Monday, October 29, 2007

Rediscovering My Mojo

Earlier this month, hell, even just last week, I would have told you that Hammy had totally lost her mojo – in pitiful rendition, rivaling that of Austin Powers’ when he’d lost his zest for shaggin’.

I felt completely wiped out in a sea of turbulent overwhelm. And thusly did a crap job in: keeping close to God, being a friend and partner, mothering, my job as a civil servant, school, housekeeping, and whatever else usually lies front and center on my plate.

I was having the “what should I cut out so that everything is balanced” discussions with myself in my head – you know, that seemingly harmless little “I gotta take care of me so that I can take care of others” battle we women do? It’s innocent enough in the beginning, but let it breed and this reevaluation and quest for “balance” soon consumes my life such that I’m taking care of me for the sake of taking care of me, to the point of unbalance (irony is a funny, funny thing, no?) and the initial intent of making myself a better person for others gets lost along the way.

The other things that this funk had me doing were 1.) overanalyzing, to the point of talking myself out of things that God has very clearly put me up to (school – yes, I really was considering saying, “stick a fork in me I am D-U-N, done”) 2.) sending my normally confident (sorta, that one’s complicated) mindset into a rapidly descending abyss of insecurity.

But, ya’ll the rainbow has come out.

Charlie Brown has been in a bit of a funk himself lately, but the past several weeks he has been very, extremely, and sweetly supportive. Like. A. ROCK. That is always there, and always holding up whenever I happen to fall prostrate across it. That weathers everything that comes its way, and still remains. I need to appreciate that more about him.

I caught a break or two in the scholastic realm. Somehow the online professor, “knows I’m not a slacker” and gave me a break on a very craptastic job on the midterm. I don’t feel like there’s been enough info exchange for him to possibly know this – so I’m curious to know if my advisor and him talk? And my weekend professor? The one whose syllabus was not accessible until the Monday before the first class (the fist class where we were supposed to have a huge book report due) – he decided that whoever turned in the book report, early or late, so long as it was turned in before the end of classes, got an A. He told us that after I scurried to get my paper in by the end of lunch yesterday – hoping to get the dreaded B- in graduate school. So…those two things? Totally made my month.

Finances are coming up. Work is bearable again – oh, and news alert! I got a fun new project with other key players in the community today! Fabulous excitement as a new challenge is here to pique my brain!

Kiddos were good to come home to, and so was my new furry baby – Stella the kitty. She is preshus. And should be MYYYY preshus, except I have to share with my children (can you believe it?!?) – the very people for whom Stella made her way home with Charlie Brown on Saturday.

Life is good. And so is rediscovering one’s mojo. I can do this. We are balanced where we're at, we just had some stressors of late.

1 comment:

  1. Big hugs, and hang in there. You're doing just fine.

    We had great news here this week. :)