Friday, February 1, 2008

E-mail to the Rescue!

An e-mail with just the right message received at just the right time can save your sanity.

Today it was this. I love this shiz:

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, 'You make me want to be a better person. '

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.

I loves me some smart ass humor - and this is the bomb, lol.

8 comments:

  1. Where can I buy me some St. Momma's Wort???????

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  2. Ooh, those are good. Menicillin is my favorite.

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  3. I never leave home without my Fukitol.

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  4. LunaNik - I am in serious need of St. Momma's Wort - my kids have not SHUT up at all this weekend....

    Girdtmom - thanks for stopping by ;) I think that if I were single right now, menicillin would be my fave too - I'm a man kinda woman, not into the boy toy thing.

    Huckdoll - me either.

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  5. I tagged you! Deal with it ;)

    http://piperoflove.blogspot.com/2008/02/seven-six-random-things-meme.html

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  6. can you please send me some jackasspirin for when I must deal with my ex?? STAT?? =)
    I'm blog surfing and wanting to say Hi!

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