Thursday, August 31, 2006

The count is done...

Was done Tuesday at the end of the day.

Yesterday I took off from work and tried to decompress. Lunch at LMNOB's school, playing with the kids at lunch recess, a deep tissue massage, and a new haircut all helped in the decompression efforts.

I have much, much, much more to write about the count, and plan on doing some this weekend. I invited all the key players wh okept me sane in the process to an "It is Finished Celebration," and was told that had a Christ-like ring to it. That wasn't done intentionally, but now that I've thought about it, there were a bunch of parallels, more on that later.

For now, it's back to normal, and I gotta get the kids ready for school and daycare....and go into the office. But hey, it's a 3 day weekend coming up!

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Prayer Requests

The count's tomorrow.

For those who're not yet familiarized with this project, here's a brief overview:

The last statewide homeless count in Colorado was done in 1988. Since then, the state's entire population has increased roughly 32%. However, metro Denver alone counted 9,091 homeless persons this January - a 300% increase over the ENTIRE state's homeless population in '88.

Something's seriously and disproportionately wrong in the state of Colorado....but just how wrong nobody knows. Which is why we're attempting another statewide count. It's a survey....blech, I know. But...with the press we've run and incentives for filling it out - maybe we'll get a good response. Prayer request #1 - cooperative respondents.

In addition to the sheer numbers, we will get important inputs re: the whys and hows of homelessness in our state.

August is leaving rather quickly - trading in rainy afternoons and cool nights for the blasted heat we've had all summer long. This is fine - except, I'll have 50 people scouring the landsides of the county looking for homeless folks and it could decide to dump buckets of moisture from the skies. Prayer request #2 - dry weather that's neither too cool nor too hot.

We could see some folks, and then, we could not - due to my decision to stick more to safety. Prayer request #3 - visibility of homeless persons.

LMNOB had a tough week last week, with very tearful drop-offs for school in the mornings. Ms. Kindergarten Teacher was wonderfully swift in her redirections for LMNOB, but it still made me feel like number 1 loser Mommy. I know she's in the midst of a big transition with school, and then I've not been readily available to her. And, Charlie Brown and I have been arguing...a lot, lately. Poor thing probably thinks the floor is going to drop out on her at any turn. Prayer request #4 - an easy drop off in the morning, prayer request #5 - that LMNOb be unscathed my my absence tomorrow night, and prayer request #6 - that Big'n'Tall Bro be on top of his babysitting game tomorrow night, get them into bed early and all that jazz.

I'm so ready to be done. I love to have had this experience, but I'm about done in now..... below is an excerpt of an e-mail I sent Thursday to my former place of employment:

I have a large job ahead of me, and have found that it helps if we all work together instead of looking out for our [own agency's] best interests. A lot of agencies have expressed concern about staff time to do this count. And I understand that as a pressing issue in the here and now. However, I also understand that if we do not get accurate information and representation on this count, competitive funding such as SuperNOFA ($16 million to CO this year – and we barely secured that, being 2 points from $0 ) will be lost. Area mental health providers have permanent housing from this funding source, and were we to lose it, you have a number of mentally ill folks w/o housing and the potential for [decompensation, and thus]lots of dollars down the tube at CMHI (state mental hospitals). So, it's invest small now, or lose big later.

We all have to look at the big picture. When we all help, we all benefit.


I wonder how it will have served me, having been so frank with my former supervisor, but you know, we can't as service providers and local governments pretend that all is well on the western front - avoiding the elephant in the room at all costs - literally.

Someone's got to say it.

And I'm not afraid to be that someone....

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Must.. Keep... Going!

Ahh geeze, it's not like I'm dying or something, but my body is trying to shut down on me.

All the stress of the Count's end days have been eliciting all sorts of psychosomatic phenomena:

There's the traditional bag o' tricks -

  • Headache
  • Fatigue
  • Shoulder Tension
  • Stress Eating -> a 12 lb weight gain in the past 14 wks. Grrr... you know those Cortislim ads? Uh, yeah, hmmmm.

And then, there are the new things, never before equated with stress in my life-

  • My hips down to my calves just ache at the end of the day - and if Charlie Brown were the massaging type, well, I'd have him working on me every night, but, he's not, so I just try to stretch out a lot.
  • Blood pressure related changes in my visual field - aack I know that's not good, and hopefully it's temporary...wait, that's supposed to be new, right? Yeah, well, the only time it's EVER happened before was when I was preeclamptic with LMNOB, so it is kinda new in this sense.
  • I have no motivation - like here's an elephant before me, and if it is only going to be eaten one bite at a time, well I know that's going to take awhile, why not dally a bit longer?

Today is Charlie Brown's Saturday of the month to work at the shop, so I've been frenetically trying to get my house in some order. You can't really tell, save for the kids' rooms - but then by looking at them now and knowing what they were this morning....suffice it to say, even if Charlie Brown sees nothing else got done today, he'll know that those rooms took me HOURS; the kids have inherited his pig sty genes.

I needed to stop, collaborate and listen - oh no, Vanilla Ice flashback, I really am losing my mind! LOL, all kidding aside, I just needed to stop and pause to collect myself.

Now that I've done so, if you'll excuse me, I... must... keep... going.

What's that you say, "Don't go?"

Hell, if you say so - wait, no, I'm sorry - I really should go.

Besides LMNOB giving me the evil eye - as my blogging is keeping her from her precious Nick Jr. Playtime, I have scads and scads of dirty laundry (little of it actually mine) that I must see to, vaccuuming that needs done, bathrooms that are remniscent of a public park restroom (eewww, I know!), and cases of shirts, hygiene items, and snack foods that must be made into incentive bags for Monday's count.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Love Thursday


I noticed on Mir and Chris' blogs that Love Thursday was mentioned.

I like the concept, and here's mine:

"C'mere Buddy*, let me hold you up for this picture"

* LMNOB's pet name for Punkinhead

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Final volunteer training was tonight

in one of my former classrooms at CSU - that was strange!

It started out really crappy - I was told the room would have EVERYTHING it needed for me to do my thing with power point.

In reality, everything BUT a laptop was there. I could have brought a laptop, had I known I needed one! I even called to see if everything was in order...and was assured everything was fine. It wasn't.

It did get ironed out though, after much persuasive, yet civil convincing on my part to the poor hapless soul at Classroom Media.

There was seating for 147.... but only about 20-25 ppl there. Yeah, I'd hoped for more, but I think this is all going to work just fine.

