Monday, June 30, 2008

Thoose, Hot Summ-uh-huh Niiiiiiiiights!

Friday night, Casa del Meyer went out for a somewhat ironic charity event.

A new gated, estate property (read: starting home price $600k) community was holding an open house, with a dinner and silent auction. Proceeds benefitted Angel House, Alternatives to Violence, the local Habitat for Humanity, House of Neighborly Service, and NOVO. The irony was that all but the latter organization tend to work with persons who are in need of AFFORDABLE housing, not palatial estates. But hey, it's the thought that counts, right?

We were representing for Angel House, as I'm their newest board member.

There was wine and cheese, really good food, half-finished mansions to tour, and activities like golfing for the kids. Oh, and New Belgium had their Fat Tire-esque cruiser bikes for loan, as people toured the community. Which Charlie Brown took advantage of. The kids were a dream. And adorable to boot - wearing their cute little fashions from Target.

[insert a random rambling here]

Dear Target, I know this comes as no surprise, but baby, I'm in love with you.
Truly, madly deeply. Where else can I buy a fabulous dress + adorable wedges for less than $50 and feel like $1 million? A cute dress for LMNOB that makes her feel like a princess, Miami Vice-like polos for Punkinhead (that make him look even more like Daddy), and a nice little ensem for Charlie Brown - all for under $100? You are amazing, Target. And I love you. That's all.
[ /random rambling]

So...because I am a dummy, I forgot my camera for the shindig - but we took lots of pics at home - but seriously, people oohed and aahed and I actually felt like a couple of women were totally girl crushin' on me, which was a little weird for me, but meh, we all had some wine, right? I was told I looked elegant and glamourous and gorgeous.

And then there was that old guy who asked Charlie Brown, "So Dad gets to have all the fun, riding the bike?" to which Charlie Brown said, "Well, the boy's too small, but the ladies wore dresses." Old guy says, "Yes they DID...And they look FANTASTIC too!" as he gave me the once over.

It was a hot night, and I felt it get a little hotter as Charlie Brown puffed up with male pride. Feminism be damned, there is a helluva lot of satisfaction in being recognized as a trophy wife....especially when it's much more than looks that qualifies one as such. That kind of a confidence boost is rockin' hot.

As we mosied home, I reveled in the delicious family-ness of the night. I was proud of my little clan. I was glad to be home, in the sanctuary of our backyard with the night lights on. And I wanted to be sure to capture the essence of the evening with photos, so feast your eyes....

LMNOB and Mama rockin' the dresses in front of the flowers
LMNOB in front tof the flowers that she vigilantly checks for new blooms each morning.
LMNOB with the front flowers - doesn't she just look like such a big girl here? What happened to my baby?
Punkinhead, enjoying an ice cream cone on the patio. Summahhhh!!! My other boy...who was playing hard to get with the camera.And my "I feel pretty, oh so pretty" and a little sexay with the cleavage shot.

As alluded to in the title, the rest of the evening was uh, rather memorable ;-) Mmmmm, summer, you are delicious, if a bit sticky.


© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

♫ ♩ Duh-na-na-nuh...She's a Very Freaky Girl..♫ ♩

Why yes, yes I am QUITE proud that I learned how to make music notes, thankyouverymuch! And seeing as how I just LURVE music and my brain thinks in terms of pop culture references, they are very much here to stay.

Super Fit, Super Fit....Oh yeah!

LMNOB was such a joy this morning.

My question is this: Why, oh why, does BT the OT have to go on vacay? For TWO WEEKS AT A TIME?

What's that you say? Because she's a real person just like me and periodically needs a break too?

Hmmm....maybe. But you wannaknowwhat I think? I think that her break begins at mmm, 5:00pm every night. Mine? Doesn't exist. 24x7 them's my hours with a neuro-atypical child, a "regular" boy child (boys are different creatures by the way - holy hell if they are not exhausting in and of themselves - that y chromosome must be pretty damn special), a husband and two dogs that do little but piss me off constantly these days.

I know. 4. More. Days.

Oh. My. God.

Do I ever need it.




© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Saturday, June 28, 2008

It Figures...

Ok, so there is a lot of political diversity at my church, eh? Mostly it leans to the right, but there are surprisingly more and more moderates within the body. I am very moderate when it comes to fiscal issues, however, very liberal when it comes to social policy.

Wednesday evening, an elderly man whom everybody loves and respects greatly, told "his story" to us. And what an amazing one it was. You see, he lost his sight in his 30's, some 40-odd years ago. With the help of some social insurance programs (read: taxpayer funded "welfare") such as SSI and assistance provided by the just-passed Manpower_Development_and_Training_Act of 1962, and a great outpouring of help from members of the church, this family was able to get by. His wife went back to school and later worked as a nurse to support the family. Many miracles happened along the way and their story is amazing.

Afterwards, I thought to myself, "What a great example of "the system" working and for a person who is known and respected, as opposed to a stereotype that many can't support."

It gave me hope...

Times are hard in Colorado right now. As with everywhere, the economy is sluggish. Our housing market has the 5th highest foreclosure rate in the nation right now. And we are hitting critical mass with poverty rates. Things have got to change.

