Friday, December 29, 2006

Nothing bridges that 8 year gap like a spa day....


My sister and I have been separated by age for quite some time. As mentioned before, that 8 yr gap is coming to a close as she transitions out of adolescence and is on the verge of her 20's.

It's awesome. Really, really awesome.

Yesterday, we got to cash in on my Christmas gift to her - a day at the spa, just her and me, for a "Caribbean Hot Stone Manicure and Pedicure." They should just call this heaven - it's shorter and more to the point.

She e-mailed me last night - as she's hoping against hope that the snow will let up enough to fly out of Denver today -


H,
Thank you so much for the time at the spa today; that was a GREAT present! It was so relaxing and it was nice to be able to spend 4 hours together doing something fun.

Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with the kiddos and think that's fun as well, but it's not the same, as I'm sure you know better then I!

While I am very ready to go home, it is kind of sad to leave all of you here, knowing that I may very well not be back for another year. What was especially hard was LMNOB refusing to let go of me this afternoon at the house, it reminded me how badly I want to be there as they grow up. It's sad to think that next time I come back she'll be six, a first grader, and I'm quite sure she'll be taller as well!

In other words, I just want everyone in the family to know how much I love them and miss them when I am back home in Seattle! And please tell the kids for me, because I want them to know without a doubt that although I live far away and can't visit often I wish I could see them every week.

Talk to you soon!
Love,
K


I wrote her back, in my wordier than verbose fashion:



K-babe,

I'm really glad you liked it - I LOVED it too! You're totally welcome - though truth be told, it was as much a present to myself as it was to you. And yes - I totally get you on time with/without the kids - no issues there. But seriously, you NEED to find a massage therapist and get a session in. Much more awesome - and if you do it
without spa ambience, it's pretty affordable, from $45-70/hr. :)

I knew LMNOB's deal yesterday was hard on you - it was hard for me to watch, and know both sides' anguish. We know that you want to be plugged in to our lives, and plugged in you will be, even if from afar. Pictures, stories, phone calls, they all make the distance shorter. We know you love us, and hope you know that love is very mutual.

Now you, little miss, need to figure out your plane stuff - it looks awful and there is more [snow] to come. I'm praying that you get back - b/c like we've talked about before, it's awesome to have you up here, but you belong there....I'm excited for you as school starts, and I know that you'll do awesome - you're really finding yourself, but beware; just as you think you know who she is, you will change - it's where I am right now. It's all good, but is a little hard to adjust to.

Now, you go home to your wonderful boyfriend, tell him how much you missed him, how even with though he wasn't here when we got to be with you, he was here in spirit through the twinkle in your eye, the glow on your face, and that thing called love, that through those alone, H and family didn't need to spend one on one time with him, and are very proud and approving, then do whatever crazy thing you kids do these days (that's a total laugh at myself seeing how descriptive I've been with you of late). And K, mean it, love him without shame, without fear, and only with the love for him that exists inside you. It's incredibly freeing and possibly the most
intimate you could ever become with him.


I'm not saying to stuff your feelings, you're still working thru that, right? So instead, lay them aside as you come together, and just enjoy your HOMEcoming....Seattle is your home now, and that is awesome. Some people always wish they could go back home b/c they never found it upon leaving their family's home....we who've found and made new homes are luckier.

Boy, don't I sound all profound? Maybe I do know what I’m talking about, after all?!?

Love you….and call me on the other side, okay?
H



A new take on forgiveness....


Courtesy of Chris at Notes from the Trenches.

She, like me, has mother-daughter issues. She, like me, is trying to work past them, for the most part, has, quite well. She had her mom over for their family Christmas this year, and the result was this eloquent post, rich with perfect metaphors about what forgiveness is....particularly this estrogen rich version between women and their mothers.

The whole post is a must read, but for those of you who like to read the end of a book first, here's a taste (a taste of the things I related the most to!):


I bristled at the comparison to the two of them. I am not like you, I wanted to shout. The old angry me would have. The old angry me was was only concerned with being heard (loudly), being right (even if I wasn’t), and well, being angry....

...Anger was my little black dress, perfect for any occassion. Dress it up, dress it down, accessorize it with sarcasm or insults thinly veiled by humor.....

But somehow I discovered this Christmas that the old angry me no longer fits. Much like that well loved little black dress that is no longer flattering and maybe a bit uncomfortable that I keep hanging in the closet. I try it on every now and then before deciding, ultimately, to wear something else....


**************

That last metaphor is true to my life. I do try that little, now ill-fitting, black dress of my youth on from time to time. I do reminisce about the times I wore it, and how it wasn't all bad; it served its purpose at one time. Occasionally, when my emotional composition changes, I think that it suddenly fits like a glove again - but mostly, I'm finding, it's about as relevant to my life as the letterman's jacket I'm still hanging on to. Its purpose is no longer for active wearing...now it is just a tailored memento of my past and how I got to be where I am today....I don't want to forget the journey, so in the closet it remains. Unworn.

**************

We had a great visit with my Mom and the gang at her house last weekend. My only wish is that we ALL could have been together, and for maybe more time.


In the meantime, here's a picture that embodies the estrogen-rich-new-black type of Forgiveness that is totally en vogue this Season:


Left to Right:
Little Sister, Mom, LMNOB, Red-Headed Step Child (moi) - a picture of mothers and daughters.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

"Home-ee-oh-WHAT?"

Here I sit at the computer at 2:42AM. I've been up for over an hour.

Hoping that this surge of random wakefulness is little more than an attempt by my body to restore big word alert:homeostatic balance.

While we were in Craig for Christmas, I slept - a LOT. Bedtime usually hit about 11ish, and I generally slept til 8-8:30 most mornings there. And the napping, can't forget that. Much napping was had - and it was glorious! Somewhere along the line though, this making up for lost sleep time became sleep banking - apparently.

