Grrrrrrr........This is going to sound REALLY shallow and self-absorbed, but I have to say it - it's eating at me and I need to purge it from my system.
My birthday was Tuesday, right? Same day as it has been for the past 27 years, right? Being a mother myself now, I start to relive the labors and deliveries of my children on the days labor actually started (like a day or two before for each time) - it's just the way my brain works.
Baby sister remembered my day and mailed me a package of yummy things to acknowledge me. My In-Laws remembered my b'day, with a card that got here the day before and a phone call the day of. Charlie Brown's sister-in-law's parents sent me a card even - is that like in-laws twice removed or something?
The boss got me a really nice potted miniature rose and bacopa arrangement. Big n' tall bro sent me an e-card, then the next day both bros had delivered a real card. Charlie Brown and the kids celebrated my b'day first thing the morning of and then we went to dinner that night. SO, who's missing?
Dear ole MOM! Oh yeah, this is a common occurrence - don't know why I'm letting it bother me, but IT DOES! Every year wtihout fail, she's late for my b'day, and then denies she's responsible for it. I don't care so much about a gift - but just plain acknowledgement that she's celebrating the birth of a child who's special to her....but I guess that would require her viewing me as special, a status that is apparently reserved only for herself and live-in love of the moment.
She sure put a lot of thought and time into her new love's son's graduation from high-school.
I've got to let go of the bitterness. Give it to God...does He care if it's a repeat return, these feelings of mine? Just when I think I've gotten to some semblance of a relationship with her, she goes and jabs the wounds again. Will they ever heal fully if she's in my life? I wrestle with this....more than I should probably.
I get stuck on the shoulds of motherhood.
A mother should love her child unconditionally, let alone care.
A mother should sacrifice at times.
A mother should mature at a rate faster than that of her children.
Simply put, a mother should act like a mother, not the unreliable girlfriend in your life.
Ok...rant over...
Rant away!
ReplyDeleteOh girl, I'm so sorry to hear that. Wish I could pretend to be shocked, but you know I get the same deal every year with my mom/dad/grandparents/siblings/(and sometimes)dh ;)...
My grandma's birthday was the 10th and this year (for once in my adult life) I "forgot" to call her.
Not nice, but I just can't deal with it anymore... ya know?
Sorry your Mom isn't the kind of mom you long for . . . hugs and happy birthday from me.
ReplyDelete