It has to.

The Boss keeps telling me, "Your job is not the results part, it is getting us to the point where we can attempt to collect results....." Which, logically, I know, but emotionally, I fear being connected with a giant FLOP.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday...

The count is Monday and Tuesday. Clock is ticking...heart is pounding.

Can't wait to say, "It is finished - now pour me a drink and keep 'em coming!"

Aww, not really....well, maybe a few ;-) But in all seriousness, I do anticipate a rather large wrap party. So many people have bolstered me through this, most of them people I'd never met before this project. They deserve to know how much it means to me!

Friends for life are the ones who share the heart, I say.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

8 days and Counting (couldn't avoid the pun!)

Some have asked me why I agreed to this homeless count. Why have I overburdened myself, why have I let it consume me?

Because it's my ministry. Because God spoke to me, rather loudly I might add; I knew that a temporary campaign like this would be the beginning of my life's work. With it, I can share ministering to the poor with my children, my church - who says they want to be more of a presence in the community, other churches who have their eyes opened- they just aren't focused yet....and many

Those are some of the spiritual reasons. Which abound, much further than what is mentioned above.

And there are the political, fiscal reasons.

$16 million dollars came into the state of Colorado last year thru HUD SuperNOFA programs. This is a national competition, unlike entitlement programs such as CDBG, ESG, etc., and the folks at the State told us that the three sources of SuperNOFA funds in CO almost didn't get anything. Yeah, 2-3 points on each of the three applications would have lost a vital funding source.

This count could help us become more secure in SuperNOFA applications....which is critical, because:

1 - CDBG, a federal source of funding primarily for housing and homeless services, has been on the federal chopping block at the presidential level since January 2005, when Bush proposed his budget for FY 2006. Congress blocked his proposal to consolidate with 17 other programs, whittle the budget to less than what CDBG was alone then, and whisk it over to the Department of Commerce for program administration. However, cuts have continually eroded CDBG awards nation wide these past two years.

2 - our local governments are having recessed sales tax revenues, which means hard budget decisions. If we secure NOFA funds, it will take some of the pressure of the local municipalities, and allow for better prioritization.

3 - Colorado passed a TABOR amendment to the state constitution in 1990. It's a complicated budgeting tool, but basically eradicated several human services programs, or all but eradicated in some instances because of a recession in tax revenues. The state voters passed a referendum last year to bypass some of the strict measures and allow for some reinstatement of vital programs - however, as a state, we're still rebuilding, and thus, federal funds are imperative for humanitarian aid to our state's impoverished citizens.

4 - a lot of our government programs are band-aids, and not getting to the heart of the matter if you would ask most service providers, but the data to back those claims are anecdotal at best. This count will serve to address that question. For instance, if 92% of all Colorado homeless women are victims of domestic violence, wouldn't it make sense to get some preventive programs with the boys at risk of becoming abusers? Prevention may be costly at start-up, but in the end, crisis prevention is generally more cost-effective than crisis intervention.

I could go on, but it's late. And 8 is about to become 7 days.....

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Musique du Jour

For my mental state, this silly song's chorus says it all.

Then, on one of my cd's Big'N'Tall made me that I recently reacquainted myself with, I discovered Toby Lightman's Everyday. Gosh, had she been living my life when she wrote this? Actually now that I've heard more of her stuff, I'm convinced she's a mix of Sheryl Crow and myself. ;-)


Every day is a struggle
Between what I want to say and
what I want to keep to myself
And the words that manage to leave my lips
Don't hurt me, but they hurt everyone else
So I find myself in need of a pause
I'm not sure why, but I think that it's because
Of this desire to be what others want me to be
Which is nothing close to me


But I'll see better when the smoke clears
The smoke clears inside my head
And I can listen when the screaming doesn't repeat
everything I've said
And all that remains is me and who I am at the end of the day
And this happens every day ... yeah...


Every day is a battle
Between what I want to know
and what I don't want to figure out
And everything in between in these thoughts of mine
that you know I can't live without


So I find myself in need of a pause
I'm not sure why, but I think that it's because
Of this desire to be what others want me to be
Which is nothing close to me


But I'll see better when the smoke clears
The smoke clears inside my head
And I can listen when the screaming doesn't repeat
everything I've said
All that remains is me and who I am at the end of the day
And this happens every day ... yeah... oooh...


But I'll see better when the smoke clears
The smoke clears inside my head
And I can listen when the screaming doesn't repeat
everything I've said
All that remains is me and who I am at the end of the day
And this happens every day ... this happens every day
This happens every day... yeah...


Right now I'm sitting the fence as to whether this smoke is situational or a reprise of my depression. Thus far, I'm still getting up in the morning, and still caring for myself, albeit in the least time consuming manner - the girl is busy, folks!

In the mean time, I'm singing about the smoke clearing...sing on Toby girl....

LMNOB on the Royalty of Christian Deities

LMNOB is 5, and obsessed with queens and princesses.

A month or so ago, she asked me why there weren't any queens in Heaven. I asked her to clarify, and she was concerned that if we call God the "King" and Jesus the "Prince [of Peace]," who was/wasn't the queen and why.

Our minister, when I approached him, laughed and said, "You've got a budding feminist."

Well, that's not always a bad thing. *Knowing smile*.

A close friend of mine, who grew up in the church, had an immediate answer when I posed this dilemma to her: Tell her there are queens in Heaven - Queen Esther (OT) is bound to be there, as well as the other queens of Christendom who've reigned here on earth. Hey, great point!

So we had that discussion and finished it....so I thought.

Until Friday, the day of the sunlight/Sonlight conversation, when she asked again:

Mama, why aren't there any queens in Heaven?

Honey, we've discussed this. Remember there are queens in Heaven, like Queen Esther?

I wanna talk about this again! Queen Esther was just a person Mama. What about Queens like Jesus and God?

Well honey, I don't know.

Well, did Jesus have a wife that would have become a queen?

Not that the Bible mentions, so probably not.

Why? Why didn't He get married, that's weird - everybody should get married.

Well, but not everyone does......like Uncle Big'n'Tall, he's not married - Jesus was like that.

So, what about Jesus' mama? If God's a King, and Jesus is a Prince, well his Mama had to be a queen!

You mean Mary? You think she might be the queen of Heaven?

Well yaaaah! I mean the Holy Spirit made her have Jesus, so she must be the queen. Mary's the Queen of Heaven! The Holy Spirit Queen of Heaven!

