Just a Little Talk With Jesus...

The song will tell you why such a talk is warranted.

This post is the transcript.

Me: So, uhm, Lord - this little nervous breakdown inspiration of a weekend wouldn't happen to be Your way of telling me, in that oh-so-chastening way You have of Yours, Hammy, I'm gonna show you just why you need to quit being so damned self-reliant: because you can't do anything without Me, would it?

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Me: Because, uhm, if so - well, point taken, Man. Now please have mercy on me, a sinner. Plllleeeeaaase give me a break. Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top?

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Me: But if not - what in the depths of sheol was it? More importantly, will you please just make it all go away? See above pleadings.

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Me: You know, You are always so blasted quiet. Just like a man to have a woman pour her heart out to Him, only to receive silence. I don't care if it is HOLY silence - it still doesn't help. Seriously, the most merciful thing You could do for me right about now is to have one of those harpy, revelationary moments where You parted clouds, lined with silver, and spoke, audibly... And whether You told me, "Keep on truckin', you're going the right Way," or "Chica, get your butt into a U turn ASAP," either one would be fine by me, because then, then at least I would KNOW.

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Me: I am going straight to hell, [for my irreverant bluntness] huh?

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Me: Or am I on the path to martyrdom? Which, oh yeah, that brings me back to this weekend. WTH??

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Me: Oh, wait a minute, did I hear that correctly? A Divine challenge of Truth or Dare? Truth... Well, let's see I've felt really distant from You lately, and I know it's my own fault. I think I have my reasons, too... Oh, I know they won't hold up, they are after all merely excuses, but man, what obstacles excuses become... First of all, I don't like some of Your answers. And yet, I know them to work - they have after all given me respite and comfort on the darkest of days; but, Lord, I'm tired of submitting, and not letting anger get a foothold, and all this other righteous CRAP that really means, STIFLE MY FRUSTRATIONS at the most unholy situations in my life. Second of all, this life and the life I'd pictured?? Are you laughing at me - I'll bet you are. But whoah, Nelly, what a difference, eh? Lastly, I'm a coward with doubt. I know in my heart that You can conquer all of this drama... and confusion... and strife... and... but in my head? It gets a little murky.

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Me: And on top of that...Punkinhead was raging against the parental machine all. WEEKEND. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG. We are talking superfits of the highest calibre, for TWO DAYS straight. Charlie Brown was crabbier than a dorm full of women on the rag - to the point that if I so much as BREATHED the wrong way, I was YELLING at him and oh, how he hates that he is the root of all evil in Casa del Meyer, and really, all I did was just breathe, because, you know, it is required of us mortals in order that we continue to exist. LMNOB jumped on the bandwagon of all over the place behavior, and I feel like OH MY LORD, this? is? my? life???? All the time. My eyes hurt now from the extended exposure to their take on saline, let's just say that. So pardon me, in the event that I'm not all Suzy-Sunshine-Christian doing her Rah-rah My God ROCKS! thing. I'm in a more Lamentations sort of mood.

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Me: Sigh....well, THAT was a LOT. Erm...can I just go hide and pretend that didn't just come out of my mouth?

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Me: As always, I'm not quite sure what you're going to do with all this that I've told You. I wonder, though - do You view my prayers as in the Letters to the Editor ilk? You know, the vocal minority? Versus those that are consistent and thankful, sweet and meek? I kind of feel as if I've verbalized frustrations, and they're out of my head now, but what's really going to come of it besides folks knowing how I REALLY feel?

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Me: Oy vey... Ya know, the beauty of Your silence is that You never spoke a word to me, and yet I feel as if I've been thoroughly and appropriately lectured. I know, I know...I need to call home more often. I need to plug in more consistently. I just need Your grace to get me through those days when I totally miss the mark.

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Me: Deal? Thanks Man, you've always got the Stuff to take the edge off.

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Closing music: Just a little talk with Jesus makes it right...