And instead of just keeping the excess slumber in rested reserve, my body decides to even the scales with a nice bout of insomnia.

It started out innocent enough.

A long day with the kids - some out and about with my sister (have I told you all how much I love her? I put her through kiddie hell today with my minions - poor girl.... tomorrow er, later today, I'll make it up to her - SPA baby, SPA.....), the rest assembling furniture, organizing the mountains of CRAP my kids have collected over the course of their very short lifespans (read: took out a buttload of trash, but shh...don't tell them!), frantically cleaning my post holiday home (read: trashhole) and preparing a nice steak dinner for my family plus all three of my siblings. I was BEAT by the time dinner, dishes, visits, and bedtime were done. And I fell asleep with no. problems. whatsoever.

Charlie Brown woke me for a little midnight rendezvous - which was VERRA nice. ;-) Afterward, the tryptophan effect had him sawing logs within minutes. I tried to fall asleep, but my brain was stuck in the "on" position now. Tossed, turned, counted pink sheep - except they kept turning black as a representation of my newly rediscovered role as family outcast...
disclaimer: any psychoanalysis of self is merely speculation and highly likely to be just me versus true reality.
At 1:40, I decided enough....might as well work up some tiredness, eh? Went downstairs, made some Evening Delight tea (sidenote: why in the HELL does Safeway Select's ripoff of Celestial Seasons' multipack have teabags in medical grade plastic wrap - inpenetrable by human fingers - instead of the same ole same ole PAPER wrapper???) which is supposed to be the same as Sleepytime tea, just different, cheaper label, unloaded the dishwasher, loaded the dirty dishes remaining in my sink into it, wiped my counters down, decided to sweep my nasty floors (a lot of dirt tracks in with snow, and with our blizzard last week, I wasn't about to clean it only to keep cleaning it as people walked in/out of the house), still not tired, so I figure what the hay and why not mop them? On the bright side - I think I found that 25th hour that mothers everywhere have been in search of?!? No? Well....yeah, I guess I like sleep too.

Which brings me here.

Now 3:10AM.

Still not tired, though would like to sleep.

Still have ideas flying through my head. Some involving blogging (hey - I was gone for 4 days - do you know how much blog fodder I have running thru this brain? A lot - stay tuned!), some involving more self psychoanalysis - which may not be psychoanalysis so much as it is completely psychotic since it appears to deviate from everyone else's perceptions - some involving the anticipation of next week's changes (FT job followed by the big steps in search of an MPA), and some rehashing the argument Chuck and I had the other night....ok, most. not some, are about that.

But wait....I like the homeostatic balance theory better. It sounds much more intellectual, far less hystrionic female, and just plain better. I don't want to be the drama queen plagued with consistent emotional angst. Yeah, homeostatic balance - just leveling the sleep bank to even.

My hands are freakishly dry right now and are BURNING....egads...manicure and pedicure spa style are just 7.5 hrs away....but to enjoy it, I must needs get myself to sleep.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Well, folks, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

Which means, we'll soon be leaving the Fort....thankfully we're able to make it out today!

Take care, all - treat your families right, relish the memories made, focus on the positive, remember the reason for the season (read: if you believe, get your butt to church on Christmas Eve!), and just be content, for the present (time that is, not material things), and God's greatest Present of all.

Sidebar - this is more of a pep talk to myself than anyone else......

Lay aside any differences and just come together - the problems will still be there later, but enjoy the moments. Then, maybe later, focus on fixing problem areas - right?

Til next time, ya'll.

Peace and Grace be with you.

I would think...

that if I were a marketing person for some fancy schmancy jewelry company like Zales, that I would do a little bit of homework before launching a big ad campaign.

What I mean is that their latest commercials have the piano riff that is beautiful and classy and all that from the hit song 1000 Miles - not so bad, great angle.

Except that, for me and many other Americans who had the misfortune of viewing White Chicks, that song is now etched into our brains with this scene the Wayans brothers in drag, singing a muffled version of that song with their "girlfriends."Even worse yet, this scene is recalled- where there exists potential for guy on guy-who-looks-like-girl action:


And, it totally ruins the effects that the nice people at Zales worked so hard to accomplish.

Again - marketing has a lot to do with associations people make - I'm not so sure that I'd want my company's jewelry to be associated with an utterly retarded movie.

Just sayin'........

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Snow Days!!

This story is very Denver-centric - as is most Colorado media, but you get the picture.

Oh, pictures you ask?

Why certainly!!



This was the massive drift outside of my kitchen door last night. I could barely open the door to get this pic taken!


These two were just for documentation's sake. That gate is 5' tall, by the way.





These were taken this morning, circa 10:00 a.m.






Look at our patio chairs!


About 2:30 this afternoon, we let the kids go out and enjoy the now, clear blue skies and sunshine....Punkinhead CRACKED me up, trying to ride his bike in the drifts, often taller than he himself.








Like any mother of merit, I told LMNOB, yes, we could build a snowman. And yes, we, or maybe just I, did, lol.






Charlie Brown has been a man possessed. Think Rambo. Even on a snow day, he did nothing but work. He is convinced that if he tunnels out our alley, then when the plows do the side streets he could get out to go to work tomorrow. Ha! When, not if? Seriously, it will be awhile before the plows get residentional....as for me, The Boss just called and said the City is open tomorrow....be that as it may, she nor I will be able to get out of our neighborhoods - even with the beauty of Subaru AWD - we simply don't have the ground clearance. Score one more day off!




Wednesday, December 20, 2006

In the words of Lucille Ball:

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

So today was the day. The day that I was supposed to get my award and bask in the honor, respect, and recognition of my peers. The day that I had to convince myself for the past month that if they thought I deserved it, why then, by golly, I did deserve it. Finally, I'd mustered up the pride that I would simply take this day and enjoy it without dismissal.

But......