*sigh* she is using great critical thinking skills, and regarding our faith - I can't deter that......ever!

Friday, August 18, 2006

I sent this to my Church and a few friends....I figured that it deserved to be here too.

Dear all,

I wrote the following prayer in my blog Wednesday night, after what was starting to be and has continued to be a hard week. For those of you who have trouble finding the words to pray, please use this as a guide.

We are 10 days and two volunteer training sessions out from the count, and I am being severely tested in all areas of life right now. But, today has been a blessing. Read the prayer and then I will elaborate how some things have been answered already.

Lord, help me [her] remember your touch and blessing on this project.
Help me [her] stay the course, cheerfully and persistently.
Rain down volunteers.*
Keep my [her] uneasy mind in a state of peace, for You are [her] my assurance.
Father, be with those who are critical - stirring their hearts so that they may see the true matters at hand, and let go of the trivial points. Quiet them on the unnecessaries.
Father, stir the hearts of business owners to be generous**, for I[she] so would love to be able to give our respondents something in return for them entrusting us with their personal information.
Father, these are your precious children.

Help me[her] to show them Your Face.
You've blessed me[her/us] so much, dear Abba.

And I [she] just want to share the wealth of the faith You've given me[her] with a community of hurting people.
Let this project be a quiet and loving testimony to that desire.
In Jesus' name....So be it

So....the answers (and let's just pray that they keep coming and don't stall out!)

* I got 45, (ith the 5th being a prof at CSU who has classes of 200! And, he helped in the 1988 Colorado Homeless Count) new volunteers today
**I got an acceptance letter from Wal-Mart re:my request for donations. It is small, but it is a start

God works, and He works well....please cover me with protective prayers, so that the target Satan is shooting at is at least a moving [and hard to hit] one. :)

I love you all, and yes, I am emotional these days. Please be considerate of it, and don't take it personally if I'm emotional *at* you.

Love,
the Red-Headed Step-child

Heavenly Sunshine on My Shoulder

Yesterday, after the passive aggressive conversation, I left early to pick LMNOB up from school. A good family friend had done this Tues/Weds for me.

Soon as I saw her she ran, threw her hands up and squealed with a cheese-tastic smile, "Mommy, I LEARNED SPANISH today!!!!" She was thrilled, and I reciprocated the enthusiasm.

We went and picked Punkinhead up - where a rare and very touching display of mutual sibling affection was had for all to see. Wow, they really do love each other, -grin-.

We had errands to run and did them. On the way home, we took the back county roads. It'd been overcast all day, but as I looked west to the foothills (gloriously exposed on this non-developed stretch of land), the sun was peaking through a very dark cloud, but barely. The result was a vista appropriate for cinematography - a brilliant, silvery white disc of light behind the opening in this dark cloud, with rays of the same dazzling illumination shining down in ribbons over the mountains and green farmlands of the horizon. The kids were happily chattering in the back seat, but this, this had to be seen.

"Hey guys, look out LMNOB's window, look at the sky"

LMNOB: "*gasp* Holy," uh-oh brace yourself Mom, "Spirit!"

What a relief! "Huh?"

LMNOB: "It's like when Jesus was baptized, and the Spirit said He was pleased."

Well melt my little heart! But, why is it that they try to fool you so much of the time, making it seem like they don't hear/understand you, when they obviously get it!?! Nevermind - roll with it.

"Yeah, it is kinda like that. Do you think it's God's answer to that song we sing:"




Lord, let your light,
light of your face
shine o-o-on us....
LMNOB: "Yeah, Mommy, it is like that! 'Cept for I don't see Jesus, just His light."

"Yeah, sometimes that's all we ever really get to see here on earth, honey. But someday... I think this is God saying, 'Hey you had a rough day, but remember Me? See this beautiful world I created for you? I made it because I love you.'"

LMNOB, with awe and wonder: "Yeah....wow, Mommy." She may as well have said, "That's deep, man," at the end of that statement, as incredulous as she sounded, lol.

I felt my spirit lighten, as I thought to myself that I was sure glad I listened to my heart and took an early end to the day at work. I would have missed out on this.

As we turned and went down another rural lane, we passed a large expanse of wetland, with a sizable lake out past the reeds. LMNOB noted, "Hey that looks like the river where the baby was in a basket!"

"Do you mean the Moses baby?"

"Yeah! I think it's the same one!"

"Well, that river is clear on the other side of the world, but I bet you're right about how it looks."

"But how do YOU know, Mama?" said the voice in the back, now dismissing my input, which just moments ago was regarded as the deep thought of the day, as mere parental saying-so.

It's beginning.

I'm waiting for the day when she will tell me, "Mama, the teacher/book/kids on the playground said you're wrong....and it will progress in that order, you mark my words.

Soon other adults will override me, then the knowledge she can glean on her own, and finally, it will all be downhill from there when the peer group is deemed as the ever-knowing authority on EVERY thing.

I better get my say in when I can these days, eh?

Thursday, August 17, 2006

I HATE Passive Aggressive People!

Hi, I was calling about your agency's participation in the upcoming Homeless Count.

Oh is this the survey that Ladybug has been talking to us about? Because we've already said we're going to do that - she knows that.

Ladybug is overseeing the state's participation, whereas I am organizing our county information. There has been no communication from your agency, despite repeated attempts, and so that is why I'm calling. Training is mandatory for all service providers and/or volunteers administering the survey.

What? I didn't know that.

**at this point I want to throw my hands up in the air. My links in the e-mails that went to this agency's ED have plastered ALL over them the information re: training. Not to mention all of the newspaper press having mention of them.

Gently: Yes, this is per the state, or Ladybug's council, recommendation. (In other words, quit this petty little power struggle and PLAY BY MY RULES!!! Oh, yeah, but I'm the baby on the human services block 'round here, no one wants to be ordered around by a baby....)

Oh, well, if we must....SIGH.... It sure would have been nice to know this.

***OMGOSH!!! Have the e-mails that I have been cranking out, regularly since JUNE not made it?***


I hate this folks. I'm being questioned at every turn. Before long, someone will ask me if up is down and I will say,"Yes, I do believe it is." At which point, the folks carrying me into the looney bin will be reassured they have the right girl.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Keeping things in perspective

I blubbered tonight. Stress overload.

