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Yes, it's been a month since I posted my last post.

The social media dust has settled some regarding the supreme court's pending ruling on gay marriage, as people have changed their profile pics back to themselves from their equality symbol.

I never changed mine to an equality sign.  Partly due to my belief that slacktivist reactions such as re-posting and sharing pictures doesn't actually change things.  It was also partly due to my fears of upsetting people whom I love and respect who see this issue much differently than I do.  Knowing that has made me upset with myself, and to any GLBTQ friends I may have out there, I'm sorry.

I meant to follow up on my last post - meant to elaborate and use the adulterous woman, the Samaritan woman, the prostitute who washed Jesus' feet as parallels to GLBTQ folks in today's world.  I meant to ask some tough questions, and get some healthy dialogue going like Niki and Becky, because, honestly, like Joy, I'm not sure as a Christian how I feel about condemning homosexuality, even though I know what the Bible says.  But I also wasn't sure I wanted to say that I cherry-picked the parts of the Bible I adhere to, or at least be perceived as saying as much, like Glennon did in this post.

So, I didn't.

Partly because I've been busy (job-hunting is time-consuming, yo).  But mostly?  Mostly I was afraid it would make some people at church see me differently.  Which is ridiculous, you know?  Especially because LOVE, as in that perfect kind of love authored by Christ, does not entertain fear, does not breed it, doesn't even coexist with it because it drives fear the heck outta one.  At least, that's what my Bible tells me in 1 John 4:18.

But the topic just won't go away in my life.

It came up by way of Boy Scouts of America since Seth is a Cub Master for Colton's Cub Scout pack.

I can't tell you how many times we received an e-mail from National Council asking for us to complete a survey with a special indicator that would tell HQ that we had provided our input to the proposal they were considering regarding policies toward gays in scouts.  I'd say we got that particular e-mail 3, maybe 4 times, even though we filled the survey out twice.

Bottom line for us - we would keep working with Scouts regardless of their policy stance.  Scouting is not a publicly funded organization, thus, we respect their right to reserve membership as a matter of their freedom to do so.  That said, I felt it would be contrary to the BSA's call to be good citizens and treat anyone from any walk of life with respect.  I don't fear gay pedophiles infiltrating scouts and violating boys anymore than I do pedophiles who identify as straight; a fear which is virtually nonexistent due to the BSA policy of two-deep leadership.  BSA has strong religious roots, but they are not supposed to be sectarian, thus, I do not see how keeping gay Unitarians who do not feel they are violating God is in keeping with the organization.

I did get frustrated when the vote decided that scouts could be openly gay, but leaders could not.  So what happens to boys who advance all the way through, decide to come out, maybe have a family later or just wish to continue as a leader on their own, and they are denied?  What about the outdoorsy gay dads who have adopted (or have biological kids) sons who want to do scouts with them?

It came up at Pinewood Derby among some of the moms, and I was the minority regarding the matter.  Which is fine, I understand that people are going to have different ideas and we don't all have to agree.  And the opinion sharing was done amicably.  The part that hurt my heart, though, was when I asked what about men in leadership who have habitual sins in their life (i.e. pornography, lying, addictions, adultery, etc) that are still ongoing, how come that is ok, and basically I was told that in those instances, their sins weren't public and were between God and that man.

I guess, if that works for people to swallow that, but it grieves my heart that so many Christians have accepted this idea about secret sin, with its implicit teachings (because yes, your secret habits are totally visible in the way you act and kids pick up on these things, often embrace them too) as ok.  I don't follow that.  In fact, the overarching message I get from the Bible is that God wants, has always wanted, our hearts.  He's like that old Cheap Trick song: I want you to want me, I need you to need me, I'd love you to love me...  Our actions, public and especially private, extend from our hearts - Proverbs 4:23-26, Matthew 12:34 and Luke 6:45 - and it is particularly easy to publicly serve God, but if we say it is ok to sin when all eyes are off of us...then our hearts are not His.

Then there is the issue of same-sex marriage.  It was in my FB feed today b/c Colorado has passed legislation in favor of civil unions and there was a story by the newspaper being promoted.  It wasn't long before religion got brought up in the comments section.  Even if it was a universally held belief by Christians that homosexuality was a sin that absolutely had to be abstained from (as opposed to infidelity, gluttony, and other equally important sins that while classified as such, still happen from time to time and it's all good because grace, right?), last I checked, we are a democracy not a theocracy.  I don't get why the hullabaloo about giving same-sex couples the same rights that married men and women enjoy.  I don't understand why people do not see this as the civil rights issue that it is, and I also do not see why, despite Scripture's admonition for us to leave judgment for non-believers to God, so many insist on decrying that God's law is being violated.  Also, where was all of this religious mob when divorce laws became so lax that hetero marriage became a laughingstock in this nation?

And finally...I woke up with gay news on the radio this morning.  See, the husband's alarm radio is a sports talk show, and obvs the big news is Jason Collins coming out.  It was encouraging talk, accepting talk, and it just made me know that I needed to finally get this all off of my chest.

In the end, if nothing else, perhaps my Christian friends and I can leave my stance at 'a disputable matter,' (I'll even count myself as the one with weaker faith if it helps) and move on, together.  Because I still believe in Jesus, and I still believe that everyone's (big finger pointing at self) a sinner and needs Him, and that's what really matters, isn't it?

 

Resolved: To Reflect [and Correct] Continually

Yesterday we had a really good sermon about resolutions and repentance - despite our speaker's claim that it was a non New Year's resolutions sermon.

Why?

Because {insert gross oversimplification of the message here:} we shouldn't wait to change - we should change as soon as we feel something is a problem in our lives.  Now.  Not Monday or New Year's Day, today!

I wholeheartedly agree with this sentiment.

And yet....

My only counterpoint is that we shouldn't toss the baby out with the bathwater and call all New Year's resolutions bad.  Yes, if you identify a problem in your life on January 3rd and don't do squat about it until January 1st of the following year - that's a problem.  If you resolve to change and it only lasts a week or two, that's bad too.

But, often in our culture, we don't take time to reflect, save when Hallmark (or Dick Clark as the case may be) tells us to.  And in reflecting, it is only then we can identify areas to improve, grow, and do differently in our lives.  One of the most natural times to do so is New Year's, and so, I contend that if you make New Year's resolutions more as a result of reflection than as a result of putting off the challenging, painful process known as CHANGE, more power to you.

In the same vein of the sermon, though - I think we ought to reflect more in our 21st century lives, take time to unplug, slow down, breathe quietly with God, communing freely with Him dwelling on our hopes, dreams, and our druthers and reconciling them with what we know to be His will for us.  We don't spend one meaningful night/weekend with our other loved ones and call it good for a year, do we?

For planning purposes - I feel that we should do some serious introspection and self-evaluate our personal performance and/or goals in life at least quarterly.  What's going well?  What's not?  Strengths/Weaknesses?  Where/What would we like to be by the next quarter?

For intimacy with God purposes - most Christians talk of a daily walk with God.  This is more than church attendance and corporate prayers. As I shared last time, I've been struggling with this, and really, it's not a new struggle - it's been my same struggle since I first told the Lord He could have my life.  Here's my life, but uh, I'm not quite ready to talk to you about everything.

So, for accountability purposes, and because I tend to be like Aibileen from The Help, doing better with writing my prayers (though I can't claim a high/speedy rate of positive answers like Aibilene did), I'm going to attempt small, daily frequent, check-ins with God.  By writing my prayers, I also avoid the over-usage of God's favorite word, too.  Hehehe..... Some will be here, the stuff that has to do primarily with me and my struggles (so that we avoid this kind of situation), and stuff involving other people will be written in a journal.

Today, I begin...

Dear Heavenly Father,
Who am I that You care for me?  But You do, lavishing rich and universal blessings on all Your children, the richest of which was Your Son.  A thousand thanks to Jesus!  But it goes beyond that.  You bless me in ways that speak to my heart, ways that aren't one size fits all.  And You do this for everyone who has ever existed and loved You.  That's pretty amazing.

I come to you today with a sheepish heart.  I've been playing hide n seek again....or is still a better word here?  I don't know exactly, but you do.  I always want to do better at reading about you and learning who you are more intimately, but then I don't ever do it, at least not consistently.

There's a word, consistent.  I feel like it is the antithesis of my essence, and I hate that, because so many things, good things, preach consistency.  Parenting skills, health and wellness lifestyles, financial management, bible reading, prayer....and I'm not consistent in any of those areas and wonder why life feels so chaotic all the time.  I pray that you will help me, dear Lord.  Help me to daily take one step closer to you so that I can feel the affirmation of Your promise to come toward me in return.  Please help me to consistently seek You so that I can become more consistent in other areas in life.  Help me to see Your goodness and strive to mirror that to my children, family, friends, neighbors, and strangers.

I thank you so much for providing the opportunity to teach my kids a valuable lesson about respect today.  An opportunity that I would love to say I've been praying for You to provide, but we both know that's just not the case.  Nonetheless, it's been on my mind as I've seen some areas of concern in recent months, and You gave us an Incident, which gave me a huge opportunity to teach them.  One in which I'm pretty sure they heard me.  It wasn't fun, and I'm not exactly proud of the details of the Incident, but the end result was a good vehicle for learning and growth.

Who's that walkin' down the road?

This year at our life group's white elephant exchange, I think I got the best gift of all of 'em, me being the type who loves to both study people, individually and corporate (hello psychology degree!), and subsequently poke fun at the things such study uncovers.

The gift?

This book right here ↓

It's basically very similar to the [now seemingly defunct] Stuff White People Like blog I used to follow, only it lambastes the stereotypes seen within the [primarily protestant] Christian church - a sampling of such is available at the author's website (true story, I didn't see his self-proclaimed connection to SWPL until AFTER I'd written the above)- and despite the bordering-on-irreverent humor, there are wise little nuggets of insight also.

One of my favorite bits in the book is filed under "Secret Christian Bands":

Write songs about your girlfriend and God.  All your lyrics should be interchangeable so that if people in the audience want to pretend you're singing about God, they can.  If they want to pretend you're singing about your girlfriend, they can.

I've noticed this trend for a long time, and Jon Acuff calling it out in his fun, tongue-in-cheek fashion gave me a serious case of the giggles.  (Well, really, the whole book did.)

And, for me, I've also done the inverse with secular music that could be Christian (something Jon also blogged about, and made me laugh out loud...you really should go read that one if you'd like a laugh) and found myself waxing theological/philosophical about [please read the disclosure statement that follows before you click] P!nk songs/videos (posting a youtube link on Facebook was NOT the best manner for me to do this in as the title showed in a thumbnail and posted in everyone's newsfeed that was friends with me.  I heard about it.  So, full disclosure: there is visible profanity if you click that link.  I hope you don't let that deter you because the video is Full o' Power and can help others see what life is like in a very fallen and hurting world, lest they've forgotten and/or have suffered only 'acceptable' pains in their lives....still a little gun-shy, I guess).  I've long done this with do-gooder songs like Jewel's Hands, Life Uncommon, etc (she is one of my musical heroines), Jack Johnson's Own Two Hands, almost anything by U2, and many other songs - generally, those songs that speak to my soul don't talk about missing someone's taste, so it's not such a leap for me to hear God talking to me through secular music.  I think.....

Anyway, tonight, it was Daphne Willis' Bluff that had me hearing the Spirit.  I mean, besides the soulful timbre of her voice, the lyrics struck me.  (Now, I know that this song is sorta last year and all, but I only discovered her 6ish months ago on NPR, and promptly downloaded a bunch of her music.)  Tonight was the first time I really heard it.



We're going to do a little lyrical analysis here - song (Holy Spirit?) in black - my thoughts in green

When you figure it out you let me know,
This indecisive nature of yours is really beginning to show,
God, are you reading my blog now?  I've put it out there that I'm indecisive in the taglines.
You got your time to find your voice,
You got your space to make your choice, 
A way to go, 
And you gave me time to sit, 
I'm sorry, I've just left You on the wayside.  Don't know what my problem is thinking I'm on my own in life. Old habits die hard.
And a place to get to, 
Where now I know,

You don't know what you want, 
Isn't that the truth?
But you think that what you've got is not enough, 
I know...yet I have glimpses when I see just how good I DO have it.
And I keep tellin' you that getting things right can be so tough,
True 'dat.
Guess what,  you're not so tough,
But do you really have to tell everyone else?
So I came back here to call your bluff.
That's the amazing thing about You - no matter how defensive or neglectful, or just plain selfish I am, You are always coming back for me - calling my bluffs.
You don't have to let me know a thing cuz I figured you out, 
Well, there is that omnipotent thing
See all this time I thought at least you knew what you were all about, 
I thought I did too...but it changes so quickly. I feel like I'm always just on the verge of knowing and then I'm going a different direction.
And I waited to let you decide what you could do without, 
Just because I haven't pursued You doesn't mean I think I can do this without You...I know that sounds lame, because it is.
And I watched your contemplations expose the shadow of your own self-doubt.
Pay no attention to that [wo]man behind the curtain!  Yeah, I'm just as successful at hiding it as the Wizard of Oz was, huh?

You don't know what you want,
But you think that what you've got is not enough,
And I keep tellin' you that getting things right can be so tough, 
Guess what, you're not so tough, 
So I came back here to call your bluff.

And all of the times you made it,
Like you were the one who waited,
Ouch!
But I never hesitated to call,
Double ouch.  So true.  Forgive me.

And that's not what this should be,
No, it's not - I'll try harder
Just a series of blame between you and me,
It's all on me, God.  I never blamed you, I just....grew distant.
Cuz the bottom line is far above it all.
Amen!

You don't know what you want,
But you think that what you've got is not enough,
And I keep tellin' you that getting things right can be so tough,
Guess what,  you're not so tough,
So I came back here to call your bluff

If you couldn't tell, I've been in a sort of spiritual slump....for awhile.  It's not that I'm wrestling some Jacobean match with God.  It's not that I've fallen into sin.  It's not that I'm doubting.  It's more about that subtle sneaking up of discontent and wanderlust that has distracted me from what is going well in my life, and from whom all those good things have utterly... freely... and graciously been given.  It's about flying by the seat of my pants and not being intentional with my time and habits.  It's about a life-long bluff I've told myself in order to not reel when loved ones let me down: The only one who will see to it you have what you need is you.

Thank you God for calling my bluff, especially through a lesbian woman's secular song.  

That's Stuff that this Christian likes: Equal opportunity.

I'll leave y'all with this quote from The Shack...to which my title refers, contrary to its old black spiritual song connotation.

“Does that mean," asked Mack, "that all roads will lead to you?"

"Not at all," smiled Jesus..."Most roads don't lead anywhere. What it does mean is that I will travel any road to find you.” 

― William P. Young, The Shack

How does God speak to you?