God/Mother Nature/insert any other meddling force of the supernatural here, had other thoughts. We're in the midst of a blizzard warning.

Snow started falling just after 6:00a.m. today.

We now have about 2-3 inches in most places, but in other places where the snow has drifted badly - like my patio, we have as much as 6 inches. We're supposed to have about 20 inches total by tonight.

Which means..............

Snow Day!

Which means, my luncheon is cancelled. And now that I was really looking forward to it...well, it's somewhat of a downer. But...life goes on, eh?

I'm all dressed up - to stay at home today....guess I'll go take my cute little suit off and suit up in the appropriate lounge wear....

Edited to add: Now, at nearly 2:00, my patio has about 2 1/2 ft of drifted snow piled right up against my kitchen(back) door.....yikers. Bright spot is, that today and tomorrow have been deemed snow days and the City's "non-essential workers" are free to stay home today and tomorrow, with pay. Woo hoo!

Giggle....

This whole stat counter thing just proved to be really entertaining.

Most of the people who stumble into my ramblings via Google are usually interested in the etymology of the phrase "red-headed step-child." I had a hit from a person seeking "phone sex" after I talked about my marathon call with my sister last week - ewwwww gross! The other day someone was looking for the appropriate spelling of "appropros," and yesterday, someone came over here after they searched "doggone tired." EEEEEEnteresting, very eeenteresting.

Today, someone Googled "scholarships for red-headed people," and mosied on over here, and it's making me giggle - like, are we redheads a protected class or something??? I mean....most redheads are of a caucasian persuasion....that alone grants us a privilege that other minorities lack.

But it made me curious....so I looked at the other links associated with that search.
There was this article, in which it looks like finding a scholarship for merely being a redhead is equitable to a quest for the holy grail - legends abound, but nothing is substantiated. Also - a discussion board, but still no dice - all talk. The rest of the links Google provided were just goofy, trivial things.

Again....people are funny....

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Ok...I've decided

to disable the word verification feature....if that entices some of you to post comments, great. I'm kind of lonely round here these days.

But, be forewarned, spammers, that if my comments become a cesspool of unwanted solicitations, word verification goes right back on!

Monday, December 18, 2006

Back to "work" today, now I can relax...

So last night, Charlie Brown and I are watching HBOFamily and an ancient Bill Cosby stand-up piece was on.

BTW, ancient - used here, is actually younger than myself - as this piece dated to 1983....

Good ole Bill touched on this premise that we tend to work ourselves to the bone on the weekends....only his summation of this phenomenon was much more funny.

And the reason it's funny, is because that it's true - at least for me.

This is what our weekend looked like:

Friday -
Charlie Brown and I both worked.

After work, I:
-picked up LMNOB from school
-picked up Punkinhead from daycare
-readied ourselves for date nite (kids to church - us to previously mentioned Christmas party)
-attempted to tidy things up...unsuccessfully
-ran (drove) to McD's for the kids' dinner
-met Chuck at the church, whereupon we drove out to the Christmas party
-picked the kids up, went home
-helped Chuck assemble furniture
-bed @ 11:30PM

After work, he:
-picked up the new futon we'd bought earlier in the week
-brought it home and loaded our sofa that was being replaced by said futon
-dropped sofa off at thrift store
-met me at the church
-picked the kids up, went home
-assembled furniture
-bed @ 11:30PM

Saturday, he had to work, I was at home with the kids
He left about 7:30, which was when I was awakened.
-fed the kids breakfast- English muffins with eggs, turkey bacon, and cheese
(occasionally I attempt to feign the role of Suzy Homemaker Mama)
-balanced the checkbook
-paid bills online
-ordered prints of pics I took of the kids this fall, to be framed and given as gifts, online
-tried to get the kids to tidy up their toys - unsuccessfully
-drove them to the park to get out - played there for 30 minutes (air too brisk for pleasure)

And this is where I went wrong.....I thought it could be done. And it was....2 hours later!
-took two kids, who were much more tired than they outwardly appeared, to Target, where there were no available parking spaces or shopping carts, to try and finish the rest of our shopping for Christmas.

We had 3 girl cousins to buy for, photo frames for the prints I ordered, a watch and personal groomer for Daddy. The kids wanted things for THEM, not their cousins, Daddy, or other relatives. But MoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooM! There was much moaning and groaning and gnashing of teeth.

-drove home
-deposited one sleeping Punkinhead into his bed, nearly missing death via matchbox cars strewn about the floor
-fixed lunch for one hungry and overdramatic LMNOB
-checked voicemail/caller ID, Charlie Brown had called, but no msg
-called Charlie Brown - he says: Oh by the way, my brother and his clan (wife +3 girls) are coming down. NOW.

He and his brother had had a heart to heart much like the calibre of my talk with my sis the other night, and the low down of just how down and out they were financially since the birth of baby A (in September) had Charlie Brown wanting to perform many random acts of kindness. And we have money this time of year, but not that much. But, he was reminded of some tires in good shape that someone wastefully decided weren't good enough, and BIL's tires were bald and they would also be going on the pilgrimage to the family mecca (Craig) next week, and bald tires over snow and ice = not so pretty. So Chuck explained the deal to the dealer man and asked if he could have the tires to put on his bro's car. They would've been shipped to a recycle place somewhere, otherwise, so the boss man said, as his heart grew two sizes bigger, "sure, why not?"

