As a result of this compound deficit, I've been escaping via carbs, tv/internet and sleep instead of working on the things I ought to be, i.e. school work, family projects, etc.
 |
| I don't know who Alicia Cook is, but that ^ is 100% accurate and all happened this week. |
I'm pretty good at filtering how truly crumbly I feel on a day to day basis, not because I can't be real, but more because of how others have expressed their discomfort at my being real*.
Thursday morning, I called Seth, late on my way to work, bawling after a particularly bad episode of #depressedmomparentingteens.
I felt really hopeless, like what is the point of waking up daily just to struggle through? It's not living, not living abundantly like Jesus calls us to anyway**.
Today, though, I felt a brush of God's Spirit whispering to my soul, "Let Me show you the things that can nurture you. No more hiding from DOING, let's move you to BEING."
So...
It started when I said yes to a text asking me last minute to serve in the nursery at church today. This despite my mind's almost immediate argument that I really needed to be spiritually filled today.
God: Who are you trying to kid, woman? , You haven't been mentally present in weeks - months? - at church.
God - 1, Heather - 0, sorry, Geoff!
Any way, I'm glad I did because I got to spend some time reconnecting with a dear sister whom I've neglected for far too long. And my therapist's prompt to set goals re: social support echoed in my head.
Even though my outta whack brain tried to convince me not to, I signed up to go on the ladies retreat in two weeks.
GOD: Yes, you'll be later because of your Friday class, but you cannot keep skipping events and then wonder why you feel like an outsider.
God-2, Heather - 0.
Seth and I have been talking about going to our kids' church camp again as staff this year (we did this 6 years ago and it was awesome) and today was the first meeting for staff. Despite my worry of what a week without Seth's income would do to our budget, we just committed.
God, through the words of two sisters from church in class today, with a hint of JFK: Don't ask what can I get from my faith, but how can I bless someone in theirs?
God-3, Heather - 0.
On the way home from church, I got out of my head and spoke my intentions of wanting to get out and on my bike this afternoon. Seth, upon hearing this, made sure to restore my tires to their pre-winter inflation levels (without me asking even though I could have done that on my own - thanks babe!).
And I finally got out to ride the "new" paved trails that have been done for over a year. It's still Feb-brrrr-uary in Colorado,which means there was a cold, tear-generating wind blowing at my out of shape mass, but the mountains were majestic and it felt good to work my body. I spent almost 75 minutes outside, breathing fresh air, soaking up sun, working my cardiovascular system and marveling at beauty. Does your workout give you that?
 |
| This does not do justice to the mountain vista, but I wanted to capture the moment |
I'm so grateful for the daily reminder of my Creator's presence that the beauty of my home provides just with a look to the west (or east for the morning sunrise).
Correction:
God - infinity, Heather > Depression
He's in this with me, after all.
*Ok, so in the spirit of this quote, let's be real. This discomfort stuff is probably equal parts me and equal parts them because of our American socialization.
**Trust me, I know the Christian walk is not "always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise" (Thank you, Maroon Five, for one of my fave ways to describe life) and a whole lot more.
No comments:
Post a Comment