So, I listened to my friend (figuratively, since he's crooned me thru many a hard day - in reality I wish I could claim him) Mr. Jack Johnson's With My Own Two Hands (actually on this one, the other friend, Ben Harper accompanies him) as I soaked in a candlelit, exquisitely hot bath. Forget catharsis, get water hot enough and it will cure whatever ails you.


I can change the world
With my own two hands
Make it a better place
With my own two hands
Make it a kinder place
With my own two hands
With my own
With my own two hands
I can make peace on earth
With my own two hands
I can clean up the earth
With my own two hands
I can reach out to you
With my own two hands
With my own
With my own two hands
I'm going to make it brighter place
With my own two hands
I'm going to make it a safer place
With my own two hands
I'm going to help the human race
With my own two hands
With my own
With my own two hands
I can hold you
With my own two hands
I can comfort you
With my own two hands
But you've got to use
Use your own two hands
Use your own
Use your own two hands
With our own
With our own two hands
With my own
With my own two hands



Oh yeah....s'pose there's a lot of truth in there. Namely, that while it may not be the magnitude I hope for, a difference can and will be made so long as I keep on keepin' on, regardless of whether others join me or not.

Then there's the reality of the less-vocal majority of the people I am dealing with.
They are on board.
They are excited.
They are assuring, and they are giving me glowing feedback.

Why is it that the vocal minority overshadows this so often? Well, err, I guess I don't really need to know the why of that, so much as I need to make the choice to see them for what they are: a very small piece of the public pie. And remember the cliche'; you can please some people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time - but never all of the people all of the time.

Then I remembered the woman who called yesterday....
-----------------------
Is this the woman doing the homeless count?

Yes ma'am that is me, what questions might you have that I can speak to?

Well, technically, my son and I are homeless. We're staying with a friend, but we're near the end of that rope.

I'm really sorry to hear that, if you saw the article in the Coloradoan last week, you know that I understand. What can I do that would be of assistance to you?

Well, I had a job for over 20 years, and was laid off without a severance package. I have no computer skills - though am taking classes starting next week, but a job has been hard to find. Anyhow, I really want to answer the survey and to put our situation on the table so to speak. Where and when will they be offered?

I nearly cried. If you ask, they will answer, was the version of the Field of Dreams mantra I was hearing.

You are very brave, and I'm very thankful for your call. It's being able to put numbers to stories like yours that will make a difference.

I then relayed the information for where she needed to go on Tuesday the 29th.

Never in a million years had I expected that call. Never in a million years will I forget it, even amidst public criticism.

Shortly after that call was one from a Larimer County Sheriff Deputy Officer.....

--------------------
He reported being a Christian, and having felt the call to participate.
He committed to volunteering as a plain-clothes, though equipped as is mandatory, officer, and has offered a safety briefing for all the outreach team leaders just prior to the count.
He will have his patrol car, so that if one of our team leaders has the beginnings of a problem, he can leave to assist at a phone call's notice - and he has jurisdiction county-wide as a sheriff.

A Godsend, for sure.

------------------------------

Lord, help me remember your touch and blessing on this project.
Help me stay the course, cheerfully and persistently.
Rain down volunteers.
Keep my uneasy mind in a state of peace, for You are my assurance.
Father, be with those who are critical - stirring their hearts so that they may see the true matters at hand, and let go of the trivial points. Quiet them on the unnecessaries.
Father, stir the hearts of business owners to be generous, for I so would love to be able to give our respondents something in return for them entrusting us with their personal information.
Father, these are your precious children.
Help me to show them Your Face.
You've blessed me so much, my dear Abba.
And I just want to share the wealth of the faith You've given me to a community of hurting people.
Let this project be a quiet and loving testimony to that desire.

In Jesus' name....
So be it

G'night, Daddy. I promise I'll sleep good :)

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Got my first piece of Hate Mail today

I received today, a letter from the County Human Services Office. Said letter was not from anyone there, but rather a re-direction of an improperly mailed letter.

Should have been my first clue not to read it.

All emphasis is entirely as the original writer wrote the letter.


Hammy (not really, but you know),

What innappropriate dress for a public appearance for a publicity chance for the homelessness program.

If you don't have a suit - cotton or linen for summer, a dress with a jacket would be very comfortable for the office and public presentations, and other "dress for dinner" [occasions] in the summer.

Think economical!

Think practical!

Signed, without so much as a "Sincerely," or "Respectfully,"
Old lady name + address.

OK Miss Manners, or whomever you think yourself to be, you have just made me proud of my "white trash" roots, for I have spent far more time and energy on making sure that less fortunate people count and get counted by our community, than I ever would on wardrobe decisions. I favor looking at the BIG picture, far more than what someone is/isn't wearing. You may as well have said, "You can take the girl out of the trailer, but you can't take the trailer out of the girl," in a knowing tone - it'd have had the same efficacy - none. I wonder, now, since my teeth are terribly crooked, does that remnant of my disadvantaged childhood mar my presentations for myopic folks like you as well?

As for etiquette, your letter is horribly off base. You lack a salutation. You lack any gratitude for the work I am doing - is that even of importance to you? And decorum, wow - didn't know it had become fashionable to just berate someone....I thought constructive criticism was the target? Finally, you lack a closing, as I mentioned above.

You probably preached to young ladies that it wasn't what was on the outside but rather what was on the inside that counted....wonder if they heard that, or this type of message instead? Who cares how noble your work is, who cares how many people you help, you better be dressed to the nines when you address the public? I wonder, did Mother Teresa spend much, if any, time on this? Hmmmmmm. And yet she was blessedly effective, eh? Hmmmm.

Are you well-to-do? I think you must be, for it may not have crossed your mind that I have two small children, a husband, and countless other things that are far more pressing to me. I do not have a maid to clean my home, I do not have a nanny for my children, I do not have an etiquette/wardrobe consultant who ensures not only the proper garb for each and every occasion, but that it is cleaned and pressed as well. I try, and usually do a fair job of it, to see to these things on my own.

Are you Christian? If so, why don't you crack your bible out and look these up:
Luke 7:24-25 - I'm not in any palace here, nor do I want to be about that.
James 2:1-4 - So since I wasn't dressed to your standards, my message isn't worthy?
James 1:19-27 - think it speaks for itself
James 3 - Would the Lord be pleased with such criticism as was found in your note?

And if you aren't, go rent Bambi and heed Thumper's mama's sage advice, please.