Recently I told Housing Colorado that I would help petition for citizen signatures in order to assist getting the Housing Investment Fund Initiative on the ballot for this fall.

If passed, a real estate transfer fee would be created and put into effect. The fee would equate to 4¢ for every $100 in real estate transactions, i.e. for the sale of a $200k home, the fee would be $80. It's estimated that if passed, the first year of the fee's existence, $35 million would be generated and subsequently dedicated to building affordable housing for our residents in need.

Because this fee works like a tax, albeit more like a mill levied one and only in the case of property exchange, Colorado's infamous TABOR amendment requires any tax be referred to the ballot by the people and voted in by the people. We're just trying to get it on the ballot right now.

So, I put an e-mail out to my church, saying that if people were interested in signing the petition, I would have it with me at church on Sunday. I reminded folks of who benefits from affordable housing:
  • Seniors
  • Disabled individuals/families
  • Single parents who are working
  • Essential service providers, such as teachers, healthcare workers, law enforcement, and social workers

Immediately I got a response back about how taxes are not the answer - how such a fee would have cost this person $2,000 (edited to add - when you do the math, if done correctly, that's a $5 MILLION home! WTF is he complaining about $2k, it's a drop in the bucket, no?) when they moved here from CA, how property taxes need to be CUT (and let me just entertain this thought....what happens to public schools, which are funded by property taxes then?) blah, blah blah from a member I'm with whom I'm not familiar.


I googled his name and found that he's an officer of the local Libertarian party.


Shocking, eh? Also - no amount of discourse is likely to change his mind.


My response:

Thank you ________. My intent was not to argue for/against this particular initiative, but rather just let people know that if they so desire they may help get it on the ballot. I will agree to disagree with your political philosophy.

Thank you!


Personally, I think Jesus was a big fan of income redistribution, pooling assets for a common good, etc. But, hey, I could be wrong.


© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Friday, June 27, 2008

♫ ♩Vacation, All I Ever Wanted...♫ ♩

One week from today, Charlie Brown and I are going to embark on a marriage milestone.

1. We are dropping the kids off with Nana and Papa, Grammy and Gramps (Mom, G just got re-named, thought you'd like to know) and taking off for ONE! WHOLE! WEEK! without them. Both of them. That's never happened before.


2. That one whole week will NOT be spent at home, working. Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!


3. We are going on a road-trip, vacation. That is longer than a weekend. That is just us.


First, we're going to hit Glenwood Springs and go up to Hanging Lake - a place that Charlie Brown has never been to, and I only once went to while in highschool. I fell in love with it - I mean LOOK AT IT:

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The water really IS that color - no photoshopping involved, as the minerals make it appear all mariney green-blue, and the mountains are just gorgeous. Later that night, as our muscles will likely be screaming, we'll go to the hot springs and nurse our wounds with the healing minerals...and likely some spirits ;) Our lodging for the night has generously been provided by my Mommy - who wanted to give us a wonderfully Coloradan token memory by putting us up in the famous Hotel Colorado:

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Mom was especially keen on telling me about the ghostly orbs that her girlfriends had captured via camera in the historic paintings one night when they'd stayed there. Uhm, thanks Mom. Remember? I don't DO spooky - Charlie Brown may not get sleep that night and not for the reasons we'd prefer ;)

In true Casa del Meyer fashion, we haven't completely ironed out all the details of where exactly we will be on this road trip. We talked about going to Leadville from there, but all we really know for sure is we will end up in Breckenridge for the last 3 days of our trip, because that is booked.

During this trip, our marriage will hit DOUBLE DIGITS - the big 1-0h. A decade of being married to a good friend, a great lover, a total GUY (which at times, is not so much a plus - but then I AM of the hetero persuasion), and the father of my children.


We've had our ups and downs, for sure, but what's amazing is despite it all, we really DO love each other. And understand each other. His support during my depressions have so much been the solidarity that I've needed in order to keep from completely crumbling.

Can we go now? I'm so ready!


© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Blogging for a Cause

Tomorrow, I'm supposed to have a post up at For Good. For Ever., the blog for the Community Foundation of Northern Colorado.

It's a much different style of writing of mine than y'all are used to seeing here, but mentions some exciting work that I've been privy to over the past 7 months.

I hope you'll visit and check it out.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Pain by Any Other Name....

Pain bodies, inner demons, struggles....Whatever the funk you want to call those triggers, those things in life that set you from I'm-okay Zero to Holy-God-Just-Kill-Me-Now Sixty in no-time flat, that's what I'm talkin' about.

In the Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle talks about pain-bodies (this is something that I actually giggled out loud about, however, as in the previous chapter he went all Buddha Buddha on me and said, "Pain does not exist. It is an illusion." And yet these nefarious suckers called Pain BODIES exist? WTF? I mean is this a semantics thing? Cause I will so kick your philosophizing, exegetical bootay Mr. Tolle. Oh, yeah, sorry, that is my overidentification with my mind/ego - I am supposed to let go of my thoughts and go with that warm fuzzy feeling of resonance....riiiiiiiiiiiight). Origins of these bad mo-fo's notwithstanding, Eckhart is convinced that they exist.

I am too. Apparently that resonated.

Call them pain bodies (the New Agey edition), demons (the Evangelical Spiritual War-Fare-ist edition), unresolved psychic struggles (the thank you for joining us, Sigmund, edition), your own personal freakshow (the well-known post-modern feminine self-deprecation edition) or what have you, these foes exist.

I read this chapter about a month ago, when first getting back on the meds, and took a lot from it. It makes complete sense to me, as I subscribe to all of the aforementioned schools of thought when it comes to struggles of the mind, and to be able to comprehensively consolidate them and put my finger on this phenomenon so thoroughly really helps.

After Monday night's drama, I had to re-read it. The first part was fairly uncomfortable to read, emphases mine.
...The pain that you create now is always some form of non-acceptance, some form of conscious resistance to what is. On the level of thought, the resistance is some form of judgment. On the emotional level it is some form of negativity...
But I'm not a judger. I'm open minded and loving, and....Eff it all if he isn't right, Heather! You react to fair v. unfair things and guess what determines fair or unfair? Judgment. Damn! Things that you DEEM (read: judge) to be hurtful are what you allow to cause hurt in you. So what the hell, is everything just supposed to roll off of one's back then? Un-freaking-realistic....or is that my attachment to my egoic mind? OMG...do you see how I make myself crazy with this stuff?

Onward I delved...

...As long as you are unable to access the power of the Now, every emotional pain that you experience leaves a residue of pain that lives on in you. It merges with the pain from the past, which was already there, and becomes lodged in the mind and the body....

This accumulated pain is a negative energy field that occupies your body and mind. If you look at it as an invisible entity in its own right, you are getting quite close to the truth. IT's the emotional pain-body. It has two modes of being: dormant and active. A pain-body may be dormant 90 percent of the time; in a deeply unhappy person, though, it may be active up to 100 percent of the time. Some people live almost entirely through their pain-body, while others may experience it only in certain situations, such as intimate relationships, or situations linked with past loss or abandonment, physical or emotional hurt, and so on. Anything can trigger it, particularly if it resonates with a pain pattern from your past. When it is ready to awaken from its dormant stage, even a thought or an innocent remark made by someone close to you can activate it.

Some pain-bodies are obnoxious, but relatively harmless, for example like a child who won't stop whining. Others are vicious and destructive monsters, true demons. Some are physically violent; many more are emotionally violent. Some will attack people around you or close to you, while others may attack you, their host. Thoughts and feelings about your life then become deeply negative and self-destructive. Illnesses and accidents are often created this way. Some pain-bodies drive their hosts to suicide....

The pain-body, which is a dark shadow cast by the ego, is actually afraid of the light of your consciousness. It is afraid of being found out...

So the pain-body doesn't want you to obserrve it directly and see it for what it is. The moment you observe it, feel its energy field within you, and take your attention into it, the identification is broken...You are now the witness or the watcher of the pain-body. This means it cannot use you anymore by pretending to be you. You have found your innermost strength...

...St. Paul expressed this universal principle beautifully: "Everything is shown up by being exposed to the light and whatever is exposed to the light itself becomes light." Just as you cannot fight the darkness, you cannot fight the pain-body. Trying to do so would create inner conflict and thus further pain. Watching it is enough. Watching it implies accepting it as a part of what is at that moment....

...For many women, the pain-body awakens particularly at the time preceding the menstrual flow...

Intense, eh?

My inner demons are hellacious. They always have been.

First, I'm an extremely sensitive person, which means that I often see/sense pain in others, particularly those pains that resonate with my own experiences, and right or wrong, I attach to them and take the pains of others on with my own. Additionally, I have a strong sense of right/wrong, fair/unfair, etc., and those sensibilities are judgment driven, determined by MY values and not necessarily those of others. Finally, I have the type of brain that connects everything. A commenter said something about synesthesia in reference to LMNOB's RainMan-ish equations awhile back, and after looking it up, I was like, "Holy hell, that's me!" And probably her too. It is extremely difficult for me to experience things in and of themselves, as another neuro pathway usually fires simultaneously - on a lighter note, it often makes for good humor - as last week the Boss was telling me about a comic who noted that teens stutter uncontrollably, "Du-Du-Du-Duuuuuuuuuude seriously, seriously...MoMoMoMom, listen to me!" and the Du-du-du-duuuude part made me think of Genesis' old song Studio...we sang Du-du-dudio as a hybrid of both jokes all day- and makes the "forget" part of forgiving and forgetting almost impossible. When it comes to a difficult moment that is related to some other significant pain patter in my life, it is almost as if I have post-traumatic stress disorder and I'm concurrently living present and past. That my friends, is a horrible way to live.

Monday night, I was in top form and was facing all three of my strikes with the porn issue.

Saturday, a woman on my Mommies Board had discovered her husband had been illicitly using porn and he'd lied to her about it. It had stirred some stuff up, but so far, I'd been dealing with it.

My period was about to start - I'd been cramping all day.

Charlie Brown, on the way home from softball, mentioned that he'd prayed with Prominent Male and another guy - the latter of whom had asked for help as he struggled with sexual addiction.

And blam-o!

