Monday, December 18, 2006

Back to "work" today, now I can relax...

So last night, Charlie Brown and I are watching HBOFamily and an ancient Bill Cosby stand-up piece was on.

BTW, ancient - used here, is actually younger than myself - as this piece dated to 1983....

Good ole Bill touched on this premise that we tend to work ourselves to the bone on the weekends....only his summation of this phenomenon was much more funny.

And the reason it's funny, is because that it's true - at least for me.

This is what our weekend looked like:

Friday -
Charlie Brown and I both worked.

After work, I:
-picked up LMNOB from school
-picked up Punkinhead from daycare
-readied ourselves for date nite (kids to church - us to previously mentioned Christmas party)
-attempted to tidy things up...unsuccessfully
-ran (drove) to McD's for the kids' dinner
-met Chuck at the church, whereupon we drove out to the Christmas party
-picked the kids up, went home
-helped Chuck assemble furniture
-bed @ 11:30PM

After work, he:
-picked up the new futon we'd bought earlier in the week
-brought it home and loaded our sofa that was being replaced by said futon
-dropped sofa off at thrift store
-met me at the church
-picked the kids up, went home
-assembled furniture
-bed @ 11:30PM

Saturday, he had to work, I was at home with the kids
He left about 7:30, which was when I was awakened.
-fed the kids breakfast- English muffins with eggs, turkey bacon, and cheese
(occasionally I attempt to feign the role of Suzy Homemaker Mama)
-balanced the checkbook
-paid bills online
-ordered prints of pics I took of the kids this fall, to be framed and given as gifts, online
-tried to get the kids to tidy up their toys - unsuccessfully
-drove them to the park to get out - played there for 30 minutes (air too brisk for pleasure)

And this is where I went wrong.....I thought it could be done. And it was....2 hours later!
-took two kids, who were much more tired than they outwardly appeared, to Target, where there were no available parking spaces or shopping carts, to try and finish the rest of our shopping for Christmas.

We had 3 girl cousins to buy for, photo frames for the prints I ordered, a watch and personal groomer for Daddy. The kids wanted things for THEM, not their cousins, Daddy, or other relatives. But MoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooM! There was much moaning and groaning and gnashing of teeth.

-drove home
-deposited one sleeping Punkinhead into his bed, nearly missing death via matchbox cars strewn about the floor
-fixed lunch for one hungry and overdramatic LMNOB
-checked voicemail/caller ID, Charlie Brown had called, but no msg
-called Charlie Brown - he says: Oh by the way, my brother and his clan (wife +3 girls) are coming down. NOW.

He and his brother had had a heart to heart much like the calibre of my talk with my sis the other night, and the low down of just how down and out they were financially since the birth of baby A (in September) had Charlie Brown wanting to perform many random acts of kindness. And we have money this time of year, but not that much. But, he was reminded of some tires in good shape that someone wastefully decided weren't good enough, and BIL's tires were bald and they would also be going on the pilgrimage to the family mecca (Craig) next week, and bald tires over snow and ice = not so pretty. So Chuck explained the deal to the dealer man and asked if he could have the tires to put on his bro's car. They would've been shipped to a recycle place somewhere, otherwise, so the boss man said, as his heart grew two sizes bigger, "sure, why not?"

So, I looked at the piles of dishes, laundry (that was bad, as I'd recently tried to prove a point by just not doing the laundry - the point was missed and our house was a pit, with extremely shag carpeting of cotton, polyester, silk, etc. etc.), the layer of dust on EVERYTHING (I'm telling ya- I went on strike!), and shrugged, saying to myself, "Better get busy girl - your fate's decided." I then went about, with an industriousness Cinderella would envy, and:

-emptied and loaded the dishwasher x2
-cleaned up toys
-started laundry

SIL and the girls arrived shortly after 4:30. The guys stayed behind, putting the tires on the car. As the girls plus Punkinhead clodded about like elephants above us in LMNOB's room, I practiced multi-tasking - chatting w/SIL as I dusted, and cleaned. She cared for Baby A who seemed to want to feed constantly....2 mos growth spurt. For the next 2.5 hours, I tried diligently to keep the volume at a doable level, but alas, Punkinhead is as much or more a screamer than the girls, and combined - egads.

Guys came home - wondered what's for dinner?

I replied that I was going to start something but thought better of it, not wanting to cook a meal and have them show up with takeout. We decided on tacos, and the men ran to the store for the extra things we'd need not found in our pantry/fridge. As they returned, I:

-cooked for 8
-tidied up most of the dinner dishes
-set the kids up with a movie
-folded 2 loads of laundry
-nagged Charlie Brown several times about our children needing bathed and put to bed so that we could get to church in time to teach our Sunday school class, which I hadn't prepared for yet either - he basically ignored my wishes, and tried to placate me, telling me the kids could catch a bath in the morning.

Finally, and BIL/SIL, I don't write this to make you feel bad- honest - I was glad to have you, not so glad that Charlie Brown ignored my feelings about kids to bed/bath etc, the unexpected guests left at 10:30pm. We put the kids to bed - they reluctantly (read: whiningly) obliged as they were so wound up. I finished the rest of the dishes.

