Monday, November 19, 2007

Nothing Says STRESSED OUT Quite Like Falling to Pieces at a Cliche Forward

So....most of ya'll know that I've been doing some shadowboxin' lately. Right?

Trying to figure out what's a true priority for me - I mean, does my life align with my values? In doing so, I've been torn between whether I need to be working and doing school, because don't my children need me more than that? Cuz, I tend to question on the bad days if this degree is really an investment in their future and our economic security as a family - as I'd intended - said doubt leaves me at a crossroads, wondering whether the ROI is worth these sacrifices being made in their early years? But then I think about how my work could change the world for a better place (with Divine Aid that is - no delusions of self-grandeur here) and I think about how much more of an investment we will reap - beyond economics, my kids, and your kids, can see a better and more unified future - and isn't that priceless?

But when LMNOB's sensory fits flare up - either because of the day's over/under stimulations or simply because as a bewildered mama, I scarce was able to come up with a nutritious diet plan for the day, let alone a sensory one - I struggle with thinking in completely oversimplified, fantasy-like terms: "I'll just quit work, become the class mom, and meet her every need." Hah...if only it were that brainlessly easy! Part of the reason why I continue to work outside of the home, is because my employer provides health coverage that is more affordable than anything my husband's employer could dream of offering. If I were to quit working, we'd be quitting OT. Uhm. No - that's not gonna happen anytime soon.

So my heart pulls me in one direction.

And then the Lord pulls me in another. And yet, even at that, I worry that I'm becoming institutionalized, too bureaucratic - but then, I remind myself, I've always been that detail-oriented, see the big picture and little picture simultaneously (picture in picture? So not a tv concept - they stole it from my brain) kind of gal. I was born a bureaucrat in that regard - and God's using that. I think.

See what I mean? Yes, I am a bitch to argue with...I'm ruthless with myself, let alone someone whom I know to be wrong.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand...I've gotten this particular chain forward several times already, and honestly, barring the "you must pass it on to x number of friends (hello viruses!) within the verynextbreathyoutake and you will have blahblahblah!extreme!blessings!," it's a nice sentiment.

Like not-half-bad advice, I tend to read through these types of forwards (that are upbeat and positive that is - not these freakshow evil ones that also tend to show up in similar fashion) and glean from them what I need and leave the rest.

Often in my deleted items folder.

The subject line had been inconspicuous, hiding the actual content of the message. The sender was the director of the homeless shelter in Ft. Collins, with whom I work fairly frquently.

I opened it, expecting to see that I was just one of her many address book entries receiving it. Nope - I was one of three, two of whom had already received this message.

Wow - I thought.

Hi - I am picking 17 people who have touched my life and who I think would want to receive this. Please send it back to me (You'll see why)..

In case you are not aware, Saint Theresa is known as the Saint of the Little Ways, meaning she believed in doing the little things in life well and with great love. She is represented by roses. May everyone who receives this message be blessed.

Theresa's Prayer cannot be deleted. REMEMBER to make a wish before you read the prayer . That's all you have to do. There is nothing attached. [Hammy here...Nothing, except that you must share to see what happens, lol]

Just share this with people and see what happens on the fourth day. Sorry [Yeah, sure] you have to forward the message, but try not to break this, please. Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive. [Can't argue that] Read the prayer below..

Saint Theresa's Prayer
May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

I read that second line and it hit me squarely in the heart.

Trust? What's that? Hammy has a wee bit of a problem in that department, eh?

Oh, and yes, I cried. Over a chain e-mail. That I'd seen before, but managed to communicate just what I needed to hear. From an acquaintance who happened to think of me before hitting send.

Wonders never cease.


  1. It's funny the messages you can glean from almost anything, when you need them.

    For what it's worth... I think you are an amazing role model to your kids, balancing motherhood, a job, and school. That you are working towards making the world they WILL live in a better place, not just the world they live in, now.

    Honestly, I don't know how you do it all.