Thursday, May 11, 2017

Where Prayer and Conjuring Meet

For those who may be new here, my grandmother passed away in February. 
My grief comes and goes, hitting in those proverbial waves.
Sometimes I talk to Jesus and the Father about it. 
Other times I talk with Grandma.

Hey Grandma,

Mother Nature almost missed the memo - not granting her usual showers in Colorado until late in the month of April, so May is catching up for us.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Starting to Chew

Do you ever have an aha! moment where suddenly your eyes are opened to some area of dysfunction in your world and you want to talk about it, but it's complicated and messy and so big that you're not sure where to begin?

And no, I'm not talking about taking a look at your cluttered home and deciding to take a plunge into the KonMari method. That's a big undertaking.

But what I AM talking about...

Thursday, May 4, 2017


Unsplash: Sanah Suvarna
I don’t know when it all started to emerge.
But I know it’s been a long awakening. Too damn long.
Because my mind is prone to lazy shortcuts.
Generalizations, micro-aggressions, and just plain ignorance
Stifled the stirring of my awareness, delayed three decades.

Monday, May 1, 2017

Opening our eyes to addiction

Unsplash: Dmitry Ratushny
I've said it myself, many times.

"Addicts will lie, cheat, manipulate, and abuse, whatever, to get their fix."

It's frustrating when it comes to the public costs addicts incur in our health care, criminal justice, and/or child welfare systems, and we have to pay for them.

Moreso, it's heartbreaking when the addict is a loved one of your family and they're robbing you blind to fund their highs, or feeding you the lines of the most ridiculous bullsh*t to explain their behaviors.

Because you get so damned angry. Rightfully so.

And the hurts feel so personally aimed.

But they're not.

Friday, April 28, 2017

My Spring Thanksgiving Season

It always kicks off with Christopher's birthday.

Induction Day

His birth is what set everything into motion - or rather, one bacon cheeseburger at Chili's and my propensity for having "morning" sickness at odd times and/or so late in pregnancy did - for Pneumogedden.

I was already sick here, unbeknownst to us, incubating bacteria in my lungs.
And in the two weeks between his birthday and mine, it all settles in.

The reflections on just what hell on earth we went through.

The million little gratitudes for our families, those we were born into and those Seth and I built through our church, our neighbors, and that we created while in the hospital.

The awareness that my body is FREAKING AMAZING. (God knew what He was doing, eh?)

Sometimes, I get a little psychosomatic and my scars begin to itch terribly before I start to enter this spring Thanksgiving season.

Other times, I think, "It's been YEARS. Get over it already!"

But here I am, marveling at it all over again.

Specifically from the angle of how I was still able to nourish my then-newborn baby boy, despite all odds.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Theme of the that it's half over

Things I've done this week that seem to have been birthed from insane courage:

Sent some messages to some of my writing heroes today for ideas on how to get more serious about my writing. Holding on to hope that the something great to come of it will be that they actually land on the "keep" piles from their assistants.

Applied for a job that I know I can do but never have; it's completely out of my realm of experience but totally in line with my talents. Hoping they see that.

Shared my heart with a loved one regarding a serious concern.

Corresponded with a marketing rep about writing a blog post for their company campaign after I initially said no to their "cold call" e-mail. (hint: yes, I am!) I have no idea where I stand with this because their guidelines keep changing.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Eight is great...

I love this picture of you. 

It makes me just want to squeeze ya and kiss every one of those cute little freckles on your face.

And maybe tickle you till you burst.

I see the joy you bring to our lives with that smile.

I also see a sharpening of your cheeks and jawline that hints of time going by, of the inevitable transition  you'll be making from boy-child to a man.