Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Warring Within Myself

I eye the clock in my car's dashboard.

3:55!

Shoot!  The kids would be getting off the bus in 5 minutes and I am just pulling out of the grocery store's parking lot!

I dial a neighbor and ask her if she minds having them at her house as I work on getting home.

Crisis averted.

And then I see her.

I'd seen her before, in almost identical circumstances.  Me - harried and desperately trying to arrive home on time for the older kids, baby crying in the back.

Like before, I mentally implore her to avoid making eye contact with me.

And again, like before, she ignores my petitions to look elsewhere and stares right at me, watching my car turn with eyes accusing me of being just like the rest.

I see your sign.  I want to acknowledge you, to give you some semblance of human dignity and make a show that I really do care, because I do!

BUT....
I really don't have the time.

I'd love to help you meet your needs, the ones you advertise on your cardboard plea.
BUT...

I'm really strapped for cash myself.

And at that, I'm haunted.  Scared that I have become that woman who now sees nothing but her family and their needs.  Memories surface of times past when I had made time for those who were downtrodden, and of work that served these same folks.
Doesn't help that I later turned to the following passage in Scripture:
Woe to those who make unjust laws, to those who issue oppressive decrees, to deprive the poor of their rights and withhold justice from the oppressed of my people, making widows their prey and robbing the fatherless.

What will you do on the day of reckoning, when disaster comes from afar? To whom will you run for help? Where will you leave your riches? Nothing will remain but to cringe among the captives or fall among the slain. Yet for all this, his anger is not turned away, his hand is still upraised. -Isaiah 10:1-4
I try to tuck these moments away and avoid dealing with them for now.

********
A few weeks later.

********
Sunday, Seth and I went to a new class being offered this quarter at our church.  It's based upon the video series The Hole in Our Gospel produced by World Vision.

The basic premise is that we have, especially in the U.S., seemingly forgotten all of God's commands to care for the poor and needy meanwhile, we are pursuing more material comforts and conveniences than ever before.  While the video isn't meant to guilt someone into compassion, it does call one to check their attitudes and try to see with new eyes what is around one's world.

The following quote is a spin on Matthew 25:35-36, with the italics indicating common American responses, [as interpreted by the author]:

For I was hungry, while you had all you needed. I was thirsty, but you drank bottled water. I was a stranger, and you wanted me deported. I needed clothes, but you needed more clothes. I was sick, and you pointed out the behaviors that led to my sickness. I was in prison, and you said I was getting what I deserved.'
- Richard Stearns
*******
So yesterday I got to process, verbally, a lot of what has been rolling around in my head with all of these issues, and that helped.  Immensely.

And I had a summary of my thoughts here, but the internet just ate them - so I'll get them up later today.  Pinkie Swear!!!

To be Cont'd.....






© 2006-present Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

***Edited to add:  follow up here

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Saturday Songlist

So it's Saturday and it's one where Seth is working.


While the temp is decent enough outside, the wind is blowing and taking 3 kids out in the elements does not bode well.


Plus, it's finally their spring break and with the forecast we've got I think there will be plenty of outdoor activities in our near future!  FINALLY!!!!!


So what am I doing, by default, then?  What any housewife who's broke, single-momming it for the day when the weather is crummy does:  Cleaning. The. House. Top. To. Bottom.


I NOW INTERRUPT THIS BLOG POST FOR BREAKING NEWS:  

So...in my attempt to simplify my life (i.e. putting a gate up at the stairwell so I didn't have to chase the baby every two seconds) I created a bigger problem - Colton, unable to open the gate, grabbed onto a coat on the coat rack, and used it to climb over the gate, in turn pulling the coat rack, and the eleventy-one coats (thank you, March weather in Colorado!) and jackets on it, off the wall!  Rather than cry or get mad, though, I had a good laugh and figured he was trying to be independent and/or creative, both of which are things we're trying to instill in our kids. But, it's one. more. mess.  Oy!

Anyway, back to cleaning.  I always crank up the tunes when cleaning and thought I'd share some of my favorites of the day with y'all.

Matt Maher - Hold Us Together



Toby Mac -Get Back Up (anything by Toby gets me going!)


Plumb - Blush (Missing my man today!)


New World Son - There is a Way


An oldie but goodie - Five for Fighting - 100 Years


It's all feel-good to me, so enjoy!


