Thursday, June 29, 2006

Babyhood memories

I decided a while back to record these things, lest I forget them later.

Punkinhead has entered into "Weave me 'wone" territory. I can't really help but laugh - his indignance is so CUTE!

His other oft-repeated phrase these days is "I don't WIKE you! You'we WUDE!!" This is always following someone correcting him and informing him, no he can't do this or that. And he's mad about his lack of control, so it just rolls off my shoulders. My response? "Well I'm sorry you don't like me, cuz I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE you!" said with a smile and grin as he proceeds to get angrier at the failure to push my buttons. Two can play, son, two can play.

My baby is turning 3 on Sunday! We're officially out of babyhood, and it's bittersweet.

I forgot - see I told you I had to record these things - that LMNOB used to call soda/pop/coke (whatever your fancy is - I'm a "soda" girl myself) "hot juice" when she was little. It always tickled my fancy ;-)

Monday, June 26, 2006

Monday Memories

Monday Memories: Did I ever tell you how
I COMMITTED MY LIFE TO CHRIST?

It was about this time of year...10 years ago.

But first, you gotta hear how I got to that point.

You know, God started romancing my heart from my very first breath, I'm certain. And, ironically, that thought alone leaves me totally breathless.

In hindsight, I can see Him so clearly, in every minute detail of my life....and then I think, "This is His gift to mankind - how many infinite details of the billions of lives He's been intimately involved with must there be?" WOW!

So, there was a long, long road between my physical birth and the spiritual rebirth that took place when I committed to the Lord.

I've mentioned before that my parents were teen parents, and the difficulties which ensued from thereon in my life. Poverty, abuse, mood disorders, substance abuse, shame, guilt, and many other factors tried to choke the Life out of me before it ever took root in my heart.

I remember as a child, tagging along with the neighborhood grandmas to church. Vacation Bible Schools often camped out in the housing projects down the street in the summer. As a latch-key child, I was often in attendance. I remember ever so vaguely saying a Sinner's Prayer with an elderly woman when I was 6 or 7 in the clubhouse of the projects. Many seeds were planted, but lay dormant for a number of years.

A very dark period of my life hit from age 12-18. When I was 13, Mom divorced my siblings' father, we lived a summer with my aunt and uncle in a very overcrowded housing situation, Mom soon "remedied" our living situation by nabbing a boyfriend at the bar she tended, and before I knew it, we were living with him.

I rebelled. I bucked and fought at every attempt from my mother and new "stepfather" to conform to this new standard of living - there was chaos and disparity in everything we did now - I tried desperately to prove my worth and feel loved.

When it became clear that this was unattainable, I did what all kids do instead; shoot for negative attention, and in the case of girls, sought it in the arms of boys with no-good intentions. I let my grades slip. I snuck out at night. I remember one terrifying night where a girlfriend and I snuck out, went with some highschool guys to a house - who we didn't even know, and proceeded to "hang out" together. I would have lost my virginity that night, had my girlfriend not interrupted, quite drunkenly. I'm ashamed to even talk about this- I didn't even know him!

Thanks be to God, it wasn't to be that way for long. My parents discovered me, and while they did a lot of things wrong, I can say that they did the right thing in this instance and severely grounded me for a long time - til the end of the schoolyear if I remember correctly (and it was February).

The summer I was 14, I was a ball of emotions, hormone-induced and otherwise. I'd made new friends and went to church with them sometimes. I especially remember a down-town Longview, WA church named Abundant Life Fellowship that took the youth out to Winchell's Donuts prior to services.

The living situation was hell on earth, with the live-in common-law daddy being a man with a very Jekyll and Hyde-like alcoholic persona - my know-it-all attitude and intellect didn't help, and was rather like dumping gasoline on a fire.

My mother, having economic setbacks with the divorce, had decided to pursue public assistance. The state realized that my biological father hadn't paid for child support when Mom had previously been on aid, so they pursued him for back child support, which led to me meeting him for the first time.

I was 14, hating life, and trying to find answers to my tortured existence. I idealized my father in my mind, and when I met him with his wife and two sons, learned they were stable, and Christian (basically everything Mom was not) - well they became very WHITE in my black and white world at the time.

That was September 1993.

In November, Mom and the boyfriend/stepdad moved us all out to CO. Life really stunk then - I tried to fit in, and got involved with a really wacky and charismatic church - in keeping with my father's beliefs...that summer, at age 15, I went back to WA via Greyhound bus and spent the summer with my newfound Dad.

My life changed forever that summer.

When I returned to Craig, CO that summer, I was older, used, and more broken than ever. Not to mention disillusioned with the Christianity scene. I was pretty withdrawn, quiet, and just determined to change my life.

I returned to goody-goody nerd mode, plagued with secrets; the newest secret being my struggle with bulimia.

I determined to find happiness in something, even if it was years down the road via college and a career. I had a couple of friends, and during winter break of 1994, my future husband popped into my life, as a friend of a friend.

Long story short, over the course of the next year, he liked her, she didn't reciprocate the feelings, he got over it, and in the process we fell for each other.

He asked me to go to church with him and his family one Sunday. I faithfully attended, and grew in my understanding of the Lord. Despite his religious convictions, we ended up creating secrets of our own.

Six months or so later, I was even deeper into the hole of bulimia.

I was 17 and working at Burger King, prepping for my senior year, trying to get into colleges, and just get through the days. That night, I'd helped close the store. After work, I went to the middle school track and ran, and ran, and ran... I was so ashamed of myself, felt so dirty and worthless.

I cried out to the Lord asking Him what He wanted from me - why was I still alive when I was so dead inside?

The Words of the Bible answered my heart:
Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.
...draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, have your heart sprinkled to cleanse you from a guilty conscience and having your body washed with pure water. Hold unswervingly to the hope you profess, for He who promised is faithful.
...And now what are you waiting for? Get up, be baptized and wash your sins away, calling on his name.
Sobbing, I looked at my watch. 12:30 a.m....it's going to have to wait. 

But it couldn't, this had to be shared.

I drove over by the preacher's house and saw a light was still on inside. This bolstered me to go knock on the door. It made me think of all the years ago when an elderly woman explained to me that Jesus had said, "Behold, I stand and knock at the door.." 

When he answered, I'm sure they thought something was seriously wrong, and with my family issues, it wasn't unlikely. I don't remember getting the words out. I do remember him asking if I would like to call Seth's parents (he was away at college) and ask them to be there for my baptism.

I did, and moments later, we were at the church. I told my future mother-in-law everything about my father. I kept the bulimia, not to mention the things Seth and I had been doing, hidden, that was too shameful as it was of my own doing. I remember going on and on - to some, it would have looked like a mental breakdown.

Finally, I was ready - the baptistry was frigid! I professed my faith, and committed my life to Him as I was immersed.

I came up a different person - though many of my struggles lingered.

As I've grown stronger in my understanding of the Lord, my walk with Him, and my convictions, those struggles have dissipated.

Don't get me wrong - I still struggle, a lot.

Depression is likely a lifelong companion for me, but the Lord is helping to carry that load, as are my friends and family.

Bulimia? I've been binge/purge free for 8+ years now, and mentally free from the confines of my disease for about 5 years....it's a long hard process, but I can see the transformation, the purification the Lord has been working in my life, and I just humbly hope that He is pleased with the vessel through whom He's working. (That's your's truly by the way ;-) )

I'm nothing, really. But He thinks otherwise....enough to die for me.

How can I not give Him my life in return?



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Thursday, June 22, 2006

Back to You

Song I wrote one night at 1 am after fighting with Charlie Brown.
Jan. 15, 2005

"Back to You"
A girls gone wild deal on the tv
shows me the "other woman",
and she sees me,
sees right thru me,
she haunts me, teases me tonight
says she can give you the time of your life
Her name's not Victoria,
and her stuff's sure no secret
She's mocking me, it's you she wants to get

And then it comes, overwhelming...
I'm helpless against this feeling
I can't find the air to breathe
I can't find my voice to speak
I'm fallin'
Fallin' down to the depths
And she's blockin'
Blockin' my steps
Back to you

You didn't do a thing
No good deed, no bad deed, just nothing
It pains me to know that this kind
Is one of the many you played dirty with
In your mind
So long ago, you’ve come a long way
So how come these feelings seem like they’ll always stay?

And then it comes, overwhelming...
I'm helpless against this feeling
I can't find the air to breathe
I can't find my voice to speak
I'm fallin'
Fallin' down to the depths
And she's blockin'
Blockin' my steps
Back to you

And I, I know that she's hurting too,
but she's blockin'
Blockin' my steps back to you
She's more in my head and not really there,
But push her out of the way, love, show me how much you care
Help me find my way back
Back to you

Down with the Devil!

So, anyone can pray and talk with God openly, right? Why not be able to tell the Devil just how we feel? Well, I've got a message of wrath for the evil one:

Satan, you're really making me angry. Angry like you've seen before, with Him. So, with the blood of my Savior all around me, I'm showing you the door. You're getting kicked to the curb, by some massive, bouncer looking angels. Yeah, they'll make it hurt.

I realize that means you're probably gonna be really mad and want revenge.

Bring it - I've got the Big Guy who MADE you on my side. My mama always said, "I brought you into this world - I can take you out!" Just think what the God of the Universe has done and could do with you.