Context is absolutely critical here. Yes, I wear semi-casual clothes to/for work. It has been DREADFULLY HOT this month, so I do not think it is practical to wear clothes that will only cause more sweat and heartache than speaking in front of a critical audience does - not if I want my audience to focus on the message I deliver instead of the increasingly large human puddle before them. Nor do I think it economical to go buy a new wardrobe for this very temporary job. As such, I think that I have followed your commands to think in the appropriate manners. It's not as if I had worn a spaghetti strap tank and spandex skirt! I sure wish I knew whether you were part of the CSU Women's Association or if you just wrote upon seeing my article in the paper....because depending on those circumstances, I'd have a few [more] choice words for you.

Beyond the knee-jerk reaction I've had, I see the attempt at wisdom here, ma'am. I did consider jackets for my presentations, since I'm so lowly as to not have a suit - cotton/linen or otherwise, for the very reasons of things like your reaction. But, again, I have no maid, no butler, chef, or laundress, and in addition to working like a fiend, just didn't have time, and chose what I deemed to be presentation worthy togs out of my closet - with blouses that happened to bare my arms.

I realize you are likely from a generation far from mine, and respect your point of view and life experiences. I do not respect the discounting tone and condescension of your letter, though. I thought you to be someone old enough to know better.

All righty, I've had plenty of time to rant....

Monday, August 14, 2006

LMNOB on school....

this is an audio post - click to play

Tagged with a Book Meme

1. One book that changed your life? Keep the list short, and exclude the Bible, Koran, or any other spiritual authority:
Every Heart Restored by Fred and Brenda Stoeker, both the reading and the writing of [some of] it.

2. One book that you’ve read more than once:
Just one? I re-read books often. I've read the all of the books in the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon two-three times each.

3. One book you’d want on a desert island:
I'd say the Bible here, Amplified Version with a concordance - hey there were no limitations!

4. One book that made you laugh:
I cracked up several times reading I Don't Know How She Does It by Allison Pearson.

5. OneThree book(s) that made you cry:
Tully by Paullina Simons - reviews call it really trashy reading, but for me having grown up "white trash" I was able to empathize with the main character, who, if it were up to me, would have a borderline personality diagnosis. A hard read without insight to both the world she was raised in, as well as the illness the character likely suffered from. It is fiction, however :)

Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers - I like, but don't love, Rivers' other works, often feeling like her characters are a little too formulated and simplistic, largely for the Christian readership she has. But this book, was real. Hard to read, but WELL worth it.

The Red Tent by Anita Diamant - historical fiction re: the other side of the story of Genesis' Dinah. It portrays biblical figures in much different lights, and has had some of the same knee-jerk reaction by Christians as the DaVinci code. Personally, Diamant's account makes a lot of sense to me, given the status of ancient women in society.

6. One book you wish had been written:
Christ's AUTO-biography, replete with human emotions, jokes, information re: the "gray" areas of my faith, etc. And, it would be a fully intact original.

7. One book you wish had never been written:
Secrets of Methamphetamine Manufacture by the infamous "Uncle Fester," this book has destroyed lives, businesses, and communities.

8. One book you’re currently reading:
Sadly, none outside of children's books :( Well, the Bible, but even that has been scarce reading lately.

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read:
Waking the Dead - John Eldredge
When Godly People do Ungodly Things - Beth Moore

10. Tag 5 others:
Postcards - this is right up your alley!
Leigh Hope - ditto
Purple Kangaroo
Amy
Heather Neff

LMNOB's First Day of Kindergarten

This picture was taken last Tuesday when the school officially opened:



LMNOB in our backyard this morning (we thought in front of the willow tree would be a good first day of school picture tradition, to show the growth of our tree too!) I wish she would have relaxed more for the picture, but she went into stiff-poser mode, lol.


We had a whole-family send-off, with Daddy and Punkinhead snapping pics along the way:

LMNOB is a whole head+ taller than most of her classmates, which Charlie Brown and I still can't figure out!

Each child got to pose with the teacher - again, we see the stiff-poser mode:

Finally, as they lined up to go into the classroom:

Well, she's off, and we have not shed a tear - though we both came close when a tearful mother made LMNOB's teacher cry, lol. There was one little girl who was really, really upset, like 18 mos-old separation anxiety upset, but LMNOB just looked very eager, and as if she was wondering, "Why is this taking so long, let's get to school!"

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Pity Party straight ahead

Note: My monthly visitor has made her appearance. That said, I am well aware that anything I say below can, but should NOT be used against me in the court of matrimony. I am also very well aware that you all will probably see right through my very biased rendition of current events and will tell me to quit my whining, and I will - but first I must purge the frustrations.

Charlie Brown, you're a blockhead!, er, my love bank is in dire need of a deposit.

I normally only post glowing things about my husband here, but we've been slowly descending into a valley, from a peak experience in our marriage. I knew it would come, it always does. And, I know it's bound to swing back up again, particularly since I can see the light at the end of the FT employment tunnel. But for now, I must vent this crap out of me - lest it rot my outlook on yet another week, day, hour. Chances are, I'll write this all out and then be fine by this evening.

Last weekend he went backpacking, and he had a great time. I actually had a pretty good time with the kiddos too, suprisingly- given how things started out.

When he returned, save for the laundry folding assembly line I had going on - a must since the once mountainous pile of dirty laundry was now all clean- the house was spotless. Did he say anything?

Pppppfffffffffftttttttttt! Haha, you must be joking, after all this stuff does happen on its own - what's the big deal?

Then, the little things...it seemed like all week long we just bickered at each other, little jibs and jabs here and there. Neither of us had much patience for the other, but, I must say, it was mostly him. For instance, he'd make a remark with a sour tone and I would get all, "Hey, what's that all about Mr. Cranky Pants?" in a light bantery way. But, he'd have none of it and soon the conversation would travle down the bickering path.

We tried the reconnect with each other number, but it was just too hot that night and we both pushed each other away. (I'm convinced Satan knew when to crank the blasted heat up - à la the sea creatures ruining things for Ariel and Eric in the Little Mermaid - b/c he knows prolonged abstinence from intimacy can wreak havoc with couples)

The other thing that got me this week was his emotional distance.
Hi honey, how was your day?
Yeah...grunt grunt....
So, uh.... no details?
Would you get off my back?!?
Gee, somebody's a Crabby Patty...
I am NOT!
Ok, you're right, must just be my imagination...
Note to self: that last one just puts lighter fluid on a smoldering spark, and BAM! There goes the night.