© 2006-present Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Friday, March 26, 2010

Foodie Friday: English Muffins

Foodie Fridays by Ramblin Red

It's that time again!

This time I really do want you all to participate - I'm gettin' nuthin' by way of recipes with this.  Yet.

Awhile back I shared that I have been pinching pennies at every chance I can to cut costs for our home, mainly by way of baking our bread at home and making homemade laundry detergent.

I've been doing it for 3 months, and one of the other treats that I've been making for quite some time now is homemade english muffins.  They are the sourdough variety thanks be to my MIL for sharing her starter with me, but don't let that throw you!  Sourdough is EASY to get going and keep going, AND, my sourdough is really mild, not as pungent as store bought sourdough (and mild is how I like it!).

So here's my English Muffin recipe, courtesy of The Fresh Loaf:


Sourdough English Muffins
Makes about 12
1/2 C starter
1 C milk
2-3/4 C AP flour
1 TBSP sugar
3/4 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
Semolina or cornmeal, for dusting
Combine starter, 2 C of flour and milk in a large bowl.  Stir to combine, cover with plastic wrap, and leave out for 8 hours or overnight.
After the overnight rest, add remaining flour (Deviation: I don't add any here, but add the remaining 3/4 cup via the kneading process), sugar, salt and baking soda and mix well.  Turn onto a lightly floured surface and knead for 4-5 minutes.  Roll out to 3/4" and cut with a biscuit cutter into rounds.  You can reroll the scraps, but you may need to let the dough rest before cutting more muffins from them.  Place muffins on a piece of parchment dusted with semolina and let rest for 45 minutes.
Spray griddle or skillet lightly with spray oil.  Heat to medium and cook muffins for about 6-8 minutes on each side, or until browned on the top and bottom and cooked through.  These have great griddle spring and rise quite a bit during the "baking".
Split with a fork and enjoy with your favorite topping!  I don't even toast them if I want to eat them right off the griddle--they don't have that raw taste that storebought english muffins have.
Enjoy! 





© 2006-present Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Better Together

I don't normally do Love Thursdays, as I have a hard enough time keeping up with the themed blog posts I participate in, but this fits, no?

Open Letter to my Husband,

I've been thinking a lot about our story since my sister's wedding.

How it started.  
Me, still a child at 16.  You, just touching on what it meant to be a man instead of a boy at 20.  

How it has threatened to end prematurely over the years.
My senior year in high school, when I thought we'd moved too quickly and that there were other adventures to be had [namely with a certain older man], when I questioned what we had before us.


Years 5-9 of our marriage, while you wrestled with yourself and God and I felt like I couldn't take anymore; while I took on too much and tried to juggle work with home.  

How we've added to the cast and now have three beautiful children.
Each of which means so incredibly much to us.  It's hard to find the words.  Really.

How our characters have developed and grown into the people we are today, through God's stretching and pulling, life breaking who we were and putting us back together.
During those early years you seemed so wrought with insecurities, to the point that it was a self-fulfilling prophecy.  I wished you would let go of those feelings of inferiority you had, as they were based upon what the world said made you a man, and let God make you into a better man, the man I thought I was marrying all those years ago.  How I no longer wish that, babe, because you are that man who finds his security in the Lord each day.  


I imagine you feel much the same way about my own transformation, my own struggles and victories with my inner demons.  And this past year has been a record-breaker in that regard for me....both of us, really.  


I am so proud of the man you are and strive to be each day, and thank God for continuing to shape both of us along the way.  I watch you with our children and see your desire to connect with them, teach them, and instill the important things of life with them, and feel so blessed.  I see how hard you work, and the integrity with which you go about your work and I'm honored to be your wife.

How truth really is stranger than fiction.
Especially when we consider the miracles God has worked in our lives over the years, how our Truth is foolishness to the world.


How being with you not only makes me want to be better, it makes me better.
There's wanting to be better, like Jack Nicholson in As Good as It Gets, and then there's actually being made into a better person.  I'm especially better with you when it's simultaneous to me drawing nearer to the Lord.  We're better together, all three of us.

