Wednesday, September 27, 2006

For Girls ONLY - No Boys Allowed!

That is to say, I'm about to go on a body type/clothing rant.

Thus the title of this post is dual in purpose:
  1. you of the y chromosome persuasion usually don't care to hear this talk anyway (so go away!); and
  2. it involves my ubus - and I don't really want guys tuning in to get a mental picture, know what I mean? Ewwww, *shudder*!

So....let the ranting commence...

The other day I'm at Target, for the purpose of getting LMNOB some tights for school as the days are getting cooler. And, feeling a little bit blue lately, I thought to check out the clearance racks and pick me up a little sump'n sump'n somethin' somethin' some'in some'in (ok, so I don't know how in the world you spell that colloquialism, but you know what I'm saying right?!?!) as a pick-me-up.

And so I found this, only in a nice rust-orange color perfectly complementary to a few of my fall outfits (with a jacket of course). And it was marked down to something like $3.25! KA-ching! It was a large, which is the size I must go with since I do not even remotely resemble the model's body type.

Herein lies the body rant...and somewhat descriptive talk about my ubus. (So, really go away, you boy lurkers!)

I'm a 38B - which I've determined is the absolute hardest small-cup bra size to find. (Note the emphasis - I know there are women out there who go higher up the alphabet than D and those bras are tough to find too).

Not to mention that because I'm "little more than a handful" I should be able to wear a large shirt, given the width of my shoulders, arms, etc. And for the cami-type shirts that usually holds true, though sometimes I need to go with a medium b/c of inadequate ubu flesh. I find it difficult though, in the case of button down shirts. What my friends who are a 36 C++ can wear, I cannot, without the tacky gap in between buttons. When I go a size larger, my silhouette becomes frumpish, because, from the armpits down, I am swimming in excess material, even in fitted styles. So, I can either have a form, albeit with little peep shows running up and down my torso, or I can be completely covered and very non-shaped.

But back to the issue at hand....the tank. I put it on today, originally with a bra.

But, because

  1. my bra showed thru the macrame; and
  2. it had a shelf bra built in,

I quickly discarded the undergarment and put my tank on. With its built in handy dandy shelf bra. I then finished my outfit with my khaki sorta-blazer that I LOVE.

I determined that the total effect was beyond cute, and left the home feeling quite pleased this morning. Until.......

The shelf bra adeptly moved such that my girls were hanging out, which created a nice line across them (not!), and called for several readjustments thru the day. And, don't get me wrong, my boobs are nice and all, but it's not my thing to be constantly at them, you know? ;-) I am a girl after all, and not a boy.

The clothing rant is this - so my breasts are REALLY anti-BIG, yet a LARGE shirt doesn't cover them? Clothing manufacturers make no sense what. so. ever in the U.S..

Ok, cheap clothing manufacturers - after all we are talking Target, but we're also talking my budget.

I mean, what would a girl who is a C+ cup and yet two inches less in body circumference do? I'd think she'd be falling out more than me! But then, particularly with shelf-bra style tanks/camis, if you go a size too large, you may as well have NOTHING supporting the girls....KWIM?

I know...I know...all the uber savvy shoppers are going to tell me to quit wasting my time and leave Target for Anne Taylor. But that's a commitment I'm terrified to make. After all a bargain for $3.25 is pretty much unheard of there, right?


  1. I AM SOO SORRY... but I am laughing LOL I hate when that happens

  2. After several such garments, I have determined that they call it a "shelf bra" because it is primarily going to stay on the shelf of my closet. Either that or the manufacturer was too prudish to call a spade a spade, or in this case, a nipple chafer.

    I think there was a reason that tank was marked down.

  3. Ok, Ok, I go away for a few days to the woods for a retreat. I come back and check in on my favorite blogs and what do I find!! No Boys allowed. Since I have never been good at following rules I went on to read about ubus, and of course I had to read the link. I found myself chuckling and forwarded it to my gal (wife) Pamella. Now how to end this comment on the forbidden fruit .... :-)

    Bobby Valentine

  4. BOBBY!!

    So now some rule-breaking preacher in Wisconsin knows my cup-size - aaacck! (j/k - I'm a big girl, and am not so pubescently prudish as that)....and if you followed all the links, egads, you know more than you should! ;-) I guess that is the danger of dear diary type blogging.

    On another note...I'm really on your favorite blogs list? Ahhh, made my day!

  5. As a member of the WAY past D club I feel your no-shirt-ever-fits-right pain. George surprised me with the cutest top he found on a clearance rack at Wally-World. He even got it a size too big trying to make sure it could handle "the girls".

    Sadly said top's cuteness is wasted on my closet.

    A complete waste of $19.