Wednesday, September 3, 2008

So, Was This a "Surprise," Then?

Such has been the reaction people have had when we’ve shared the news about this pregnancy thus far. From family to co-workers to friends, this assumption has remained constant.

It’s not so offensive, given that for the past several years I have resolutely said, “Absolutely not; no more children for us!” But, what people seem to have a hard time wrapping their brains around is that people change; moreover, God can change hearts, relationships and circumstances in miraculous combinations.

People, unaware of this pregnancy, have stopped me at church, my coffee haunts, etc., and have said that I was “glowing” with an air of happiness recently.

And, I am happy. My husband loves me and is treating me with such tenderness and honor that I can’t help but notice and subsequently feel amazingly blessed. Our daughter is adjusting to a new school year much more smoothly than last year, and our son is loving that he’s a “big kid” at school too. Our home life has changed and the quality of our time together has increased.

Then, when I share with them that we are expecting, people do the math of the split this baby will have with his/her siblings (8 yrs and 5 ½ yrs), and say it: “So, this was a ‘surprise,’ then – how are you feeling about that?”

My response is usually a fragmented, “I couldn’t be happier….totally planned….we’re very excited…” because what else is there to say?

So many of the young women at our church are having babies – mostly their first babies, too – and they are all where I was 7 years ago; exhausted, frustrated, disillusioned with motherhood, and frantically trying to get to know these babies that grew inside them for 9 months, but whom they really know nothing about. I understand it because I’ve lived it.

But this time feels different. It WAS different with Punkinhead – I was much more zen with him, despite having a 2 ½ y/o who didn’t quite get why she had to have this new baby in her life. Now, both kids are older and very excited about being Mama’s helpers. I’m more patient with them too, and the prospect of this newest babe is a thrill to my soul. Now, I’m older and more at ease with myself and life in general.

Experience is nothing to be mocked – it is of tremendous value and I know that I’ll be relying on it a lot this go-round.


  1. Um? Pregnancy?! Congratulations!

    And at least they say surprise and not mistake! :0)

    Be sure to sign up with the AllMediocre Census! We're tracking these things, you know!

  2. You'll have almost the exact same age split as I have with my three.
    And it is very much different with the 3rd, well it was for me anyway. I'm much more relaxed & patient with her.

  3. Congratulations!

    I'd love to have another baby, but I do worry about that big age split. This post makes me feel a lot better about that.