You leave my friends alone! I've had it with your games, your lies, and the pure crap you're dumping on them. Jesus conquered you, once and for all - why don't you just get that? We hear how crafty and cunning you are, but I keep thinking like AA - the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. With that in mind, you're one crazy dude - Nothing you do will ever erase the fact that you've been defeated. Pretty stupid wasting your time and effort like that for naught, but then what else are ya going to do?

My God He was
My God He is
My God he's always gonna be


You stay away from me, I've got the blood of the lamb upon me and mine - you got it?

Father, God - I'm calling to YOU now.
Help my family and friends to overcome the plagues of Satan.
Create new hearts in us all - help us to remember our joy in Christ's sacrifice.
Grant us peace, LORD, to weather life's storms.
I love you, and thank you for all that you have blessed me with.

Love ya,
Me

Monday, June 19, 2006

Buzzz buzzz buzzz!

Hear that? Is it:

1.) A busy bee?

-or-

2.) A young woman generating news?

-or-

3.) All of the above?



v

If you guessed #3, then ding, ding, ding, you are correct!

Last week, when I made my local paper, I excitedly wrote my sibs, mom, and MIL, adding that my proactive letter I'd sent to all my county's contacts had been adopted by the state folks as a draft for the other counties (who hadn't/still haven't quite gotten on the ball yet) to use for getting the word out. Then, VERY jokingly I wrote:

I can just see it now, "Local Grad Blazes Trail on State Project," in the Craig paper."


MIL e-mailed me back asking if I wanted her or my mom to send the news to their paper. I wrote her back:

I was kidding!

She wrote me back:

Well, I'm not! So who do you want to call the paper?

So...the hometown reporter called me today. I really was quite embarrassed when he asked me to tell him about this project of mine. I was quick to point out that the project was not mine, but the state's - that I was only responsible for my county's efforts.

Reporter: So when did you graduate from MCHS? And what did you do for college?

Me: 1997 - then I went to Colorado State University and earned a Bachelor of Science in Psychology, graduating in December of 2000.

Reporter: So how'd you get involved in this line of work?

Me: Well, kind of by chance, the work found me. After college, it was difficult finding a job for several months. Finally, an offer was made with the local mental health center, and I worked there as a homeless outreach worker and housing program coordinator. I learned more in that work than my whole higher education experience could have taught me.

Reporter: So, isn't it kind of depressing to see people suffering all the time?

Me: Yes, it is. It's a type of hell on earth to see the ugliness that is tossed at them from our society. You begin to see beauty in the souls of the simple people of the streets, in the single parents working 40+ hrs/wk yet still can't make it with daycare and high housing costs, in the children who age much too quickly, while smugness and condescension breed in the comforts of our upper middle class communities. But, I tell ya what. If the depressing work made me quit, and all the others who join me, then how is that serving our community? Somebody's got to do it and good will come.

Reporter: What's the overall goal of this project?

Me: Well, the overall goal is to achieve a solid, and accurate, starting point. Factual numbers and figures for public awareness and education programs. For instance, did you know that homeless families are on the rise? And did you know, that they are nearly half of the entire homeless population? Did you know that according to some studies, the average age of a homeless person in the US is 9 YEARS OLD??

Reporter: Really?!? Damn...

Me: Exactly. Once education and awareness campaigns hit, hopefully the public will catch on. Also, grant proposals and homeless/housing programs would hopefully become more effective. Though, with funding cuts, who knows?

Reporter: Why do you do this kind of work?

Me: (I thought I already answered that - and just kind of repeated my above comments - my brain was fried after 3 hrs of customer service training)

Reporter: Thank you for your time Ms. Meyer.

Me: Thank you for the coverage of the project.

After talking to him, I found a quote from Mother Teresa:

We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless.
The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty.
We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty.

Such true words...and exactly why I have the values I do. Not only do I try to teach my children that they are wanted, loved, and cared for, but I want them to convey that to others. I want myself to model that to them by being able to hug a man who's been in 90 degree weather for weeks without a shower.

He'll joke and say, "I'm a little ripe today," and try to shoo me away, but he'll not be effective in doing so. His eyes will crinkle up as he smiles, he'll say something insignificant with his words. But his eyes will say, "Thanks for reminding me that I'm still loveable to someone on the outside."

IT's these radical acts of love that God created us for, and I feel best when doing them.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

My hair is driving me NUTS!

It's far too long, at least for this cut. It's only been, hmmm, 11 weeks?, since my last haircut!

#1 - HOW is that possible? It doesn't seem like it's been that long?!?



#2 - same cut, or EVEN shorter? Like this --> for example?


It's awfully short, [bite nails], but it's so dang hot!!

Homeless Count is getting Press!!