-went to bed @ 11:30pm

Charlie Brown's Saturday list?
7:30-6:00 - work, plus the random act of kindness for his bro.
6:00-6:30 - shopping trip SANS KIDS, for dinner
-went to bed @ 11:30pm

-Up at 7 - time to get ready for church
-grabbed kids' clothes and laid them out
-showered. ALONE. I did NOT want my kids in with me - I was with them ALL. DAY. LONG yesterday
-asked Chuck to read the lesson plan for class
-made breakfast (toasted English muffins with butter/jam)
-woke kids
-spike Punkinhead's hair, fixed LMNOB's hair - then argued with her why at 5 1/2 she cannot wear make-up to church
-dressed self, did hair, makeup - sans mascara, as I thought I had some in my purse but later found I didn't, wherein I grunted and said under my breath in the car that I would just have to look like a freaking retard. Charlie Brown got a glimpse of my simmering resentment with that one, and asked me what was wrong. I explained that I was frustrated that the kids hadn't gotten a bath despite my nagging last night. What was I supposed to do, kick them out? No, just let me look like the ungracious hostess instead, thanks.
-get to church, do class which was a less than stellar session
-socialized briefly
-WORSHIPPED - Ahhhhhh.....some blessed relief! Kids were good and finally, for the first time in weeks, obediently went to Bible Hour during the sermon so we actually got to enjoy the msg...
.....except that, someone in the surrounding area really smelled like onions, and I kept getting distracted. Enjoying dry bones of Ezekiel sermon.....preacher says something about rotting flesh - oh yeah, speaking of stench, who is that stanky person that smells like onions? Hmm...quick clothes check...nope not me.....hmmmm......Oh, wait, what's that I hear? The invitation song? Ooops.
-we did get a break with a lunch out
-arrive home, put kids in bed for naps
-began laundry, the folding, the sorting, the putting away
-in between steps, I came to peek online, and in so doing, got "caught" by Charlie Brown and only half-jokingly accused of being addicted to the internet - to which I protested, saying I just needed some me time....but, he needed some "we" time, and demonstrated his desire to "poke some fun" at me. The physical side of me responded, as if to say, "It's about time...I could have used this 3 days ago." The emotional side of me, feeling doggone tired and totally unappreciated wanted to beg off with a headache. But, thus far, my more carnal nature has always won this inner argument, and that record was not about to shift. Add this to the list:
-enjoyed Sunday afternoon intimacy, in a most, er, uhm, unconventional way....(blush)
-went back to doing laundry (a total of 8 loads done from Saturday to Sunday night)*
-cleaned the kitchen*
-cleaned living room
-cooked dinner
-did the dishes
-made lunches for LMNOB and Charlie Brown
-watched Survivor finale with Charlie Brown, *albeit folding laundry and cleaning the kitchen at the same time
-bed @ 10:30

His Sunday list?
-read lesson plan for class
-dress Punkinhead- with clothes laid out by me
-watch football
-bathed kids- at my request
-watch Survivor
-bed @ 10:30

I know....he had to work and was tired. Insert indignant snort here. I'm not making light of how hard he works - I just think it is preposterous that because I'm not "on the clock" that what I do isn't considered "work." I'd love to see him do all that I did, in the quality that I did it in, and just laze around watching him do it all for once.

I hate division of labor arguments. We have them frequently. But seriously, if I don't do the household things, they don't get done - even if I ask! So it's either I tediously do everything all the time, or let it pile up and have a crazy weekend like this one. And that's with me only working part-time. I'm really nervous about next month, going FT and back to school.

He called me this morning at work - a standard g'morning-how's-your-day-going kind of call;

Him: You did a great job with the house this weekend.

Me: That's very nice and all, but to tell you the truth, I would have rather had your help, especially when I asked for it, instead of the affirmation you're dealing right now. *a wry smile/sigh* But thanks, I'm glad it was noticed.

He knows I'm an affirmation junkie, hence his praise. But the thing is, I want affirmation for WHO I AM, not what services I provide. As for the things I do to maintain our household, it would be nice to have something that resembles an equal partnership.....I see a heart-to-heart coming up.

Him: (sheepishly) I was so beat...I'm sorry.

Me: I know...

All the more reason I stand by the title of this post.

1 comment:

  1. Hi - Oh my god, I totally relate to this. I finally made a bargain with the hubby: be nice and socialize with me (I do church alone which is fine, but he has to go to other stuff with me sometimes anyway). If he is not willing to give up some of HIS time for FAMILY time (yes, caps... shouting...not sorry) then he gets no sex. It's not that I don't love him, I do. But after a list similar to yours, having sex just to please him when he hasn't pleased me is not on my list of priorities. And if that sounds like tit for tat, then, well... it is. He wants tit? He needs to do some tat with me (tat=family and other stuff). It has actually worked, because I enjoy sex so much more since I am appreciative of his giving to me. He has actually gotten more considerate from practice and I've gotten more frisky. Think about that, sistah!