Thursday, August 26, 2010

On Owning Some of What [and Who] I Am

Headless Mom recently shared a blog post of Jodifur's on facebook.

And I am so glad that she did, because it was one of those resonating gems of the blogosphere, a post in which you read and find yourself saying, "I am so totally there, too!"  Well, maybe without the 'so totally," anyway.  And maybe just for me, anyway... This is a hint to just click over and read it, lest you be reading my thoughts without full contextual insight.

I don't know Jodi, but I relate to the whole undermining of one's self - be it in the realm of my hobbies, abilities, appearance, etc., I have the tendency to speak in 'I'm really nots' and dismissive notes of how old something I'm wearing might be.

But no more.

Inspired by Jodi's closing statement that she IS a runner - I'm going to write up a list of things I am, and own them free and clear of the debts brought on by insecurity.  That sounds a heck of a lot better than I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggonit, people like me, doesn't it?

I'm a sinner.  Saved by the blood of Jesus Christ, from whom I draw my hope for the future, but still a sinner who still makes the same stupid mistakes everyday.  I wish that I knew God better - and love the song below so, so, SO much because Jennifer Knapp does such a great job at capturing my heart - but the beauty is that there is always room to grow.

I'm a wife and mother to some pretty terrific people.  Which makes me pretty blessed overall, even on the tough days.  Someone PLEASE remind me of this on Sunday/Monday as Seth is taking 3 days off from Casa del Meyer to go archery hunting and I may just be going a little crazy by then.

I, too, am a runner.  I have a running mix on my ipod, see the same fellow runners on my route every other day (because I have a route and a time that I stick to, like other runners do), read running articles, have run a 5k, 10k, and now am training for a half-marathon.  I mean, what's it take, a full marathon to make someone a runner?  Enough hem-hawing about it, Heather!  You're a runner!

I am a writer.  No longer will I hesitate to say this.  I am now writing professionally, even if it is not the Great American Novel and is just grants and technical writing for now, it is beyond a personal blog.  However, should I ever revert back to just writing a blog, I will still realize that I'm a writer, regardless of brand or label.  I create with my words and always will.

And because it is so important to me....I am a red-head!  The shade may be mellowing due to hormones or the seasonal light change or whatever inexplicable phenomenon you to which you wish to ascribe this occurrence, but I paid my dues as a red-headed child and I am still a red-head!  Don't make me get the bottle.....

I am pretty.  That one is so hard to write, because I struggle to see it.  Always have, even when I was younger though I now can clearly see the beauty I had then.  It also seems kind of an arrogant thing to say - which I'm not quite sure how it got construed that way, I mean we [women that is, I've met men who have no issue with this, even when, maybe they, uh, should have] have no problem identifying ourselves as smart, but pretty?  Maybe because smart is measurable and beauty is in the eye[s] of the beholder and therefore it requires a certain assumption on a woman's part to say that she is pretty?  Anyway...I'm starting to catch glimpses of my outer beauty again.  Long-term weight loss tends to blur the mirror in this regard.  As of today, I've lost 53 lbs since Christopher was born.  40 of those pounds were baby weight and fell off relatively quickly (I think in 7 mos?).  The last 13 have been a b#$!h to shed.  But they're gone.  I have about 13 more to lose to get to my 'realistic goal' weight - the weight I was and maintained for 2 years while Colton was a toddler.  My 'crazy weight loss' goal is 10 more past that weight, as my doctor told me that was where I should be ideally.  If it is life consuming to get to that weight and maintain it, it's a no-go and the doctor can suck it.  As it is, I bought an Ann Taylor dress at a thrift store in May, a 'motivation dress' if you will, with the goal of wearing it by Labor Day.  I fit into it today!  I'll probably need to wear a shaper with it, as it is a sheath style dress and hugs my tum a bit more than I'm comfortable with at this point, but there's no more arm chub at the gathers.

I'm coming into my own, gaining new confidences everyday.  The 30s are by far the greatest decade yet.

© 2006-present Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved


  1. I love this. I'm so proud to call you a friend. I learn from you on every post. And 53 lbs.? That rocks 6 ways from Sunday. Good for you! My 10 lbs. however are (is? damn grammar) not being so nice over here. I've been working out, hitting more that 14,000 steps most days (go pedometer!) and yet? I know that it is a plateau, but still. Ugh.

    And yes, Jodi rocks. I'm glad you enjoyed her post!

  2. oh wow, I'm so glad that post meant so much to you. Thank you for the link.

    And want to hear something funny? I'm the last facebook hold out on the planet. I didn't even know you could link posts on facebook.