What about the fucking women who have to put up with this shit? What about their broken hearts? What about the fear that WE are never going to be THEM? What about the skimpy assed clothes that girls are wearing these days, even to CHURCH? What about the time you told me, to avoid accountability at that moment, that accountability groups just put the temptation at the front of your head - is talking about it with this other guy going to make you think about acting out again?

And I was dealing with these rapid-fire accusations at the same time as I was 8 months pregnant with LMNOB sobbing because my husband had just bold-faced lied to me without any struggle or appearance of remorse. On that day I'd physically wanted to die, and Monday night, it all came flooding back.

Yesterday, of course, I was embarrassed. I mean, he'd prayed for light on behalf of another person. For light to dissipate this smothering darkness of addiction. To give this man strength, to take strength from this man in his times of weakness.

Monday night I was so pissed off that he even has to do this. I was not accepting that this is.

For better or for worse, this is part of our lives. And that's a big light-shining realization on this dark body of pain, no?



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Down with TBE

Yeah, she knows me.

You down with TBE?

Yeah, you know me.

TBE = That Bitch Estrogen.

Yesterday Aunt Flo was knockin' on my door.

And later that night, I was sitting on the brink of insanity.

This was not PMS.

This was not a touch of the blues.

This was OMGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWDDD I WANNA DIE..........

Over something that was not THAT big of a deal.

I'm pretty mortified this morning.

Charlie Brown is a good sport, seeing that I talked to him about it and told him that my doc had thought there was some serious neuro dysfunction coinciding with my menstrual cycle but wanted to see how the meds did overall before targeting that time of the month with any particular treatment. He said, "I'll let you get away with the insanity plea this time, but let's get this figured out, ok?"

Yeah, let's. This sucks.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Monday, June 23, 2008

Remember Those Mervyn's Sales Commercials?

The ones where the two gal pals would stand outside the store, noses pressed to the glass window, saying, “Open, open, open…”

I don’t get to see them anymore, seeing how Mervyn’s has pulled out of Colorado, but I feel that same kind of vigilance toward my in-box right now.

Thursday, I was wheeling and dealing with a potential new employer via e-mail about an opening that I was interested in. An opening that is a great next step up in my career path, a step down in hours – which is perfect as I have so stinking much on the plate before me as we speak (for the current and very near future at least, with potential to go back up in hours once my MPA is complete), and tailor made for my experience/qualifications/desires.

I mean, we were negotiating salary and I hadn’t even yet put my cover letter and resume in.

When all was said and done it was left with, “All that said, Heather, you still need to put your application in to my subordinate.” I was feeling like that was all rather winky-winky noddy-noddy at the time and was on cloud 9.

Friday, I got my resume and cover letter together, and turned them in via e-mail to the contact, with the President of the organization bcc’d.

I’m feeling all “what if someone else is qualified and they want it?”

Now I'm just wishing they’d throw me a bone. And checking my in-box, willing there to be something, some acknowledgment, as the window loads.

Ingenuity at the Park

Punkinhead discovered that he was height challenged at the City Park water fountain yesterday.
Seeing as he was quite thirsty, he improvised.

I was only glad I happened to have had my camera and the notion to look over at JUST the right time:
My little dude is a freakin' genius, I'm tellin' you....Not to mention the kid is getting some serious arm strength - it was all arms that got him up there.

Seeing little brother get the attention was motivation enough for LMNOB to say, "Me too, me too!"
He's laughin' because he knows that he's the true original. LMNOB is a wannabe!!

And in this one, you'd actually think they might love one another.


'Twas a good day.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Sunday, June 22, 2008

My! How Your Garden's Grown!

I said I was going to do this a few weeks back....but uh, life's been busy, please forgive!

When we first bought our home, it was Winter, 2004.

Our house was completed in Summer, 2003 but no one had occupied it before us.

The front had been landscaped, but part of the beauty of a new construction home was that we got to do ALL of the backyard landscaping.

We were pretty broke, but a bonus here and a tax return there was how we got our yard landscaped. We did everything ourselves. Erm....Charlie Brown did all the work while I sat and watched, oohing and ahhing at his prowess at things like installing a sprinkler system, setting fence posts, laying a paved patio, and digging and planting. I had little ones to keep out of the way, right? Charlie Brown's mom and dad helped out, buying us some of our very first plants for our anniversary that year; some shrubs, our willow tree (a Home Depot clearance item at a whopping $10!) and our crabapple tree.

Late in the summer of 2004, this is what our backyard looked like:

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Our front yard looked like this:

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As of Saturday night, it was time to compare and see just what 4 years has done:

From the front (with my beautiful planter boxes):

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The back is more dramatic though....

Remember that puny little willow tree? (if not, scroll back up before scrolling down)...

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Charlie Brown is scared that it is going to eat us.

We now have mulch in the beds, accumulated more shrubs, a canopy over the patio with yard lights - making for many a midsummer night's dreams - and our fence is up:

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Porter puppy knocked that chair over, please don't mind.

We have rose bushes - this one, a Claire Austin I believe, was planted last year:

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And Catalina was just planted this year, alongside Pat Austin - who had no blooms for show at time of shooting:

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Our wildflowers, along the other side of the drive way, have come back quite thick - this is their 3rd season:

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I love my gardens - they have become our sanctuary!


© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Spinning and Buzzing, Oh My!

Holy schnikes, I have had a lot of excitement for the day.

None of which I can reveal on here, just yet.

Let's just say that a passing thought from this weekend seems to have morphed into reality in less than 24hours.

And all I can hear in the back of my mind are the words of the following, eerie prophesies:

This is powerful creative, attractive energy - in fact, you can almost count on someone you meet on a short trip or in the course of your daily routine offering you a gig, job, or other money-making opportunity. Just remember the door probably won't swing open if you don't unlock it....

But what if you woke up one morning this spring or summer and realized you could step outside of all those programmed security, status and power goals and just be yourself, warts and all, doing what you love to do? What resources would you need to live that simple, clear life? How might living from your own integrity open you up as a channel for abundance?

And today's words? Totally on target.

You could feel temporarily disempowered or befuddled in the hours leading up to ednesday's Full Moon in your 8th House.

Uh, yeah - as I'm suddenly realizing that I so am NOT Superwoman!

Because this Full Moon happens in a tight conjunction to Pluto, it appears to indicate the reappearance of a powerful person or energy into your life.


Ok....
As you know, Pluto will now spend five more months in your 8th House before moving into your 9th House for a 15-year stay in November.
Actually, no, didn't know that but thanks for the heads up.
The 8th House is a strange place, signifying surrender to a power greater than oneself, psychological death and rebirth experiences, other people's money and energy, and the processes of letting go and deep emotional cleansing. This may sound rather Draconian, but until we learn to let go and trust, we can't open ourselves to the transpersonal power that is so much more enjoyable and more fulfilling than our personal egoic manipulations could ever be. So, accept uncertainty, stand in your integrity, and consciously release the need to control the flow of your life.
So basically, I'm going to get close with God again? Because it seems like I'm falling more into that - yay, as that's what I've been needing.
Mercury's direct turn on Thursday encourages you to pay attention to your money, but remember that abundance can flow to you from anywhere at all. It's the ultimate paradox: surrender is the key to victory.

As today has been spent calculating whether I could leave a FT job to take a PT job, and I have been scrutinizing the Benjamins, this is uncanny.

P.S. It's looking more and more like yes!



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Resolution Achieved

Can I just say that my own personal triggers can make me appear to be something of a judgmental beyotch? And, surprise, I don't often give people the benefit of the doubt.

Hee. Hi, my name is Heather and I have interpersonal trust issues.

Last night we had a meeting with the parents of the other little boy who helped Punkinhead beat up LMNOB last week.

I was calmer, they were less defensive as I was not in my PTSD-triggered mode anymore, and we all talked like perfectly normal, rational adults.

And, guess what? We're on the same page! Huzzah!

Problem solved. Boundaries drawn and prepared to be enforced by both families.

Everyone's been sufficiently kissed and made up with. Yay. The massive quantities of prayer to the Big Guy worked :)




© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Screw You Cookie Monster - Coffee Should Own "C"

I'm referring to this song, of course:



Cookies, well, they make you fat, generally speaking, and fat kills.
Coffee, it turns out, actually doesn't.*

* That is, if you drink coffee and not the excessively fatty, extra foam, full-fat milk, extra shot of artificially flavored high fructose corn syrup concoctions that contain enough liquid calories to drain your daily caloric allowance. Somehow I think that those things, while completely frou-frou and yummerific might cut down the health benefit, no?

I am pleased to hear that six cups of coffee per diem is A-OK.

I will continue to thrive on my own crack; meet my suppliers.


These wonderful people, Michael and Heidi of The Coffee Tree, plus their amazing staff, are located mere steps away from my office. I visit them entirely too frequently due to 1.) peer pressure - all the City employees are in the hook-up too; 2.) my ability to rationalize so well - I often think that a jaunt out in the natural sunlight is good for my serotonin situation, oh and by the way, I think I'll get a hit some coffee too while I'm out; 3.) the fact is, they are hard core....Best coffee in Loveland, for sure, and 4.) they know everybody's name - and we all know that everybody wants to be where everybody knows. yourname.

I bet they would agree with me that it's time for Cookie Monster to give the C up to coffee. Besides, we want kids to associate letters and their Henson-inspired role models with healthful choices, not the road to obesity, right?




© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Monday, June 16, 2008

Your Changing Body - A Letter to the 29 Y/O Female Brain

Dear Brain,

Hiya. Just thought I'd do a little check-in with you as some changes have begun that I'm not so sure need to be happenin'.

Before we go into all that though, I just want to say thanks. You do a mean job at keeping the heart pumpin' and feeding instincts going and all that other stuff that keeps us alive.

First it was the sex, and you know, I totally was diggin' on that. That's one change that I was welcoming.

Then you kind of slacked in the whole serotonin production thing, and well, I'm going easy on you because it seems to have become a documented handicap. No fears - we just pop a pill and voila! Life is better. Except the sex thing. Now I have this drive that kicks into high gear, but goes nowhere. Well, not nowhere - but let's just say you've become rather male and the drive is not so much matching the destination these days. Don't really know what to do about that - it's not like the male fix where we can jsut look at a map and figure out how to align the driving with the destination.

