What Really Matters...

Yesterday, I was in attendance at a press conference, as a member of the UniverCity Connections; Homelessness Initiative Task Group. (Two questions: 1 - why do these things always have to be such a long name, and 2 - why are people so freakin' ignorant in newspaper commentaries? Not one of the anti-homeless plan commenters have a clue about how much money and the RESULTING COST SAVINGS this plan is going to incur - I could go on for DAYS, MONTHS even educating y'all on this but I'll spare you)

A rather prominent wheeler and dealer in the group pulled me aside and asked me if I ever did consulting work.

I reminded him that I was a consultant to the County for the Homeless Count - and that I did indeed plan on working in the consulting/freelancing capacity in the future. "Why?" I asked him.

"Well," as he swooped his hands in a demonstrative gesture, "This is wrapping up and we'll be beginning phase 2 soon. It's going to be a lot of meetings, a lot of coordination, and who better to tackle such a task with finesse?"

I wanted to die inside, a little. It was JUST the opportunity that I've dreamed of.

And I had to say no.

On top of the fact that I'm wanting to downsize things, and this would just add to the workload, the timing is ALL wrong. This is not going to happen overnight, folks, and I don't think that policy implementation phases take maternity leaves.

I was reminded of something my dear Christian sister had recently said to me in response to my confession that my heart had changed about staying home and planning for this baby (emphasis mine):

I think that's great and I think God will honor any steps of faith you and Charlie Brown take in that direction. He asks for a lot, sometimes, though (consider the rich young ruler...). He wants our all. I think you guys are up to that task, but be prepared to do some 'dying', and to be refined even more by fire. God disciplines those he loves! So brace yourselves and be united and strong in the Lord.

I'm always so fuzzy on the line between what is discipline from God - i.e. requires me dying to myself - and what is temptation from the Evil One - distracting me and tempting me to stoke the idols in my heart - but nevertheless, I can say that I do not regret saying no, and I do not regret taking this leap of faith. This is a beautiful place to be!

I know too well the inner workings of some of the parties at play in this thing, and while everyone is after ends that are noble and humane, the means of some of the players do not sit well with me. Not to mention the inevitable outcry by the more ignorant folks in our public (evidenced in the newspaper commentary) - and the bottom line is this: I don't have to get into all of that yuck by having said no. I can pray for them to have guidance in their next steps and leave it at the Cross.

My God wants my all, and He's directing my energies into my family for this next season in my life. I need to honor that, not fight it, and I know that He will bless those attempts with more than I can comprehend.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved