Days 10-15

It was bound to happen eventually, this falling off the wagon thing whenever it comes to me doing anything that is supposed to become a daily habit.

Borne of chaos, I am NOT a creature of habit and am constantly, {more often than not, fruitlessly}, striving towards routine and structure, only to abandon any purposeful or intentional endeavors for a more reactive, in-the-moment existence...that usually bites me hard, too.

Preamble aside, I'm behind in my pictures, so without further ado, here they are:

I'm Writing This Without a Pinkie

Or at least I ought to be.

I promised you some of the conclusions I'd drawn re:my recent funk, or at least the now conscious awareness of things that likely will never resolve, so here goes.

1.)  The whole serving the poor, social justice thing is not just about helping others. 

But, it is not necessarily all about me feeding my ego and deriving fulfillment and self-worth from it, either. 

The first one is what I clung to when I was more married to my work than to my family, and yet the second premise is what many women at church saw in me while I was working.  Some called me on it, and it used to make me so very angry - I felt judged for wanting to use talents for a godly cause simply because I happened to collect a paycheck for it. 

It was a blindspot of sorts, because I was rather liking the feedback of doing good and important things.

So the truth of the matter is that this drive in me is complex and fueled by a number of motivations, all of which I can now admit to and accept.  Period.  After all, do we censure men who get a lot of fulfillment and self-identity from their careers, be they turning wrenches, crunching numbers or leading societal missions?

2.) I'm not dissing on SAHMotherhood by having these convictions to do more.


I realize that my impact on the world is not just what I myself do, but what I teach my children to do as well. 

I get that, and understand that fully.  Which is part of why I feel a need to find a way to do more for others rather than just our family, because if I model living a life where we simply take care of our own, what are my children likely to do?

Exactly:  lather, rinse, repeat.  And so a cycle of insular living is perpetuated.

3.) Spiritual implications....

I was pretty convicted by the scriptures in our class Sunday.

...true religion is this, caring for the widows and the orphans....

...but Lord, when did we see you thirsty?...naked?...hungry?...

And so on. 

But that's not to say that doing kind things for the poor is what saves us.

And it's not to say that everybody is going to be called to or led to ministry to the poor.  Ya know the whole which part of the body of Christ are you, and not making everyone into the SAME person/part, right?

But I ought to evaluate where I am laying up my treasures.  And where I have become complacent.

And, there's still more....but kid duties call.....




© 2006-present Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Doll Gets Fox News Health Team up in Arms

First of all, folks, it is a DOLL. A doll makes the news these days?

Oh it does if it is a breastfeeding doll, that apparently is the equivalent of:

"introducing sex education in first grade instead of seventh or eighth grade"

I have so many problems with this statement, let alone the more asinine claims by FOX News' Managing Health editor that a DOLL could possibly promote earlier pregnancies, or better yet, traumatize young girls.

First of all, breastfeeding is more about human nutrition than it is about human sexuality - but once again a man, a man with a conservative bias being that he works for FOX News, makes the topic all about sex. Sorry, Dr. Alvarez but you are part of the problem. So much work has been made to de-stigmatize breastfeeding, in public or otherwise, and you immediately play upon the fears of your conservative audience by saying essentially that anything breast-related = sexual promiscuity.

Second, any mother who has ever breastfed a baby with an older sibling has probably already seen their older child "nurse" their dolls. I have. It's not a new concept, you know, that children model their parents' behavior. I've even seen friends' older sons nurse a baby doll when their mothers have a nursing baby in the household. Does that mean they are going to be confused about their anatomy growing up? No, it's called imaginative play - something we seem to have forgotten about in this hysteria.

Third, unless I missed something, no one said ANYthing about this doll being used for educational purposes in a school setting, so how is it like introducing sex ed to a first grader? Moreover, why wouldn't you introduce some age appropriate sex education to your children at that age, or even earlier for that matter? I am not promoting a public-school campaign at that age, at all. Despite being conservative re: sexuality, I'm not a fan of school-based abstinence only programs as

...scientifically sound studies of abstinence only programs show an unintended consequence of unprotected sex at first intercourse and during later sexual activity. In this way, abstinence only programs increase the risk of these adolescents for pregnancy and sexually transmitted illnesses, including HIV/AIDS.

No, as a Christian believer I feel that it is *my* duty to educate my children about sex in an age-appropriate, biblical, and open fashion. It starts early, too, because if we don't establish an open conversation about sexual topics when they aren't embarrassed, what guarantee do we have that they'll approach us with their questions during the height of self-consciousness and doubt of parental authority? We've already read the first two books in the Story of Me series with LMNOB and Punkinhead, and they're not "traumatized." Nor are they displaying signs of wanting to run out and have sex/a baby at the first chance they can get.

But I digress....back to the breastfeeding babydoll. For me, the only thing I take issue with the manufacturer is the name. Bebe Gluton = Gluttonous Baby. WTH? Kind of a mixed message as breastfed babies tend to be smaller, and more self-regulating with regard to feeding only when hungry, than their formula-fed peers - but whatever, right?

And back to FOX News' article....the fact that they cite Eric Ruhalter's lame attempt at humor, equating a breastfeeding babydoll to something as inappropriate as babydolls dealing with alcoholism and/or incarceration, shows me that they are simply perpetuating the sexualization of breasts and stigmatizing any functional, natural usage of them, real or imagined.

It just drives me bonkers - this one or the other classification of breasts. They are functional, life sustaining, beautiful and sexual. As God created them to be.



© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

The Costs of Health Care, if You Can Call it That

I just opened yet another stack of medical bills and my spirits are struggling to stay up, to have faith in God's providence.

I KNOW that He has done so much for us already, but it's almost as if our health care system is gambling with God right now. Oh yeah, well I see your $5,500 raised by your churches and I'll raise you $8,800 plus the unknown of the pulmonology bill that has yet to come. Or something like that, as I'm not a gambler.

And let's not forget that the state of Colorado wrote off a great portion of our hospital debt - like $65k worth of a $68k bill - through the Colorado Indigent Care Program. Thanks be to God, because without that we'd be in financial ruin right now. But here's the rub, and one that especially grates at my husband's ego as well as those of many others who qualify for CICP: we are not "indigent" by definition of the word:

in⋅di⋅gent [in-di-juhnt]
–adjective
1.lacking food, clothing, and other necessities of life because of poverty; needy; poor; impoverished.
2.Archaic.
a.deficient in what is requisite.
b.destitute (usually fol. by of).

Rather, my husband happens to be a hard-working man who works 50+ hours/week at a physically demanding job making pretty good money for our area. His employers offer health insurance, and we had it after I quit my job with the city for Lil Guy's prenatal care through his birth. However, the premium was scheduled to go up, again, s of May 1, 2009. To $880/month for our family, with a $5,000/person deductible, and then 60%/40% co-insurance after the deductible. Max out of pocket expenses in a year was $20k. Now, I don't know about you, but to pay virtually another mortgage payment every month so that I was assured that I wouldn't have to pay more than the $20k that I don't have sitting around for medical expenses didn't quite fly with me. We'd already downsized our income to have me be at home with the kids, and couldn't really afford this blow either.

But, rather than be irresponsible and have NO insurance at all, we knew that we needed to look for a plan B. So we found an independent broker and got our own health plan, then terminated Charlie Brown's before it renewed on those awful terms.

The only problem was that we had a 2 week gap.

And I happened to get deathly ill in that 2 week gap. Just 4 more days and we would have made it.

I'm grateful that CICP exists, don't get me wrong. But it's not enough. Thankfully God has supplemented us with the contributions from our church.

And I'm angry that people removed from these kinds of struggles are pitching a fit about health care reform - because this kind of thing happens EVERY DAY in America. I'm angry that people who work hard every day are being bankrupted because of medical expenses. I'm angry when I hear health care workers complaining that they have to do more with less - because really, what industry ISN'T being told that right now? Health care costs are TOO high. Particularly the insurance part.

I don't know that government insurance is the answer necessarily, because I haven't read up enough on the policy specifics to know what the bottom line is for taxpayers. And because quite honestly, where would the money for it come from? We are already tapped out fiscally as a country and if we just continue to spend our dollars will soon become as worthless as the German Marks did during the Great Depression.

But those naysayers who don't even want to have the conversations about doing something, anything, bother me. That's all I'm saying. I think.





© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Today I Discovered Dubya's Post-Presidential Vocation

At least, I thought so. Turns out the item on the label I was reading is a legitimate term, even if it sounded like a new Bush-inspired attempt at a neologism.

Sometime just before Her Bad Mother blogged about the latest and worst (sorry for the weird formatting, but the article is down a ways, scroll for the info) thing about HFCS (aside from all the previously bad correlations), I had decided to really start cutting it out of our diets as much as possible. When I heard mercury is also associated with HFCS, I began to even more seriously cut it out, given LMNOB's Sensory Integration Dysfunction and the tie between mercury and all things Autistic Spectrum Disorder.

It is hard to completely get HFCS out of your diet as basically all condiments have it, most store bought breads do (at the time I began scouring labels at the supermarket even the pricey Orowheat breads had it on their label; however, they have since eliminated it as an ingredient in the production of their bread. Also, I recommend Nature's Pride, it is HFCS free, cheaper than Orowheat on average and tastes much better than the Pepperidge Farms natural breads! No, not being paid by them to say so, just think that if people are serious it is helpful to know what's what out there.), etc., etc. So, I've honed in on the things we eat EVERY day, like breads and cereals, lunchbox items, "juices" and the main ingredients in my cooking staples. I have yet to buy organic ketchup for pure budgetary reasons, but in general we have really reduced this culinary evil's presence in our lives.

It takes time as one has to really read labels (and know HFCS's other names as some companies are pulling out the Canadian/European names for this bad boy) and it can cause a bit more strain on the pocket book, but not necessarily if you are a smart shopper (see that time thing above though).

Anyway, all of that to tell you that today while I was at the grocery store reading labels, I hit a new term....

Interesterified soy oil.

Firefox wants so badly for me to correct that sucker, because it doesn't recognize it as a word either.

My first thought was, "AHA! George W. has gotten himself a job as a food label writer." Then, "WTH does interesterified mean, anyway? That they've made boring oil more interesting? So ambiguous, these newfangled food terms."

We all know that trans-fats are bad because they are genetically modified fats that take an unsaturated fat (read: liquid) add hydrogen (hence hydrogenated and/or partially hydrogenated) and make it a saturated (read: crisco-like solid) fat that will clog your arteries much faster and more seriously than naturally saturated fats (i.e. butter and meat fats....mmmm...meat fat, lol. This prego is seriously craving one fine ribeye right now) will. Oh, wait, you didn't know that? Well now you know and "knowing is half the battle." (GI Joe! Sorry, it's that pop culture reference thing I do)

And since most of us know that trans-fats are bad and why, a lot of food companies have eliminated them....or just reduced them to 0.something grams in their serving sizes so that they can somewhat completely misleadingly boast "0g Trans-Fats in every serving!" Seriously, even with reading labels people miss this, because they read the "Nutrition Facts" rather than the ingredients. Be thorough, folks, be thorough, because somehow many of these food-producers are claiming no trans-fats in their products, yet "hydrogenated/partially hydrogenated" still shows on the ingredients. And they ain't natural.

So interesterified fats.... It's a whole new ball of wax. And also another seemingly unhealthy one. Makes me want to cook everything from scratch now. Which makes my head hurt. Can nothing be easy yet safe?


© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Surreal Surrenders

What a week.


At any given minute this week, I felt as if my head would just wind up and spin Linda Blair style and life as I've known it would just stop.


There were the mornings, the relentless "Oh my hell, child how many times do I have to tell you to get your shoes on before you even motion to do so," preparations before school, the incessant and shrill "Go, go, go - Do this - Don't do THAT's," that automatically fired out of my mouth like a machine gun, and tears, always tears. We made the bus none times this week. None. These mornings leave me so frustrated - but hopefully they are a thing of the past.


There was the Particularly Bad morning - Wednesday - this week where Punkinhead had once again misplaced his snow boots and mittens (I am finally beginning to understand Mother Cat's wrath towards her kittens in new light) and of course this was made known to me at 8:10 a.m.. We leave for the bus stop at 8:12 a.m. So the hunt for the aforementioned boots and mittens ensued, and as you can imagine, took longer than the 2 minutes we had allotted to Make The Bus In Time. I had decided to give up the search, Punkinhead would just have to live with the natural consequences of being irresponsible with his boots/mittens: be unable to play in the snow at recess and have cold hands, respectively. I threw everything together, grabbed my lunch, grabbed backpacks to cram into the car, locked the door and proceeded to the car.


Without my keys.


The babysitter has our spare!

Called Charlie Brown with a plea for him to come be my white knight and open the door so that we could get the kids to school and me to work. He was soon on his way.

In the interim, I called my OB's office as the night before I'd come home to a voicemail asking me to please call them back about a lab result...I hadn't had any labwork done at my previous appointment so I was a bit confused. Then the nurse proceeds to tell me that my urinalysis was suspicious, so they'd cultured my urine and I indeed had my 2nd UTI of this pregnancy - I was supposed to begin antibiotics immediately, and had I had any symptoms? Nope.

So I had her call the rx into the Safeway by my office. Call my boss to let her know it is a morning from hell and I am running late. Get to Safeway and the pharmacist tells me that they no longer carry the old antibiotic that the doc has rx'd. He calls Walgreens to see if they have it.

They do.

Backtrack a bit and go to Walgreens, and proceed to wait 45 MINUTES for them to fill my Rx. Ya'll I so will not be fun when I'm elderly and on a million drugs, because my idea of a trip to the pharmacy is 15 minutes total. Plus, you know, I kinda had a place to get to. Called WORK.

That all was frustrating enough but the realization that I had had some menstrual like cramping, which I'd written off as uterine stretching and/or round ligament pain, and had also had an untreated UTI going on meant that this babe could now be at risk for preterm labor. Not to mention all the frackin' stress that we'd had lately in the mornings. I really am questioning whether to stay with my present OB or if I ought to be shopping - I mean, she's the one who was so concerned about the POTENTIAL of me having preterm labor before these UTI's came on and yet when I have something that could actually CAUSE preterm labor, she is inattentive to detail (the prior UTI she put me on antibiotics the day of my urinalysis, before the lab culture even came back as a preventive measure) and potentially put me and the baby at risk. Nice.

So there's that.

Later that day (Wednesday, still) was my going away party at work. I could lie and say it was overwhelming that so many people showed up and embarrassed me with their kind words, but truthfully, it was really energizing for extroverted ole me and I felt really loved and encouraged by a lot of people whom I respect greatly. I was surprised by the turnout being as big as it was - and with so many community players (as opposed to strictly City employees) - but it was a great time in the spotlight for me and I felt like a shining star.

Thursday and today were a bit anticlimactic at work after that, but they flew by.

It was bittersweet.

On the one hand I am so looking forward to being with my kids - and this week really hammered home for me that they are too. Sometimes you wonder if kids really get it, and LMNOB dropped enough clues in her conversation for me to say, "Yeah, she does get it and it means a whole heck of a lot to her." I.e., "The bus driver is going to be really surprised to see you every day when we get back from break," and other things that illustrate the nuances of what my being home with them will mean to her.

On the other hand, I had to keep telling myself - especially after Wednesday - that I am not putting my SELF on a shelf. I am kind of mannish in this regard that I tend to overly identify my sense of self with what I DO, and I think particularly because I have long felt that I'm better able to use the gifts God has blessed me with in the career path I've taken than say being a SAHM. But that's the thing...Just because I'm not going to be on a payroll doesn't mean that I'm going to become a recluse and insulate myself from my community. I'm still on the IHN board of directors, I'm still going to volunteer at my kids' school, etc. My gifts will not be "wasted" says my head, but my heart struggles with believing that at times.

And, I was with the City for 4 1/2 years. It was my 2nd post-college job and by far the longest one I've held. It's a pretty big chapter on which the final page was turning for me.

And it wasn't totally the end today, either, because I'm going back next month for a few hours here and there to train my replacement. But I still cried as I drove out of the parking lot after the Boss helped me pack up my things and gave me a hug. The tears almost felt foreign to me as I have been so happily looking forward to this day that sorrow seemed out of place. The uncertainty of our financial picture is nervewracking to say the least, but every day I'm asking God to help me grow in my faith that He will provide - and I know that He will. And then the relief flooded over me - the stresses of our mornings will be reduced, I can rest and take care of myself and my baby and not feel guilt for it, my kids will benefit from having more of me, and on the list goes.

And then I realized, it's all ok.

I've surrendered my old life and am now embarking on a new one. Filled with wonder and excitement.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Hoping She "Gets" It This Time

So, the other day I shared with y'all that LMNOB's Second-Grade Teacher has frustrated me a bit. This is not the first time, either.

After I spoke with School OT (who very much agreed with me) I e-mailed her this:

Hi Ms. Second Grade Teacher,

I just wanted to check in with you on a few things.

First of all – thank you for making sure LMNOB sends home the checklist each day. They are helpful tools for me to gauge what needs to be done that night at home.

1.) Volunteering – I have a couple of things that I wanted to check in with you about. First – I know that teachers rely upon volunteers to be there when scheduled and that is why I’ve tried to let you know in advance when I have a conflict – to
demonstrate respect for your planning needs and to allow for ample time to develop a plan around it. However, as illustrated by the misunderstandings that occurred on September 18th and today, something is failing in my communication with you, and I want to do my best to remedy this.