How I'm glad traditional wedding vows were written into our story.
(Lest anyone reading this take that as a slam on my sister's wedding, it totally isn't.)  I'm glad that you and I vowed to love each other in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, for better or for worse, etc., because we have been through all of those, in varying degrees, over the years.  And it has paid off holding true to those vows, especially for better or for worse.  


How this story is still being written...
And while a lot is yet to be unseen still, one thing I know:
We're better together.  
All 6 of us.  
lest anyone think that is a pregnancy announcement, that is: 
Seth + Me + God = 3              Kelsey+Colton+Christopher = 3
and last I checked  3+3=6 






You have my love, dear.  Until my heart stops beating.


© 2006-present Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Monday, March 22, 2010

Boy Do I Have a Lot of Things I've NOT Been Doing....




Turns out wedding behavior is GREAT NMM fodder!

I surely wasn't stressing out last Monday as the clock read 1:40-something pm as we left Small Western CO Town.  Because I certainly hadn't agreed to host a Mary Kay party the day after my sister's wedding at my house at 7:00pm.  In Suburban NoCO City, which is 4 to 4 1/2 hours away.  I mean, there was nothing to sweat, since we'd be home at 6:00 tops, sans dinner and everything had to be unloaded and assembled in less than an hour, because I would never have said yes to such a TIGHT schedule after a LONG weekend, right?
Wrong: I simply couldn't say no to the college girl from church who does MK on the side and thought we could make it work.  Which we did, but OY!  I create much of my own chaos it would appear.


I am pretty sure that I did NOT tell my sister, "Too many fish and chips," per her dietary account when we were out for girls' night a few days before the big event as I struggled to get her dress closed the morning of her wedding.  Because I'm a much more supportive and tactful big sister/MOH than that!  We did, despite a brief moment of wardrobe hysteria due to a missing hook at the top of her gown, get her zipped into her dress, but it was a very tight fit!

I also did NOT decide to rely on a pair of adhesive cups to work a [strapless] miracle against gravity and provide the coverage and support a mother of 3, whose breasts have seen more inflations and deflations than the NASDAQ, DOW Jones, and S&P 500 combined, needs under her formal wear.  I mean after all, I'm savvy about the state of my bosom so I totally knew that I needed some strong supports, right?  Therefore, I definitely did NOT add to the things which made my mother run about like a chicken without its head, by paging her from the public restroom at the chapel, and inquire if she'd be so kind as to bring me some masking tape.

When my youngest brother saw me for the first time the morning of the wedding and said, "Oh shit, Heather, you look just like Sarah Palin*," instead of, "Wow, you look great!" I did NOT revert back to old family of origin behavior and flip him the bird.  *Yes, partisan politics aside, physically the woman is attractive, especially for her age.  But let's see you be successful in telling any woman you know that she looks like a pretty woman who's 15 years older than she is.  And a barracuda at that.

Days before the wedding, I did NOT cave on my resolve to observe Lent this year with a period of abstaining from "added sugar," i.e. I allowed myself to eat breads w/minimal sugar but no desserts, sugary snacks, etc. by devouring scads of the homemade graham crackers I'd made for Christopher, in attempt to avoid the dreaded HFCS monster.  Because I have more will power than that.  Because I don't steal crackers from babies.  And also?  I did NOT fall off the sugar wagon yet AGAIN this past week when my hormones were raging.  I absolutely did NOT eat a whole sleeve of Thin Mints in preparations for my dear Aunt Flo.  And I have NOT been rendered powerless by hormones to as yet hop on the no-sugar wagon again.  Because estrogen doesn't own me, right?

:giggle:  dear me, there's a lot that I did NOT do, and I've not even told the half of it....


© 2006-present Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Friday, March 19, 2010

Foodie Friday: Chicken Tortilla Soup

Foodie Fridays by Ramblin Red

Alrighty, this time I REALLY wanna know:  What have you been cooking lately?

I made a pot of my favorite soup this past week and have been enjoying leftovers for lunch!

I love tortilla soup, but only when it resembles the brothy, green chile based tortilla soup I first fell in love with at the Armadillo restaurant in town.