He's been so quiet, and slowly it dawned on me that he's working something really important out in his head...which is usually fine, except that these things always put me on an orange level alert for sin in his life, given our history. In other words, I then begin to stress about his apparent stress, and historically, if I say anything before he is good and ready to address it, I soon become an emotional punching bag. Soooo, I waited. Rather uneasily. And I got on edge, not to mention I was premenstrual.

I'm sorry guys, I know you don't understand. Married guys think they understand, but it's an awful roller coaster of emotions that leaves me screaming, "I WANT OFF NOW!" Even while on antidepressants, I'd be fine 3 weeks out of the month, but that one? Always makes me think, "Damn Eve and her stupidity for listening to that stupid snake....had to go and ruin it for the rest of us women, forever. Thanks a lot, sister."

We went for a family hike yesterday (Sat.), and were gone all day. Today was church, and upon arriving to our home, in sore need of a thorough cleaning, I, in need of preparing food for our Life Group, felt hugely overwhelmed. Not to mention crampy, sore, and totally fatigued because of menstrual anemia.

Charlie Brown announced, "While the kids are sleeping, I'm going to hit a bucket of [golf] balls." (He has a tournament next Sunday with his work friends - Chuck is not an experienced golfer, either).

I know it was unloving, spiteful and over the top of me, but I was maxed out.

"Have fun and enjoy, dear. I'm going to clean the pit, then I'm going to cook, then we'll leave when you come back."

"What's your problem?"

I cracked. "You've been a bear. All. Week. Long. Ihavetwoweeksuntilthishomelesscount, and NO ONE is responding like they should. Our house is a wreck, and it's SUNDAY - I need A BREAK. You were gone all of last weekend, the time that we could be alone together today - you're leaving, and you'll be gone next SUNDAY, leaving me to ready the kids and worship ALONE. And did I mention what a pit our house is? Or that I feel like a big pile of stinky crap?"

As he walked out the door, "Fine, I'll remember this while I'm at work tomorrow."

Oh yeah, throw that upper cut at me.

See I'm scheduled to be off work tomorrow since it's LMNOB's first day of school....EVER. But, you know, the facts that our house was not going to make it to the state of clean today - thus making all my to-do's tomorrow, Punkinhead was still going to need care - by yours truly, and a host of other things don't change his view of my day tomorrow. No, he sees it as a vacation. Hah! Don't even get me started.

I let him go, as I fumed about his total lack of appreciation of me. You know, it'd be nice every once in awhile to be appreciated - is that so much to ask? I conscientiously try to stay ahead of the game re: voicing my appreciation of him. I buy cards in advance (on good days) and periodically write in them and stash them in his lunches. I've told him, I'd love the same, both directly (in Dynamic Marriage) and indirectly. But, because that's not his love language, he doesn't go out of his way to try and speak in mine.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

***Edited to add:

So tonight, we're at life group and Charlie Brown tells our host/hostess, "Yeah, I thought a lot about things on that [backpacking] trip. My mind's been going a million miles an hour this week, and there's a lot I need to change [for God]."

I simply said, "Well, if you could have enlightened me with that piece of insight, this week would have gone a lot differently."

Friday, August 11, 2006

This confirms it:

Your Political Profile:
Overall: 40% Conservative, 60% Liberal
Social Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal
Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal
Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
Ethics: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal



I'm a Fence-Sitter thru and thru....especially since some of the fiscal and ethical issues questions were not my "real" answer, but since they didn't have a middle of the road option, well....

So that makes me what, a MODERATE??

Yup, a firm believer in Disraeli's stance.

Another link, for lack of my own words

Chris, wonderfully gifted blogger at Notes from the Trenches, has a post re: depression today that does justice by anyone who's suffered from this dreadful illness, and gives tremendous hope to those striving for recovery of happiness. You'll laugh at her happy photos of today, and cry at the soul-consuming sadness she was in last year.

Well said, lady.

Talk about a "visceral reaction!"

To quote my buddy Post Cards from her comment yesterday.

Mike Cope's got an interesting piece on his blog today.

The picture evoked the aforementioned reaction from me. Things like, "How much money did that cost - and could have been spent REALLY making a difference; How much hatred and division is that going to stir up; and the cliche' - What would Jesus do?" ran thru my mind at time-warp speed.

But, like all good writers, Mike knew that it would grab people and draw them in - and it did me. I couldn't agree more with the rest of his post, save for the small clarification I made in the comments.

Kind of interesting that there is so much unrest in the country about our nation divided. It makes me happy to see that people are unhappy about it, because that means perhaps, they'll get off their duffs and do something about it.

C'mon people now, let's get together, try to love one another right now.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

And now, not so philosophical ponderings

To lighten the heart....

WHY IS IT THAT.....
  • The same desire of mine to see something completed is called "follow-through" at work, but "nagging" at home???
  • You see a goose and some geese, but a moose and some moose? Why isn't it meese?
  • People say blondes have more fun? I say we non-blondes have much more fun, collectively, since there are MORE of us.
  • Punkinhead never tires of his "Mama, guess what?" What baby? "I WUV you!" game? (Not that I want it to end, cuz it's a special day-brightener - but I wanna know so that one day when he thinks it's dumb, I can stir the emotions to make him keep doing it!)
  • I don't want to work today? LOL....
  • The words "over achiever" can be perceived to have more animosity behind them than a curse word?
  • Yesterday, when a self-identified 20 y/o young woman called to volunteer for the count, she felt compelled to share that she'd recently been charged with an MIP? And why did she feel she had to justify herself (I own a house, I work, this is SOOOOOO not a big deal), to me, a complete stranger who said nary a word? LOL... not your typical volunteer, but hey, I'll take what I can get!

Ponderings

What I'm about to ask in NO way means that I have come to a conclusion on this issue - I just wonder, are we as Christians chasing a red herring when it comes to the sanctity of marriage?

Why is it, that folks, particularly in the "religious right" feel that homosexual unions/marriages, etc are such a "threat to the institution of marriage," to the point of taking action with our legislators?

And why when it comes to taking the same action regarding, oh things like predatory lenders (which can create the infamous money problems for a couple), pornography (whose addictive tentacles are entrenched in our churches), domestic violence and other counseling services young couples may need, and any other poverty and crisis prevention/intervention programs - all of which could reduce the alarmingly HIGH divorce rate in our country (the REAL threat to the institution of marriage, I say), the answer is: Those are my tax dollars; people make bad choices; etc, etc......

I dunno the answer re: how to address the first issue. I believe that homosexuality is sin, but then, I also believe seeking porn is sin, also of a sexual nature. And personally, I'm more threatened by porn and the havoc it has wreaked on my family, than whether two men or women want to say "I do."

It seems a little to me like the speck vs. pole issue when we want to ban gay marriages, but not address the problems in straight marriages.

Tuesday, August 8, 2006

All righty - Who's reading??

IT's time for a SHOUT-OUT!

Post a comment if you find yourself reading here....that way I know who is/isn't ;-)

(and non-bloggers, you CAN post on here!)

Monday, August 7, 2006

I've got that jingle-lingle rhythm

Saturday, I watched a movie for which I'd long been awaiting the appropriate immerse-myself-in-a-chick-flick time. The Prizewinner of Defiance Ohio; HowMy Mother Raised 10 Kids on 25 Words or Less was well worth the wait.

What an amazing, true, story! The touching movie tribute is based off of the memoir of the same name by Terry "Tuffy" Ryan, daughter of the main character, Evelyn Ryan. From the book website;



Erma Bombeck meets Ogden Nash in the inspirational true story of an enterprising mother of ten who kept poverty at bay with wit, poetry, and perfect prose during
the "contest era" of the fifties and sixties.


A list of things I came away with from this movie:

- gratitude for gender equality in the world of mortgage banking (and lots of other things nowadays)

- an illustration of real-life determination in a losing situation

- inspiration to keep my chin up and see the good of all things in all times

- the wisdom of forgiveness

and

- my new favorite quote from a movie - true to Evelyn's double entendre form:

Kelly: You know what your problem is? You're too damned
happy!

Evelyn: Honestly Kelly, I don't know how you come up with these
things.


1st meaning: How's that a bad thing?
2nd meaning: I'm pretty miserable, and I don't know how you don't see through that happy facade.

The other thing I took away from the show was the sing-songy jingles - apparently.

Today I was supposed to do a volunteer training for the homeless count in Estes Park. As of this morning, I had no RSVPs for the training. However, folks in CO are notorious for not RSVPing and still showing up, and since it was advertised, I made the hour trek into the Rocky Mountains.

No one showed, and 30 minutes after the training would have started, 2 hours after I set out to teach folks the mysteries of effective surveying, I went to speak to the receptionist. Seems no one there in the office had a clue, despite the boss man of that site telling me he would inform his staff.

It would seem that the Estes Park Office Manager for Health and Human Services doesn't care. As is the case for a lot of government employees in human services these days, it would seem, as I have had the most resistance to this count from people who, you'd think, would be eagerly embracing it for sake of furthering fiscal securities.

You'd think...but you'd be WRONG.

So, back to Prizewinner. I came up with a little ditty today, to be sung with Oz' greatest munchkin gusto, and thoroughly enjoyed:

OOOOOOOOOOOHHHH...............
I hate these government slackers
Oh yes I do!
They screw the world over
For folks like me and you

Theeeeeeeeeeeese
White bred hackers
Who don't give a @#$%
Haaaaaaaave in their crack[er]s
A head that's PermAnEntLy stuck!

Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey
Are but mere actors
Who always cry one thing:
I care, I care, really I do,
Well, so long as it's nothing
That I actually must do!


Hey, a girl's gotta have some fun when there are so many Sergeant Retards running 'round - If they won't take their work seriously, well, why should I?

And it's in print...

The reporter did a great job, not going into a lot of detail, and tying my experiences in nicely to the project. Read here.

Let's hope it's the heart-tugging motivator I've hoped it would be.

Friday, August 4, 2006

All by our Lonesomes

The kids will get to experience me in my attempt at single motherhood this weekend.

They are excited.

I am................................... not really.

(Especially after this morning's battle ROYALE with LMNOB - I kid you not, she stood at the door, only wearing her Barbie undies, and screamed loud enough for anyone in a 3-mile radius to hear, "I AM NOT GOING OUT THERE [to the car] NAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY-KID!" Which, for the record, I did not ask her to do, I simply told her, "Get dressed. I'm putting Punkinhead in the car and if you're not ready, I'm putting you in the car as-is." She's having a rough time of it, and consequently I was thisclose to calling the FCPD this morning to say, "Uhm, please come out here and PREVENT a filial homicide. NOW.)

I'm still married for a host of reasons; at the top being gloriously, madly in love with one Charlie Brown...somewhere else down the line, because I am horrified at the thought of raising children all. by. gulp. MYSELF!

Charlie Brown is probably tired right now and yet having a time of his life - though not THE time of his life - that has a prerequisite that = my presence, right? He went with about 25 other folks from our church on a backpacking-14'er-hiking-camping trip and will return sometime Sunday evening.

I miss him already.

Too Bad, So Sad...

That's almost the mentality of Uniprop, a mobile home manufacturer with trailer parks here in the fort. They decided, last week, that they were struggling too much financially, and that they had to close down their newest park, Dry Creek. For more, one can read here. The first article about this aired on July 27th, with a "just the facts ma'am" kind of attitude from the Uniprop folks.

It makes me thank God for His providence, because, you see...before we bought our KB home, we almost bought out there. Miracle of hindsight.

But now, there are those displaced homeowners who need a lot to park on. And, while there are several incentives available to many - some folks will not have the opportunity. For them, they may as well have no equity as a homeowner, and instead have a burden that will hurt for a long time.

But, you know, our economy is soooo picking back up. Yeah, tell it to these folks.

Wednesday, August 2, 2006

Ok, so it was more than 1/10th occupied

Tonight at the training.

8 people, of 50 seats, were present. Not quite the mass support I was hoping for, but it was more than I started out with this morning. I'll take it.

Feedback was great.

I didn't stumble over myself, though I nearly lost my balance one time teetering on my high heel.

What I did manage to do was lock myself out of my office in the midst of copying training materials. Thought to myself - I just moved up a rank - when it happened, but otherwise it worked out ;-)

Peace out - I'm tired, and gotta do it all ovah again tomorrow at 9.

Immortalizing Hilarity

This link has been source for a lotta laughs at the office - go get some comic relief, or you'll get " da hoof!"

Naked and Exposed

That's how I feel now that the Fort Collins Coloradoan has some of the information regarding my childhood.

I prostituted for the cause, offering up the sordid details of my past for only potential payment - willing volunteers. Now, I feel like some sort of emotional porn star -with my past spread eagle and bare for all to see, in order to garner support for something near and dear to me: helping other people. And, it's somewhat uncomfortable...methinks public transparency in America is REALLY stinkin' hard to do, even for open-book types like myself.

I told my now-friend reporter last week in a phone call, "Hey, if you think it may work, we could look at this angle...." and when I didn't hear from him immediately, I assumed he simply didn't want to guilt trip the community about the count.

Course, I made an ass out of u-m-e doing such.

Yesterday he called me wanting a photo op and everything.

I'll talk, but no pic.

I had NO makeup on and had let my hair air-dry yesterday - ummmmmmmm NO!

Very Firmly: We have to have a picture.

Well then, if we must how's about this? I've got a training on Wednesday night, and the lucky camera person can snap me while I'm in my groove thang - provided I don't break the camera lense.

(all you women reading this thinking I've got serious self-esteem issues, LIGHTEN UP!! It's a joke - kay?)

So...today I'm all dressed up....got my sassy hair (newly highlighted - Charlie Brown couldn't understand why I wanted to get a kit at the verylastminute last night - so I had to explain to him that false additions to my hair make me feel MUCH more secure about myself) got my spiel down pat.

Now.... hopefully more than the 5 RSVP's I've gotten will show - seating for 50 is going to look really shoddy when it's only 1/10th of the way full.

Tuesday, August 1, 2006

Conversation in my car tonight

Me - Oh my crap! I'm a major retard...

Charlie Brown - Well that's better than sargeant retard, right?

It's my life folks....you can't make this drivel up.

Oh please help me!

LMNOB has a new, all-together disturbing ability.

Most people would call it keen observation, and then point to me, insisting it's hereditary.

I call it the-fruition-of-the-mother's-curse-coupled-with-an-uncensored-mastery-of-manipulative-skill.

For those unfamiliar with the mother's curse -it usually goes something like this:

"I hope you grow up to have a child (or more) just like you!"
And, it's usually uttered by your life-giver when you are at an age ending in "teen." The curse lies dormant for many years - so many that you often forget that the curse is waiting. Then it pounces on you, long after the child indicated in the curse has since captured your heart, and hog-tied it to the point of no defense.


This new ability is actually a phrase LMNOB has gotten quite consistent at using. The pretext to its proclamation is usually one of conflict re: some request I have asked of her. She usually fusses and then I reiterate my request, and explain the ramifications of dishonoring said request. At hearing the potential consequences, LMNOB says it, in her most convincing damsel in distress persona, replete with tears, poignant facial screwing-up and more:


But, Mama [Ssssssooooooob!] I just really don't feel like myself. Something's
wrong and I just. Really. Feel. Different!

It's absurd. But I know exactly where she's overheard it. This winter when I was in the pits of depression... Damn me if she's not using my problem to her advantage - we are talking cleaning her room here, not go give that poor person all your toys!

I told the pediatrician yesterday while Punkinhead had his check-up and he about bust his nonexistent little gut in laughter (I left out where she'd come up with this lovely excuse - he's not our FAMILY doctor after all), and quickly came to his senses and said, "I'm so sorry, but it's really funny when it's someone else's child."

Sunday, July 30th 2006

Was a day where I physically felt the presence of God.

To begin with, we attended class. Right now we are doing an uber-cool video series called "That the World May Know," that I've actually seem before, but only this time is it actually sinking in. Sunday's lesson was on the triumphal entry of Jesus into the city prior to His crucifixion. Ray Van der Laan taught many things in this lesson that I never really knew:

The people crying Hosannas and Glory be to God! was a large cause for Luke 19:41.

Confused? I was, until Ray clarified just what the thoughts were representing.

The Jews were under massive oppression from the Romans. They longed for a political savior. They were crying for deliverance, but had missed the boat entirely. Their words sounded good, but it seems as if God must have heard:


Deliver us from the evil Romans - but leave us and our sins to ourselves.




Hmm....made me think of my recent ponderings. It also made me see a frightening irony in our current world. Instead of seeking the peaceable way of the Lord, some (thankfully not ALL)Christians, known as the religious right, are focusing their time and energy on passing legislation that supports their sense of righteousness. Now, don't get me wrong, I think the Bible is very clear about homosexuality not being the will of God - but I also know He is a God of choice and doesn't force Himself on us. I also know that as Christians, some of us have sins that are just as habitual and conscious as, say choosing to live a certain life. Pornography for example. Oh, but where's the rush to fight the much more REAL and direct threat to my union? It's considerably smaller - yeah, that's too bad. I guess I feel that if any political action is to be being made, it should be to love our neighbors and meet their needs versus taking things away/keeping it out of reach. I already know the points people will counter with, and I'm still figuring it out - folks, I am just a girl after all. ;-) Anyway, I digress - the class was awesome.


Then we get to worship and it was great. We sang a newer song called The New Annointing, and while we were singing the bridge:
King of Glory, fill the earth
King of Glory fill the earth
King of Glory fill the earth
As we declare...

LMNOB looked up at me and said, "They mean JESUS!" The excitement in her eyes shone as I nodded and helped her raise her hands to the Lord who has blessed us so much. I doubt myself a lot, probably far more than is merited, but in these instances, it's like God allows me a glimpse of how He sees me, and my life. And the always-needing-approval gal in me soaks it up, because His approval is EVERYTHING.

Then, the sermon. A continuation in 1John from the past couple weeks. Of particular interest - Antichrists. In ch. 2 we are warned not to become antichrists. And as the minister provided compelling detail to this, he boiled it down to 3 key points:

1. We must not deny the Son / Father by our words or actions. He noted here that he'd grown up with the explanation of taking the Lord's name in vain = saying it as a curse word, oath etc., and while that's true, he also had come to include wearing the name of Christ and yet living in opposition to it as the most blatant form of taking the Lord's name in vain.

2. We abide in the Lord when we truly believe in our Savior and live in a way that realizes that faith.

3. We must not only accept the Truth, but take ACTION upon it.

I had tears streaming down my face - and chagrin in my heart at the realization that I'd chosen regular, versus waterproof, mascara that morning. The class came back at me - do we get it today? Are we missing the boat? Do the tears Jesus sheds for my life represent a mutual pain where He's crying with me, or have I pained Him to the point that His tears are because of me?

My prayer and my aim is that it may never be the latter.