This article ran in my local paper (identifying info blanked out):

Article published Jun 12, 2006
Survey to count area homeless
Data to help determine needs, get grants
By ______________________________

State and local officials hope to bring visibility to Colorado's homeless this summer while gaining a better understanding of who they are and the services they need.

The first statewide count of homeless people in 18 years is scheduled to take place the evening of Aug. 28 and during the day Aug. 29. Volunteers will visit agencies that work with the homeless to survey residents as well as parks and other places used as havens.

A goal of the survey is to reach as many homeless people as possible who are not staying in shelters, said (my name), coordinator of the project in Larimer County.

Many homeless people, including families with young children, end up "crashing on friends' couches" or camping, she said, and are not easily found.

"We want to contact as many people as we can in the county," (my name) said. "We want to get a good snapshot of what homelessness looks like in Larimer County."

The project is sponsored by the Colorado Interagency Council on Homelessness, which was appointed by Gov. Bill Owens in 2003. The survey is intended to get an accurate count of the homeless across the state, document the demographics of the population and determine mobility trends. The information would be useful in applying for government funds aimed at programs designed to address homelessness, which is on the rise.

For the purposes of gathering the information, the state's counties have been divided into nine regions. Each county is expected to do its own survey, without financial backing from the state, (my name) said.

Hundreds of volunteers are needed to help conduct the survey. Donations such as gift cards to pass along to homeless people who participate also are needed, she said.

An estimated 700 to 1,300 people are homeless in ________ County, (my name) said. The survey is expected to produce a more accurate number and useful information about individuals' situations. It also would generate information on the number of homeless who have physical and mental disabilities or have substance-abuse problems. Understanding how a person became homeless is a step toward addressing his or her needs, (my name) said.

A 1988 statewide count of the homeless identified 3,165 people, including 2,145 in the Denver metro area. A survey taken in January in metro Denver found 9,091 homeless people.
The number of homeless in metropolitan areas has been studied, but not in rural areas, said Very Kind Woman and Friend, regional director of Agency XYZ. The agency operates homeless shelters in two northern CO cities.



The homeless population has shifted in recent years, Very Kind Woman and Friend said, with shelters seeing fewer "travelers" and more area residents seeking help. The number of homeless who are physically disabled has increased, she said.



Officials typically put the number of homeless at 1 percent of the population, Very Kind Woman and Friend said. Having solid numbers on the homeless would help agencies better understand the depth of the issue and coordinate services, she said.

The reporter did a GREAT job, including these sidebars:

Who is Homeless?
A person is defined as homeless if he or she is:
* Sleeping in places not meant for human habitation, such as cars, parks, sidewalks or vacant buildings;
* Sleeping in an emergency shelter;
* Spending 30 consecutive days or less in a hospital or other institution but ordinarily sleeping in an emergency shelter or a place not meant for human habitation;
* Living in transitional/ supportive housing after being on the streets or in emergency shelters;
* Staying temporarily with family or friends while looking for a permanent place to live;
* Staying temporarily in a motel paid for by others while looking for shelter or housing;
* Being evicted within a week from a private dwelling unit and having no subsequent residence identified;
* Being discharged from an institution and having no subsequent residence.

And,

Want to help?

Volunteers and donations are needed to assist the homeless count in ______ County. For information about the program and how to help, contact (my name) with City Y Human Services at myname@ci.cityy.co.us or 555-5555.


It was really cool, both for my project, and for my career development, to have this kind of noticeable press. At this point, the letter template I drafted to get the word out has been adopted by the State for all the other counties to use, and that press article is being referenced as a model. It makes me giddy to see doors opening that just a few months ago were seemingly nailed shut!

Monday, June 12, 2006

Monday Memories : 6/12




Monday Memories: Did I ever tell you about THE FIRST PRO BASEBALL GAME WE TOOK THE KIDS TO?




Probably not, because it was just last Monday, lol.

At work last week, the Planning Dept. Director poked his head in my office and asked if my boss and I would be interested in 4 tickets to the Rockies game that night. One of the City Councilors had season tickets for 4 seats and couldn't go. The boss said no, she had plans. I habitually thought, "No, we don't have any money," as it's usually true ;) But then I reconsidered and told him I might be, that I had to check with my husband.

I called Charlie Brown and proposed going to Denver immediately after work, it wouldn't cost us but parking and cheap dinner at McD's. We had decided earlier this year that we wanted to spend more time actually savoring the summer with the kids, instead of whiling away the summer doing the same ole same ole. He said sure, the gas tank was full on my car, I needed to go to the ATM and get cash for parking, grab some McD's and he'd meet me at home ASAP. (The game began at 7:05, and he gets off work at 5:30 - usually home by 6, and Denver's an hour away.)