When I set out to make my own some 8 years ago, I found a preponderance of recipes online were nothing more than chicken chili recipes.  So I played with it for awhile and developed my tortilla soup recipe:

1 1/2 lbs chicken breasts*
32oz reduced sodium chicken broth*
2 Tbs canola oil
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 onion, diced
1 Tbs kosher or sea salt
1 Tbs cumin
32 oz frozen mild green chiles, diced**
5-10 soft corn tortillas
4 flour tortillas, optional
monterey jack cheese, shredded
tortilla chips
sour cream

Place chicken breasts in broth and bring to boil. Turn down, cover, and simmer for 1 hour.  *I sometimes use a whole chicken cooked in enough water to cover it in lieu of the breasts and broth.  Meanwhile, sautee garlic and onion in the oil until translucent.  When chicken has been cooked through, remove and shred.  Add garlic, onions, tomatoes (undrained), salt, cumin, and green chiles to broth.  Tear corn tortillas in pieces and add to liquid.  This is your thickener.  If you use the flour tortillas, cut into 1/2 inch x 1 inch rectangles and put in soup.  They will transform into a sort of "noodle".  Cook all ingredients together at a low simmer for 30-40 minutes.
Serve in bowls with tortilla chips and monterey jack cheese.  Add a dollop of sour cream if desired (usually helpful with kids if they aren't likely to enjoy the spice!).






© 2006-present Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Longest Week

So I lied when I told you all I'd have Foodie Friday up for last week - I had good intentions, and wrote the post with the recipe and everything, but failed to hit publish - sue me.

Good news is, y'all will have access to a yummy tortilla soup recipe as of tomorrow :)

My sister is married, and had an awesome wedding day.  Getting there was a tad stressful, as any wedding is, but we were successfully free of drama and I was so proud of everyone for making nice and playing well together.  Click on over for my pictures (some of which were taken by my kids and thus not the best!) and my brother's pictures.  More to come, but for now this is what ya get and ya won't throw a fit.  I learned many talents while preparing for my sister's wedding, including (but not limited to):

  • how to stem, pin, and arrange stephanotis, as well as the preparation/arrangement of tulips, roses, various mums and carnations into bouquets rivaling any professional florists' renditions that I've seen. 
    I might add that they were created at approximately 2:00am the morning OF the wedding, which was also spring forward, so it was really 3:00am!


     
    check those bad boys out!
  • how to cut giant tissue paper puffy flower thingies that hung from the rafters in the reception room
Channeling Martha
It was kinda like watching the HS gym turn into prom,
seeing the reception room transform
  • circa the 1500s, I learned how to shove a woman into a dress that would later cut all circulation off of her, and actually bruise her ribs.  Sorry Kaylie, but it had to be done!
We came home Monday, and I had something going on at our house (it's part of my Not Me Monday, so can't give it away!) so we had to hurry up and prep for that.

Tuesday, I had my Bible Study in the morning, it was gorgeous out so I HAD to go for a run, went grocery shopping as I'd avoided filling the food coffers since we'd be out of town, came home, cooked for a college choral group coming to our church to give a performance, dropped food off, came home and cooked for my sister, my brothers and their significant others since my brother and his GF were moving and I thought it would be nice if they could eat a homecooked meal instead of paying to eat out since all their stuff was packed.  I had a wonderful time doing all of it, and would do it all over again, but I WAS POOPED!

Yesterday, I had prayer group in the morning, but again, it was SO GLORIOUS outside I knew I'd have to take advantage of this rare March day and went for a quick run once the older kids got put on the bus.  Went to lunch after prayer group with the girls, came home, cooked a bit, kids got home (early release on Weds.) and we proceeded to soak up some rays in the yard, conducting the great Spring Poop Scoop.  Had some doggy drama, cooked dinner and then left for Wednesday night church.  Came home.  Passed out from exhaustion.

Today I am fabulously unscheduled and I'm hoping to reclaim my house from the dishes and laundry that are taunting me and holding my inner peace hostage.

Why is it that weekends away seem to take 10 days on average to recover from?

Further, why is it that Spring Forward acts as an exponent instead of a simple multiplier in the amount of recovery needed?

Oy.


© 2006-present Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Work in Progress

I'm working on a post, but it keeps getting too long and Lifetime Movie like on me.

It's about going from being concerned about body image to having what I'd like to call a healthy body "perspective."

So, don't leave me - I'm just wrestling the words out and editing them.

I'll have a Foodie Friday for tomorrow, and then I'm going to be getting wedding'd out for my little sister.

