Now Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Program: Maternal Overwhelm

The kids have been crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrazay rotten the past 4 days.

Ev.er.Y.thing has been a fight of late. Listening has left the building.

Yesterday was Charlie Brown's one Saturday for work this month, and well, I began melting down with maternal overload last night.

First, I clapped my hands over my head and walked in circles, droning, "Loud noises - make them stop!"

Then I figured, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, and created some of my own loud noises, in effort to motivate.

When that didn't work, I cried. Guttural, body wrenching cries of complete frustration that THIS is what my life has become.

Yes, this does sound rather poor me - wait, it gets worse.

This morning, LMNOB was all up in arms about our difference of opinion re: her church attire. We were late to bible study. I was totally frustrazzled (like that? I thought it had a nice ring to it).

We got to church, and after study, one of the ladies I've known for years said, "How've ya been?"

I responded with, "Tired." Somehow, that isn't quite clear in my recollection, I'd gotten around to telling her about the latest with Loveland's inclement weather shelter (can't tell you more about that until the press release hits the streets) and how it had been crazy on Friday, having to run LMNOB to her OT appointment, and then have to keep her in my office while I attended the meeting I'd been summoned to that afternoon to discuss shelter operations, liabilities, etc.

She questioned why LMNOB was going to OT.

I then shared a little bit of my personal hell with her - explaining Sensory Processing Disorder, what that meant for us, and just how much work it was, both in the home activities and the weekly visits to Bt the OT.

And it got to me. I started crying. At one point, I was heard saying, "Oh, but listen to me - I'm complaining, and really it could be so much worse, right?"

She reassured me that I was not complaining, I was sharing my life with her.

We sat down for the services. Charlie Brown was leading the song service, so it was me and the kids with DSW and her husband next to us.

After communion, when the kiddies were dismissed to Children's Bible Hour, I went to take Punkinhead - and he was kicking and screaming - making a right good riot. I took him into the bathroom to have a talking to with him when a new woman intervened, and gave Punkinhead the role of social savior to him for her son - as in, "We're new here and don't have many friends yet - could you help him?" Punkinhead gleefully went at that.

I broke down. Guilt washed over me as the raw emotions hit the surface.

This is so much work -it's not worth it

Nothing I do is changing anything - this is our life day in and day out

Shall I praise the Lord for this parental purgatory?

I told you, it was way more poor me.

I'll spare you the further details - suffice to say my eyes are tired, my shoulders tense, and my head's a-throbbin'.

It must be catching too, this totally overwhelmed state of helplessness, as a BUNCH of people went forward at church this morning, confessing similar struggles, I think; I was too busy sobbng in the ladies room to know.