Just How Honestly Do You Want Me to Answer?

Tonight, Charlie Brown poses this question to our small group from church:

What are some choices you have made that you wish you could have back?

Talk about a loaded question.

I'm sitting here thinking, "Uhm, hon, we're in marriage counseling for the 2nd go round, we had some seriously hellacious years before we even got to the first therapeutic go...how honest are we being here?"

He goes on to say that his number one regret is not staying one more day (and thus calling in sick to work) the last time we were at his grandmother's before she died.

:gulp:

I mean, seriously, I get it. I get that we are all quite safely and altogether superficially sharing with each other - it's the 21st century Christian way. I get that Charlie Brown getting to spend one more day with Grandma would have been more for him than for her, and that is par for his course. I get that even if he could have thought outside the ME box, it probably wouldn't center on regrets he had about the way he's treated me.

And friends, I'm a bit stunned at that. As if life just slapped me upside the head and said, "Bitch, you don't matter to him." And what do I do with that? ?????????????????

I sees me some shadow-boxin' and demon wrastlin' in the future.

As for me, my biggest regret and wish for a do-over is complicated.

Cuz you see, I wouldn't get a guaranteed LMNOB or Punkinhead if I did it all over. And not having that guarantee is a bit of a deal breaker for any do-over negotiations.

God - as in the Father, not some blurted utterance - but this life is hard. Why??? Why am I always back and forth, progressing rapidly then regressing at warp speed?