before I got sick, we went camping this weekend. 'Cept that we only ended up staying for just over 24 hours due to weather. Tent camping with 3 kiddos, one of whom is under 4 months, kind of requires perfect weather. And we got torrential rains with gusty winds last night/this morning. Our gear kept us warm and dry; however, being forced into the tent at 7:45 last night kind of pre-empted LMNOB's nighttime pee before bed. And despite her gear keeping her warm and dry, she herself did not. Yeeeeeah. She was a good sport about it, as were we - I mean, it was completely cruel of nature to expect her super teensy bladder to make it 10 hours without release - but her warm nighttime clothes were not re-wearable despite the fact that her bag (actually MY mummy bag) was virtually un-touched by her leakage. So, yeah, we packed up and we are now home sweet home.

**** As mentioned in the title, we are still reeling from sticker shock of my medical bills. Much tighter budget than we are used to, sometimes to the point of blind faith - thankfully God has always provided an AFLAC check, a love offering from church, or a side job for Charlie Brown at just the right times. God is so good to us, and yet I struggle with worrying still. I am learning, slowly, that Jesus meant what He said in Matthew 6:25-34. I should know this inside and out after the big crisis this summer, but unfortunately I am very much like the Israelites, who after seeing and walking through a parted Red Sea, who were fed DAILY with manna and quail (BTW...could you GET any more organic than sustenance from HEAVEN and an un-chemical-ed earth? How many of us would LOVE that now?!?!) and basically had every need met still worried and grumbled about the hard things they were going through. So....still learning. Still growing. Still a work in progress.

© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Doll Gets Fox News Health Team up in Arms

First of all, folks, it is a DOLL. A doll makes the news these days?

Oh it does if it is a breastfeeding doll, that apparently is the equivalent of:

"introducing sex education in first grade instead of seventh or eighth grade"

I have so many problems with this statement, let alone the more asinine claims by FOX News' Managing Health editor that a DOLL could possibly promote earlier pregnancies, or better yet, traumatize young girls.

First of all, breastfeeding is more about human nutrition than it is about human sexuality - but once again a man, a man with a conservative bias being that he works for FOX News, makes the topic all about sex. Sorry, Dr. Alvarez but you are part of the problem. So much work has been made to de-stigmatize breastfeeding, in public or otherwise, and you immediately play upon the fears of your conservative audience by saying essentially that anything breast-related = sexual promiscuity.

Second, any mother who has ever breastfed a baby with an older sibling has probably already seen their older child "nurse" their dolls. I have. It's not a new concept, you know, that children model their parents' behavior. I've even seen friends' older sons nurse a baby doll when their mothers have a nursing baby in the household. Does that mean they are going to be confused about their anatomy growing up? No, it's called imaginative play - something we seem to have forgotten about in this hysteria.

Third, unless I missed something, no one said ANYthing about this doll being used for educational purposes in a school setting, so how is it like introducing sex ed to a first grader? Moreover, why wouldn't you introduce some age appropriate sex education to your children at that age, or even earlier for that matter? I am not promoting a public-school campaign at that age, at all. Despite being conservative re: sexuality, I'm not a fan of school-based abstinence only programs as

...scientifically sound studies of abstinence only programs show an unintended consequence of unprotected sex at first intercourse and during later sexual activity. In this way, abstinence only programs increase the risk of these adolescents for pregnancy and sexually transmitted illnesses, including HIV/AIDS.

No, as a Christian believer I feel that it is *my* duty to educate my children about sex in an age-appropriate, biblical, and open fashion. It starts early, too, because if we don't establish an open conversation about sexual topics when they aren't embarrassed, what guarantee do we have that they'll approach us with their questions during the height of self-consciousness and doubt of parental authority? We've already read the first two books in the Story of Me series with LMNOB and Punkinhead, and they're not "traumatized." Nor are they displaying signs of wanting to run out and have sex/a baby at the first chance they can get.

But I digress....back to the breastfeeding babydoll. For me, the only thing I take issue with the manufacturer is the name. Bebe Gluton = Gluttonous Baby. WTH? Kind of a mixed message as breastfed babies tend to be smaller, and more self-regulating with regard to feeding only when hungry, than their formula-fed peers - but whatever, right?

And back to FOX News' article....the fact that they cite Eric Ruhalter's lame attempt at humor, equating a breastfeeding babydoll to something as inappropriate as babydolls dealing with alcoholism and/or incarceration, shows me that they are simply perpetuating the sexualization of breasts and stigmatizing any functional, natural usage of them, real or imagined.

It just drives me bonkers - this one or the other classification of breasts. They are functional, life sustaining, beautiful and sexual. As God created them to be.



© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

They Didn't Teach THIS in Anatomy Class!

Several years ago when Punkinhead was 18 mos or so, he started staying dry overnight. As I'd go to change his diaper every morning during this time, I would find two things:

1.) a dry diaper; and

2.) his little "soldier" standing at attention

It kind of creeped me out - me thinking it was some kind of weird Freudian mother-son thing going on. But later upon recounting this to Charlie Brown, he told me, "He's got morning wood because his bladder's full, duh." I HAD NO IDEA that male plumbing worked that way!!! But, ahh, that made a lot of sense, thinking back on patterns in our own bedroom. Hmmm...

Fast forward 4 1/2 years.....

The other morning Punkinhead came down the stairs FREAKING out about having an erection.

"Mama!! My weiner," and let me just interject here that I insist on the appropriate anatomical terms in our house, but Daddy tends toward the more slangy terminology, "my weiner, it's all big and going places that I don't want it to - it's going up instead of down!"

Then.

He completely drops trou and says, emphatically, "SEE?!?!"

It. Took. ALL. I had not to just bust up laughing at him, bless his little heart, and the irony of how now this concerned him and yet later in life....

Calmly, I nodded and said yes, sometimes a man's penis would do that, and that perhaps he just needed to go pee for it to go "back to normal."

Skeptically, he trudged up the stairs to the bathroom. Within minutes I heard him shouting from the stairs that I was a genius and IT WORKED!

If only he knew how ignorant I would have been if not for Charlie Brown's enlightenment several years ago.



© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

A New Level of Marital Miscommunications

So, Charlie Brown and I are pretty tech savvy, right?

Yesterday, I had a pretty crappy day. I was so stressed about medical bills vs. income we had coming. Compounding this stress was the fact that my hormones were flying high as I [TMI in aboout 3, 2, 1] was on day 2 of my second period since Lil Guy has been born. [Sidenote: I know you're thinking it - she's like what, 3 mos postpartum and she's had not one but two periods already?!? I KNOW!!!] I'd cried most of the night before and several times yesterday as well. Charlie Brown had called me a few times during the day, all of which I ended up crying during.

Later, I received the following texts from him, right in a row before I had a chance to respond. My thought responses are below, however. Prepare to be entertained

CB - Wanna play tonight? Only 2 conditions...

Indignantly, Uhmhm, I have now I have confirmation that the man never listens to a word I say! I told him that I am "otherwise incapacitated" this week.

CB- [I] know you can do all that, you like a challenge

:chuckles: ok, well, let's see just what he has up his sleeve, even if it's all for naught.

CB - 1. hour of 100% positive encouraging words and body language towards everybody on the field, 2. Doing what I tell you if I need to (prolly won't)

At this point I was stymied and automatically sent a text back to him:

RR - ????? Is this meant for me???

But upon further analysis, I had the following thoughts:

1. I know I've been down today, but c'mon don't you think I can pull myself together for your softball game? It's kind of sweet though. And 2. What kind of kinky stuff are you thinking about, anyway? Dang, boy!

Right about then, he called me. He says, "Our friend sent those to me, as conditions for subbing on their team tonight. It didn't show that it was a forwarded msg?"

Nope.

So I told him what had been going through my mind as I'd gotten each text, and he got a good laugh out of it.

© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

The Costs of Health Care, if You Can Call it That

I just opened yet another stack of medical bills and my spirits are struggling to stay up, to have faith in God's providence.

I KNOW that He has done so much for us already, but it's almost as if our health care system is gambling with God right now. Oh yeah, well I see your $5,500 raised by your churches and I'll raise you $8,800 plus the unknown of the pulmonology bill that has yet to come. Or something like that, as I'm not a gambler.

And let's not forget that the state of Colorado wrote off a great portion of our hospital debt - like $65k worth of a $68k bill - through the Colorado Indigent Care Program. Thanks be to God, because without that we'd be in financial ruin right now. But here's the rub, and one that especially grates at my husband's ego as well as those of many others who qualify for CICP: we are not "indigent" by definition of the word:

in⋅di⋅gent [in-di-juhnt]
–adjective
1.lacking food, clothing, and other necessities of life because of poverty; needy; poor; impoverished.
2.Archaic.
a.deficient in what is requisite.
b.destitute (usually fol. by of).

Rather, my husband happens to be a hard-working man who works 50+ hours/week at a physically demanding job making pretty good money for our area. His employers offer health insurance, and we had it after I quit my job with the city for Lil Guy's prenatal care through his birth. However, the premium was scheduled to go up, again, s of May 1, 2009. To $880/month for our family, with a $5,000/person deductible, and then 60%/40% co-insurance after the deductible. Max out of pocket expenses in a year was $20k. Now, I don't know about you, but to pay virtually another mortgage payment every month so that I was assured that I wouldn't have to pay more than the $20k that I don't have sitting around for medical expenses didn't quite fly with me. We'd already downsized our income to have me be at home with the kids, and couldn't really afford this blow either.

But, rather than be irresponsible and have NO insurance at all, we knew that we needed to look for a plan B. So we found an independent broker and got our own health plan, then terminated Charlie Brown's before it renewed on those awful terms.

The only problem was that we had a 2 week gap.

And I happened to get deathly ill in that 2 week gap. Just 4 more days and we would have made it.

I'm grateful that CICP exists, don't get me wrong. But it's not enough. Thankfully God has supplemented us with the contributions from our church.

And I'm angry that people removed from these kinds of struggles are pitching a fit about health care reform - because this kind of thing happens EVERY DAY in America. I'm angry that people who work hard every day are being bankrupted because of medical expenses. I'm angry when I hear health care workers complaining that they have to do more with less - because really, what industry ISN'T being told that right now? Health care costs are TOO high. Particularly the insurance part.

I don't know that government insurance is the answer necessarily, because I haven't read up enough on the policy specifics to know what the bottom line is for taxpayers. And because quite honestly, where would the money for it come from? We are already tapped out fiscally as a country and if we just continue to spend our dollars will soon become as worthless as the German Marks did during the Great Depression.

But those naysayers who don't even want to have the conversations about doing something, anything, bother me. That's all I'm saying. I think.





© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved