Monday, October 30, 2006

Ahhh, 'twas the night before Hallowe'en...

And all through the house..........
Mama sat like a louse
Not wanting to go thru the many preparations
Only to be faced with Great Candy Altercations.
Poor prose, I know....but that's about how I feel!

It's not that I hate Halloween - b/c really, I don't. But somehow, I just don't get all ramped up about the perfect costume - vicariously thru my kids or otherwise - or the random tradition of knocking all the doors of the cookie cutter neighborhood we live in and making super surface-y chit-chat with the other parents we only have seen every October 31st.

I don't begrudge this rite of least I don't think I begrudge this rite of childhood?!?

What I do take issue with is the obscene amounts of gore, immodesty, and inappropriate miscellany one finds in even children's costumes these days.

What I take even more issue with is the sugar lust. The alleged treats are a deceptive euphemism for what truly is a psychotropic effect upon one's children, turning innocent enough li'l imps into Satan's relentless minions from HELL!

What's that you say?

Well, duh, but moderation is key, Red.

Well, duh back atcha! I know (to be read with my accompanying eye-roll)!

What I'm talking about is for MONTHS after the fact, my kids will say, "Mama, may I have a piece of my Halloween candy?" To which, I will look around at the mess they've made at any given moment, and reply, "Not until you get _______ room cleaned up. Then you may have some."

This is not a new rule - though the sheer abundance of crystal (and I mean sugar, not meth, here) in my home is incredibly foreign compared to the other 9 mos of the year. Also foreign is what ensues - the Great Candy Altercations - AKA - the world's most horrific temper tantrums.

Someday.....someday, they will realize that Mommy and Daddy spent way too much money (in the dollars to duration of wear sense of things - I refuse to spend a fortune on costumes!) on an outfit they would only wear for a few hours (if that), went and froze their butts off with them as they tromped around the hood watching the trick-or-treating phenomenon come to life, protecting them from the idiots who wore stuff that really freaked them out, let them collect an ungodly amount of processed, refined sugar, and even let them consume some! Also in my fantasy of someday being appreciated by my two wee minions, is their realization that every year they made the October - December period exceedingly difficult.

I pray hope they come to said realization before they place me in an assisted living retirement center, instead of after.


  1. The Great Candy Altercations! :) I enjoyed reading this post, thanks. I followed you here from Purple Kangaroo's. Your profile picture is neato.

  2. Great post Heather. Sugar has a big effect on little kids. The store bought costumes are way toooo much $. My Mom made ours and we used a pillow case for the bag of Treats.

  3. Hee that's funny... even though I am sorry it was rough for you it made for a great story!

    And *yay* to the house being cleaner! Maybe you can use candy to bribe them to make dinner, and pay the bills, and....

  4. We made our own costums this year. Rachael was Beep-Bop-Boop and Talya Boop-Bob-Beep. Two made up names we sowed on to some fabric. We had a great time doing it.

    I went as a stoned campbell to my three Bs. Candy galore ... Altercations!

    I am with you on the gore and devilish stuff. I do not mind a ghost per se but I do really dislike the gore and stuff.

    Bobby Valentine