So, I nabbed the tickets (note to self - I STILL need to get a thank you card for Councilor Heckel) and picked the kids up from daycare, telling them we had a special treat that night.

The drive there was mostly uneventful, 'cept that Punkinhead became Gummy Head;Peppermint variety, along the way. No scissors on hand, pocket knife or anything - and the gum was not coming out! So, we capped him with my Rockies hat.

Yeah, I'm the mom who, sometimes, when the kids wet the bed, just grabs a towel and tells them to sleep on that, I'll change the sheets in the morning.

We found parking for a mere $5 relatively close to Coors Field. When the stadium came into the kids' view more, the excitement bubbled to the surface. On the way around the stadium's inside perimeter, Punkinhead caught a view of the field, and virtually danced as he exclaimed, "Mom! Beecepahll payers! Beecepahll payers!"




It was then that Chuck and I exchanged a glance that said, if nothing else, it's worth it for THAT alone!
LMNOB was excited too, and dancing around, asking, "Where's the cheerleaders?" We told her she could be the cheerleader.

We took our seats, and GREAT - 16th row behind the visitor's dugout- ones they were! Charlie Brown told me, "If you ever get these seats offered again - TAKE THEM. Even if we can't go, we can give them to friends!"





The guy behind us was on a date, with his parents too. No, he wasn't a teenager - I'd guess late 30's. But he was HILARIOUS - that winning combination of extreme trivia knowledge , current events, and wit. His running commentary, that only ceased while he took intermission, was a pleasure, and he bantered back and forth with LMNOB and Punkinhead as they cheered and jeered alternately - depending on who was at bat. As the cameras panned the audience, he roped us into playing "celebrity look alikes." When there was a little league team on the air, he instantly proclaimed, "Bad News Bears," and had Chuck and I in stitches. We ended up on the big screen twice, which stoked LMNOB's ego - and had her dancing in the aisles in hopes of more tv time, lol. Funny man ended up taking our picture at the end:
(I hate my snaggle teeth! Ignore them)

The Rockies lost that night, but we had a blast.

Dinner for 4 at McD's - $12

Parking in Denver- $5

4 hot dogs with the $1 hot dog coupons @ entry - $4

4 free tickets to the Rockies game with a great view, good company and family memories: PRICELESS!


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No posters, but prayers were answered yesterday!!

My e-mail this morning to my other church sisters who were called to the "summit," yesterday:

Sisters,

Yesterday’s talk was an answered prayer for me – as I’d been praying for her heart to soften and resolve to work things out with her marriage. God is SO good, isn’t He?

I’m still a little cautious for now regarding her contact with this other guy, and just keep praying for us to battle Satan’s presence in this part of her heart.

This morning I told her how much it meant for me to hear the words she had to say yesterday, that I knew that was a very difficult thing for her to do, being the private, keep the feelings inside person she is, and that alone made it precious, but then she topped it with words of perseverance. A miracle of the heart. I also prayed with her this morning, for her spiritual life, for the husband’s, for them to get right with God first and then grow together in marriage like never before.

I left her some scriptures that I recommended she read (most are about seeking God and the blessings He promises in return):

Deuteronomy 4:
29But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.
30 When you are in distress and all these things have happened to you, then in later days you will return to the LORD your God and obey him.

31 For the LORD your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your forefathers, which he confirmed to them by oath.


Hosea 10:
12 Sow for yourselves righteousness,
reap the fruit of unfailing love,
and break up your unplowed ground;
for it is time to seek the LORD,
until he comes
and showers righteousness on you.

Isaiah 55
Invitation to the Thirsty
1 "Come, all you who are thirsty,

come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.

2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

3 Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.

4 See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander of the peoples.

5 Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor."

6 Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.

7 Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.

9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."

And finally, I pray this Scripture a lot:
Matthew 10:
26…There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. 27What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. 28Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.

God’s working mightily–
M, I know you’re worried with soon being gone for the Ukraine, and I’m praying that His peace will be with you on this. I’m committed to helping her spiritually via prayer, encouragement, and select feedings of the Word ;o) and I’d say S is too. I want to thank you both for your loving hearts and godly examples – it encourages me to no end. I look at this situation and God’s hand in the little details of how this family even came into our lives – how it was all preparation for this storm, and I’m amazed at the intricacies of the loving concern and plans He has for each one of us. I love you both.
God bless,
H


Answered prayers, all over the place! Hallelujah - I will praise Him!

Sunday, June 11, 2006

*Sigh* Pray for me...

After a couple of meetings, cry on the shoulder sessions with my other church friend who's having marital difficulties, it seems the "support" (empathy and attempting at talking through the feelings with her) has given her the green flag for heading to divorce court. Now, let me make it very clear, I have not encouraged this, in the least - but she's heard what she wants to hear.

Friday, I called her and talked to her on the phone for about 20 minutes - and decided the "I understand, call me if you need to just talk" approach wasn't cutting the mustard. I asked the hard questions, told her of the hardness and unwillingness I was hearing in her heart. I, in short, tried to couple restoring her gently with spurring her to love and doing the right thing. The latter being a bit of a tough love approach....and, I think, it just made her mad.

Me being me, I automatically think, "How could that have gone differently - what could I have done differently to make her hear me?" After a lot of prayer, I think God's answer is that it wasn't me, or the delivery of the words He wanted her to hear, but rather her heart was hard.

She did approach me at church this morning and ask me to meet with her before our small group tonight - so I have hope. If nothing else and she's just telling me how furious she is with me, at least she's feeling her emotions and sharing them; as she is a bottler. But, I hope for it to be far more constructive than that. I'm hoping God is working her, getting her to reconsider her choices. I've been telling her she needs to be still, and know that He is God [ and will work all things for good]....

Pray for wisdom, truth, and love to prevail, to the glory of the Father.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Housing Article Stirs the Pot of My Heart

Tuesday, one of my friends in the City Attorney's office e-mailed me a link to a story on "Housing First" that the NY Times was running. Ironically, Colorado was the basis of the article, specifically the City of Denver - though none of our papers ran the story. Kind of goes to show that while we have many good advocates out there for the homeless, our communities at large don't want to address the issue as a whole.

The article explains,
The "housing first" approach was pioneered in the 1990's by a group in New York, Pathways to Housing.

In a first step, confirmed street dwellers are coaxed into rooms of their own, a more attractive proposition to many than the drug treatment programs or transitional group homes they had been offered in the past. Some skittish people take along their shopping carts.

Once drawn into so-called supportive housing, the participants are monitored by social workers and offered psychiatric and other services that might stabilize their lives. But breaking addictions or seeking other needed treatment is not a prerequisite for entry....

So, you're telling me that some drunk can spend my tax dollars and get housing without straightening up?

Sort of...it's not as if the agencies running these programs don't offer or even advise treatment for mental health and/or substance abuse, but the focus is on housing them first, then getting the treatment established.

After all, how much sense does it make to tell someone in such a devastating situation as not having a home, "Go out and do away with your stress management method of choice," [using], "even in the midst of crisis," [living on the streets in the elements], "and talk to me about housing when you've been sober for 90 days?"

Yeah, I'd like to see you try it.

That's not the only fear about this model, though:
Some advocates and state officials have questioned the intense focus on chronic cases, fearing that it detracts from programs for families. Mr. Mangano responds that homeless families continue to receive the bulk of public money and are the subject of promising experiments, too.

But, for those concerned about the usage of our tax dollars,
... officials found that 25 men were taken into emergency detoxification centers for an average of 80 nights each in one year, at a total cost of $772,000. Officials have found that they can provide housing and most medical and other services for about $15,000 a year per person...

Hmmm...

25 men x 80 nights of detox care each = 2,000 nights of detox care = $772,000.

-or-

25 men x 365 days of housing and medical care = 9,125 days of housing and medical care = $15,000 x 25 = $375,000

That's 4 1/2 times the amount of care for less than half the cost!

For those worried about Housing First detracting from family programs, the savings alone could be a way to recover ever dwindling funds for family service and/or self sufficiency programs! For the tax-payers who abhor the welfare system, this is simply a more efficient stretching of your already claimed dollars - better than your money being claimed and wasted, eh?

As Philip F. Mangano, a Bush appointee to the United States Interagency Council on Homelessness, said,
"Cost-benefit analysis may be the new expression of compassion in our communities."

I can't help but think about the story of the Good Samaritan, the model for Christian compassion, through all of this. Stumbling upon the wounded traveler, did he think, "Fool! He shouldn't have been traveling this way in the first place - everyone knows there are robbers alon this path." Did he flesh out the traveler's story and determine if the root of his downfall was because he'd imbibed too much wine earlier in the day? I doubt it - I'll bet that the Samaritan didn't ask anything more than whether the man was ok! We're told he paid for the traveller's lodging and food until he was well, with no strings attached.

Why does our compassion have to have a cost-benefit analysis tied to it?

God doesn't demand outcome measures from us in order to receive His grace and mercy....

He does tell us to share the wealth, though. Are we doing that?

1,000 words

Seen in the woods, on our hike last Saturday....





Being that my kids were entering in the wonderland of Colorado's nature, I took it as a sign that Punkinhead and LMNOB are headed for government domination, bwah-hah-hah! Winky

Friday, June 9, 2006

Have you seen Jesus my Lord?


Have you seen Jesus, my Lord?
He's here in plain view.
Take a look, open your eyes;
He'll show it to you.