So, I looked at the piles of dishes, laundry (that was bad, as I'd recently tried to prove a point by just not doing the laundry - the point was missed and our house was a pit, with extremely shag carpeting of cotton, polyester, silk, etc. etc.), the layer of dust on EVERYTHING (I'm telling ya- I went on strike!), and shrugged, saying to myself, "Better get busy girl - your fate's decided." I then went about, with an industriousness Cinderella would envy, and:

-swept/mopped
-emptied and loaded the dishwasher x2
-cleaned up toys
-vaccuumed
-started laundry

SIL and the girls arrived shortly after 4:30. The guys stayed behind, putting the tires on the car. As the girls plus Punkinhead clodded about like elephants above us in LMNOB's room, I practiced multi-tasking - chatting w/SIL as I dusted, and cleaned. She cared for Baby A who seemed to want to feed constantly....2 mos growth spurt. For the next 2.5 hours, I tried diligently to keep the volume at a doable level, but alas, Punkinhead is as much or more a screamer than the girls, and combined - egads.

Guys came home - wondered what's for dinner?

I replied that I was going to start something but thought better of it, not wanting to cook a meal and have them show up with takeout. We decided on tacos, and the men ran to the store for the extra things we'd need not found in our pantry/fridge. As they returned, I:

-cooked for 8
-tidied up most of the dinner dishes
-set the kids up with a movie
-folded 2 loads of laundry
-nagged Charlie Brown several times about our children needing bathed and put to bed so that we could get to church in time to teach our Sunday school class, which I hadn't prepared for yet either - he basically ignored my wishes, and tried to placate me, telling me the kids could catch a bath in the morning.

Finally, and BIL/SIL, I don't write this to make you feel bad- honest - I was glad to have you, not so glad that Charlie Brown ignored my feelings about kids to bed/bath etc, the unexpected guests left at 10:30pm. We put the kids to bed - they reluctantly (read: whiningly) obliged as they were so wound up. I finished the rest of the dishes.

-went to bed @ 11:30pm

Charlie Brown's Saturday list?
7:30-6:00 - work, plus the random act of kindness for his bro.
6:00-6:30 - shopping trip SANS KIDS, for dinner
-went to bed @ 11:30pm

Sunday
-Up at 7 - time to get ready for church
-grabbed kids' clothes and laid them out
-showered. ALONE. I did NOT want my kids in with me - I was with them ALL. DAY. LONG yesterday
-asked Chuck to read the lesson plan for class
-made breakfast (toasted English muffins with butter/jam)
-woke kids
-spike Punkinhead's hair, fixed LMNOB's hair - then argued with her why at 5 1/2 she cannot wear make-up to church
-dressed self, did hair, makeup - sans mascara, as I thought I had some in my purse but later found I didn't, wherein I grunted and said under my breath in the car that I would just have to look like a freaking retard. Charlie Brown got a glimpse of my simmering resentment with that one, and asked me what was wrong. I explained that I was frustrated that the kids hadn't gotten a bath despite my nagging last night. What was I supposed to do, kick them out? No, just let me look like the ungracious hostess instead, thanks.
-get to church, do class which was a less than stellar session
-socialized briefly
-WORSHIPPED - Ahhhhhh.....some blessed relief! Kids were good and finally, for the first time in weeks, obediently went to Bible Hour during the sermon so we actually got to enjoy the msg...
.....except that, someone in the surrounding area really smelled like onions, and I kept getting distracted. Enjoying dry bones of Ezekiel sermon.....preacher says something about rotting flesh - oh yeah, speaking of stench, who is that stanky person that smells like onions? Hmm...quick clothes check...nope not me.....hmmmm......Oh, wait, what's that I hear? The invitation song? Ooops.
-we did get a break with a lunch out
-arrive home, put kids in bed for naps
-began laundry, the folding, the sorting, the putting away
-in between steps, I came to peek online, and in so doing, got "caught" by Charlie Brown and only half-jokingly accused of being addicted to the internet - to which I protested, saying I just needed some me time....but, he needed some "we" time, and demonstrated his desire to "poke some fun" at me. The physical side of me responded, as if to say, "It's about time...I could have used this 3 days ago." The emotional side of me, feeling doggone tired and totally unappreciated wanted to beg off with a headache. But, thus far, my more carnal nature has always won this inner argument, and that record was not about to shift. Add this to the list:
-enjoyed Sunday afternoon intimacy, in a most, er, uhm, unconventional way....(blush)
-went back to doing laundry (a total of 8 loads done from Saturday to Sunday night)*
-cleaned the kitchen*
-cleaned living room
-cooked dinner
-did the dishes
-made lunches for LMNOB and Charlie Brown
-watched Survivor finale with Charlie Brown, *albeit folding laundry and cleaning the kitchen at the same time
-bed @ 10:30

His Sunday list?
-read lesson plan for class
-dress Punkinhead- with clothes laid out by me
-church
-eat
-sex
-watch football
-bathed kids- at my request
-eat
-watch Survivor
-bed @ 10:30

I know....he had to work and was tired. Insert indignant snort here. I'm not making light of how hard he works - I just think it is preposterous that because I'm not "on the clock" that what I do isn't considered "work." I'd love to see him do all that I did, in the quality that I did it in, and just laze around watching him do it all for once.

I hate division of labor arguments. We have them frequently. But seriously, if I don't do the household things, they don't get done - even if I ask! So it's either I tediously do everything all the time, or let it pile up and have a crazy weekend like this one. And that's with me only working part-time. I'm really nervous about next month, going FT and back to school.

He called me this morning at work - a standard g'morning-how's-your-day-going kind of call;

Him: You did a great job with the house this weekend.

Me: That's very nice and all, but to tell you the truth, I would have rather had your help, especially when I asked for it, instead of the affirmation you're dealing right now. *a wry smile/sigh* But thanks, I'm glad it was noticed.

He knows I'm an affirmation junkie, hence his praise. But the thing is, I want affirmation for WHO I AM, not what services I provide. As for the things I do to maintain our household, it would be nice to have something that resembles an equal partnership.....I see a heart-to-heart coming up.

Him: (sheepishly) I was so beat...I'm sorry.

Me: I know...

All the more reason I stand by the title of this post.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Who am I comfortable with?

Last night, Charlie Brown and I went to another Christmas party. This time with several couples from our church.

We've been with our church for 9+ years now, though not quite 10. It seems as if we have always NEVER fit the mold. When we were in the "college" group, we were the only married members for awhile - later, this got us booted from that group as several of the "popular" kids felt that it should be a more traditional student group. When LMNOB came along, all the other new parents at church were 10 yrs older than us and several income brackets up - hard to relate at times. Now, we're no longer "young" marrieds (i.e. newlyweds) but we're still plenty young - 27 and 31. Our parenting label is no longer "new parents," but rather "parents of school age children." We are involved in that we attend most church functions, we've committed to teach a quarter of sunday school every year, we lead a life group, etc. Still, for some reason, we don't have a lot of close friendships at church.

Side note: Funny thing about that is, is the groups who seem like they are always doing something with each other outside of church are the loudest protesters that we aren't close enough as a family. They are also the ones with shaky commitment to our family, evidenced by many leaving this past year, just because. That trend saddens me, a lot. Why aren't we talking about this, instead of painting a pretty picture that all is well until one Sunday when a family is gone forever?

Back to the issue at hand, fitting in. I'm totally of the school of thought that not everyone is going to be my best friend - nor should they be. But inclusion doesn't equal best friends in my book, you know?

Most of the families at our church are upper middle class with the man being the primary earner and the woman a SAHM. I'm not knocking SAHM's - at all, they have my utmost respect for doing a job that I simply CAN'T do. I mother better when able to utilize the other gifts God granted me, which is found in my work. When I'm not using my potential, I get crabby, depressed, and become a very poor mother/wife. And people at church don't understand this. It hurts every Mother's Day when our minister preaches his mother's day sermon where he says in his most politically correct way, that while he understands that not everyone CAN afford the luxury of staying home with the kids, he believes that women should make every effort to do so. In other words, if you can't afford to stay home, but resent having to work because you'd rather be at home, you're still a good mom. But those who want to work....need to work - and not all because of money - well......yeah.

It stinks because not many people who we go to church with really buy into what my work is all about. And, I'm getting more and more excited about what God has planned for me. But people don't get it. And I grow uncomfortable around them as they talk about Polish Pottery collections, the latest sale at Kohl's, and STUFF. I grow uncomfortable around Charlie Brown as he talks about STUFF! I just feel like I am on the outside looking in a lot of times - and that bugs me.

Yesterday, at the end of the day, a frantic mother came into the City's Building/Planning department. She'd paid a deposit for a rental house, but the landlord kept moving the move in date with her due to some work he was doing, and building permit delays with the City. She was using all of her money to stay in a hotel while she waited to move in. The building people couldn't help her, but one of my coworkers came into the Human Services Office, asking if I could help her. I told her sure, that I would be happy to listen to her and see what would be the best course of action for her, whether it was assistance through the House of Neighborly Service, or if she needed to seek out Colorado Legal Services. The mother and daughter came up, and with them was a senior citizen woman that I recognized instantly - a former client of mine from my housing coordinator days. I greeted E and said, "It's been too long - how are you doing? Are you still in the house over on 5th?" She was surprised to see me and told her friend, "This is Heather, she will treat you right and get this ALL straightened out - she helped me when I was about to become homeless." Turned out the woman had a section 8 housing voucher and was new to town. Due to past experience with other housing agencies, she was afraid that she would have no choice as to where she could live - outside of this house that was perfect for her and her daughter. I sat down with her and explained that section 8 is a housing choice program. That because she had a guaranteed resource for housing, she wouldn't receive help from any other agencies, but - that wasn't a bad thing, I added as she began to cry at that news. I explained that she would be able to find something comparable very easily, called a few housing folks to get a listing of participating landlords, and told her she needed to collect her deposit from this landlord that was jerking her around, find something else, and hopefully, as early as next week she could be leased up and done spending her money at the hotel. I also called her housing coordinator at the housing authority to bring them up to speed. The poor woman - just didn't know all of her options, and as such, saw only bleak desperation. I've been there before - haven't you? But, as she left my office, she was relieved and happy.

Later, as I recounted the story to Charlie Brown last night, I told him, "I was far more comfortable with those two women, so different from me, than I was with the people at the party tonight - who profess the same faith."

I was frustrated by that last night. Thinking why don't I fit in with those at our church? Feeling sorry for myself really.

But then,

It hit me this morning - Jesus ate with tax collectors and prostitutes, yet was ridiculed, excluded, and ultimately killed by those who claimed the same religious heritage as Him. I'd wager to say that Jesus felt the same way about fitting in during His days on earth -don't you think?

Maybe, it's not such a bad thing to be an outcast....

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Preliminary Homeless Count Results from the State

Found here:

http://www.coloradoan.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20061214/NEWS01/612140337

and here

http://www.reporterherald.com/region-story.asp?ID=8137

More thoughts on this later....

E-mail Appropros for the Holiday Season

Just got this gem via e-mail - and it's so true.

Happy Holidays and the myth of the ‘normal family’ - Charlie Summers

The holiday season is here with all its stories and legends. Candles flicker in the Menorah. Lights glow on a tree. Visions of sugar plums dance in our dreams. Some stories inspire us, some frighten us, and some stir our sense of wonder. Some tales draw us forward in hope, and some drag us down.

In recent years I have noticed one legend lurking just off stage in many holiday scenes. I’ll call it the myth of the “normal family”. This legend has turned Norman
Rockwell, Walt Disney and the Beaver into the three kings who rule the season. In the legend of the “normal family”, happy parents raise happy children in comfortable homes in a quiet neighborhood. Presents are purchased without stress or debt. Meals are eaten without fuss, spills or added weight. Just the right package shows up under the right tree at just the right time.

You will recognize these scenes from certain greeting cards and department store ads. They seem harmless enough. And maybe they are.

But the longer I work with people, the more I realize that there are no “normal” families. These glittering images have a way of making everyone feel inadequate, unprepared, or a disappointment to those they love. Like a mirage in the desert, they draw us forward to something which is not real.

Every family that I know of, sooner or later, is battered by the unexpected. No one escapes the wounds of life. In one household it is a grave disease, like cancer or HIV. In another it is chronic mental illness or addiction. Down the street a family loses a loved one in a car accident. Next door the breadwinner is laid off in a company
downsizing. Two doors over, a teen has run away, or the parents are in a messy divorce. Family life is always a mixture of struggle and success, of loss and love.

In each situation the family prepares for the holiday with a mix of sorrow and joy. It is as though a shadow hangs over all the plans. This is where the legend of the “normal family” haunts us. For it whispers that everyone is having a good time, except us. It tells us that everyone is buying great presents for their loved ones, but we do not have the money. All those other folks are looking forward to the holiday
meal, but we will have an empty place at the table. The legend leaves us isolated, afraid to mention our trouble lest we spoil someone else’s celebration. It leaves us depressed, because we cannot measure up to its shining example.

But it is just a legend; only a myth. There are no “normal families”. Remember that “Leave it to Beaver” was a fabrication of Hollywood. The department store scenes of glowing faces by a glowing fire on Christmas Eve are there to keep us shopping until the end. Luring us with the mirage of a gift that will make everything all right.
But if we put the legend aside, we can free ourselves to acknowledge our wounds and give thanks for our blessings.

The ancient stories at the heart of this season know that the Servant of God is “a man acquainted with grief.” “The hopes and fears of all the years” have always met at family gatherings.

Since there are no normal families, we are liberated to be with ours just as they are. To paraphrase a little Zen wisdom, whatever shape your family is in, that’s your family.

This holiday is a time to worship, to remember, to weep, to smile, to sing. Hope is a gift born in the reality of our lives, not purchased in some make-believe fairyland. We find our joy not in denial and pretending, but in openness to what God is doing. God has always worked in just such a mess of wounds and wisdom, of earth and spirit, of hurt and help. This is indeed a grand season of the year. It is made grand not by the perfection of our celebration, but by patience with those we love.

May your holiday be blessed with a Presence that cannot be bought,
returned, or marked down.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Sex, lies and blogging

Ooooh, doesn't that sound juicy?!?

Too bad, so sad - no details for you to be had.

Nah....my sister-child and I talked for like a million hours last night. It was 1 am when I went to bed. And yes, the aforementioned topics were largely discussed, among other things. But, what's said with sisters, stays with sisters.

It wasn't always this way. Kay-kay and I are almost 8 years apart in age - and since she was all of ten when I moved out on my own, and very much a pain in my 18 y/o butt, we weren't really very close.

She moved to Seattle almost 2 years ago when she turned 18. I played the big sister/mother role and was over the top blunt with her about how she shouldn't go shack up with her boyfriend. Enter some distance....

But over time, I've seen that she is really blossoming into an awesome young woman. She's happy in Seattle, and though I miss her dearly at times, I really think that's where she needs to be. She's coming into her own quite nicely. And we've grown thisclose as a result.

After last night, I know
    • that we are definitely related, by blood, experience, and personality
    • that we wrestle some of the very same demons because of this relation
    • that I'm proud of her
    • that she's very strong, while at the same time feminely fragile
    • that I can lean on her for some things
    • and that she needs to get a new damned cell plan - we had probably a dozen
      dropped calls over the course of the 3+ hours we were on the phone.

Love you Kay-kay....

Monday, December 11, 2006

Hmmm....I don't remember....

sending one of those hokey good luck chain e-mails on....

Oh, wait........that God person I claim to believe in? Oh, so He's the one responsible - well why didn't you say so? Duh......

Today was my performance review. And the verdict is on overall job performance - I exceed my job standards. This = 3% raise, on top of the 100% increase I'll see when I go from 20 hrs to 40 hrs. Ca-ching $$$...

Then, as I just got home, I opened the mail and there is a letter from UCD telling me I was awarded a $250 scholarship for the spring semester. There's some interesting history to that one. 1.) when I applied for admissions this fall, the lady who markets the program sent me a scholarship application and a deadline of October 15th. 2.) the scholarship administrator says, "uh, no, all 2006/2007 awards had a deadline of April ? 2006." Between that and the fact that most are need-based and I was not a "need based" scenario, I didn't turn it in. 3.) but then I got an e-mail from the dean and the scholarship lady saying that I should turn the scholarship application in b/c sometimes when a student with an award doesn't return, money becomes available. Yada yada....I figure what the hay and turn it in, not really convinced anything will come of it. Bada bing - they turned water into wine folks. Cheap wine, in the grand scheme of things, but nevertheless wine from water. Can't knock that now can I? Yay!

Now.....if only this good fortune would land me, say, free maid service for the rest of my natural life? Whaddya say Big Guy? Pretty please?????

Sunday, December 10, 2006

We clean up purty nice...





Tonight was Charlie Brown's company Christmas Party....


We were finally all dressed up with someplace to go - and look pretty nice, minus the red eye effect, imho.
P.S. - whaddya think about the whole Curly Sue look on this pretty li'l redheaded girl?

Saturday, December 9, 2006

Holiday shopping sans kiddos

What a blessed relief!

Charlie Brown and I got to mess around for 6 whole hours today without a single whine, tantrum, or frantic trip to the restroom. HAAAAAALLLLLLL-lelujah!

Well....maybe not so much on the restroom thing, but I'll come back around to that and let you be the judge ;-)

A couple at church whom I'll call M&M's, who are just a bit younger than Chuck's mom and dad, and to whom we've grown increasingly close these past few years, told us to plan a Saturday afternoon out and about while they watched kids and then we'd eat dinner together.

It was awesome. Have I mentioned how dear M&M's are to us?? :) And, not the candy?

As for the frantic trip to the bathroom - funny story. Charlie Brown and I grabbed some java concoctions on the way back into Fort Fun this evening. We made a few more stops, and by the time we got to King Soopers, my bladder was screaming for mercy. We both scrambled into our respective bathrooms and as I emptied myself, I audibly sighed relief - oh so quietly and privately - I thought. Charlie Brown laughed thru the wall, "Ha! I can hear you!" And then the silent stall mate said, "Quite a relief eh?" LOL - I'm seriously rethinking vocal manifestations of elimination relief. I just laughed and said, "Too much coffee."

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

Ironies

Life sucks sometimes – often sucking the very “life” right out of us.

 

Punkinhead hollers, “I need help wiping,” but when I come to do so, I’m told, “Don’t wook at my butt pwease.”

 

Self-fulfilling prophesies are mighty ironic.

 

We all have needs, and I believe that certain people in our lives should meet those needs, except my own.

 

From what I’ve experienced, the worst procrastinators are often those who should avoid procrastination at all costs.

 

Even if a person is good-intentioned, when there is ignorance, that person is just as oppositional to the cause as an ignorant bigot.

 

Hurry up and wait.

 

Less is more.

 

Behind many confident people lies ugly insecurity.

 

Hypocrisy.

 

A person can get all the external acclaim one could reach, but if they have not the approval of their life partner, and know it, – it is all for naught.

 

Snowflakes on a sunny, clear-blue day.  (still cold though - ;-) )

 

A moment seeming like eternity.

 

5 ½ years feeling like a blink of an eye (this is to be updated at each birthday of my children).

 

Crazy reality.

 

I could go on….these are just things striking me ironic today.

Tuesday, December 5, 2006

Today

I woke, begrudgingly - having pushed the snooze button a half dozen times between Charlie Brown and myself. As my addled mind struggled to push the sleep aside, one would have never guessed that I went to bed at 8:30 the night before.

Actually registering that it was NOW 6:40 AM and I should have taken a shower and had breakfast readied by NOW did the trick, though. Freak out's on!

Just as I turned from the bathroom, I nearly missed toppling LMNOB over - equally sleepy.

"Mama," she whined in that low, I-haven't-spoken-for-at-least-9-hours, first words of the morning voice, "I wet my bed."

With a blip of a glance heavenward and a short "Why today?" I quickly said, "I'm sorry sweetie, but that's ok - your clothes for the day are ..."

As I turn to trot down the stairs and get breakfast going - a snarl came from Punkinhead's room. The frantic cry?

"Mama!"

Of course. A shower's out of the question now, babe.

"My jammies is...is," as I entered the room and evaluated the scene, I gave Punkinhead the words he was searching for.

"You're wet - you wet the bed too?!?" Deep breath....calm. At his crestfallen face, immediately, I went for the save with, "Oh, baby, it's ok - we'll just get you dressed." Too late though, as he streamed a series of "Mama's I so so so so swowwie's." As I motioned him in and he leaned up against me, I realized the boy had just emptied a bladder that must have had the contents of the entire Colorado water table in it. Aaack! Try not to get any on you. "Ok, bud, let's go wipe you off first." Entered bathroom, warmed water and wet cloth, then proceeded to wipe the urine residue off him. Dressed him.

Somewhere in the fog was Charlie Brown saying, "They both wet the bed?" Yeah, nice. Thanks for the concern and all, but help would have been nicer.

But his lunch has to be made and him at work on time b/c his boss is being a freaking jerk about the minute to minute time spent at work - when the mechanics are paid by the work they do not on an hourly basis...but I digress.

I made lunches, his, mine, LMNOB's in record speed. He left - thanklessly. We dropped Punkinhead off at the new daycare - yeah, I haven't EVEN gone there yet on here. We arrived at LMNOB's school. Late. The poor kid has had 8 or more tardies since school started.

Ok....the day picked up from there, I'll admit.

I cranked out my kick @$$ piece on the new minimum wage (posted below) - and had great reviews from the ED I quoted, and The Boss. Nice.

Then, I had the Loveland Homeless Task Force Mtg. Which is not the most efficient usage of my time, for all the action this group has taken. But, it was hot topic day thanks to a vigilante do-gooder who seems to have no regard for public process.

Long story short is found here. He demanded the day of a cold front moving through - that the City supply and inclement weather emergency shelter from 6P-6A within 12 hours of his first words about it. Needless to say, funding, timing, and sheer lack of political will in the community meant he didn't get his wish - from the City. As such, all City employees/elected representatives are heartless jerks, not to be trusted and who wish to avoid acknowledging a homeless problem exists in his eyes. Not to mention the man, while good intentioned, is lacking a lot in presentation - he is RUDE, ANGRY, and flat out HOSTILE. I hate that he doesn't understand that many of us are on the SAME SIDE!

So, here I was at the meeting - under his fire as a City representative on the matter - b/c you know, we are ALL one and the same. insert eyeroll here.

I felt under fire as I spoke to the fact that a proposal, utilizing existing resources/programs, with needs demonstrated, logistics worked out, protocols in place, would need to go before City Council as quickly as possible. In the meantime, I suggested ways to utilize Fort Collins resources for this population be explored - such as comprehensive transportation. That was shot down. Why should we ship out people who are just as much part of our community as you or I? Well, why let them freeze to death on that principle? I mean, I get it, I really do, but to get a solution is going to take time - in the meantime, let's use what is available, even if it isn't ideal right?

I'm just wryly laughing at it all, b/c there are so many people who say the churches and non-profits are the solution to all social dilemmas; government should have no role there. And then there is this guy, who wants the government to be the be-all end-all. And all the politics in between.

No wonder politicians go corrupt! I wanted to cry after that meeting - being perceived as the "bad" guy representative, when anyone who knows me knows just the opposite is true.

Somehow I think all of this is tied to a full moon last night - really!

Now...I'm back home.
Sheets are in the washer.
Dinner's in the oven.
An errant monthly visitor is now in house, after a long deviance from the monthly itenerary.
(that was another part of such an emotionally charged day)
Kids are on my nerves, as I try to recoup by writing this.

Calgon????


CO Minimum Wage Now Higher, But is it a Living Wage?

Minimum Wage Now Higher, But is it a Living Wage?

In November, Colorado voters declared it was time for us to join the 23 other states, and the District of Columbia, which had already adopted a minimum wage greater than the federal rate. The passage of Amendment 42 also makes Colorado the 5th state in the nation to annually adjust this higher minimum wage by the rate of inflation.

For nearly 10 years, the federal minimum wage has been stagnant at a mere $5.15 per hour. During this time frame, a full-time worker on the minimum wage could expect to earn an annual salary of $10,712. Now, the new minimum wage in Colorado is set at $6.85/hour, resulting in a new annual salary of $14,248 for those same workers. At first glance, an annual increase in income of $3,536 might seem like only a good thing for the working poor.

In the case of housing, often restricted by the percent of the Area Median Income for the household size, there are some interesting implications. For a local, single full-time minimum wage earner, the increase can only be seen as a positive, as their new annual salary is still below the 30% AMI, well within the guidelines for income restricted housing. But, according to the 2004 Loveland Housing Study, the average household size in Loveland is 2.44. If one was to examine the effects on 2 person or 3 person households comprising two, full-time minimum wage earners, the ramifications of the new minimum wage may have one seeing what Mary Carraher, Executive Director of Project Self-Sufficiency, is calling “the cliff effect.” Carraher says, “I supported the increase in the minimum wage in Colorado and continue to believe it is an important step forward. At the same time, we continue to see many families who do not earn living wages and who suffer financially when they lose their benefits.”

Recently, Carraher spoke at a Northern Colorado Social Legislation Network breakfast, addressing the cliff effect, and her concerns about it. She explained that some of her organization’s clients have to make difficult decisions when faced with a pay raise or position increase. These promotions often bump the worker above income guidelines for benefits they may be receiving, such as child care assistance. This is the point where the cliff effect takes hold, because when a person exceeds income guidelines for a benefit, the assistance stops, completely and abruptly. Ms. Carraher noted that she would like to see more of a tapering effect with crucial benefits as people climb the self sufficiency ladder. Otherwise, if these raises - with additional costs in necessary areas like child care and housing - net more expenses than income, where is the incentive for the person to accept the promotion?

Imagine a hypothetical family of 3, comprised of two adults who are full-time minimum wage earners and a two year-old:

On the old minimum wage, they received the following services:

  • Subsidized Housing for persons earning less than 50% AMI = Rent + utilities are limited to $535
  • Child Care Assistance Program = Approximately $745/month assistance
  • TEFAP – Government Food Commodity Program = Variable, offsets grocery bill

On the new minimum wage, their annual salary will increase by $7,072, adjusting benefits to look like this:

  • Subsidized Housing for persons earning less than 50% AMI = Rent + utilities are limited to $$712 (a $2,124 annual increase)
  • Child Care Assistance Program = Now ineligible ($8,940 annual increase)
  • TEFAP – Government Food Commodity Program = Variable, offsets grocery bill

Increased income = +$7,072
Increased expenses= -$11,064

Net Change = -$3,992

In other words, the higher minimum wage will net this family a cost of $3,992, an amount they cannot afford to add to their already thin budget. A weighing of options will inevitably take place, and the possibility of one worker quitting to stay home with the child may seem to make sense, even if it drops them back into poverty.

Part of the problem is that many of our human service programs are designed using federal poverty guidelines, which are far below even 30% of our area median incomes, and not at all sufficient to live on considering local housing market rates. Another piece of this problematic puzzle is the cliff effect, where benefits are given on an all or nothing basis to people, limited by income guidelines – with no proper weaning mechanisms in place as benefit recipients transition from reliance on the system to a more self-sufficient life-style.

For more information, please contact Helen Somersall, with the Northern Colorado Social Legislation Network (NCSLN) at 970.484.5010, or Mary Carraher, Executive Director at Project Self-Sufficiency.

(C) Heather Meyer, 2006


Oh, ni-iiiice....

I recently hooked up with statcounter.com so that I could put my inquiring mind to rest and find out neat things like how random people are finding this site on Google, and other such things.

It's cool.

Lots of people come looking for the origin of the term "redheaded step-child" - fair enough, as that's how this blog started.

Today, though, someone Googled uncle fester, practical methamphetamine manufacture, 5th ed and was directed here. The nationality of this person seeking to find such odious information shall remain anonymous - though I will say it plays RIGHT into some of the stereotypes that exist in Colorado.

Gross............on many accounts.

The connection exists due to my answer on a book tag about which book I wished had never been written......

Monday, December 4, 2006

My spirits are lifting...

I swear, sometimes this thinker of mine ought to be recalled for all the worry it creates!

In all honesty, I'm still working thru this issue I posted about previously. And, b/c of said issue, I've felt further from God of late. But, in an ironic twist, in e-mailing an online amiga that I don't even know from EVE, who isn't even a person of faith - made me draw closer to God today. Mysterious ways and all that - ya know?

Those of you who know me and pray for me - thanks, it's apparently working ;-)

Saturday, December 2, 2006

More on Transparency....

And it's not going to be what ya'll expect.

Normally transparent me is struggling with something that I'm not really ready to talk about.

It's not a new issue...

And....I'm feeling like until I get it more under control - I have no right to even consider looking at the specks in the eyes of others when I've got a "log the size of the Vatican" in my eye (totally different context though, Mama P!).

Sorry...

I know some of you were waiting for more.

Soon, I hope.