Would it be more helpful* if I gave you a month’s schedule at a time, as per the example below, rather than saying “I won’t be there Oct. 16th?” I would like to
avoid miscommunication as much as possible, so please let me know how I can best
meet your need here.
Second – As you are aware, the transition has not gone well from my volunteer period to recess with LMNOB. As you and I have both talked with LMNOB, we’ve both let her know that if she can’t transition well then I should not be coming in to volunteer. I feel that today’s transition failure caused undue stress for myself and possible social ramifications as her peers witnessed her inappropriate response.

I feel that I must either work with you to find an alternative for the transition or hold true to the statement of me not coming in to volunteer, as repeat of the above is not acceptable to me. I would like for you to read the short article I’ve attached on Sensory Integration, as it illustrates some of what is happening with LMNOB during these transitions and is good information for you to have about her – also I have added some of my own notes as applies to LMNOB in the article.

One alternative that we could do** is have you escort LMNOB out to recess after she and I’ve had a bear hug (good input for her). She may resist at first, but past experience in various settings (school, daycare, church) has shown me that this works for her – makes the transition short and swift rather than prolonging it. Some quick input to her shoulders (a squeeze or two) from you will likely aid in the transition, as well as an instruction to bunny hop/do the monkey bars, etc., as a sensory input AND a diversionary tactic. If you find it too difficult to accommodate (only once/week), then I’m afraid I will have to stop volunteering so as to avoid repeated bad transitions. Please let me know which option you would prefer.

2.) Theraputty/Chewies – I sent these to school with LMNOB last week and she’s
reported that her desk-mates (the two boys on either side of her) have told her that she shouldn’t be doing that (theraputty) and she’s embarrassed/scared to use it. As we’ve talked before about confrontational speech and how LMNOB struggles with it, I would just ask you to keep an eye on this and perhaps talk with the boys about how LMNOB has special permission because it helps her hands get strong.

3.) Wednesdays – We have had serious weekly melt-downs*** at home with LMNOB on Wednesday evenings, resulting in some homework wars that could come to her academic detriment if continued – and the only thing I can come up with is that it is due to the shortened day. I have not had a chance to analyze her checklists and see if there is less being done by/for her on Wednesdays, but could I ask that you please try to ensure a minimum of 3 in-class activities that provide a strong input (i.e. hard bunny hops v. theraputty) on these days? I’d like to see if over a period of weeks it makes a difference.

Thank you for your time in reading this. I look forward to your response.

* This is my attempt to demonstrate a willingness to work as a team, a 2 way street. I do have that willingness, even if I think it is a bit ridiculous to explain a schedule to a teacher of 15+ years.

** Again, this is my [generous, imho] attempt to not just complain, but to offer solutions as well.

*** I did not link that story in my e-mail to her, but perhaps I should have as we'll soon see.

Hi Heather,
I was going to call or email you too in regards to yesterday. No worries about the confusion with you coming in yesterday...I've just had some volunteers change times etc. and I didn't get your time change in the right place.

Again? Seriously, I asked her if we can work on this communication issue because when I've been on a different schedule than she was, she's made her inconvenience rather well-known, if you know what I mean. That's what I'm trying to avoid.

Thank you for the info on sensory integration. I have read articles that
Ms. M had but of course I can always learn more! I will read it over the
weekend.

Yes, I agree it is stressful for you and me ( as well as LMNOB) when you try to leave the class. I would love to have you continue to help, Heather but I agree we need to be able for LMNOB to let go. When you come in next time let's try the strategies that you mentioned and see if that helps. As you know I have morning duty at 10:00 and need to be on the playground supervising all students. If it doesn't work, then I
think it best that you no longer help.

I will talk with the boys next to her to be sure they understand that it is okay for LMNOB to have the theraputty and chewies.

I have no idea what is happening on Wednesdays with her, but we will do more strong inputs on those days.

Thank you for helping me help LMNOB!!

Ms. Second Grade Teacher

Of course she has no idea what is happening on Wednesdays - aside from the separation freak-outs, Ms. Second Grade Teacher has no clue what crashing with LMNOB is like. And without children of her own, she can't even imagine a fraction of it.

I'm hoping that she gets it as much as her e-mail made it sound. I'm reserving judgment as I thought I'd made headway with her before and to no avail.

For what it's worth, yesterday's checklist had remarkably more things facilitated in the classroom than the past several weeks have had. And, last night was a great night with LMNOB.

I'm so sick of this....

My in-laws, bless their hearts, are of a different political persuasion than I am.

Ok, that's allowed, right? I certainly think so, even if I don't really understand the other party's POV/MO.

What I am SICK to DEATH of, though is the constant bombarding of my in-box for their politically charged BS forwards about my candidate.

Just once, I am waiting for an original, moreover, factually-based commentary of their own, not some insipidly anonymous rumor-mongering e-mail that clings to fear and uber right-wing talking points.

Hey, I was reading on factcheck.org or some other such credible source that your candidate was not totally on base in xyz claim - what are your thoughts on that?

Yeah, that's not gonna happen. However, being a planning kind of gal I'd best prepare an answer for such a question:

Wow! You mean I don't have to go to snopes?





© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights R
reserved

Non-Ode to Teacher

O, how you frustrate the tar out of me, let me count the ways...

1. You pay lip service to the critical value of communication in your class newsletter and at parent's night, yet clearly, you do not send nor receive communication well at all.

Case[s] in point: 1.) at parent night, you whipped through everything all surface-like and vague, then when someone had to ask you about class discipline (since your demo didn't touch on it) you chalked it up to a red-yellow-green system, totally avoiding the "Think Box," lack of communication about which is what prompted that particular parent's question in the first place. Hee. Oh, and 2.) Monday I sent you [and Punkinhead's teacher] an e-mail specifically stating, "I also wanted you both to know that I am unable to begin volunteering in the above capacity (Thursdays) until Thursday 9/25 due to work obligations, but that I am eagerly looking forward to it." Yet this morning, you were shocked that I was not volunteering at 9:00 am. WTH? I mean, do you know how to read?

2. You act like implementing a 504 plan's accommodations are dependent upon you "remembering to do them," when really, you are bound to do so. In reality, you should have been compliant with the plan from the date of school starting, even without your signature, and continued to do so once the annual review attained your John Hancock - just sayin'. Oh, and another thing? How's about you write the accommodations in with your lesson plan? That way you remember them!

3. You appear to spend more thought in accessorizing your outfits than you do in educating my child. I have nothing against well-dressed attractive women, really, I don't, but I take issue in glossing over the educational needs of kiddos.

4. You seem to think that providing sensory input activities throughout your day is not your job. Newsflash! It is.

5. Resistance has no place in education, where open minds and learning new things should be of great value.

:Sigh:

Yes, it was 504 Plan review today and I had to correct the teacher, when she began to say that LMNOB would fill out the sensory activities checklist at the end of the day.

"No, that won't work. We've talked about this before, remember?"

I got a deer in the headlights look.

"Two weeks ago, I met with you and we talked about how it is unrealistic to ask any 7 y/o child to recall exact activities throughout the day, let alone one who may struggle with the confrontational nature of that sort of recall. She needs to do it as the activities are done or at a minimum before each recess, lunch, and end of day."

Thank goodness BT the OT and School OT were there and in my corner, too. Elsewise it would have been a long meeting of me single-handedly combatting this woman's denseness.

Later, as the teacher left to get her students, School OT put her face in her hands, looked up and said, "Thank you for being LMNOB's advocate. She just doesn't get it and I am trying, have tried, to educate - and I think having you and BT the OT reiterate what I've said will help."

I sure as heck hope so.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Attention Colorado Readers of this Blog!

Looking for a fabulous date night in Loveland, CO next week?



Then I am your girl!



I am currently selling tickets for the Interfaith Hospitality Network's upcoming comedy night.

Details:





Tickets are:

$65/person

$120/couple



Tickets include: gourmet dinner and live entertainment! Also, 1/2 of the ticket price is tax deductible on your 2008 tax filings - so this is a bargain of a good time, and a great way to help an organization that helps families with children get out of homelessness and achieve self-sufficient lifestyles.



Want to buy a ticket?



Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?!?!



E-mail me.


© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Watch Them Flip...then Flop...

I love John Stewart. This is fabulous.





© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

What Really Matters...

Yesterday, I was in attendance at a press conference, as a member of the UniverCity Connections; Homelessness Initiative Task Group. (Two questions: 1 - why do these things always have to be such a long name, and 2 - why are people so freakin' ignorant in newspaper commentaries? Not one of the anti-homeless plan commenters have a clue about how much money and the RESULTING COST SAVINGS this plan is going to incur - I could go on for DAYS, MONTHS even educating y'all on this but I'll spare you)

A rather prominent wheeler and dealer in the group pulled me aside and asked me if I ever did consulting work.

I reminded him that I was a consultant to the County for the Homeless Count - and that I did indeed plan on working in the consulting/freelancing capacity in the future. "Why?" I asked him.

"Well," as he swooped his hands in a demonstrative gesture, "This is wrapping up and we'll be beginning phase 2 soon. It's going to be a lot of meetings, a lot of coordination, and who better to tackle such a task with finesse?"

I wanted to die inside, a little. It was JUST the opportunity that I've dreamed of.

And I had to say no.

On top of the fact that I'm wanting to downsize things, and this would just add to the workload, the timing is ALL wrong. This is not going to happen overnight, folks, and I don't think that policy implementation phases take maternity leaves.

I was reminded of something my dear Christian sister had recently said to me in response to my confession that my heart had changed about staying home and planning for this baby (emphasis mine):

I think that's great and I think God will honor any steps of faith you and Charlie Brown take in that direction. He asks for a lot, sometimes, though (consider the rich young ruler...). He wants our all. I think you guys are up to that task, but be prepared to do some 'dying', and to be refined even more by fire. God disciplines those he loves! So brace yourselves and be united and strong in the Lord.

I'm always so fuzzy on the line between what is discipline from God - i.e. requires me dying to myself - and what is temptation from the Evil One - distracting me and tempting me to stoke the idols in my heart - but nevertheless, I can say that I do not regret saying no, and I do not regret taking this leap of faith. This is a beautiful place to be!

I know too well the inner workings of some of the parties at play in this thing, and while everyone is after ends that are noble and humane, the means of some of the players do not sit well with me. Not to mention the inevitable outcry by the more ignorant folks in our public (evidenced in the newspaper commentary) - and the bottom line is this: I don't have to get into all of that yuck by having said no. I can pray for them to have guidance in their next steps and leave it at the Cross.

My God wants my all, and He's directing my energies into my family for this next season in my life. I need to honor that, not fight it, and I know that He will bless those attempts with more than I can comprehend.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Thoose, Hot Summ-uh-huh Niiiiiiiiights!

Friday night, Casa del Meyer went out for a somewhat ironic charity event.

A new gated, estate property (read: starting home price $600k) community was holding an open house, with a dinner and silent auction. Proceeds benefitted Angel House, Alternatives to Violence, the local Habitat for Humanity, House of Neighborly Service, and NOVO. The irony was that all but the latter organization tend to work with persons who are in need of AFFORDABLE housing, not palatial estates. But hey, it's the thought that counts, right?

We were representing for Angel House, as I'm their newest board member.

There was wine and cheese, really good food, half-finished mansions to tour, and activities like golfing for the kids. Oh, and New Belgium had their Fat Tire-esque cruiser bikes for loan, as people toured the community. Which Charlie Brown took advantage of. The kids were a dream. And adorable to boot - wearing their cute little fashions from Target.

[insert a random rambling here]

Dear Target, I know this comes as no surprise, but baby, I'm in love with you.
Truly, madly deeply. Where else can I buy a fabulous dress + adorable wedges for less than $50 and feel like $1 million? A cute dress for LMNOB that makes her feel like a princess, Miami Vice-like polos for Punkinhead (that make him look even more like Daddy), and a nice little ensem for Charlie Brown - all for under $100? You are amazing, Target. And I love you. That's all.

[ /random rambling]

So...because I am a dummy, I forgot my camera for the shindig - but we took lots of pics at home - but seriously, people oohed and aahed and I actually felt like a couple of women were totally girl crushin' on me, which was a little weird for me, but meh, we all had some wine, right? I was told I looked elegant and glamourous and gorgeous.

And then there was that old guy who asked Charlie Brown, "So Dad gets to have all the fun, riding the bike?" to which Charlie Brown said, "Well, the boy's too small, but the ladies wore dresses." Old guy says, "Yes they DID...And they look FANTASTIC too!" as he gave me the once over.

It was a hot night, and I felt it get a little hotter as Charlie Brown puffed up with male pride. Feminism be damned, there is a helluva lot of satisfaction in being recognized as a trophy wife....especially when it's much more than looks that qualifies one as such. That kind of a confidence boost is rockin' hot.

As we mosied home, I reveled in the delicious family-ness of the night. I was proud of my little clan. I was glad to be home, in the sanctuary of our backyard with the night lights on. And I wanted to be sure to capture the essence of the evening with photos, so feast your eyes....

LMNOB and Mama rockin' the dresses in front of the flowers
LMNOB in front tof the flowers that she vigilantly checks for new blooms each morning.
LMNOB with the front flowers - doesn't she just look like such a big girl here? What happened to my baby?
Punkinhead, enjoying an ice cream cone on the patio. Summahhhh!!! My other boy...who was playing hard to get with the camera.And my "I feel pretty, oh so pretty" and a little sexay with the cleavage shot.

As alluded to in the title, the rest of the evening was uh, rather memorable ;-) Mmmmm, summer, you are delicious, if a bit sticky.


© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

It Figures...

Ok, so there is a lot of political diversity at my church, eh? Mostly it leans to the right, but there are surprisingly more and more moderates within the body. I am very moderate when it comes to fiscal issues, however, very liberal when it comes to social policy.

Wednesday evening, an elderly man whom everybody loves and respects greatly, told "his story" to us. And what an amazing one it was. You see, he lost his sight in his 30's, some 40-odd years ago. With the help of some social insurance programs (read: taxpayer funded "welfare") such as SSI and assistance provided by the just-passed Manpower_Development_and_Training_Act of 1962, and a great outpouring of help from members of the church, this family was able to get by. His wife went back to school and later worked as a nurse to support the family. Many miracles happened along the way and their story is amazing.

Afterwards, I thought to myself, "What a great example of "the system" working and for a person who is known and respected, as opposed to a stereotype that many can't support."

It gave me hope...

Times are hard in Colorado right now. As with everywhere, the economy is sluggish. Our housing market has the 5th highest foreclosure rate in the nation right now. And we are hitting critical mass with poverty rates. Things have got to change.

Recently I told Housing Colorado that I would help petition for citizen signatures in order to assist getting the Housing Investment Fund Initiative on the ballot for this fall.

If passed, a real estate transfer fee would be created and put into effect. The fee would equate to 4¢ for every $100 in real estate transactions, i.e. for the sale of a $200k home, the fee would be $80. It's estimated that if passed, the first year of the fee's existence, $35 million would be generated and subsequently dedicated to building affordable housing for our residents in need.

Because this fee works like a tax, albeit more like a mill levied one and only in the case of property exchange, Colorado's infamous TABOR amendment requires any tax be referred to the ballot by the people and voted in by the people. We're just trying to get it on the ballot right now.

So, I put an e-mail out to my church, saying that if people were interested in signing the petition, I would have it with me at church on Sunday. I reminded folks of who benefits from affordable housing:

• Seniors
• Disabled individuals/families
• Single parents who are working
• Essential service providers, such as teachers, healthcare workers, law enforcement, and social workers

Immediately I got a response back about how taxes are not the answer - how such a fee would have cost this person $2,000 (edited to add - when you do the math, if done correctly, that's a $5 MILLION home! WTF is he complaining about $2k, it's a drop in the bucket, no?) when they moved here from CA, how property taxes need to be CUT (and let me just entertain this thought....what happens to public schools, which are funded by property taxes then?) blah, blah blah from a member I'm with whom I'm not familiar.

I googled his name and found that he's an officer of the local Libertarian party.

Shocking, eh? Also - no amount of discourse is likely to change his mind.

My response:

Thank you ________. My intent was not to argue for/against this particular initiative, but rather just let people know that if they so desire they may help get it on the ballot. I will agree to disagree with your political philosophy.

Thank you!

Personally, I think Jesus was a big fan of income redistribution, pooling assets for a common good, etc. But, hey, I could be wrong.


© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Blogging for a Cause

Tomorrow, I'm supposed to have a post up at For Good. For Ever., the blog for the Community Foundation of Northern Colorado.

It's a much different style of writing of mine than y'all are used to seeing here, but mentions some exciting work that I've been privy to over the past 7 months.

I hope you'll visit and check it out.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

The Costs of Having Very Low Taxes

Colorado is sacrificing their future in order to maintain a low-tax, minimal government regulation culture.

And that is not ok with me.

Not only are we 49th in the nation for education spending, we are also in that same spot for mental health care spending, care for persons with developmental disabilities, and now this.

Something's gotta give.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Almost Like SqUeezing Blood From a Turnip

Except that it wasn't totally impossible.

I found some time for myself. To truly write about what's on my heart, to brave the rapids that my streams of consciousness have become. Expect multiple lines in this post as the topics are many.

MENTAL HEALTH

• I've been avoiding the warning signs...thinking that my shift in affect was either 1.)situational or 2.) tied to my menstrual cycle. And while these two are always partners in crime in being factors leading up to my depressions, they are not IT. IT is a biochemical tendancy towards depression. I need to call my doc and be seen, figure out meds, etc.
  
  I hate this shit. As much as I am NOT anti-meds, it really sucks when having to weigh the very real pros and cons. As in, I can pretty much kiss my sex life goodbye, welcome involuntary body tics, the worst cottonmouth I've ever had, etc. Not to mention wondering what the hell the long-term side effects of psychotropic drugs are having on my body. But, is it worth it for me to be a sane, peaceable mama again? Probably....
  
  I hate knowing that I've gotten to this point, because I feel like I've done it to myself. That by taking on so damned much, job going full-time last year and starting up grad school in addition to the family life, that I sent my brain into overwhelm - I mean everybody else is overwhelmed with my life, why wouldn't I be? And knowing that my brain has a tendancy to get stuck, well I keep hearing my MIL's voice when I told her I'd decided to go back to school, "I just hope you don't put yourself back in a place where you were last year, Heather."
  
  Then again, who the hell knows just what the magic trigger was?
  
  I also feel like my mind is my greatest and worst single asset I possess. I mean I'm very intelligent and aware which are good things, right? But sometimes these things turn on me and I implode with intelligence and self-awarenesses that have magnified things within my soul that most people are not aware of in themselves.
  
  I'm so dysfunctional that even my defense mechanisms suck at protecting my own psyche from myself...and I don't say that to be all woe is me, I have no self-esteem, but more as sometimes I wish I could be more clueless and not see just how much my actions impact others. In other words, sometimes I wish Charlie Brown and I could meet more in the middle on this realm.

SELF ACTUALIZATION

• Part of my cognitive dissonance is because with school, work and family, I feel that I have become less engaged in my community than I'd like to be. I'm feeling more inwardly focused when I value serving others. In doing so, as I told my Mum, I feel like while I'm going to school to gain the credibility and authority to really impact the lives of people like myself that I'm losing connection with that part of myself and becoming one of "them," i.e. the social do-gooder that really doesn't know what people in poverty want/need to succeed because they have been warped by academia. Life is not textbook, folks, and thus neither should be my experience.
  
  My Mum is the director of a local IHN, and their organization is getting ready to add the role of landlord to their services as they are building property specific transitional housing for families completing their program. It is alien territory for them.
  
  But not for me, former housing coordinator extraordinaire.
  
  And her board is rather full of upper middle class WASP-y old men - good hearts, but lacking the wherewithal and knowledge to help their ED really transform the lives of the people she works with by sharing her burdens.
  
  So, I cleared it with The Boss, to ensure no huge conflicts of interest since the City is a funder, and looks like as long as I do not process their grant draws (rather, the Boss would) and steer clear of City Council presentations on behalf of the organization, it would be perfectly ok.
  
  So I'm stoked about that.

SCHOOL

• I'm registering for summer school today. Am torn about one class or two because one of the electives being offered online is near and dear to my heart - a more advanced policy class than the core one - and poverty policy is where my heart lies. I'm pouring over the syllabi and will see if I think it is do-able.


• Punkinhead had kindy visitation (kind of like an orientation where they shadowed real kindergarteners for an hour while the parents had a presentation with the principal - whom I love btw) on Wednesday and it melted my little heart to see just how super excited he is for kindergarten. "Mommy, I'm gonna go to school and EVERYONE will know who I AM!!!!" Honey, with that winning personality of yours, they certainly will.


• LMNOB's last day for school is May 30 and she's getting a bit anxious about the transition to summer. Not because she doesn't enjoy being out of school, but the friends who are constants in her life right now might not be so constant over the summer. And with the new school opening next year some of her friends will not be back at our school....including our neighbor A who is LMNOB's BFF. She will be going to the other school b/c her grandparents live in the other school's neighborhood and since they are her afterschool care, it just works out that way. I told LMNOB that they will still see each other everyday since we live next door to each other, but she's not totally convinced.
  
  I'm a bit nervous about next year's schooling for LMNOB because it means explaining SID and the terms of our 504 plan all over to a newbie. What if they don't get it?

LMNOB

• We had some weirdness this past month, but my schedule was wonky and I wasn't as consistent with the sensory diet as we should have been. She complained several weeks ago that her top teeth were bugging her, and I thought, "Well, maybe they are starting to get loose."
  
  Last week she told me that her teeth felt sharp again, and sure enough, she had another permanent tooth erupting behind her bottom front baby tooth, which was not the slightest bit loose. I had a dental appointment set for today and said I would get her in with me. Last night she was talking about teeth being sharp again and both of her top front permies are coming in too. Only they are fairly far back, almost in the roof of her mouth.
  
  So we are gonna have a hella time at the dentist today. :sigh:
• Recently I commented to my friend DSW (who is an RN) that LMNOB seemed to have really horrible “poopy-smelling” breath – to which she responded that perhaps LMNOB was badly constipated because she’d noticed people who were really constipated having breath that smelled like stools at the hospital. So for the past several days we have been making LMNOB drink more fluids and juices (we already eat several helpings of fruits/veggies each day), and the immediate results have been stunning. The sheer amount of crap that has come out of my baby is baffling. She told us it had been over a week since she'd gone poop.....by the looks of it, I wouldn't be surprised if it had been longer. I asked her if her tummy had been hurting because she hadn't gone in such a long time and she looked blankly at me and said, "I don't really know."
  
  Then I found this article which confirmed all of the thoughts we'd had.
  
  BT the OT and I had talked before about the fecal smearing possibly being tied to elimination issues and what not; however LMNOB’s reports had me thinking she was more irritable bowel-like because she was having alternate episodes of constipation/diarrhea. We definitely had known that LMNOB had a hard time recognizing/sensing the urge to go, but I had no idea that it would go this far. At yesterday's session, BT the OT told me of an autistic girl on her caseload who'd recently had to have her feces surgically removed from her bowels because she hadn't eliminated in over 3 weeks and there was a massive impaction.
  
  So this is just another shoe that can drop on us that I need to be on the lookout for. Fun times.
  
• BT the OT wants us to start the brushing protocol with LMNOB this summer. We'd talked about it last year and our former daycare lady just had so many young kiddos that I didn't think it was feasible. This year I think it is more feasible, just gonna be a lot of work.

And there's more, always more, but I'm running short on time. Seems this writing things out thing takes a honking big chunk out of personal time.

But if nothing else, I feel better. :)

ETA- Why did someone not tell me I misspelled Squeezing? Fixed now.





© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

The Face of Homelessness and The Poor

Denver's Road Home Project Manager Dr. Jamie Van Leeuwen recently shared this fabulous photo essay with me.

He's working on a new photo essay, same song different verse, for Ft. Collins' UniverCity Connections Homelessness Initiative, with which I am involved.

Another project I am involved with around homelessness finally broke ground on Tuesday. It's been in the pipeline for the 6 years that I've been in the field....that's what NIMBY does, folks.

Next week, I'll be hosting a community forum for a similar initiative.

Yeah, we're finally nearing the tipping point....

Here's for a local 180 on poverty policy, eh?

I love my work. I do.

In the meantime, here are some local stats on the matter:

© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

East Meets West

The other day I was blog-surfing and found a blog with a corner banner on it that intrigued me.

So I did what any other curious cat would do and clicked it. Which took me here.

And as I clicked through the site, and other explanatory links on it, I felt a kindred spirit well up through cyberspace and whisper to my heart, "Namaste'."

So, maybe I'm the first to take a NYC phenomenon out West, but I'm doing it. You'll see the revolution button permanently on my sidebar, and I'm also taking Krystyn's HopeNotes and going to post them around with love.

In the meantime, dear internets, it has come to my attention that I managed to forget posting a bulletin article I put together for my church here...I think it is fitting with this idea of a Hope Revolution:

I will never forget the last day of my Child Pscyhopathology and Exceptionality class at CSU. At the front of the room stood my professor, telling a heart-wrenching story about working with a boy who had been horribly abused. I sat in the room, newly pregnant and bawling, as this man stood before us with tears in his eyes, face screwed up, explaining that sometimes the hardest part of working with kids [in "the system"], "is not knowing if you told the truth when you told a kid that ‘everything would work out.’"

Later, I would discover that this haunting phenomenon occurs in any realm of social work, not just with kids. Very rarely do social workers get to see the start to finish in the lives of those whom we’ve intervened.

Similarly, many of us are sowers of seeds. Unlike shepherds, who are given time to spend every day watching over their flocks, nurturing, protecting, and leading them; God provides those of us who are sowers with opportunities to scatter the seeds of His love. Sometimes these opportunities arrive with time to prepare the soil, but often things happen so quickly, we can do little more than throw the seeds out in faith, pray for roots to take place, and find ourselves being presented with new opportunities. Like a social worker, a sower doesn’t always get to see the harvest of these efforts. In those instances, we must embrace the adage heard at 12 Step groups across the globe: “Let go and Let God.”

I haven’t done direct services work for about 4 years now, but still God hands me opportunities, and He’s impressed upon my heart that my role in the Kingdom is that of a sower. Recently, He blessed me by sharing a glimpse at the harvest with me.

Last month*, I’d taken a day off from work, frantically cleaning my house before my in-laws came to visit. As I emptied a basket of papers, one fell on the floor. I picked it up and started to toss it in the recycle bin when I saw the name and phone number scrawled across it out of the corner of my eye: Jean A, Golden.

Jason, I thought. I wonder how he’s doing?

[the following is context, in the event you are a new reader and/or you choose not to follow the links]

Jason is a man who crossed our family’s path one cold night in October, just outside of JAX. He’s an alcoholic. That night he’d found himself homeless, and drunk beyond all possibility of finding shelter. We put him up in a motel that night, and I offered to get him the help he would need for the subsequent days, provided he would follow through. He’d had me call his mother, Jean, just to let her know he was ok. Unfortunately, Jason chose to drink the next night and I had to uphold my stance that I would not continue helping him if he wasn’t willing to do some of the leg work. A few days later he’d called me to thank me for the help we’d given him. He’d ended up going to detox and later to a residential treatment program in Denver.

In January, I got yet another call from Jason. Now sober, he was calling to tell me he’d been “working his steps,” that he realized just how much we’d done for him in very little time together, and that he was forever grateful.

So here I was in February, looking at his mother’s phone number. Coincidence? Probably not, I decided. So I called Jean. And got voice-mail.

Maybe you should just hang up. It’s kind of strange, you know?

Beeeep.

“Uh, hi, Jean. This is Heather Meyer in NOCO Town. We talked this fall after my family met Jason. Anyway, funny story, I just came across your number and felt compelled to call and check in with you, see how Jason’s doing. I wish you all the best.”

Within minutes my phone rang.

It was Jean.

She was not the same defeated mother I had talked to in October. She sounded hopeful, as she told me that Jason had completed the in-patient part of his treatment – a milestone which had previously remained elusive in his attempts at sobriety.

She continued, proudly rattling on that he’d found a church, was faithfully attending AA, and most miraculous of all, he and his brother were working together after a decade of estrangement!

I could hear her choke up on the other line, “Heather, you and your family have been an answered prayer. My son has come home in every sense of the word.”

Humbly, I corrected her. "Jean, I was only a vehicle through which God could answer your prayers. I had no idea that something so small would amount to such a huge victory."

Praise be to God! And thanks to all of you who joined us in praying for Jason this fall.

*February....I wrote this in March, but the conversation took place in February



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Soul Food

Found this over at Larry James' site. He is a brother after my own heart.

May God bless you with discomfort
at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships
so that you may live deep within your heart

May God bless you with anger
at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people
so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace

May God bless you with tears
to shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war
so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and
to turn their pain into joy

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
to believe that you can make a difference in the world
so that you can do what others claim cannot be done
to bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.

--a Franciscan Benediction


© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved