Musique du Jour

For my mental state, this silly song's chorus says it all.

Then, on one of my cd's Big'N'Tall made me that I recently reacquainted myself with, I discovered Toby Lightman's Everyday. Gosh, had she been living my life when she wrote this? Actually now that I've heard more of her stuff, I'm convinced she's a mix of Sheryl Crow and myself. ;-)

Every day is a struggle

Between what I want to say and

what I want to keep to myself
And the words that manage to leave my lips

Don't hurt me, but they hurt everyone else

So I find myself in need of a pause

I'm not sure why, but I think that it's because

Of this desire to be what others want me to be

Which is nothing close to me

But I'll see better when the smoke clears

The smoke clears inside my head

And I can listen when the screaming doesn't repeat

everything I've said

And all that remains is me and who I am at the end of the day

And this happens every day ... yeah...

Every day is a battle

Between what I want to know

and what I don't want to figure out

And everything in between in these thoughts of mine

that you know I can't live without

So I find myself in need of a pause

I'm not sure why, but I think that it's because

Of this desire to be what others want me to be

Which is nothing close to me

But I'll see better when the smoke clears

The smoke clears inside my head

And I can listen when the screaming doesn't repeat

everything I've said

All that remains is me and who I am at the end of the day

And this happens every day ... yeah... oooh...

But I'll see better when the smoke clears

The smoke clears inside my head

And I can listen when the screaming doesn't repeat

everything I've said

All that remains is me and who I am at the end of the day

And this happens every day ... this happens every day

This happens every day... yeah...

Right now I'm sitting the fence as to whether this smoke is situational or a reprise of my depression. Thus far, I'm still getting up in the morning, and still caring for myself, albeit in the least time consuming manner - the girl is busy, folks!

In the mean time, I'm singing about the smoke clearing...sing on Toby girl....