Resigning My Weighted Down Self

Weight has always been an issue for me.

 

As a chubby gradeschooler, I was known at the school as “the Blimp.”

 

In 6^th grade, I hit a growth spurt, reaching my current 5’5” height.  The change in my body’s elevation meant for the first time ever I was THIN. 

 

Throughout junior high, I was a normally thin girl, and the issue of weight was out of sight, out of mind.

 

Then in highschool, my genetics caught up with my teenaged eating habits, and slowly my thighs began to fill out more.  I began to restrict my food.  More and more, the restrictions leaned anorexic, and then I began purging what little caloric intake I had gotten with exercise.  That got to be too much, and before long I found myself in the binge purge hell known as bulimia nervosa.

 

In college, I began recovery.  It was scary as hell, because the Pill, combined with “normal” eating and exercise was putting weight on my too-thin frame at an alarming rate.  The Pill won that battle, and I gained 60 lbs in 18 months.  It wasn’t what I wanted, but I knew I couldn’t diet without falling back into my old ways – not then anyway.  Well, eventually I went off the Pill and surprise, here comes LMNOB!  And 57 pregnancy lbs.

 

Afterward, I resigned myself to being a size 14 – after all wasn’t Marilyn a 14’er?  Somehow, I never managed to look quite like her at that size.  Probably had something to do with my bone structure being quite a lot smaller.

 

Then there was Punkinhead, and after he came along, I did get into shape.  With proper diet and exercise I managed to get to a size 10 by the time he was 18 months old.  I really hadn’t changed my diet much, having now become a right-balanced eater.  But I’d found running.  What a difference that made.

 

However, we all got sick that spring and I never recovered my running habit.  3 years later I am back in 14’s and weighed in at 184.5 this morning. 

 

We’ve been eating healthy since Sunday.  And walking as a family a couple of nights each week.  I am doing some strength training at home.

 

At work, they’re doing a mini “Biggest Loser” with free access to the city’s health club, trainers, etc.  Only 30 people are being selected, as it is a pilot project for our HR’s Wellness Program.  I’ve signed up.  Will know Friday if I get in.

 

I’m ready to trade in the heavy model for the fit and fancy free model who is emotionally and physically healthy.