Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Her pictures say a bajillion, blubbering-inducing words..

My LMNOB has a particularly special gift, among many others.

Her keen ability to observe and recreate has long astounded me - you tell me, am I being overly partial in feeling this way?



She drew this tonight at church, hence the heart and cross - indicative of her mood.

Ms. M has her bandana and no hair, as she is post-chemo. Notice the earrings though, including the top right hoop. Ms. M does indeed have that, and on that ear, should you be standing across from her. Then she has her staff ID necklace - and a top and skirt that actually resembles the outfit she had on today.

LMNOB drew her barrette in her hair, the butterflies and hearts on her shirt, and the holes that make her crocs. You can hardly see it, but she also drew the butterfly pendant she wears on her crocs.

And the little boy L actually does have rather large eyes, and when she drew him, I knew exactly who it was before she wrote his name (I edited the pic for name content - but she wrote all the names spelled exactly right).

The clothing is indicative of what was actually worn today at school. And, I'd wager to say they are all kids who were kind to her today at school.

She was so happy while drawing this, and it made me tear up to see her say in her own little way, Mama, it's gonna be ok. I'm finding my place, and these people care for me. I'm gonna be just fine. Also, I'm gonna be a famous artist someday and will show the world my innermost thoughts with my work.

:sniff: She's my precious baby, you know? I want the kindest, gentlest, most caring world for her. Especially right now, when I'm still responsible for helping shape that world for her.

Spreading the Good News

That is, if you are a make-up junkie like me and cheap to boot.

E.L.F (Eyes, Lips Face) was recently bought out by Nordstrom's - so their online goods are all available for $1 each!

For a limited time only. What a steal!

Our Horrible, Rotten, No-Good Morning

LMNOB had a rough morning transition this morning – as I have been expecting this week. On Monday, the first day of school, I stayed with her in the classroom at her signs of an impending meltdown, so as to avoid her peers pegging her as a big baby/ freakshow on the first day...Some already probably leaned that way, per her anxiety at the ice cream social. She did great the rest of that day though, and then again yesterday morning, she kissed me and ran to the playground without a moment's hesitation.

With the new school transition, we’ve had some rough moments at home in the evenings, but they have been workable. Last night she tried to run over me with her bicycle when I informed her she actually had chores to do first. I've been living with "divert and de-escalate" as my mantra lately, and frankly, it's exhausting.

This morning was different, though, a fair amount worse than "rough." She was “off” at home, and while not tantruming, it was difficult to keep her motivated to get ready to go. As dressing was such a struggle, time for a sensory exercise was short. I ended up having her carry her weighted rice bag as we walked to drop her brother off at daycare, and also instructed her to sit with it in her lap in the car as we drove to school. I managed to sneak in some deep pressure for her, lasting about 10-15 minutes in this way.

When we got to the school she was fine, until we rounded the corner to her classroom where the kids were either playing on the playground or lining up.

Enter extreme clinginess and anxiety. This is her pattern. She then melted down further as I explained to her that the bell would be ringing and I needed to get to work – screaming, crying, etc. To make matters worse, the teacher was in the classroom, and all that was out in front of the class were kids and playground aides - neither of which know us enough to be supportive. I tried deep pressure on her shoulders, to no avail. When class began, Ms. M had to pry her off of me.

This happened frequently last year prior to her diagnosis of sensory processing disorder. With the addition of a “sensory diet” LMNOB’s difficult morning transitions all but disappeared. We are still doing the sensory diet activities, but easing into a new school is a large transition for her and will take time, thus some of the behavior we’re seeing is hopefully temporary.

However, in the meantime I do not wish to continue as-is in the mornings, hoping we’ll luck out with a good one – it is hardest on LMNOB, but also difficult for me, her peers, and then Ms. M who gets to try and calm her down.

Ms. M called me this morning with the suggestion that we do a morning check-in in the class-room at the time I drop her off (that is, bring her to the classroom before the kids get in) and see how that goes for a smoother transition. I think that of all the ideas floating in my head, this might be the one with the most success. Particularly since one of the escalating factors was that I could not go in the classroom and look at her paper person she'd made yesterday.

We’ll try that, and see how it goes.

Other ideas that I had were:

Having Mr. Principle take her from me on the sidewalk and bring her to the building (provided she is ok with this – I’m not proposing that he deal with a screaming child each morning)

Having her ride the bus in the morning (and thus make that transition of “together with mom – independent” prior to arriving at school) – however, again, LMNOB has to buy in to this, lest the bus driver be burdened with an inconsolable child. She is riding in the afternoons, and doing fine, but for some reason is resistant to the morning bus.

In the meantime, I feel like I could sleep for a month, uninterrupted. I'm THAT tired.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

BAD Mommy!

I’m feeling a mite guilty.

See, I’m at my office and it is raining freaking cats and dogs.  Apparently Colorado has put the monsoon season back into August, like it used to be.

And I, in all my infinite planning, forgot to give LMNOB an umbrella for when she got off the bus this afternoon. 

And guess when that is?

Uhm now.  In this torrential downpour.

She at least has a jacket in her backpack.  With which she will get weighted down and float down the flash flood waters.

Great one, Mom.

Disclaimer: Ok, I know that I’m not a loser, but it hurts my always be prepared little heart, ok?

Resigning My Weighted Down Self

Weight has always been an issue for me.

 

As a chubby gradeschooler, I was known at the school as “the Blimp.”

 

In 6th grade, I hit a growth spurt, reaching my current 5’5” height.  The change in my body’s elevation meant for the first time ever I was THIN. 

 

Throughout junior high, I was a normally thin girl, and the issue of weight was out of sight, out of mind.

 

Then in highschool, my genetics caught up with my teenaged eating habits, and slowly my thighs began to fill out more.  I began to restrict my food.  More and more, the restrictions leaned anorexic, and then I began purging what little caloric intake I had gotten with exercise.  That got to be too much, and before long I found myself in the binge purge hell known as bulimia nervosa.

 

In college, I began recovery.  It was scary as hell, because the Pill, combined with “normal” eating and exercise was putting weight on my too-thin frame at an alarming rate.  The Pill won that battle, and I gained 60 lbs in 18 months.  It wasn’t what I wanted, but I knew I couldn’t diet without falling back into my old ways – not then anyway.  Well, eventually I went off the Pill and surprise, here comes LMNOB!  And 57 pregnancy lbs.

 

Afterward, I resigned myself to being a size 14 – after all wasn’t Marilyn a 14’er?  Somehow, I never managed to look quite like her at that size.  Probably had something to do with my bone structure being quite a lot smaller.

 

Then there was Punkinhead, and after he came along, I did get into shape.  With proper diet and exercise I managed to get to a size 10 by the time he was 18 months old.  I really hadn’t changed my diet much, having now become a right-balanced eater.  But I’d found running.  What a difference that made.

 

However, we all got sick that spring and I never recovered my running habit.  3 years later I am back in 14’s and weighed in at 184.5 this morning. 

 

We’ve been eating healthy since Sunday.  And walking as a family a couple of nights each week.  I am doing some strength training at home.

 

At work, they’re doing a mini “Biggest Loser” with free access to the city’s health club, trainers, etc.  Only 30 people are being selected, as it is a pilot project for our HR’s Wellness Program.  I’ve signed up.  Will know Friday if I get in.

 

I’m ready to trade in the heavy model for the fit and fancy free model who is emotionally and physically healthy.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Transitions...

It's the first day of school. At her new school.




And change is hard. Above, she was happy, still safely at home. Below, she was starting to get apprehensive.


To avoid the impending superfit, and the risk of her getting dubbed as the class freak, I stayed for a bit.

At 9:45, she saw the OT from the school, and warmed a bit - having a familiar figure there. About 15 minutes later, I told her Miss S (OT) would come get her for a sensory break - that I needed to go and I would be back for lunch with her. She agreed, reluctantly.

I left, with a heavy heart. It is so hard to see our kiddos deal with sorrow and changes.

But it will be ok. This I know.

:sigh:

Update: 1:05 pm - I just returned from LMNOB's school. We ate lunch together, and she was already in dramatically brighter spirits. Phew! She informed me that she played with A (her church buddy) at morning recess, and Neighbor A was gone for an appt - but they would play at lunch recess. Miss S (OT) came and got her and she bounced on a ball plus found pennies in theraputty. She was pleased as punch about that. She made a friend in class, at her desk cluster (they get individual desks but they are grouped in 6's), she couldn't remember her name but her mom was the art teacher and she was wearing a pink/brown leopard print that was SO.CUTE.Mom! Lunch was brief - only 15 mins - which could be LMNOB's demise as she is an intolerably slow eater. Or, perhaps, she'll adapt and bring that new skill home? She left me in the dust as she finished and went to recess, where she did in fact play with Neighbor A. Gleefully.

What a relief!

Friday, August 24, 2007

Sitting on the Verge...

So, my list the other day?
Schedule LMNOB's placement testing with the school...SOMETIME THIS WEEK
Schedule LMNOB's 504 plan meeting...
SOMETIME THIS WEEK
Cancel therapy session scheduled for tomorrow...TODAY (uhm, not my choice...that other person's - more on that later)
Reading assignment for Democracy and the Policy Process...
WOULD LIKE TO FINISH TONIGHT
Create discussion post responses for said reading...BY FRIDAY

All done.

I called the counselor and left VM Tuesday night re: our cancellation for Wednesday. She called me Wednesday at work and left me a VM lecturing me on how short of notice it was (23.5 hours notice - Not too shabby in the mental health profession, imho.), how it was a prime spot (evening), etc., etc. I called her back - got VM, again (surprise!) and told her I was sorry for the lack of advance notice, it wasn't my idea, and yet I got stuck with making the call. The deal is this: Charlie Brown wants to get more involved with the campus ministry at church. We were inaugural members 10 years ago. Because we've been fighting like cats and dogs lately, and because one of my beefs is his profession of faith but a lack of walk to go with his talk, I jumped on this as an opprotunity for change. That was before Wednesday night. After Wednesday night, I feel like my good faith in the gesture has been somewhat wasted. But, ah, you know they say Rome wasn't built in a day, so maybe it needs some time? Anyways, no word from the counselor on Thursday, and I was out of the office today - so who knows where that stands - I did convey that we'd like to reschedule.

All I know is, if this therapy gig gets dropped, my hope for our marriage is dropping off too. As such I find myself sitting on the verge of something. What, I'm not quite sure.

LMNOB and I had our last big hurrah before school starts up again today. And I'm tired. But it was a good day. We...........:big breath in:....because the next 4.5 paragraphs are supposed to be me rattling off our day in one big statement since it was all backtoback........went to breakfast at Village Inn, ran into Target for a lunch box and thermos for next week, got to our joint hair appointment in time, both got trimmed up, and then I learned that LMNOB's haircut with my pricey stylist (that I thought would be a splurge, but well worth the mommy and me sense of indulgement) was less than what I've been paying at the discount cutters' places! OMGosh!! No more Samtastic Fan's or Not-so-great Clips, that's for sure. Oh, but the adult prices? Still high for this penny pincher. Still worth every damn penny I have to begrdugingly part with.

Went to Kohl's to finish school clothes shopping. Shopping is so much different with her now, and especially one on one. She's content to browse and hunt for the perfect! outfit! Though, I might say that she has no value for the Benjamins yet. Must combine that to her newfound thrill of the retail/fashion hunt. Then to another store to pick up muffin tins for the Great Muffin Project. The GMP was my idea to make whole wheat, fat-free vanilla yogurt in lieu of butter, tasty little muffins (chocolate zucchini and orange cranberry), to freeze and throw into LMNOB's lunches each school day as a means to avoid the twinkie induced malnutrition of my perfect little sweetheart. Yeah, it was a little Martha Stewart of an idea for me, but hey, sometimes that part of my personality sneaks out and makes a showing. Mostly though, she is repressed. Home to do lunch and the actual recipe making for the GMP.

Then it was time for OT with BT the OT, at which appointment the OT from Local Neighborhood School was going to join us for a planning session re: school next week. That went well. GREAT, even. I think it was because LMNOB gave the gift of a chocolate muffin that carried no guilt to all parties involved? Chocolate makes everything better. Especially when there's no guilt attached - C'mon, whole wheat, zucchini, AND non-fat yogurt in lieu of butter? Fiber, no fat what.so.ever., and uhm, yum. No, I really am not a crunchy granola. Nor am I a domestic freakazoid like our girl Martha. Really, it has more to do with some dietary monitoring BT the OT has started me on for LMNOB. LNS OT has already talked to LMNOB's teacher and Ms. M is on board with it all. Then, it was time for the ice cream social/meet your teacher and classmates/great school supply drop off (to avoid irreparable back damage from overloaded backpacks on Monday) at Local Neighborhood School. LMNOB and I saw her babyhood friend from church there (she attended LNS last year also), and later the little girlfriend A who now lives across the street and is also transferring to LNS this year after a year somewhere else last year. Problem was, A and babyhood friend are in the same class, and it is not LMNOB's class. This was cause for much bravadoed distress where LMNOB was crying without sound and it broke. my. heart.

All of a sudden the great OT consult which had such promising overtures to it seemed to not encompass the enormity of this transition for LMNOB. As we went into the classroom and LMNOB met Ms. M, it got worse. Sidenote: Ms. M is recently recovering from cancer, and the disparity between her online pic at the school website and her post-chemo, bandana wearing self was quite astonishing. She told another parent though that the cancer is gone. Yay! LMNOB was painfully shy with the classmates, who all knew each other from last year. Ex.cept. For. Her. I was so busy trying to calm her that I didn't get a chance to meet the other parents in her room. LMNOB didn't really come around until as we were leaving, the Girl Scouts booth caught her eye. "MOM!! I want to do that!" "Well LMNOB, you're gonna have to learn to talk to the kids in Girl Scouts too, and not be so shy." "Oh but mommy, I WILL! I will just have to get used to it Mom. It takes time." Yes, dear, it does. You are so wise for your age.

LMNOB and I on the verge of a humongoid transition. One that might go a bit bumpy. I fully expect the return of the difficult mornings.

And at that, we drove home. Said gooodbye to Charlie Brown and Punkinhead - who are camping in the backcountry tonight. And commenced our girls night by inviting my friend, the lovely SW (who loves shoes so much I might just call her DSW from here on out), to come on over, ate dinner at Taco Del Mar, and came home to watch countless DVR'd episodes of What Not to Wear, while we manicured and pedicured to our hearts' content.

Then DSW left and I put on a DVD for LMNOB which only got her attention for .5 minutes before the snoring started. I posted discussion responses for school as indicated above.

Now? I'm wiped. Good night. I anticipate dreams of falling off the verge.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Promo Politico

Betsy Markey is running for Colorado's 4th Congressional District seat in the U.S. House.

Problem is, so are 2 other Democratic candidates, one of them the better known Angie Paccione who ran (and narrowly lost) against the incumbent Marilyn Musgrave in 2006.

As we all know, three's a crowd...particularly when you are all for the same party. A primary will eliminate two and determine which one of the Dem candidates will be running against Marilyn in '08.

I actually know Betsy. Not in a BFF way, or even in an "I'll call you sometime," kind of way, but suffice to say that she's been at the table for many of the same events I've been at. For instance, she shows up to the Northern Colorado Social Legislation Network meetings. She has been at the Affordable Housing Coalition of Larimer County meetings I've attended.

Betsy showed up to these events because, until this May when she announced she was running, she was U.S. Senator Ken Salazar's 4th District Regional Director and she wanted to keep the Senator informed as to what his constituents wanted and needed. She is sincere in her wish to serve the public's interests.

Today, all sorts of political ugliness started to surface when Senator Salazar endorsed Betsy as the Democratic candidate of his choice for the seat.

It's premature...poor policy...unusual...

Playing favorites...

Betsy's the underdog and he's just trying to rescue her and boost her campaign...

And my personal favorite, from none other than Paccione's campaign spokesman:

People in Democratic primaries don't like it when high profile politicians try to play kingmaker, and that is what Salazar's (endorsement) is...

Uhm...no. People, come on.

This is support from a not-so-distant-past former boss. I fail to see how it is any different from asking a professor one was close to in college for a letter of recommendation for admission to the next academic station, or for a good reference from a supervisor when the opportunity of a lifetime strikes. Salazar knows Betsy better than he knows Angie; it is human nature to prefer that which we are most familiar with, particularly when said familiar person's ideology matches our own. It is not playing "kingmaker," and personally, if that little jibe isn't mudslinging sans insult but still highly nuanced to where it evokes the emotion of insult, I don't know what it is.

Then there is the issue of whether Betsy is "liberal" enough for the Dem vote. Or Salazar for that matter, and if not then what is his endorsement worth? And it makes me crazy that this card is being played. Because you know, we want to get the most flaming leftist to run against Marilyn in fairly red country so that we're sure to lose...wouldn't that be great? I've said it before and I will say it again...America is not Red or Blue - we're all of that and a bunch of Purples in between. Check out Mark Satin's Radical Middle for more on that. Knowing Betsy as I do, admittedly in a fairly limited manner, I remain convinced that she is not with a right or a left agenda, but rather will serve with an agenda that will benefit the people of the 4th Congressional District. All of the people, too, not just the ones who voted Democrat. And isn't that what we want, after all? Don't we want leaders who are legitimate and sincere, or do we wish to perpetuate the partisan politics dominating our current government?

In life, some say it's what you know that matters. Others say it's not what you know but who you know that matters. I contend that neither does you any good without the others. So what if big names know you - what if they know you to be a cheat and/or a total slacker? In the end, it's who you know who happen to know what you know [and are capable of doing] that will take you far in life.

Betsy knows Ken Salazar, Bob Bacon, Peggy Reeves and Stan Matsunaka. And they all know her to be the best Democratic candidate for serving the people represented by the 4th Congressional District seat.

Oh, and she knows me too. And I concur with the big-wigs.

LMNOB...or shall we move to LMG?

As in Little Miss Genius? Perhaps....perhaps...

Since I got home early from jury duty yesterday, I thought, "Why not call that teacher from Local Neighborhood School back and try and get LMNOB's placement testing done this afternoon?" Because I am so smart like that.

Wouldn't you know, that worked just fine.

I brought in LMNOB's report card, showing she'd mastered all of her letter recognition, phonics, etc, as well as her ITBS score report - so that we could skip all of that and cut straight to the chase with her reading group placement.

So we go in and LMNOB, while shy and reading in her tight-I-don't-want-you-to-hear-me-voice, BLEW through all of the 1st grade material the teacher had. Then, LMNOB didn't bat an eye at the 2nd grade book either!

I knew LMNOB was a good reader, but I guess once she took off with it, I took for granted the level of books which she reads - they are not chapter books, after all. I chalked it up to the whole, "The things kindergarteners are doing in school now, I don't remember touching until at least 2nd grade" phenomenon. Nevertheless, I was beaming with pride!

The teacher was VERY impressed, and said, at 5:30pm - now long past her hours of testing, "We haven't been able to challenge her to the point of me knowing just where she belongs, but we've got a great starting place for whoever ends up being her homeroom teacher. I see LMNOB doing more independent work for reading, and because she is so good with the phonics, it will be focused more on comprehension - reports and the like on topics of her interest."

I'm so proud of her. My Little Miss Genius.


Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Hooray for Unprepared Defense Attorneys!

Lightning strikes the same familiar way...

6 years ago, LMNOB was a babe and I got summoned 2 times for jury duty. I managed to get them posponed, since I was nursing exclusively at the time. The 3rd time I got summoned that year, I HAD to go in. We prospective jurors got all checked in,watched the little Colorado Juror DVD, sat and squirmed a good long while before the jury commissioner came in to say a last minute new piece of evidence was admitted and the defense attorney had not been notified. Thus, since the trial would not go that day, and because CO has a one day [for check in]/one trial policy, our duty had been fulfilled for the year. Or, in my case for the next 6.

Today, I went in, dreading the potential to actually be selected once screened. Not because I didn't want to be part of the American process, but rather, my current to do list is as follows:
  • Schedule LMNOB's placement testing with the school...SOMETIME THIS WEEK
  • Schedule LMNOB's 504 plan meeting...SOMETIME THIS WEEK
  • Cancel therapy session scheduled for tomorrow...TODAY (uhm, not my choice...that other person's - more on that later)
  • Reading assignment for Democracy and the Policy Process...WOULD LIKE TO FINISH TONIGHT
  • Create discussion post responses for said reading...BY FRIDAY
Fine print says - I am under the freaking gun. Oh and then I also have to work - wherein I must needs finish a few projects, housecleaning, OT, pay bills, and all that other stuff that is my life. Now, if I were sequestered away for 8 hours per day for who knows how many days...well, yeah I was not thrilled at the catching up prospect.

So....when the very ticked off judge came in to say that the defense attorney was not prepared, and he could not in good conscience proceed with the trial today, as the defendant is entitled to a fair process, and because CO is a one day/one trial state, we were free to go, we all breathed a sigh of relief.

Angry judge did ice the cake of relief a bit more, probably for us types who would grumble about the wasted time all for nothing (like he doesn't know that part better than anyone else, I'm sure), when he informed us we had all avoided being assigned to a 5 day sexual assault trial, which would have been really emotionally difficult for anyone to sit through the testimonies the case would bring forth.

Hence, my celebratory title. I don't think I would have made it through that without need for more therapy.

Following my calling...

Well, it's really more like a coerced, you MUST do this thing.

I've been summoned for jury duty. And per the pre-recorded voice msg I called into yesterday, my number is part of the "in" crowd.

So...between this and school starting yesterday (Was kinda cool to "see" some of my fellow online MPA'ers again in this class) I'ma probably be on the down-low for a bit.

I'll be back with all the juicy trial details. Someday. Maybe.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

URGENT DELIVERY: Trapped @ Wal-Mart...Slo-west checker EVR!!!!

So began the frantic text message I sent to Charlie Brown on Tuesday.

Yes...I am quite aware of my profession of being and anti-Wal-Mart shopper has just been deemed hypocritical - but I swear it was an emergency of convenience.

The rest of the text read:

Plz get P (or some other such initial that denotes our son) @ M's!!! (Daycare provider who closes at 5:30p.m.)

Time: 5:20p.m.

At that point, I had honest to goodness been. in.. LINE... FOR.... 30 MINUTES!!

I kid you not, folks.

And it wouldn't have been so bad, except that, in the Loveland Wal-Mart my cell provider gets no bars. So I couldn't call M and tell her I was running late. Instead I entered my msg, waited until a single bar appeared as I queerly angled my hand, hoping for reception, and dubiously hit send to Charlie Brown's phone. When the chime that the message had been successfully sent rang out, I declared victory.

As I glimpsed at the checker, and her ohmygoodness 5 rings on each of her 10 fingers and bracelets up to her elbows, I realized why she'd accurately been described in my frantic text as THE SLOWEST CHECKER E.V.E.R: she was completely, freaking weighted down! I mean the sheer amount of nickel she was wearing had to have weighed in at 10 lbs, at LEAST!

It was perfect. The abso-frickin-lutely perfect cherry on the top of my already crazy day.

Let's do a backwards Seinfeld-esque recap of the day to fully capture the insanity of this moment:

Reason why we were at the Loveland Wal-Mart - because LMNOB had OT with BT the OT at an irregularly scheduled date/time b/c she had been gone the week before, and last week was ROUGH like the black substance that hey, wouldn't you know, is a diamond in that there hunk. Really rough and I was really RAW. At the end of said OT session, I needed a few grocery items for dinner and LMNOB was hungry, "because we didn't get snack yet." And I, in the stunned aftermath of seeing LMNOB blankly stare and disengage (read: finally showed the behavior that I always have had concerns about, but have not been able to duplicate in the presence of any person such as her teacher, BT the OT, etc, and thus I've always diminished those concerns to the less obtrusive "nagging doubts" that float through my head) in the presence of BT the OT, who later said, "Perhaps we aren't covering all of LMNOB's issues?" decided (DUMBLY) to hit up the promised convenience of the all in one shopping Wal-Mart boasts. Dumb.

But let's back up once more - upon arriving, late (a lady from Parks and Rec fell down the stairs next to my office and the Boss and I had run to help her...along with 20 million other City employees...oh, wait, we don't have that size of population, let alone staff... you know what I mean...and I was about 15 minutes late as a result of that), to M's - I see LMNOB is not readied to go to her OT session, as was previously discussed. No...she is playing quite gleefully in the sprinklers, with the other daycare kids in their swimsuits. Sooooooo, after M apologized profusely, we dried and dressed LMNOB up, and headed off to OT, even later than we'd started out as. Quick call to the receptionist to let her know we were running late, but. We. WOULD. Be. THERE.

Prior to that? A relatively calm 6 hours of work.

Before that, though, had been a morning of chaos and calamity. The weird SID-related-I-hate-transitions-phenomenon manifest itself by way of the clingy, fit-throwing, separation anxiety - oh how I love this one, makes me feel completely inadequate and all sorts of guilty. Ducked on out of there and arrived at work 30 minutes late. Thank God for small miracles, as 1.) the Boss is a flexible mama too, and 2.) she was at a meeting anyway.

It is the days like these that I think, my life is truly stranger than fiction.

And thank heaven for chocolate, fine wine and a hot bath.

Monday, August 13, 2007

When your life becomes a legislative clause

Lately I’m feeling like I can write my profile merely with obscure little references to tax code and/or sections of legislative acts:

HamIam:

Marveling at the fact she now has a 401 (k) with more than $1,500 in it – does that make her a grown up? Really??

Working with just about every 501 (c) 3 in Larimer County – and she hates it that when writing a new organization to ask them for their 501 (c) 3 designation letter MS Word autocorrects the (c) into a ©…talk about wasted time and energy.

Doesn’t even want to get started on the Code of Federal Regulations…but has to keep up with CFR’s pertinent to HUD programs. Yawn….

Thinking Colorado’s passage of House Bill 1023 is the most retarded legislation ever – a prime example of government saying, “Do this, this and this” without any help to implement or enforce.

Now tackling a 504 plan for LMNOB’s transition to Local Neighborhood School.

I mean, sure, I’m a grown up now who itemizes her deductions and thus is acquainted with IRS code. Sure, I work in government, so legislation is going to have a profound impact on my professional life. But what a stretch to think that federal legislation has an impact on my everyday personal life.

Or so I, like many Americans, thought….

When the school psychologist from Local Neighborhood School called me at home Friday morning, asked me a few questions, cited some legalese that made the distinction between special education and regular education with special accommodations, and summed it all up saying she thought we were in need of the latter, it was an odd feeling to know that since LMNOB’s diagnosis of Sensory Integration Dysfunction, we are now “covered” by Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act. Odd, because now an act of the federal government is directly impacting my personal life in a real and everyday way. And for the better.

In an era where people are disenfranchised and disillusioned from and with our nation’s legislators, where people don’t follow politics because “it doesn’t affect me,” I will admit to feeling as if they were right. But then I think about things like this, moreover, things that we take for granted, like the Civil Rights Act or the Women’s Suffrage Movement – and think, “Wow… our government really does have the peoples’ best interests in mind – or at listens to the people enough to see that they’re missing the boat.”

It makes me grateful. It makes me hopeful that perhaps we really are on our way to being an inclusive society?

And it makes me want more.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Sigh....I Suppose....

A 3.9 ain't too shabby, eh?

Stupid +/- GPA systems.

I got a 93% in Citizen Participation and apparently that is an A-.

No matter - I am of the old an A is an A is an A school.

And that is cause for celebration, since I've gotten all A's thus far!

And Here I Always Thought it Was Fear of Committing

In the car, driving to a restaurant that Punkinhead had made known he "hated!", the following exchange was had:

LMNOB - :humming the wedding march:

Punkinhead - STOP singing DAT!

LMNOB -Whyyyyyyyy??? It's just a wedding song.

Punkinhead, all skulky - Yeah, I knoooooooooooooowwww. And wedding songs....dey SCARE me!!

LMNOB - :giggles: But why?

Punkinhead - I don't like da kiss! Blech!

Friday, August 10, 2007

I Always Knew It

This quiz basically says what I've always known...

I am damned if I do and damned if I don't...




You're Catch-22!

by Joseph Heller

Incredibly witty and funny, you have a taste for irony in all that you see. It seems that life has put you in perpetually untenable situations, and your sense of humor is all that gets you through them. These experiences have also made you an ardent pacifist, though you present your message with tongue sewn into cheek. You could coin a phrase that replaces the word "paradox" for millions of people.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Losing My Mind

Charlie Brown just called me at work.

I am officially losing my mind.

CB – “So, uh, what happened at the house this morning?”

Me – “Huh?????”

CB – “Well, Grace” (our black lab) “was out front, and the back door was WIDE. FREAKING. OPEN.”

Me – “Ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh craaaaaaaaaaaaaaap. Uhm, yeah. Nothing happened, I’m just a retard.”

See folks, it is like this…

Gracie has turned into an escape artist, which means for the past 6(ish) months she has been kept inside, instead of left in her dog run (which has 6 ft. fencing and yet she still manages to get out). This means that occasionally; too freaking often, I get home and there are, uhm, presents. Yeah, totally grossness.

We’ve since figured out that if Grace gets to do her stuff outside, and that means, ALL of her stuff, not just the easy PEEzy stuff that she does without telling, in the morning – voila! No presents.

Today I was in the perpetual mother rush, and put Grace in her dog run to do her stuff, leaving the door open to remind me that I needed to put her back in the house and lock up, ran the kids down the two houses it is to our day-care, walked back home, and completely disregarded my reminder, leaving happily for work.

It seemed so fool-proof at the time. Instead, it seems my mind has completely left the building, no??

Thank Heavens that Charlie Brown randomly drove by our house today on a test-drive.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

And just like that, it was gone

Another crazy rainstorm.

Not quite like last week's. And nowhere near the one 10 years ago.

But still pretty crazy.

And this time, I have pictures.








August Rain 009
Originally uploaded by hameyer



Check out the sideways nature of the neighbor's plants. Yeah, it was an intense little 15 minute storm.











No, your eyes are not failing you - the sun IS simultaneously shining. Quite Brightly. Crazy, huh?


The kids thought - "Whhheeeeee!!!!!!!! An outdoor shower...FULLY clothed. WHAT could possibly be more fun than this?" Or at least that is what they seemed to think.



August Rain 004
Originally uploaded by hameyer






I thought, "Photo Op." I mean how often can you capture the essence of childhood?

Especially these ones. They speak to me, saying, "Screw the sprinklers, ma, this outdoor shower gig is where it's at!"



August Rain 006
Originally uploaded by hameyer













August Rain 008
Originally uploaded by hameyer




Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Thinking We Made the Right Decision

For LMNOB’s school choice this year.

I just got off the phone with Local Neighborhood School’s principal.

HE called ME.

That is already a vast improvement over Too Good To Be True Charter School from last year.

Granted, I did e-mail the school secretary re: registration, but still…last year I virtually had to pull TGTBTCS administrator’s teeth to respond to my concerns.


Hello,

My name is HAM, and my daughter, LMNOB, needs to be registered for school at Local Neighborhood School as it is our designated neighborhood school.

LMNOB is going to be in 1st grade this year. As you can see in my e-mail below (from earlier this summer) we have some special concerns.

We went to the new Too Good To Be True Charter School last year, and while LMNOB had a terrific learning experience and a wonderful teacher, the school was not a fit for us, especially as their lack of ethics became apparent, and LMNOB’s newly discovered special needs (described below) arose.

While I was initially concerned about the major transition of a new school this year and then next (with the New Closer Neighborhood School opening), the sheer number of daily transitions should we have gone with an out of district school held the potential for a lot of stress for both LMNOB and our family. Additionally, the ability for LMNOB to form relationships with children in our area who will also move to New Closer Neighborhood School will soften the blow of the larger transition. With one of Local Neighborhood School’s bus stops being right outside the door of our daycare provider’s home (where LMNOB is currently at during the day, as is her younger brother), I am feeling much more at ease about her care during the gap between school letting out and me arriving home from work.

I’ve cc’d LMNOB’s OT from Local Hospital, in the event that we need to develop a plan re: her educational experience. I have heard that you have an OT on staff who is acquainted with Sensory Integration Dysfunction, and think that perhaps it is best that we coordinate services to give LMNOB the very best educational opportunities she deserves. In addition to the sensory issues, LMNOB is very bright, having scored in the 99th percentile as a kindergarten student in each area covered by the Iowa Test of Basic Skills – the standardized testing instrument used by TGTBTCS last year.

Can you please tell me what documentation I will need to fill out and/or provide to get LMNOB enrolled at Local Neighborhood School?

Thank you!


LNS Principal was awesomely aware of SID issues (he credited the OT on staff at LNS), more than accommodating, and on the EXACT! SAME! PAGE! as me regarding LMNOB’s academic and emotional welfare at school. We will be having a meeting sometime the week of the 20th with all of LMNOB’s “team.”

Kind, understanding, responsive educators.

What more could a mother want?

Exploiting My Formerly Awkward Self

Formerly? Isn't the A in HAM for Awkward?

Ohhh shudddup, you!

Yes, I can still be kind of awkward with regard to social situations (I tend to have diarrhea of the mouth and talk beyond the socially appropriate, "non-awkward" boundary) but this post is neither here nor there.

And no, it's for Ann.

This post is going to reminisce about the physiological miscommunications between my brain and my limbs during the most painfully awkward period of my life:

ADOLESCENCE

!!!!Duhn-dun-duhn!!!!

It is an explanation of my #4 on a recent meme.

First, ya'll have to remember that I was full of angst in highschool, having been uprooted from the only home I'd ever known...

We moved to a VERY small town in CO that I hated with as much teenage dispair and misery that I could muster. Not only had I been removed from the life I'd always known, the father I'd only just gotten to know, but now I was in a cow-poke town full of machismo, ignorance, and plain non-acceptance of new people - and I was going to graduate here...yippee.

Adding to the fact that I was an outsider, I was an early bloomer and had long since filled out while many of the other girls at school were skinny little twigs. On top of that I had glasses that took up my entire face and teeth that begged for braces. In other words, I was an easy target for the jokes of others, and had not yet found a shield snarky enough to fend off the insults.

If that weren't enough, one day during sophomore year, we were playing indoor soccer for PE. We were in the gym, wherein the walls were stone with a layer of Bulldog Blue paint covering them.

I got excited as I saw an opportunity to score, and started to accelerate.

However, the ball changed direction and my brakes did not turn on despite my brain screaming at my feet to STOP! DAMNIT! STOP RIGHT NOW!!!

CRASH - THUNK!

Yes, that's the sound of my very awkward self hitting the stone wall and then collapsing to the ground with a concussion.

When I came to, my PE teacher/Advisor was asking me how many fingers he was holding up - three. What day was it - Monday, uggghhh, I hate Mondays. My head dropped back down.

In the nurse's office, my mom was notified and I was taken to the doctor. Said doctor was the father of one of my classmates. Talk about mortification. During the exam, he oh-so-politely informed me that I had blue paint on the side of my glasses. Bulldog Blue paint.

That took a while to live down. Ok, it never really died. I was always the girl who'd given herself a concussion playing indoor soccer. Oh, but wait, it gets better.

The next year, again in PE, just prior to the end of the school year, we were messing around in the wrestling gym. In other words, a padded room, as the floor was lined with wrestling mats. We'd decided to play some kind of tag and all was laissez faire until...I caught my foot between the mats and twisted my ankle something awful.

Another trip to the doctor, same as the previous year, meant another explanation of how I'd come to be there. Hence, his proclamation that perhaps MCHS ought to waive the PE credits requirement for my graduation as PE was clearly a health hazard to me.

That was bad enough, but the cherry on the humiliation sundae was the fact that I was now known as the girl who hurt her self in a padded room.

I have since grown into coordinated usage of my body's limbs. For real!

Monday, August 6, 2007

Remembering the Shiny Side of Him

I don't want to do this. I read this and want to say, "But, but, but...."


Enough already, Heather! Enough focusing on the negative, time to turn the damn coin over.



Remembering the Shiny Side:


Why I Love You
A wise person I know once said,“The character traits of our loved ones are like coins~ the side we see now may be the dirty and dull side of the coin after years of weathering, but if we turn it back over, the shiny side is still there...Those things we love in our mates are still there, have always been there, we just forget to look at the shiny side.”

So, dear husband, I commit to remembering the shiny side of you.This book is for you to see into my heart and know just why it is I love you. It’s also for me…I will have this book to remind me of the gleaming goodness in you when the daily grind tries to tarnish over it. I will remember just how good we’ve got it together.

For the times when I am aggravated by what appears to be immaturity….
I will remember that you have an eternal youthfulness about you, by which you are filled with hope, idealism, and faith that good and God will prevail. I admire that about you.

For the times I when I wish you would just be serious…

I will remember the ease that your sense of humor provides when we’re in hard
times.I will remember that you desire, more than anything, for people to be
happy, and you strive to achieve that with your fun-loving wit.

For the times when I’m impatient because you are quiet…
I will remember your caring heart, knowing that you are thoughtfully considering whatever it is on your mind, and will trust you to share it with me in your time. I love your tender heart and promise to remember it more.

For the times you are tired and not helping around the house…
I will remember how hard you work for us every day, and count it a blessing to have a man so committed to providing for his family.

For the times when I come home that the house is a wreck and the kids are crazy…
I will remember that you are a wonderful father, who actively plays with his children, and that takes more time and means more to them than a clean house.I love that our children know their father adores them.

For the times I complain I don’t have enough of your time for myself…
I will remember your love for other people, how that attracted me to you in the first place, and that I’m the same way.

But most of all…
I will remember that you are and have always been my best friend, and that has never changed.

I will remember that you are my partner in life and love, sharing my joys and sadnesses, my victories and defeats, my gains and losses, my hopes and struggles, my “all of me.”

And…I will remember that I promised to do the very same for you.

It's so easy to be caught up in the dull drudgeries of life. I just pray we can get back to the shiny side in a manner such that it's our focus, and not just the pep talk I'm trying to kickstart my thinker with here.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Just How Honestly Do You Want Me to Answer?

Tonight, Charlie Brown poses this question to our small group from church:

What are some choices you have made that you wish you could have back?

Talk about a loaded question.

I'm sitting here thinking, "Uhm, hon, we're in marriage counseling for the 2nd go round, we had some seriously hellacious years before we even got to the first therapeutic go...how honest are we being here?"

He goes on to say that his number one regret is not staying one more day (and thus calling in sick to work) the last time we were at his grandmother's before she died.

:gulp:

I mean, seriously, I get it. I get that we are all quite safely and altogether superficially sharing with each other - it's the 21st century Christian way. I get that Charlie Brown getting to spend one more day with Grandma would have been more for him than for her, and that is par for his course. I get that even if he could have thought outside the ME box, it probably wouldn't center on regrets he had about the way he's treated me.

And friends, I'm a bit stunned at that. As if life just slapped me upside the head and said, "Bitch, you don't matter to him." And what do I do with that? ?????????????????

I sees me some shadow-boxin' and demon wrastlin' in the future.

As for me, my biggest regret and wish for a do-over is complicated.

Cuz you see, I wouldn't get a guaranteed LMNOB or Punkinhead if I did it all over. And not having that guarantee is a bit of a deal breaker for any do-over negotiations.

God - as in the Father, not some blurted utterance - but this life is hard. Why??? Why am I always back and forth, progressing rapidly then regressing at warp speed?

So Not Kidding


My creation
Originally uploaded by hameyer

About letting the fun begin.....

We've been telling the kids since Thursday that we had a "special surprise" for Saturday...that was an early start on the fun as kids and surprises are too funny.

Yesterday morning we got up and drove to Georgetown/Silverplume, two historic little mining towns in Colorado history, and rode the Georgetown Loop Rail Road. As you can see by most of the pictures, it was a hit. Most, meaning that Punkinhead was dismayed that we had the nerve to get there too early (We bought tix for the 2nd train, and got there before the 1st one took off - we hadn't been that way in a long while and misjudged travel time) - but once we got on the train, he was happy as a Thomas the Tank Engine lovin' clam.

After the trains, we ate lunch at TommyKnockers in Idaho Springs. YUM!


train and evans 083


Originally uploaded by hameyer

Then we drove on up to Mt. Evans - if you are scared of heights, don't go, this road is the highest road in North America, taking you all but 100 feet or so from the Summit of Mt. Evans' 14,258 feet.The kids hiked that last 100+ feet with us; and are now able to say they've done a CO fourteener, even if it was the lazy way :)

We then drove on to Lakewood for dinner at Charlie Brown's old stomping grounds, Jose' O'Shea's. Mmm.

A very good day, indeed. And tons o' fun :)

For more of the pictures, the trains can be seen here and the Mt. Evans Pics are here

Friday, August 3, 2007

Let the Fun Begin!

:Sighs indefinitely with relief: Summer School is now officially D.O.N.E. since I took my final this morning.

Stick a fork in me, I am SO done....

Gah! 16 weeks of work in 10 weeks. For the one class. Then the other intensive one, lived up to its name...and, created the most unbloggable, scholarly excitement...curious? E-mail me. Add to the mix some serious issues (Oh, yes, we did decide on a school for LMNOB - I'll have to relay that deliberation later) this summer, and Gah! is totally, dead-on, right.

And...because I kicked some serious Boo-tay with my research paper (200 points out of 200 points; why thank you for noticing, that is a PERFECT score!), I am getting an A; unless I seriously botched the final, which I don't think is the case.


My weekend class earned me an A.


Which means.......Heather still has a 4.0, now substantially more weighted, after this semester!!

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Tag...I'm it

This 8 (or 5, or 10, or whatever other arbitrary number of the day it happens to be) random things game has come to haunt me once again.

I’m probably a little too much like Toby Keith in this regard, but I think people tag me because they know I’m a sure thing, a cheap blogger date…

And, for the most part, they’d be right. :-D I ain’t ashamed to say it.

Bobby (and the rest of the internet), here goes, 8 random bits of HAM-tastic trivia…

Let’s see…what haven’t I already shared?

1-I’m the oldest of 4 children, and always thought big families were fun, but 3 ahem, 2 kids are enough for me.

2-I’ve had multiple dreams that subsequently came true. Psychic? Freak? Nah…I just think I notice ev.er.y.little.thing going on around me and then my obsessive-compulsive, ALWAYS analyzing (ALWAYS!) brain simply has to piece it together for me at night.

3-I played clarinet from the 5th grade through highschool graduation…And really wasn’t that good until my last two years of highschool.

4-An MD in Craig (where I went to highschool – fun times…talk about feeling like a red-headed stepchild) once suggested the school waive PE requirements for me to graduate, since PE was apparently a hazard to my health. Long story. S’pose I have to follow up on that one, eh?

5-I have never done illegal drugs – no interest what.so.ever, given my fond childhood memories of adults locking themselves in a room to smoke pot whilst we fended for ourselves. Good times. Yeah…

6-Mostly everything I write is rough (or first) draft – especially papers for school.

7-Sometimes, spellcheck in a doc with lots of acronyms cracks me up when it comes to the suggested replacements. Cracks me up a little too much, nerd.

8-I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that I might be a bit of a drama queen. Might be. A bit. I mean, really, if the emotions are genuinely felt on my part, despite the overall insignificance, is it any less REAL?!? But hey, no matter, that’s what makes my stories so entertaining, eh? What’s a good story without drama? Boring, and I most assuredly am not boring – no way.

Different perspectives...

So, last night…

Charlie Brown: “She seems alright…I liked Counselor S better though.”

Me, somewhat incredulous, seeing how Counselor F had just let him totally whitewash himself, and I not wanting to be all tit-for-tat-totally-defensive-person argumentative, let him just say whatever he wanted to, only countering a few times: “Really?!? Why’s that?”

Charlie Brown: “Counselor S put me more on the spot, and called me out a little bit at our first meeting with her.”

Criminy, folks…crimi-frickin-ny…

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Playing Doubles

Here we go again.

Tonight will be the first joint therapy session.

I was so aggravated with Charlie Brown last night - as his desire to be an immature kid, riding LMNOB's itty bitty two wheeler with training wheels that could have popped off at his weight, whilst she screamed, "No Daddy, I want to ride it!" overrode the mature thing to do, which would have been helping her get the bike out of the driveway and allowing her to ride along the alley with the other kids.

I am fully aware that this "forever young" trait of his is one that I thought was so cute when we first got together. But, dude, pick the appropriate time, place, situation for said trait's expression, okay?

Ahhhhhhhhh..... :sigh: He rose to the challenge all right.

Challenge being, Monday night he said, "I'm gonna have to give you some material to talk about Wednesday night, aren't I?"