This lovely hymn that we rarely sing at our church anymore came to mind this morning. There's so much truth to the fact that one need just look around and God reveals Himself to us in many, many ways.

God blessed me with children who, after significantly less struggle than a "normal" workday, acquieced and dressed themselves fairly quickly. All week long, mornings have been a battle, and today, it was as if the Lord Himself was saying, "You've earned it, my daughter, here's an *easy* day."

Instead of our usual prayer in the car, we sang a few praise songs - Our God is an Awesome God, and Blue Skies and Rainbows (LMNOB's signature song).

I stopped in the Safeway near work to grab a salad and apple for lunch. There's something different in the city I work for than there is in the city I live in, even though to most folks they're one and the same. The produce guy was very friendly and in a great mood. He made me smile. Grabbed a couple cards - one of my church sisters has a b'day today and we are watching her girls while she goes out with her parents. Her hubby is away at a treatment center right now, and I really want her to know how much we love her and celebrate her existence! Found a great card for her. Also found one simply saying the Lord told me to pray today for the other friends who are going through a marital crisis right now.

Go to the checkout, and of course there is one aisle open with several customers waiting. Being the paragon of patience that I am (ha!), I roll my eyes and look at my watch, gloss over the tabloid headlines and grow more irritated at the American fascination with morally inept, trashy celebrities. The checker is humming, joyfully, and as I hear it, my heart lightens, and a smile creeps into my face. This isn't the first time I've seen this happy little Hispanic man there, and every time, he brings me joy. The lady in front of me checks out and he addresses her by first name, telling her to have fun planting - that he hasn't got his plants out yet, believe it or not. I chime in, "You'd better get on the stick, then, they're missing out on great growing weather!" He looks at me and tells me he's probably not going to get them out this year, smiles and shrugs his shoulders with an implied gratitude, as if to say, "I've got so many blessings, not having a garden this year is not a concern of mine." I spy his name tag, and see his name is, quite appropriately, Jesus.

That's when the above hymn began playing in my mind.


Have you ever stood in the family
With the Lord there in your midst;
Seen the face of Christ on your brother?
Then, I say you've seen Jesus, my Lord.





Yes, I got to see the Lord today, in the joy and kind heart of a man bearing His name. I also saw Him in the sunny blue skies today, the opening rosebud in my front yard.



Have you seen Him today?

Thursday, June 8, 2006

Preacher Challenge

It's now been a week since that last praise update!

Been a lot going on...but no grumbling from me, just heartfelt gratitude for the very extended family our Father has blessed me with.

Thursday 6/8/06 - I LOVE, positively love, the fact that there are so many people who are seeking to follow God at our church, as best they can. I may not always agree with their interpretations of Scripture, and thus their consequent actions/beliefs, but I will always honor the intention of trying to understand and honor God more fully and completely.

Wednesday, June 7, 2006

Is "Councilor" a word?

Ok...note the "anal retentive" indication on my blog description, re: spelling.

This question was a one-liner e-mail sent to me yesterday by the regional homeless coordinator, referring to my categorization of various City Council Members on my list of county contacts. And, this guy has a reputation for being a real wise a$$. And, when I wrote my introductory letter - which by the way, the STATE adopted as the general template for the homeless count project- he, instead of complimenting me on my obvious masterpiece, simply noted, "Re: that last sentence, the COUNTY is not training anyone." Except that since they pay a quarter of my salary, and I will be training folks, they kinda are. Some competitive tension here? You betcha.

So back to the concern of whether Councilor is a word. I was feeling particularly spunky yesterday, and sent the following back to him:

Indeed it is…

2 entries found for councilor.
coun·cil·or also coun·cil·lor ( P ) Pronunciation Key (kouns-lr, -slr)
n. A member of a council, as one convened to advise a governor.
See Usage Note at council.
council·or·ship n.
Source: Merriam-Webster's Dictionary of Law, © 1996 Merriam-Webster, Inc.

Please don’t question me on proper spellings and/or verbiages – I am most particular about these things, to the point of the infamous “anal retentive” label ;o) Of course, my hands don’t always coordinate with my brain when it comes to typos.
I’d like to add that typos and crappy spellings, while appearing to be one and the same, are, in fact, entirely different deficiencies.
I’m spunky today…. ;-)

My Name (former child spelling bee champ – Kelso, WA 1989-1991)
Given his smart guy nature, I'd have thought I would have made him laugh; but apparently I made the faux pas of professional e-mails and assumed he got the joking tone I intended.
Oh well, I'm still smarter than him, lol. Neener-neener-neener!
P.S. - this is to be read with sarcasm and a certain amount of facetiousness ;o)

Linky-dinky doo Wednesday

Sorrry folks; LMNOB has a new favorite show on Noggin, called Pinky Dinky Doo, and it inspired the title.

Mike Cope - a minister only known to me because of the multitudes of folks at our church who went to Abilene Christian University - has a GREAT post on his blog today.

Check it out - and if there are any guys reading this: Just do it!

Tuesday, June 6, 2006

I love you, Charlie Brown!

To my Sweet Babu,
(yeah, yeah, I know that was a Sally thing for Linus, but since it's MY blog, I'm gonna pretend this term of endearment is also used by one pretty lil red-headed girl to make known Chuck's affections are NOT unrequited!)


You really are the man God made just for this pretty lil red-headed girl. You do get the husband of the year award, in my book - and know that your humble comment indicating otherwise, that you "were just making up for all the other years," only proved it all the more. It's hard to believe that I've ever felt otherwise, but I suppose that's what it's like when the Bible tells us "as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." He has blessed me with you, and a heart that sees you for the gift that you are.


As much as I claim you don't understand me, you do. You know me better than my own self in a lot of ways, knowing that a tickle at just the right time will bring a smile and a rush of desire for you, when at other times it makes me want to swat at you like a fly, and shoo you away from me. You know my deepest hurts, and the efforts you make - showing me that our children will have a Daddy, one who loves them fiercely and makes them proud, your thoughtful calls during the day, and just plain presence - secure my footing in the life that we have made together, and the knowledge that I am loveable and loved. You remind me that not only do I have your love, but that of many others, when I forget. You know that my body betrays me, and longs for you after a quarrel - regardless of where my mind may be....sometimes I wonder if you pick fights with me, with this very thing in mind - oh yeah, I know you too!


You're my favorite playmate, be it squirtguns, that old inside joke, playful washing of dishes together, passing notes during a boring class, or that other, really fun thing we do. ;) Your wit brings me joy - though only when I'm not the brunt/butt of the joke...sorry, gotta put a qualifier on that on, or else you'll use it against me! But truely, I think of all the sounds that come out of our home, and no, there aren't a lot of deep philosophical conversations in our home, but there is always laughter, and that gives me comfort.


I respect you in so many ways, love. The work you do, and the skill it takes, boggles my mind! Then, the fact that you're the best at it, the youngest in the shop, and have pushed yourself further and higher, just magnify that awe ten-fold. And you've done it all for us, which makes it so much dearer. You are putting yourself "out there," emotionally for your friends lately, and I honor that greatly. The sacrifices you've made recently illustrate your heart, and the view is breathtakingly beautiful.


I love you, I love you, I love you.

Always yours,

Me

WOO-HOO!!

I did it, I did it! I fixed my sidebar, ALL ON MY OWN!!!! No tech assist or anything, oh yeah!

Perchance I am a techie after all, not being able to leave something alone til I get it?

Monday, June 5, 2006

Slippin' & Slidin' Having Summer Fun


Yesterday, our backyard looked like this:
LMNOB having a blast!






Charlie Brown ignoring the warning prohibiting adult usage.


Here, Punkinhead was drinking the water from the "pool" end of the Photobucket - Video and Image Hostingslip'n'slide. Charlie Brown tried to get him to stop by saying he'd peed in it. This of course was in jest, but I had to laugh at Punkinhead's response:

Friday, June 2, 2006

God's moving us out of our comfort zones

Charlie Brown and I that is. We are on couple number 2 from church who are experiencing marital problems, and have been the chosen confidantes.

Yesterday, as I spoke to her, I wanted to point out all of her contributions to the mess they were in, but kept hearing "you who are spiritual should restore that person gently" kept rolling around in my mind. So I sat and listened, and feebly offered the best case-mgt I could:
Write out 5 things that you're angry about in "I'm angry because ....." form.
Then, write 5 things YOU can do to alleviate that anger - not what HE can/should do
and the 5 reasons WHY you should not dwell on the anger, and try to implement the anger alleviation steps.
Sjare it with me in a few days, as accountability.
What else to sau or do? I'm not sure. Just continue being a friend and listening. I used to want to do this for a living...now I'm not so sure. Charlie Brown's gotten the same thing from the husband, and he's REALLY uncomfortable - "Why me LIRD, I don't want to feel other's pain!"
I had a dream several years ago, when we were in the midst of our own marital crisis, that Charlie Brown and I were a team working on marital relationship issues with the church. I'm starting to question whether it was a prophetic dream?

Thursday, June 1, 2006

WHAHHHHH! I need Tech Assist!

Teary

So, I thought I could mess with my template, to add the cool WAY FM pics and link, change a few colors, and voila! But alas! I'm a Techy poser! I have this short sidebar now with gobs of white space! Teary Whaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

Anyone?