Ta-dah! Tuesday

This is my 500th published post, ya'll. Ta-dah! I have 12 posts that never quite made it past draft format, for whatever reason, but this is the official 500th post.

I've been feeling a bit pressured about it - as in, lately my blogging has not been a high priority due to the frenetic sea of busy that I'm drowning in, and well, I had this expectation that 500 would be special. Meaningful. Poignant...something that would leave you all going, "Damn, she's good," which would in turn stroke my small little ego.

But here's the thing. I'm processing a million different things, but things that are huge, and I'm seriously trying to figure out whether they are worth hanging on to and figuring out or if I just need to let go of it.

2+ weeks ago, we had a sermon at church about a godly roles. It was rather gender biased, focusing solely on those type of passages about women being submissive, keepers of the home (which in turn was interpreted as stayers-at-home as the sermon went on), and rearers of children.
Thoughts about men treating wives better than themSELVES? Not so much.

Thoughts about how men should be servant-leaders? Nada.

I wanted to jump up and ask "What about Lydia? Priscilla? The Proverbs 31 Woman? They all worked outside of the home, and the latter of which was for sure a mother!"

I wanted to ask about Mother Teresa - what if she'd bought the line that the head of every woman is a man, and married, dutifully serving a husband and children? Had she done that how many millions of people may not have seen the face and felt the hands of God?

I wanted to testify to the stirring that has been in my heart since a young girl to serve others facing poverty and adversity, how chains of events have led me to where I am right now, how my career path had brought me to pivotal moments that saved my marriage, and how difficult it is to carry the burden of many talents as a godly woman with children as sometimes it is an Abrahamic dilemma of serving God at the expense of your children - which do we do?

I wanted to ask if we have placed our families on a pedastal, as a new idol that has distracted us from reaching out to strangers with love, kindness and compassion. By keeping our focus on our inner worlds, family, church, school, and neglecting to reach out, are we hiding our lights under a bushel?

I read on another blog the other day, "Some people are so heavenly minded that they are of no earthly good." And that made me think of this bit out of James.

The answer is, I don't know. I don't know and I don't know that I'll ever know - so how can another human - equally as vulnerable to flawed thinking as I am - state with certainty that they do?

This I do know, however. My husband not only supports me in my career, he does not want me to stop working to stay at home. My husband held me and comforted me while I was so bruised by the stones that had rained upon me from the pulpit, and said, "Your work is one of the loudest testimonies our kids are seeing about the Lord." And yet, when I'm maxed out (frequently) my voice is also one of the loudest negativities in their lives - sweet Jesus, I pray for balance and patience.

So, that's that I suppose. I just keep praying that God directs my path and onward I go. I just feel so alone in it sometimes, because I'm leaning in a different socio-political direction than many of those whom I sit with on Sunday mornings are. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, that that may not be such a bad thing, given that the Lord and the religious folks of his time didn't exactly see eye to eye either. But...I also don't want to assume that I've got it all figured out.

That's just one of the things roiling around in my head...

Stay tuned for tales of poverty theorists, retail workers who should keep their mouths shut, and leadership/ethics class details.



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