So there's this thing going on with our skin. Brain, we are 29 not 13 again! Please call a halt to the oil production, a'ight? Not only is it ugly, but these zits hurt like the dickens - me no likey.

Then, there's this thing with the body hair. Slowly, over the past 6 months or so, I've noticed an increasing amount of nasal hair, PROTRUDING FROM OUR NOSE! This is not supposed to be happening, and I'll tell you why. 1.) It makes us look like we are gross. 2.) It catches every little speck and germ floating around in the free world and as a result we are having many more boogers and colds. This is an evolutionary abomination - as we age we should AVOID sickness as our body shuts down on the health. For the love of life, stop with the freaky long nasal hairs.

And...there's no logical reason for us to suddenly sprout chin hairs. This is an old lady condition, brain. We are 29 not 89! I had to pluck one yesterday - thankfully it was just a long, fuzzy hair instead of a wiry one, but it's still alarming. Also, I have a thickening patch of peach fuzz along my upper lip. What the hell good is the biological-clock-induced sex drive if you are going to make us look like a MAN?

I'm not ready for all of this. Puberty was stressful enough. Please change us back to 25, and I will be very happy.

Thank you!




© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Thanking God For a Not-So-Small Miracle

So, I think we're effectively weathering the parenting storm maelstrom that popped up late last week.

Punkinhead is getting it.

And to be clear, for the newer readers - he is the younger child, as was his friend. LMNOB is older by 2 1/2 yrs.

But, as LMNOB put it Thursday morning, Punkinhead and his friend are "both 4, and 4+4 is 8, which is bigger than 7!" No matter how you equate it, 2 is always greater than 1.

Oh, and does that not strike anyone else as a little Rainman-ish? It frightened me a bit, as she continued with this adding theme that morning, noticing that her [tan] camouflage capris + his [gray] camo shorts = 1 whole pair camouflage pants. She does that, though - retreats into her world rightontheedge of the Autistic spectrum, when she is traumatized. Also, she pooped herself that day while with the babysitter - again a common regression with things such as these.

Today at church, I braced myself for the awkward - as last night Punkinhead was convinced that he needed to write his friend a note [the boy can hardly grasp a pencil correctly, much less write at this stage, so I thought that was cute] telling him why they couldn't play together anymore - as Punkinhead is still processing this deal, telling everyone the concrete details, that because of what they did, he cannot play with this little friend anymore.

But praise the Lord, said friend and his family were out of town today - which means that we have more time for this to blow over.

Another not-so-small miracle? My O is not GONE per se, just intermittent ;) Yes, Becky, we are so doing it to test it out ;)



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Friday, June 13, 2008

A Little More Intense than Sibling Rivalry

Imagine the following…

You’re walking out into a hallway, at church, having just finished your plate at a potluck and go to check on your children, who’d gone off to play after finishing their meal before you, before class begins. You’re walking and talking with your girlfriend when you see your child on the floor, being hit, kicked, hair pulled and hearing her screaming as two other children are laughing and grunting about what they are doing.

Within seconds, you realize one of the two perpetrating children is your own son. I had a very visceral reaction Wednesday night, and thoughts about it continued to plague me yesterday, hence the depressing post.

It was all I could do to not pick those two boys up and throw them across the hall with the fury that they had attacked someone, anyone, but especially my daughter, so viciously – first, I had to comfort my child who’d been so hurt and was terrified.

As I did so, Punkinhead and his partner in this heinous crime fled the scene.

The other little boy is a bad influence on Punkinhead and always has been. He’s always been really aggressive - used to “bully” Punkinhead when they were toddlers (in quotes because as toddlers it’s hard to say what’s intentional versus instinctual) and Punkinhead actually used to be scared of him. Lately, however, it seems that Punkinhead’s a fan of this kid and whenever they are together, Punkinhead gets in trouble.

I scraped LMNOB up off the floor and held her as we walked down to the potluck where Charlie Brown was talking with some men.

I interrupted, saying, “We need to find Punkinhead now; he and his friend were just out in the hallway beating the crap out of LMNOB on the floor. They took off, and we need to find them - Punkinhead is SO IN TROUBLE!” I said, voice shaking.

I hadn’t even noticed the other boy’s father standing in the vicinity.

I went to go help Charlie Brown, when I heard him call out, “Heather, hey – what’s going on?”

I turned, and tried to keep my calm. “Our sons,” I choked out, “ganged up on LMNOB and had her pinned down on the floor upstairs, hitting her and kicking her.” LMNOB at my side, was still crying and trying to calm down.

He was immediately concerned and began looking for his son too.

Charlie Brown found them first, in the men’s bathroom. Apparently he had a stern talking to with Punkinhead, the other boy and the other father.

Later I kept cool, and quiet, while the other boy’s mother explained that LMNOB might have instigated it by "bossing" the two about where they could or couldn’t go in the hallway, as she’d seen that happen earlier in the night. This was after they'd made their son apologize to LMNOB – which he’d done, albeit without remorse and with a shit-eating grin on his face the whole time. This was hard, as I wanted to rage against her and ask if it’s ok for men to rape women who dress provocatively, if screams of “No” are canceled out by the perceived injustice of being told what to do, and if it had been her child, how would she have liked me to try and rationalize it down to “boys will be boys?” This was fucking violence, not some kids who got a little rough!