Peace,



© 2006-present Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Monday, March 8, 2010

It's Monday Again....

Which means it's time for....






My Not Me's are a little on the tame side this week, but for what it's worth:

I did NOT forget that it was trash day last Friday and "bump" into our trash can at the end of the driveway because I was too busy barking at two :cough: the oldest ones kids in the backseat to quit doing this, that or the other thing to heed my rearview mirror's admonishment that There. Is. A. Honkin'. Big. Mass o' Trash. At. The. End. Of. The. Driveway.  I did NOT underestimate what seemed to be a MINOR bump and simply pull forward, re-enter reverse and obliviously go about my way.  And I did NOT kick myself in the pants when I got home and the kids, after playing on their bikes in the alley, later told me, "Uh, Mama, you broke the car when you hit the trash can."  Because I definitely had NOT managed to crack my left tail light.  I'm not one of *those* women drivers, I swear!  Also: like my car doesn't already have a POS look to it, I had to add to it.

I did NOT get so wrapped up in conversation with my sister - who is getting married in 6 days, SQUEEEEEE!!!! that I changed Christopher's poopy diaper on my lap (successfully at that) while on the phone.  Nor did I justify neglecting to put a new diaper on him on the grounds that we'd just gotten back from a run and we'd take a shower soon anyway.  I did NOT, upon seeing Christopher had fallen asleep, say, "I'll just put him in his crib as is and take my shower," citing that his sheets needed changed anyway.  I did NOT get out of the shower only to be greeted by a very WET boy who was none so happy about it nor was there POOP all over his bed!  Gah, so much for killing two birds with one stone.




© 2006-present Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Friday, March 5, 2010

Foodie Friday

So, I'm something of a foodie, as much as one can be with kids who can be picky and a budget anyway, in that I like to eat really good food and make it all by myself too!

Now that Christopher is a bit easier to entertain, I've ventured back into the more adventurous cooking that I prefer, and I thought, "Wouldn't it be great if I started blogging my recipe trials?  Even greater still if I turned it into a recipe exchange of sorts with a linky tool?"  Not going to convert to a food blog, but just have a recipe each week to share with y'all.

So I present to you:


This past week Kelsey asked me to make Chinese Salt & Pepper Shrimp - she adores it at all the Asian buffet places.  And I do too, but have a few issues....

First, the whole cooking, and subsequently eating, the shrimp in the shell thing.  Uhm, it's called an exoskeleton and that makes me think I'm eating bugs, tasty bugs at that, but bugs nonetheless and that's just gross!  So, I was in search of a recipe that called for shelled shrimp.

Second, most recipes for Chinese Salt & Pepper Shrimp instruct you to deep fry, sans any breading, the shrimp.  Folks, I'm going to be in a wedding next week and trying in general to eat better, and I just can't afford a calorie binge like that!  So I looked for a healthier version.

And found this recipe at eatingwell.com.

I very often don't make a recipe exactly the way I'm told to, as I like to do things my way - so here were my substitutions:
  • I didn't make the asian slaw in the recipe - knew my kids wouldn't go for it!
  • Instead of 1 tsp black pepper, I upped it to 2 tsp and used a peppercorn medley (green, black, white and red) because I like a diverse approach to peppers in this dish
  • I reduced the Chinese 5 spice to 1/2 tsp because I prefer to let the salt and pepper be the focal point tastes instead of the sometimes overpowering 5 spice.
  • Since I had no slaw, I steamed a pack of these veggies in the microwave and simply tossed them with the shrimp after both were cooked!
  • I served with rice and homemade lo mein (simply, thin spaghetti with soy sauce and cabbage, mushrooms, onion that have been sauteed)
Et Voila!


IT WAS DEVOURED.

So what have you been cooking lately?  Share your foodie treasures with us on Foodie Fridays!

Anyone is welcome to write a Foodie Friday on their blog; to qualify to link up on the list here on my blog, please make sure you meet these requirements: Simply write your own post on your blog, link back within your post to my blog (either using my Foodie Friday logo or a text link), and sign up with MckLinky below using the URL to your specific Foodie Friday post (and not to your blog at large...this will help people easily read the posts without having to search your blog for them). Links that have not followed these directions will be deleted to be fair to those who have.






© 2006-present Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept It....

Is to help me find a hairstyle for my sister's wedding.

