Friday, February 16, 2007

Think the Chinese Lady was Horny?

I ask because this stuff, straight from an e-mail I got awhile back, sounds just like a fortune cookie, bad, fragmented grammar and all, and on top of it – there is something about being hot, making love, or being attractive in EVERY last one of them. My theory? She was horny, or she just didn’t want anyone to feel badly about themselves.

Other than the bad prose and sexual themes, this is actually pretty funny – both funny ha-ha and funny, weeeeeird – how’d she know that? I commented on these things for the May baby (me) and November baby (Charlie Brown).

Enjoy!

---------------JANUARY BABY--------------------
Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn.

----------FEBRUARY BABY --------------------
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves Freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions

-----------------MARCH BABY --------------------
Attractive
personality. Sexy. Affectionate Shy and Reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others.

------------------APRIL BABY -------------------
Suave
and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and Sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good Memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or Make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and traveling. Systematic. Hot but has brains.

-----------------MAY BABY -----------------
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Oh yeah! Strong-willed and highly motivated. That’s the same thing, in case you didn’t catch it the first time. Sharp thoughts. Hence the allusion to brilliance at the top of the screen. Easily angered. Red hair, man what can I say! Attracts others and loves attention. Oh, me! Me! Pick me! Lol…Deep feelings. This one’s a bitch when I’m sad/mad, because I’m REALLY mad/sad – but happiness, bring it on! Beautiful physically and mentally. I like to think so anyway
J Firm Standpoint. Read: Stubborn, again. Needs no motivation. Dude, like ya’ll have to be told that – I am a mama, wife, grad student, FT gov’t employee/do gooder for social justice – I do it ALL! Shy towards opposite sex. This is the only one she got wrong – I’m shy toward the SAME sex – Women. Easily consoled. Uh, yeah, that attention thing – something that lets me know you were thinking of me wins me every time. Systematic (left brain). Read: anal and controlling all the way. Loves to dream. Yeah, I do, but that systematic side of me usually leaves my dreams, chuckling. Strong clairvoyance(right brain). Yup – human lie detector and apt to predict the future – I get to use BOTH sides of my brain! Understanding. That’s why I’m a do-gooder, because I care. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. I’m sure my mom will attest to this – I was a chronic ear infection as a child. Good Imagination. Sometimes, a little TOO good. Good physical. (WTH?? Crazy Chinese fortune teller speak) Weak breathing. She’s seen me run, that explains it. Loves literature and the arts. Read: I’m a well rounded nerd, both in the sciences AND the arts! Loves traveling. Or simply would like to…someday. Dislikes being at home. Usually because it is not systematic (clean) and therfor not conducive to my preferences. Right? Restless. Yeah, I like to change it up. Not having many children. I figure, if Chuck and I can exit this world with one replacement each, that’s all we need, eh? Hardworking. Or workaholic who derives her worth from her performance – whichever you prefer. High spirited. That’s fortune teller for drama queen. I’m pretty damned awesome, huh? LOL….

------------JUNE BABY -------------
You've got the best personality and are an Absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have a very attractive Partner. A wicked hottie. It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection. You have a great choice in films, and may one day Become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you’ve got the looks for it!

----------------JULY BABY --------------
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be with friends. Always broods about the past an d the old friends. Waits for Friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

------------AUGUST BABY ---------------
Outgoing personality. Takes risks. Feeds on attention. No self control. Kind hearted. Self-confident. Loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. Easy to get along with and talk to. Has an "everything's peachy" attitude. Likes talking and singing. Loves music. Daydreamer. Easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. Loves to be loved. Hates studying. In need of "that someone". Longs for freedom. Rebellious when withheld or restricted. Lives by "no pain no gain" caring. Always a suspect. Playful. Mysterious. "Charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. Stubborn. Curious. Independent. strong willed. A fighter.

------------SEPTEMBER BABY ---------------
Active
and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand.

---------------OCTOBER BABY -------------------
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the centre. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all.

---------------NOVEMBER BABY --------------------
Trustworthy
and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. This drives me nuts about him most of the time. ‘Wanna tickle fight?’ No, not really, hey, I said no dammit! Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Yeah…that’s that dramatic casa del Meyer thing – cuz we are both dumb in that regard. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. But of course – I’d naturally marry the pick of the litter! If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because they’re one of a kind yeah….he is. Awwwww….

---------------DECEMBER BABY ---------------
This
straight-up means you are the most good-looking person possible... better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. One guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves music.

1 comment:

  1. This is why I keep coming back. This is hilarious.

    Bobby Valentine

    ReplyDelete