I knew I was too raw, too biased by my own abuses and experience with a “Christian” father who felt that “I’m sorry and God forgives me, will you” was sufficient penitence for molesting me because I had reminded him of my mother when they had been young.

I'm horrified that Punkinhead did this. Period. If it had been another boy that he’d injured, it would be just as disturbing to me. But add to it my own experiences, coupled with LMNOB’s cries of no and to stop, that it was multiple boys being violent to a single girl, etc, etc. and I'm just sick.

LMNOB had bruises yesterday.

Punkinhead has been talked to and talked to and talked to. He has had many of his privileges (TV, Computer, Xbox) removed for an indefinite amount of time, and when restored will be a much more restricted menu – i.e. no superheroes, no Power Rangers, or any of the other aggressive good v. bad kind of shit that he's recently become fond of.

We have approached things from the safety perspective, moral (Jesus is upset) perspective, and an empathic perspective (made him look at her bruises and asked him how he would have felt, and how it feels to see just how badly he hurt her).

Punkinhead has been going thru a really trying time of late - and I know part of it is the age. 5 y/o's are known for testing and testing and testing just to see if mom and dad REALLY mean what they say - and it's wearing. I also know that I have not been able to be as consistent with him as I would like to be lately because of my depression. Charlie Brown is, as a parent, on a different page as I am much of the time with him. He goes more with what is “easy” for him and convenient for him, which often times is not consistency, nor the actual discipline that Punkinhead needs at the moment. I strive for consistency and do the “not fun” things that usually mean my sacrifice in order to get him the message that he needs to hear; however, with me being the only one doing this, I have recently caved more in moments of battle fatigue. Punkinhead in turn has capitalized on this opportunity and worked it to his advantage.

However, he is in for a rude awakening. Charlie Brown and I have talked about becoming more of a unified parental unit and doing the hard work of being consistent within our boundaries.

The logical consequences that we have given to both LMNOB and Punkinhead are that they will no longer have the privilege of playing during “passing times" at church anymore. They are to always be accompanied by Charlie Brown or myself. I told LMNOB that this is as much a safety measure for her (that it doesn’t happen again) as it is a discipline measure for Punkinhead (that it doesn’t happen again). The Little Punk is definitely off-limits. We limited their interaction before, and now, other than with adult supervision in classes (since they are the same age) there will be no interactions allowed.

We have books about kindness, respect, etc. for character traits we would like to see, and we will be reading those more frequently as Punkinhead just seems to not be getting it.

LMNOB has had many moments with me where we talked about how this should not have happened, but it did. How even good people we love can make really huge, bad, mistakes. How I [and Daddy] am committed to protecting her and how I hope she sees that we are taking this very seriously – that Punkinhead is not getting off easily. But, that how even though we are disappointed with Punkinhead, we still love him very much, and want to make sure he learns from this mistake and never ever does it again. We’ve broached forgiveness with her, which has been a little tough. She doesn’t quite get it right now, and that’s ok, I told her – she is allowed to have some time.

As for the other mother. She knows that the boys were being really violent, not just kids roughhousing – as Charlie Brown had talked to both her and the father about it. And yet she still made that comment to me – so at this point I think it is just not worth it to “go there,” not without me making a complete ass out of myself with my mother bear tendencies when she defends with boys are just boys, they’re too young to realize the impact of what they did, et cetera, fucking etc.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Thursday, June 12, 2008

:sigh: Feelings

Misunderstood.

Guilty.

Inadequate.

Helpless.

Doomed to repeat history.

Unequally yoked.

Blamed.

Like I need to pray.


© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I'm Not Even ONE BIT Tired!

Beware, Punkinhead. This phrase, uttered with one big pout, is without fail the gateway drug to sleep.






© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The Costs of Having Very Low Taxes

Colorado is sacrificing their future in order to maintain a low-tax, minimal government regulation culture.

And that is not ok with me.

Not only are we 49th in the nation for education spending, we are also in that same spot for mental health care spending, care for persons with developmental disabilities, and now this.

Something's gotta give.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Monday, June 9, 2008

Inside Jokes and Understanding

When you've been with a person for any length of time, little inside jokes develop over that period of mutual history.

This year marks the spot where Charlie Brown has been in my life longer than he wasn't a part of it. Granted, the first two years we knew each other he was antagonistic to me - he was a senior boy barely making it thru school and I was a freshman, uber-nerdy girl - but still - it's weird to think that. And of the 14 years we've known each other, almost 10 of them have been as man and wife.

This amount of time, coupled with our love for pop culture, and the fact that Charlie Brown and I can make almost anything into a joke equates to a LOT of inside jokes over the years.

One of the longest standing jokes is that of "Brilliant!" being whispered by Charlie Brown whenever I happen to make a thoughtful comment at our church's congregational bible study. It's a hybrid reference regarding our love for Guinness and a throwback to our past. Drives me nuts, but also cracks me up. And he knows it.

Yesterday, we were talking about Jesus and his interactions with the following people were related, and how we could apply this theme in our marriages:
After a lot of thought provoking discussion and commentary, I raised my hand.

"One of the things that hits me most is how Jesus saw the whole person, flaws and all, and focused on the positive rather than getting all caught up in the things they did wrong. Our spouses are not our enemies, and if we take the time to focus on the positive attributes at times of disagreements, it can help us to stay in check with each other."

There was a lot of oohing and awing as people agreed. Without missing a beat, Charlie Brown leans over, "You're brilliant! Listen to you Miss Relationship. Brilliant!"

Wryly, I whispered back, "Yeah, except I'm not so great at practicing what I preach."

His sincere answer back to me took me by surprise. "But that's what's so great about you, honey. You know exactly where you are screwed up - and you strive for change. Those are no small potatoes."

We laughed quietly at this little inside joke.

If I'd gotten nothing out of the Bible Study but that moment, it would have been worth it.

Made me think of a song....



It's these sorts of things that make me feel an intimacy (into-me-see) with Charlie Brown that I don't have with anyone else. And that's pretty special.


© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Sunday, June 8, 2008

It's Like Losing My Best Friend

I had been telling myself that it didn't mean anything.

That it had just been the wrong time of day.

Or the wrong position.

But we had a perfect storm today, and I was SOclose!

But no cigar...After an encounter with a "pinch hitter," and still no cigar, it became official.

I've lost my "O."

And that is hard to accept, as my "O" was fairly frequent, significant part of my life. Charlie Brown rather likes her too.

She shall be missed.

Question is, what do other women do when faced with the no depression v. no "O" conundrum? I have to cope with this and I'm not quite sure how.




© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Two Stubborn Chicks

Today I took a Macy's bag out of my trunk to consolidate some stuff we'd bought at Sam's Club.

LMNOB, in keeping with her latest delusion that she is the dictator/interrogator of the universe, had plenty of knowi-it-all, bossi-tude, hands on her hips as she inquired, "Now where did YOU get a Macy Penney's bag?"

I laughed and laughed.

"Two things, babe-cakes...One, you are not my older sister - lay off with the attitude, a'ight? Where or when I buy things is none of your business. Two, it's just Macy's."

"Nooo, it's Macy PENNEY'S, Mom." With an eye-roll, to boot.

"'scuse me darlin', but it is just Macy's. I think you are getting confused with JC Penney's. Now show your mama some respect and apologize for your rudeness."

"But Moooooooooooooooom! I thought it was Macy Penney's," she protested.

"Yeah, and you were wrong. But even if you weren't wrong, there is a way to say things nicely and not rudely. Now come on and say it, "I'm sorry for thinking I know everything. Clearly Mama, you are the smarter one."

Yeah. Well I knew it was a stretch, but sooner or later she'll come around.




© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

"Look Mommy, Pat Austin bloomed!"

Sometimes, LMNOB just makes me want to roll on the floor laughing.

Earlier this week, the proclamation used for the title was gleefully announced by one nearly-hyperventilating little blonde girlie.

Because I'd been looking at a book that talked about the birds and the bees in preparation for one of those talks with her, the first thing I thought was, "That would've been a great Judy Blume title."

Remember my mention of a therapeutic plant-a-thon last weekend? Picture is coming, I know I'm a slacker! In the meantime, here's some of the bounty, pre-planting:





Well, we'd bought two Jackson and Perkins rosebushes, one of which was a delightfully dusky yellow, peachy, pink tea rose called Pat Austin - and being that LMNOB's Asperger-like tendancies lean towards botany, well, naturally she'd absorbed the rose's stats in the first five minutes we owned it.

I think that this statement was also made Tuesday - the day we started a new group therapy at the OT's. LMNOB got to have a joint session (and will continue to do so for the summer) with a little girl, Named After Tree, who has autism, and a little boy that we've done a few sessions with before who has sensory issues too. This little boy is a kick in the pants. He lands on the opposite end of the social spectrum than LMNOB, which means he's the type of kid who's very forward. They all dug a garden, rowed hoes, planted sunflower and pea seeds, then watered and covered their would-be-plants. Part of the exercise was for all of the kiddos to use their words and interact socially with each other, in addition to the heavy work and textural sensations - and they had a blast.

As they worked, I had a realization. The other children's parents didn't participate or interact with their kids or the therapists (BT the OT and one of her co-workers, also an OT). And it made me wonder...just how involved are these parents with the therapies that their kiddos need so desperately? I mean, effective occupational therapies are instituted day in and day out at home with the weekly sessions, and not simply relying on a once/wk office visit.

I have always sat in on LMNOB's sessions. Not that I don't trust BT the OT with her alone, because I totally do. But more because we can debrief on how the week has been since our last session together, share successes and milestones, like LMNOB riding her bike without training wheels! It's to engage BT the OT and make her better connected to us so that we get the most out of our time together, because I want my child to get the very best interventions she can.

I am not dogging these other parents - I don't know the whole picture. I don't know how many siblings these kiddos have, if any. I don't know anything. Except that they are exceptional kids and I wish that I could say for certain that they have parents who are trying their damnedest to ensure they get the very best too. Some things that BT the OT has said about her appreciation of my involvement tells me that they may not.

Groowl...a little mama bear in me came out.





© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved