Hangin' in...

I am doing...

As suspected, much of the hullabaloo the other night is just Charlie Brown's inability to deal.

Or rather, his ignorance.

Or just that I mean he is a guy, who happens to think in terms of problems and solving, and not so much about HOW we can solve them. He took my, "wow, this really fits....it's treatable," to mean that 1.) there is a problem but 2.) there is a solution, so, that's all there is to it, so he's not worried, end of story.

Me on the other hand, I'm worried about the details like, "it fits, but I'm not ready to put her in a box just yet...who do we need to see...is it covered by insurance... if not - would they cover it, etc, etc," and he doesn't really want to go there, even though he knows we need to, know what I mean?

In short, he knows there's work that needs done - he just doesn't want to DO it...more specifically, he doesn't want to be the one who does it....hmmmmm, we haven't struggled with that before, have we?? ;-{

I was really frustrated last night when I decided to take a shower, and upon getting out, I discovered he'd just left the kids to themselves almost the whole time.

I just needed 30 minutes - and he spent it on his bike and the sprinklers.

I'd expect that from him on a night from before, but now, with this on his radar? It bothered me a lot, especially when LMNOB was fussing and he came into the bathroom (I was still showering) and said, "Man, I can't stand her bitching." I wanted to come unglued, but simply said, "You know, it might be tied to some of these issues, Charlie Brown, and while she can't hear you say that now, you better watch it. She does pick up on that."

It adds to my worry that this is going to become another burden solely on my shoulders - I cannot be the only one who deals with the coping things we're going to have to do as a family.

We were able to talk much more openly and calmly (though it was a rough start at first, I hate his defensiveness!) last night, and that was good. :-} It was mostly me talking and him listening, but he did have some things to say, and I listened.

LMNOB??? Well, we started to have one of those nights last night, but she settled down. We did end up with one of those mornings this morning, and it's partly my fault b/c her school clothes didn't get completely dried before I made her get dressed - and she freaked. First it was, "I don't like damp clothes," then it was, "but those are pants, I want a dress," which wasn't clean, then it was, "I'm FREEZING" then "I don't want to go to school - nobody likes me." All of these issues were presented in a high-definition frenzy, replete with repetitive screaming (think I don't want to ______ as a broken record) that I just couldn't stop - it had to run its course. The last section was the longest, witnessed by our daycare lady, and the most heartbreaking for me, and was still fussing when I dropped her off this morning @ school.

When I went in to volunteer, she was doing her clingy crying thing - but after my group was done, we did recess and she was bouncing off the walls, running up to kids and bear hugging. Then when it was time to go back in, she returned to the clingy kid. Go figure.

I shouldn't even get started on all the hoops I had to jump thru to EVEN GET A REFERRAL to an OT by my EAP, but OMG!!!! One hour of talking to a woman dumber than a box of rocks and holding rigidly to the "procedures." Turns out, the ONE OT they are networked with, "doesn't see children" and incorrectly and quite condescendingly -funny how those seem to always go together, eh - told me, " you really ought to be checking with a child psychologist anyway." I couldn't hold it in. I told her, "Hmm, that's funny Dr. (PhD in OT), but everything in print about SID says that it is only accurately diagnosed by an occupational therapist, but thank you for your misdirection anyway, I have people waiting to help me on the sidelines." I mean geeze, so you don't help children, don't you think that as a PhD in a given profession, you would have SOME IDEA?!?!?

But, thank God for small miracles...I got a voice msg from this OT that Counselor S uses and referred me to. Unfortunately their contract with Cigna (my health insurance) is up. He gave me the name of an OT at McKee hospital (Lvld) that I should check with, or the idea of doing OT with someone at PVH - no real leads there though. He wants to talk, though, before I go in to someone, so it sounds like even though he may not get any business out of it, he is willing to help. A sign of someone who really cares, and isn't in it just for the Benjamins, ya know? That's a real blessing and encouragement of itself. He said he's doing a seminar on the 19th for parents who are dealing with SID, and though it may be premature since we don't have a diagnosis, it may be helpful for us to attend. There is no childcare, and it is on a night that I have to work, so I am trying to line up childcare and convince Charlie Brown he needs to go. Right now, I want him to want to go - but I'll take him going just because I said so, too.

The Boss and I are both stressed, grant hearings start tomorrow, and I made a couple of small "detail" mistakes today - which made me think of last year's issues during this time...by her silence I suspect she was thinking the same thing. I did blow her socks off with my very first staff report to the City Manager I put together though, so I guess it is even, eh? ;-}

That has been my day...for better or for worse.