I keep getting caught in hairstyle webrings and never really seeing anything I like.

I'm thinking there has to be something cute, like Ashley Judd with her short hair on the red carpet, or Jenna Elfman or whatever, but I'm just not finding it.

I have 8 days to get a picture to the stylist, but not nearly the time seeing as the baby is once again teething and refuses to part from me most of the day, and my laptop is trying to die on me.

So - send me what you find, dear readers, please! 

Unfortunately it is not a giveaway so the only prize is knowing you helped a fellow sister out :)



© 2006-present Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Day of Affirmations

Monday was a treasure of a day, you know, that rare day that you wish you could laminate, tuck into your back pocket and stare at on hard days?  Like a sobriety coin or the serenity prayer or some other such token designed to give both a reminder and moment of perspective.

It came on the heels of an abnormal Sunday.


Normally we go to church and worship our God with the greatest church family we could ask for, but alas, Colton had awakened me at o'dark-thirty Sunday morning with that pungent smell that makes a parent gag at the prospect of the work to come: VOMIT.  Thus, we remained home, opting to keep our GI bug to ourselves, because we are loving and kind and thoughtful like that.

I was beyond tired, as I'd had to change the sheets, try to scrape the big chunks off the dirty ones [blech!!], go downstairs and rummage through the bowls to find a suitable repository for future episodes, and then tuck my little guy back into bed, only to not so much later be awakened by a feverish and coughing baby.  This mom job has got some wonky hours.

I'd used Sunday to get a TON of housework done and scarcely sat down except to eat, drink or use the bathroom.  Meanwhile, my husband obliviously looked on and was perfectly content to laze about, lifting nary a finger of aid, with the kids watching TV for a full day.  That sly ole witch Resentment tiptoed into my mind.

"Why is it that you had to give up your sleep AND do all the work?"

"Shut up, Resentment*.  He works 50+ hours of manual labor a week to keep the roof over our head."

"Yeah, well you work hard 24/7 with no holidays or anything!"

* This is purely for your literary entertainment - as crazy as I may get from time to time, I do not ACTUALLY have conversations with personified emotions.

True enough, I thought - but I've been trying so hard to keep a peaceful and content perspective and just be a good Christian wife - so, I let it go, albeit with a few heavy sighs, as I tend to do.

---
Monday arrived with gorgeously clear blue skies - with none of the clouds that had uncharacteristically been plaguing the Colorado skies for nearly a week.

That alone was a dose of positivity to my soul, let alone the warmer temperatures promised by the forecasters.  I'd not been able to get out and run but once in the previous 2 weeks.

And seeing Kelsey beam from ear to ear as she carried in her homemade birthday cupcakes to class, because now that I'm staying at home I can make time for those special touches that I couldn't when I was working.  That smile spoke volumes of affirmations to me, the junkie of all words of appreciation love languagers.  Those affirmations said, "It is right that you are staying at home, even if it is hard at times.  It is making such a difference to them.  Et. Cet. Er. A."

When the baby and I got home, I spent some time in the Word and prayed for my prayer group friends, then set about tidying up the kitchen for a bit.  And there she was.  Resentment, grinning at me and begging to come in and dish about all the things husbands do wrong and why can't they just help a little bit without having to be asked?

I looked at the clock and noticed the outdoor temp was well above 30 degrees, and with the sun, well, "Resentment, check you later," I said, "I'm going for a run to clear my head."

The air felt so pure, so quenching to my lungs that hungered for something more than the stale air of the indoors.  The sun steeped me in energy and I could feel the cells within me come alive.  I had my baby, my music, and my God with me and all was right in the world as I found my rhythm.  The songs on the Slacker playlist were all up tempo - Third Day's Come Together pumped me up and we were off, well on our way to outpace my usual mile time.

I silently told God that I didn't want to have these feelings of resentment - that I knew we both did a lot to contribute to our family and that it was all part of the tradeoffs - woman stays home and man decides she has more time to do things around the house, that going out and making a living is all he has to do, that he's off the clock when he comes home.  Even if it isn't exactly true, I could see how things could get construed that way. I prayed for a peaceful and amicable resolution.

Midway through my second mile, after my first long hill, my phone buzzed with a text from Seth:
Sorry I was such a slug yesterday, but thanks for letting me be one.  First Monday in ages that I feel totally rested.  <3 you, S.
It was ex.act.ly what I needed at that moment, and my heart soared.

I love you too babe.  So much. 

And the tears of gratitude welled in the corners of my eyes as my cheeks turned upward.

My thoughts turned heavenward - Thank you, Father , you've done so much in us and for us these past few years - always, really, but especially in the past few years.


The rest of my run was good.  Could've been great but seeing as I was low on sleep due to Sunday's events and that I'd run hard on Saturday and was still sore, I maxed out fairly early and only made it 2 1/2 miles instead of the 5 I'd been working toward.  I walked the remainder of the loop and returned home, free of Resentment's haggling.

Awhile later the phone rang.

It was Seth.

"So my Dad called..."

Oh no - the stupid car loan bank called them since they are a reference on the loan.  Great.


"And their church has decided to send us a check to help with the finances."

"What?!?"  Tears were now falling down my face, as I'd just been looking at our checkbook much like the widow with the oil must have looked at her oil jar - not worried, but knowing that it would eventually run out, and soon.

"How great is our God, right?"

No kidding.  He has been SO GOOD to us, always, but especially this past year in all our trials, He has been with us all the way and taking care of us so faithfully.

And how He loves me (and you, and you, and you) - so much that he gave me a whole day with affirmations JUST for me, whom he knows by the hairs on my head, so why wouldn't he know just the tricks for me?

I like days like that.

Plus, I had GREAT hair after the shower I took to rid myself of the running stench.

Does it GET any better?



© 2006-present Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

And Just Like That....Poof!

I have been working on a post all day via stolen moments here and there in which I was detailing the perfect day that yesterday was, but alas! it got eaten by my autosave feature.  Grr....I had a wonky blockquote that needed fixed and my ultrasensitive laptop keypad mouse suddenly highlighted the text before the tag, I hit delete and Blogger promptly saved my changes.  Aaack!  So, being that it is LATE, and there is no guarantee of an uninterrupted night of sleep, I will get it out for another day.

In the meantime - today was a weird day.

Customer service is dead in America - particularly with the bank that services our auto loan.  Suffice to say that we'd fallen behind in our payments, I called to catch up and customer service dude takes a payment by phone.  Payment clears my bank.  All is good.  Except that the bank keeps calling.  And leaving nasty messages about our payment not going thru.  My checking account says otherwise.  TWO DAYS later of this harassment, it turns out that the auto loan bank was WRONG because customer service dude transposed a number in our loan account, crediting some random person's account with our payment.  I'm assured that they've gotten everything taken care of now, but that I should probably call back to ensure everything got confirmed in a day or two.  WHaaaaaaa?  Lemme get this straight, first off, no apology for YOUR SCREWUP, YOUR RUDE TREATMENT of me and NOW you want ME to follow up on YOUR prescribed correction of said screwup?  Uhm, I told the guy, I think that it would be better off if you gave me a COURTESY CALL confirming that YOU have rectified the situation.  OMG.......

And in other news....

As of tonight WE ARE SO DONE with the selling of Girl Scout cookies.  It's been a long two months!  Thankfully, Kelsey has been gracious with those who turned her solicitations down - unlike the girl below :)





© 2006-present Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Testing the jump break tool

Blah blah blah

more blah blah blah

ETA - Ok, Blogger, now I REALLY love you even more!  :swoon:


© 2006-present Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Monday, March 1, 2010

Not Me Monday: Kelsey's Birthday Edition



In honor of Kelsey's birthday, this will be things I did NOT do from the time she was in the womb to birth.....

I was not so impatient to know whether I was pregnant (because I did NOT go off the Pill 6 mos prior, citing irreconcilable hormonal differences, and then during one night of passion, neglect to use the barrier method), that I bought an HPT and took it with me to my college classes that morning in July 2000.  So NOT impatient was I that I did not insist on peeing on the stick during a class break in a dimly lit public restroom in the basement of my university.  And I definitely did not hold said stick, now peed upon, up to the fluorescent light in the very public entry to confirm the presence of that second line!

I did NOT gain 57 lbs while pregnant with Kelsey, and definitely not because I ate cinnamon rolls nearly every night for dessert.  I certainly did not use being with child as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted to when I wanted to.  Children are a blessing, not an excuse for unrestrained gluttony!


I did NOT, after pushing for 1 1/2 hours, tell my mother and mother in law that the next person to say "You're almost there!" was going to have to [bleep]ing leave.  They'd been saying it for over 45 minutes and I, quite frankly, was sick of that cheerleader on the sidelines BS.  I did NOT tell the doc that I couldn't do it then either, lol.  Another hour later, with some very swollen parts, I did finally get her out!

I did NOT take more pictures of Kelsey as a baby than I have of both boys combined.  That first child devotion is a myth and I have equal amounts of pictures of all my children at every age!  I can't even type that with a straight face, are you kidding me?  But, in my defense to all you subsequent kids out there, it is not a devotion issue so much as a practicality/time management issue: Often, baby pics of you include your older sibling just because who has time for individual shots ALL the time?



© 2006-present Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Nearly a Decade of Mothering You

While today is the actual day on which you emerged from me nine years ago, in a few short months we'll have been together for ten years.  A whole decade!

Ten years ago today I had absolutely no clue as to your existence, darlin'. 

Yet, just 4 short months later I became aware of the fact that you'd made yourself quite at home in my womb, where you would reside for the next nine months.  Those months were full of wondering.  Wondering who you would be.

Boy or girl?  Ultrasounds were not yet routine expenses for our insurance, so we didn't know the answer to this one until you were born.

Who will s/he look like?

Whose temperament will s/he tend towards?

What characteristics of his/her own will s/he develop?

Et. cet. er. a.

Over the years, you've answered these questions.  Some are yet to be seen.

You are most assuredly my "I hope you have a child just like you someday," child - inside and out.  When you were 2, you would look at pictures from my toddlerhood and despite a difference in our hair colors, you would insist, "There's me!" and rightly so.  But the resemblances don't end there.  I look at you and regularly catch glimpses of the inner workings of my own brain as a child; bossy, kind, quick to correct mistakes before you, sensitive to what's going on around you, penchance for eavesdropping on adult women's conversation - desperately longing to be part of it, and so much more.

But then there's this other essence that you possess that is simply you.  Kelsey.

Physically, you are beautiful, much more attractive than I was.  That's not Mama being self-deprecating, and it's not me being biased about your appearance, either - it's just what it is.  You're gorgeous now, at an age when kids start to get awkward, and I just pray that God helps me to grow a spirit of beauty within you that far outshines and outlasts the captivating physical facade with which you will inevitably be adorned in your future.  Also - that the boys whom you are around during your teen years will all be struck blind. 

Your heart, though, is what matters most to me.  Some days, girl, I honestly do NOT understand the things you say/do and WISH that I could get inside your head.  But mostly, I see you growing up and desiring to serve others more each day.  You are so good with your brothers and it is a joy to my heart to see you help and encourage them.  However, may I remind you now, as I do several hundred times a week, that they do in fact already have a mother and you need not play that role? 

You have so many gifts and talents, chica!  This year you have grown by leaps and bounds in your musical pursuits and I love watching your inner star emerge.  Your artistry remains a key part of your identity and has made the leap from visual media into your writing as well.  You're a creative kiddo for sure, and I love to see and hear the things that you come up with.  And physically, when you ran the quarter-mile fun-run at the Sweetheart race, I could see you running the distance in the future.   You've got a great stride with those long legs of yours!  We'll have to run more together this spring and summer, kay? 

I think my heart has broken more mothering you than it has with the boys, to date.  Knowing you, knowing myself and how similar we are grants an intimacy that some mothers and daughters don't have.  I know how hard things hit you, how intense things seem in the moment, and I can only tell you that those feelings, good or bad, don't always stay the course in their intensity.  I hope that on days when you're down, you will hear me echoing that statement - you will get past those feelings, they will not be forever.  And on days when you're tempted to throw caution to the wind because you're in love/on top of the world/fill in the blank, I pray that you remember what is important and longer lasting than whatever you are feeling in the moment; your walk with God.

You know I could go on, love.  I get to rambling and then everything is fair game.  But I have to reign it back in and focus....

Happy 9th birthday, Kelsey.  I hope that this year is a good one for you.  I love you more than you could ever imagine, despite what you must think at times.

Love,
Mama


© 2006-present Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved