Friday, July 14, 2006

The truth reveals itself....

I've decided, that as a Mommy, I am just flat irresponsible. Yup - no supermommy tricks and stunts to try and convince you otherwise.

In the words of Popeye, "I am what I am and that's all that I am."

So, yesterday, I'm running late, had forgotten my java upstairs - said realization occurred after we'd locked doors and gotten in the car. I am a bad, bad word of a woman without a surge of caffeine to get my day going, so I make a mad dash, go unlock the doors, rush upstairs and get it.
Come back out, doors re-locked, and just as my bottom touches the upholstery of my seat, Punkinhead, rather frantically says, "Uh-oh Mommy I foh-goht, I need go potty."

Did I mention I'm late and that the doors have already been locked twice, our bathroom is on the far end of the house from where we were, AND upstairs!?!? Not to mention that I tried SEVERAL times to get him to go prior to this announcement?

"Swowwy, Mommy! I weally weally foh-goht and I need go potty NOW!"

Grrrr, as my fangs start to snarl down the sides of my mouth, I have my irresponsible, yet wonderfully brilliant solution!

I hear myself telling him, "You're gonna pee like a big boy and outside." Whip his pants down, help him with his aim, and he's soon successfully watering the mulch.

I am a bad, bad mommy - how many women would just come up and slap me and ask me, 'do you KNOW what you're starting? Are you completely daft? Besides, this is only going to add to his fascination with the nifty things his penis can do!

So, I then told him, to confuse him all the more, I'm sure, "Honey, you don't do that anymore unless Mommy or Daddy is helping you, ok?"

His answer?

A look of sheer awe, followed by, "Mommy, I pee FAR!!"

Ok, so bad mommy just might = confidence inspiring, physiology lesson providing mommy, eh?

Charlie Brown was NOT impressed when I told him that night, and said, eybrows righteously knowingly smugly perched in expectation,

"You do know what you've started, right?"

Oh, no, do NOT patronize me, Mr. Fun Daddy, UH-UH, I am not having any of that infuriatingly smug eybrow raise.

"Yeah, well, I'd like to see you do all that I do in a morning and not arrive at the same conclusion; oh and yes, that means I would like a low-carb lunch prepared and ready for me tomorrow morning, thanks very much!"

Puh-lease, since when does he get all sanctimonious about a boy doing what boys do best?Besides, I tell myself, my Punkinhead had that tone in his voice that meant we wouldn't have made it upstairs anyway!

Ahh well.......C'est la vie, particularement ma vie!

1 comment:

  1. You are NOT a bad mommy! Stick with your 'he wouldn't have made it to the potty anyway' story...'cause if I were to weigh those options, I'd rather have him pee in the yard and be close to 'on time' than have to change all of his clothes when you're already late, thereby getting the day off to a really rotten start! All this to say that I would have done the same thing. :)