Me, a Big Blubbery Blabbermouth

Ok, so last night I was blathering on and on all night long about this e-mail that The Boss had sent me about how I now needed to clear out of office time ahead of schedule with her. This is new….and coming right after I was sick last week and having no more sick leave, had offered to do some work from home. I understand that working from home is not our norm; but given the circumstances it was the best I could do!

I read: I don’t trust you and I need more control. Also: My life is stressful right now so you are going to pay….

It made me feel badly. I felt like I’d let her down and that because I wasn’t perfect she was greatly disappointed.

So I did what any people pleasing woman who also happens to be newly pregnant does: CRIED my heart out.

Charlie Brown, upon reading it, said, “Uhm, I don’t get it….it seems innocent enough.”

This morning, we had our first staff meeting in about a month (they used to be weekly occurrences).

After we got our “business” done, she asked me, “Well, how are you feeling about things in the office right now?”

“Uhhhh, well, honestly, since the United Way job and all of that I have been really struggling with finding the right balance between home and work, but I’m feeling better about it. Last week was just hard because I was sick and out of leave time and had just drained my vacation time – so I was trying to do the best I could.”

“Yeah…I was thinking this morning, what would you think about splitting your job and sharing it with someone?”

While I sat there, slack-jawed and mentally sending notes to God, to whom I’d prayed this morning about this very balance, she elaborated, telling me that she knew I had a lot of different circumstances than her, with LMNOB’s sensory therapies, the kids being younger and having daycare woes of late, me being in school, etc., and that my commitment level had been lower of late, but that she very much values the work that I do and wanted to keep it at a quality level.

She proposed that perhaps the person sharing with me could attend all of the evening meetings and grant presentations while I maintained the logistics and planning role for daytime hours at the office. She also told me that she had to do all the calc’s, i.e. workers comp would be higher b/c it is two people rather than one, etc., in her budget before taking it to her boss, but that she thought it could work. After all, the history of this office has been a job-sharing history – she recounted how when she first started here 15 yrs ago she job-shared her current position with another woman in what was then a one-position office. 10 years ago my position was added, at PT, where my successor worked 2 PT positions for the City. Then there was me.

Incredulous, I told her, “You know – when I had my first ‘I can’t do this moment’ in June, before the UW position came open, I briefly thought about splitting my job, but I wasn’t sure if you’d be open to it. So many details to work out and well, you’re not a big fan of change, and I just shut that door without even testing to see if it would open. I really appreciate you asking me this.”

She went on, and I felt an urging.

“And….this is really good timing. I’m pregnant.”

She was overcome with curiosity:

How did I feel about that? – Given that we planned it, I am giddy!

When’s the due date? - April 27th

Had I stopped my meds? Been taking my vitamins? - Yes, both before I even ovulated so I am good ;-) Also; Thanks, “Mom!”

She was thrilled – and in wonder said, “There’s a reason why this all came to me this morning, then.”

I teared up, knowing the conversation I’d had with God just a few hours before, smiled and said, “Absolutely.”

I am just glad that I responded appropriately to her e-mail yesterday and not with the hormonal tit-for-tat and paranoid conclusions I’d jumped to last night.

We have a lot to ponder, too. Health care costs would hike for me if I went to PT since our family is covered on my policy. But, maybe Medishare is right for us now, for them, and I can stay with the City’s coverage until after the baby?

We’ll figure it out, with God’s help – in the meantime, your prayers would be greatly appreciated!




© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved