A Day Late and Several Dollars Short

So, all the cool kids do it....I figured I probably would too...if I can promise to get on regularly enough to participate in Mrs. 4444's Friday Fragments.

So.... let's go.

**** Li'l Guy started rolling over last Saturday, at 3 1/2 mos. Since he's begun to roll, he now fancies a life of mobility and has been spotted getting on all fours and pushing with his legs - and has started making headway. He has yet to coordinate his arms, however, and I'm hoping full-fledged crawling will be at least another month away. Can you imagine?!?

**** I have yet to write up Li'l Guy's birth story and he is as mentioned above, pushing 4 months old. For shame.

**** I have been in a weird funk of late. It could be that I'm looking down the barrel of post-partum depression. Or dealing with a form of post-traumatic stress disorder on the heels of nearly dying. Or, switching to a different tense of conditions, it could be pre-menstrual syndrome. Good ole PMS. Wait, Heather, aren't you exclusively breastfeeding? I mean what with the whole 'I nursed Li'l Guy come hell or highwater' attitude while you were in the hospital - you are still nursing right? Ahh, yes, I am. And yet, I had not one, but two periods in July, 21 days apart. My OB/GYN had the nerve to call me "one of those lucky women," and I had the nerve not to slap her across the face. So, going off my mental state, I am right on schedule for another dousing of estrogen and such. Add to it just some general senses of failures as a Christian mother, and well... you know, a lot on my plate right now.

**** The older kids start school on Wednesday. I am both elated and yet oddly enough, given my complaints about the stresses of dealing with 2 school-aged siblings over the summer, saddened by this. On the one hand, ROUTINE!! On the other, well, uh, ROUTINE!!

**** In effort to do just one thing that we'd originally planned to do this summer, before I got sick, we went camping this weekend. 'Cept that we only ended up staying for just over 24 hours due to weather. Tent camping with 3 kiddos, one of whom is under 4 months, kind of requires perfect weather. And we got torrential rains with gusty winds last night/this morning. Our gear kept us warm and dry; however, being forced into the tent at 7:45 last night kind of pre-empted LMNOB's nighttime pee before bed. And despite her gear keeping her warm and dry, she herself did not. Yeeeeeah. She was a good sport about it, as were we - I mean, it was completely cruel of nature to expect her super teensy bladder to make it 10 hours without release - but her warm nighttime clothes were not re-wearable despite the fact that her bag (actually MY mummy bag) was virtually un-touched by her leakage. So, yeah, we packed up and we are now home sweet home.

**** As mentioned in the title, we are still reeling from sticker shock of my medical bills. Much tighter budget than we are used to, sometimes to the point of blind faith - thankfully God has always provided an AFLAC check, a love offering from church, or a side job for Charlie Brown at just the right times. God is so good to us, and yet I struggle with worrying still. I am learning, slowly, that Jesus meant what He said in Matthew 6:25-34. I should know this inside and out after the big crisis this summer, but unfortunately I am very much like the Israelites, who after seeing and walking through a parted Red Sea, who were fed DAILY with manna and quail (BTW...could you GET any more organic than sustenance from HEAVEN and an un-chemical-ed earth? How many of us would LOVE that now?!?!) and basically had every need met still worried and grumbled about the hard things they were going through. So....still learning. Still growing. Still a work in progress.

© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Doll Gets Fox News Health Team up in Arms

First of all, folks, it is a DOLL. A doll makes the news these days?

Oh it does if it is a breastfeeding doll, that apparently is the equivalent of:

"introducing sex education in first grade instead of seventh or eighth grade"

I have so many problems with this statement, let alone the more asinine claims by FOX News' Managing Health editor that a DOLL could possibly promote earlier pregnancies, or better yet, traumatize young girls.

First of all, breastfeeding is more about human nutrition than it is about human sexuality - but once again a man, a man with a conservative bias being that he works for FOX News, makes the topic all about sex. Sorry, Dr. Alvarez but you are part of the problem. So much work has been made to de-stigmatize breastfeeding, in public or otherwise, and you immediately play upon the fears of your conservative audience by saying essentially that anything breast-related = sexual promiscuity.

Second, any mother who has ever breastfed a baby with an older sibling has probably already seen their older child "nurse" their dolls. I have. It's not a new concept, you know, that children model their parents' behavior. I've even seen friends' older sons nurse a baby doll when their mothers have a nursing baby in the household. Does that mean they are going to be confused about their anatomy growing up? No, it's called imaginative play - something we seem to have forgotten about in this hysteria.

Third, unless I missed something, no one said ANYthing about this doll being used for educational purposes in a school setting, so how is it like introducing sex ed to a first grader? Moreover, why wouldn't you introduce some age appropriate sex education to your children at that age, or even earlier for that matter? I am not promoting a public-school campaign at that age, at all. Despite being conservative re: sexuality, I'm not a fan of school-based abstinence only programs as

...scientifically sound studies of abstinence only programs show an unintended consequence of unprotected sex at first intercourse and during later sexual activity. In this way, abstinence only programs increase the risk of these adolescents for pregnancy and sexually transmitted illnesses, including HIV/AIDS.

No, as a Christian believer I feel that it is *my* duty to educate my children about sex in an age-appropriate, biblical, and open fashion. It starts early, too, because if we don't establish an open conversation about sexual topics when they aren't embarrassed, what guarantee do we have that they'll approach us with their questions during the height of self-consciousness and doubt of parental authority? We've already read the first two books in the Story of Me series with LMNOB and Punkinhead, and they're not "traumatized." Nor are they displaying signs of wanting to run out and have sex/a baby at the first chance they can get.

But I digress....back to the breastfeeding babydoll. For me, the only thing I take issue with the manufacturer is the name. Bebe Gluton = Gluttonous Baby. WTH? Kind of a mixed message as breastfed babies tend to be smaller, and more self-regulating with regard to feeding only when hungry, than their formula-fed peers - but whatever, right?

And back to FOX News' article....the fact that they cite Eric Ruhalter's lame attempt at humor, equating a breastfeeding babydoll to something as inappropriate as babydolls dealing with alcoholism and/or incarceration, shows me that they are simply perpetuating the sexualization of breasts and stigmatizing any functional, natural usage of them, real or imagined.

It just drives me bonkers - this one or the other classification of breasts. They are functional, life sustaining, beautiful and sexual. As God created them to be.



© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

They Didn't Teach THIS in Anatomy Class!

Several years ago when Punkinhead was 18 mos or so, he started staying dry overnight. As I'd go to change his diaper every morning during this time, I would find two things:

1.) a dry diaper; and

2.) his little "soldier" standing at attention

It kind of creeped me out - me thinking it was some kind of weird Freudian mother-son thing going on. But later upon recounting this to Charlie Brown, he told me, "He's got morning wood because his bladder's full, duh." I HAD NO IDEA that male plumbing worked that way!!! But, ahh, that made a lot of sense, thinking back on patterns in our own bedroom. Hmmm...

Fast forward 4 1/2 years.....

The other morning Punkinhead came down the stairs FREAKING out about having an erection.

"Mama!! My weiner," and let me just interject here that I insist on the appropriate anatomical terms in our house, but Daddy tends toward the more slangy terminology, "my weiner, it's all big and going places that I don't want it to - it's going up instead of down!"

Then.

He completely drops trou and says, emphatically, "SEE?!?!"

It. Took. ALL. I had not to just bust up laughing at him, bless his little heart, and the irony of how now this concerned him and yet later in life....

Calmly, I nodded and said yes, sometimes a man's penis would do that, and that perhaps he just needed to go pee for it to go "back to normal."

Skeptically, he trudged up the stairs to the bathroom. Within minutes I heard him shouting from the stairs that I was a genius and IT WORKED!

If only he knew how ignorant I would have been if not for Charlie Brown's enlightenment several years ago.



© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

A New Level of Marital Miscommunications

So, Charlie Brown and I are pretty tech savvy, right?

Yesterday, I had a pretty crappy day. I was so stressed about medical bills vs. income we had coming. Compounding this stress was the fact that my hormones were flying high as I [TMI in aboout 3, 2, 1] was on day 2 of my second period since Lil Guy has been born. [Sidenote: I know you're thinking it - she's like what, 3 mos postpartum and she's had not one but two periods already?!? I KNOW!!!] I'd cried most of the night before and several times yesterday as well. Charlie Brown had called me a few times during the day, all of which I ended up crying during.

Later, I received the following texts from him, right in a row before I had a chance to respond. My thought responses are below, however. Prepare to be entertained

CB - Wanna play tonight? Only 2 conditions...

Indignantly, Uhmhm, I have now I have confirmation that the man never listens to a word I say! I told him that I am "otherwise incapacitated" this week.

CB- [I] know you can do all that, you like a challenge

:chuckles: ok, well, let's see just what he has up his sleeve, even if it's all for naught.

CB - 1. hour of 100% positive encouraging words and body language towards everybody on the field, 2. Doing what I tell you if I need to (prolly won't)

At this point I was stymied and automatically sent a text back to him:

RR - ????? Is this meant for me???

But upon further analysis, I had the following thoughts:

1. I know I've been down today, but c'mon don't you think I can pull myself together for your softball game? It's kind of sweet though. And 2. What kind of kinky stuff are you thinking about, anyway? Dang, boy!

Right about then, he called me. He says, "Our friend sent those to me, as conditions for subbing on their team tonight. It didn't show that it was a forwarded msg?"

Nope.

So I told him what had been going through my mind as I'd gotten each text, and he got a good laugh out of it.

© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

The Costs of Health Care, if You Can Call it That

I just opened yet another stack of medical bills and my spirits are struggling to stay up, to have faith in God's providence.

I KNOW that He has done so much for us already, but it's almost as if our health care system is gambling with God right now. Oh yeah, well I see your $5,500 raised by your churches and I'll raise you $8,800 plus the unknown of the pulmonology bill that has yet to come. Or something like that, as I'm not a gambler.

And let's not forget that the state of Colorado wrote off a great portion of our hospital debt - like $65k worth of a $68k bill - through the Colorado Indigent Care Program. Thanks be to God, because without that we'd be in financial ruin right now. But here's the rub, and one that especially grates at my husband's ego as well as those of many others who qualify for CICP: we are not "indigent" by definition of the word:

in⋅di⋅gent [in-di-juhnt]
–adjective
1.lacking food, clothing, and other necessities of life because of poverty; needy; poor; impoverished.
2.Archaic.
a.deficient in what is requisite.
b.destitute (usually fol. by of).

Rather, my husband happens to be a hard-working man who works 50+ hours/week at a physically demanding job making pretty good money for our area. His employers offer health insurance, and we had it after I quit my job with the city for Lil Guy's prenatal care through his birth. However, the premium was scheduled to go up, again, s of May 1, 2009. To $880/month for our family, with a $5,000/person deductible, and then 60%/40% co-insurance after the deductible. Max out of pocket expenses in a year was $20k. Now, I don't know about you, but to pay virtually another mortgage payment every month so that I was assured that I wouldn't have to pay more than the $20k that I don't have sitting around for medical expenses didn't quite fly with me. We'd already downsized our income to have me be at home with the kids, and couldn't really afford this blow either.

But, rather than be irresponsible and have NO insurance at all, we knew that we needed to look for a plan B. So we found an independent broker and got our own health plan, then terminated Charlie Brown's before it renewed on those awful terms.

The only problem was that we had a 2 week gap.

And I happened to get deathly ill in that 2 week gap. Just 4 more days and we would have made it.

I'm grateful that CICP exists, don't get me wrong. But it's not enough. Thankfully God has supplemented us with the contributions from our church.

And I'm angry that people removed from these kinds of struggles are pitching a fit about health care reform - because this kind of thing happens EVERY DAY in America. I'm angry that people who work hard every day are being bankrupted because of medical expenses. I'm angry when I hear health care workers complaining that they have to do more with less - because really, what industry ISN'T being told that right now? Health care costs are TOO high. Particularly the insurance part.

I don't know that government insurance is the answer necessarily, because I haven't read up enough on the policy specifics to know what the bottom line is for taxpayers. And because quite honestly, where would the money for it come from? We are already tapped out fiscally as a country and if we just continue to spend our dollars will soon become as worthless as the German Marks did during the Great Depression.

But those naysayers who don't even want to have the conversations about doing something, anything, bother me. That's all I'm saying. I think.





© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

When God's Love IS the Church

Recently I read a book called “The Shack.” The story centers on a man named Mack and a weekend he spends with God, manifest as the Trinity. Without giving the plotline away, or even endorsing the book for that matter, [another post, coming up] I wanted to share a part of the book that touched me in light of my recent health struggles. Mack is talking with Jesus about the church, to which Jesus has just referred as “the woman I’m in love with.”

Mack paused, searching for the right words. “You’re talking about the church as this woman you’re in love with; I’m pretty sure I haven’t met her.” He turned away slightly. “She’s not the place I go to on Sundays,” Mack said more to himself, unsure if that was safe to say out loud.

Mack, not unlike a lot of people – churched or unchurched – hasn’t seen love in action that is in keeping with the Scriptures’ examples of what the church should be. So widespread is this problem that Christian band Casting Crowns even has a song called “If We Are the Body,” begging the questions:

But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
There is a way

But I have no question in my mind whether God’s Spirit is moving at our church. Over the years, we have seen prayer vigils for the gravely ill, outreach to families who’ve lost children, and so much more. And yet, while we see these things and know that our family is one ruled by Love – that is, Christ himself – it doesn’t seem to make as deep of an impact until one experiences it personally.

From the very beginning of our ordeal I called out to my church family, knowing I could count on our congregation. Thinking my pain was related to nerves, I asked for a ride to and from my chiropractor. And within a short time I received “feet,” or wheels rather, that were willing to go with me.

Later, after being rushed to the hospital via ambulance, our church secretary worked tirelessly as our mouth and ears, communicating our needs to the body on a regular basis. In response to these reports, we had an amazing fleet of prayer warriors calling to the throne for us, as well as countless “angels” who voluntarily cared for Lil Guy at hours during which most of us prefer to sleep. Many of said “angels” volunteered on multiple nights, too. These actions didn’t just minister to us, but to so many working at the hospital as well.

But it didn’t stop there. Many of our congregation prepared meals for us upon my release from the hospital. Others helped around the house while I was incapacitated. Still others transported me to and from doctor visits. A few took the older kids on playdates, which provided a break from their stress and was so invaluable for them!

Financially – I can’t even begin to write about this without tearing up – despite massive write-offs from a hospital program, we still wound up with several sizeable bills, not to mention the loss of Charlie Brown’s wages as he took time off. The generous donations from the people of our church to help offset these shortfalls have totaled in the thousands! Added to it was an unexpected, rather significant contribution from the church of Christ in Craig. God’s love and provision have been proven to us over and over throughout this trial, and mostly through the actions of His people.

In an e-mail I sent to our church in June, I wrote the following:

Throughout this whole ordeal I kept reflecting on Philippians 4:13, and I now have a new take on this special verse. You all were [are] the body of Christ – his hands to prepare meals and his feet to run errands, his ears to listen, his shoulders to lean upon and find comfort, and so much more. Now when I read, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” I think of Christ in totality, not just the Savior who died for me but the people who make up his body here on earth today as well.

When Charlie Brown and I think about the church’s role during this entire experience, the love and support is overwhelming. We are forever grateful. For ALL of it. Words cannot express the depth of our thanks for the help we have received.

We hope that we are able to return the favor several times over to our brothers in sisters in the future. Moreover, we plan on sharing our story with the Macks in our lives so they may see that God’s Love is working right here in under our very noses.





© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

When Going Through The Motions Doesn't Quite Cut the Mustard

The transition from pregnancy to having a new family member has never been an easy one for me and Charlie Brown.

With LMNOB we were so terribly young in both chronological age and our spiritual maturity. Charlie Brown had a habitual sin in his life that had plagued him from early adolescence into his adulthood, making our already formidable passage from newlyweds to Surprise! You're-New-Parents that much more difficult. Add a dash of my depressive tendencies and a shake of financial woes and we were doomed from the get go, right?

Apparently not, because things got better, slowly, and not too long after LMNOB we felt like we could face this transition again, albeit on a more planned basis. I didn't have nearly the depression issues with Punkinhead that I'd had with LMNOB, but the demands of parenting a pre-term newborn with an often trying toddler (now we know that her "difficult" and "stubborn" behaviors were mostly attributable to her sensory integration problems, but at the time, not so much) made his babyhood a hard time for me, as well as for Charlie Brown because again his sin came into the light. Sparing a lot of details, suffice to say that this go round was especially tough for me and went on for years. We went to counseling, did Dynamic Marriage, I had another depressive episode and finally, the struggle culminated [for me] when I ended up having an equally sinful emotional affair with another man. Fortunately, as I got further and further into my fantasy land with this man who made me feel so good, God humbled me to the point of repentance when it became clear that my "affair" was all in my mind and quite unrequited. This prompted a lot of soul searching for me over the course of 2006 and 2007 (leading to the creation of this blog) and late 2007 and early 2008 was a monumental healing period for us.

So much so that a year ago we began a huge journey of faith together and decided to try for another baby. When we began talking about it I expressly mentioned my fear of the post-partum transition, noting that while we'd both grown and matured since the last time, that while the habitual sin seemed finally conquered, PRAISE GOD!, and discussable [as opposed to something that was unmentionable even when only tempted and not actually something in which he was indulging], I knew that Satan likes to sneak in through any cracks of the armor so to speak, and I was scared of that. I was scared of this period more than I was scared of the financial repercussions of me quitting my job to stay at home with the kids. I was scared of this transition more than I was of sacrificing my independence and sense of self-identity. Charlie Brown assured me that things would be different, that they already WERE different this time.

And I trusted that. I trusted him, but more importantly, I trusted Him. I believed that God would see us through and victory would be had for His glory.

I still believe that. However, I'm realizing that it's taking work to keep out of that danger zone. That in order to bring God glory in this situation, we are still accountable to making the right choices. That going through the motions each day is not the same thing as living with purpose and connection. And just this morning, a situation arose that triggered some of these old feelings for me, indicating that Charlie Brown and I need a good, honest check-in with each other. I can't let this become an elephant in the room and dance around it on tiptoes. We are called to be like iron sharpening iron and that is necessary for us right now.




© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Bees Have Got Nuthin' on Me

I have been a mite busy, folks.

Last weekend we headed up to Craig for some fam time with my family plus Charlie Brown's family, and I was gloriously offline save for the few mobile updates I did on facebook.

Tuesday we headed back, as Charlie Brown had a softball double header that night. About 30 minutes before the end of the windy canyon road we travel to get home, Punkinhead announced his tummy didn't feel so good so I told him to let us know if he was going to get sick and that he had a bag (from his happy meal in Steamboat) to throw up in. Well about 25 minutes later, we heard a sound, looked back and LMNOB was sitting in her own puke with nary a word about feeling ill. Charlie Brown pulled over, rushed to her side of the truck and told her to get out but she was unable to get past doing anything but puking. Punkinhead looked over and then he got sick, in the bag. However, because it took so long to clean LMNOB up, his bag ripped out and the contents got all over him anyway. Now we had two kids being cleaned up on the side of the road, and then Lil Guy proceeds to Scream like Never Before, when Punkinhead asserts that he "forgot to put underwear on today," as we are changing him into fresh pants. :giggle: Got on the road and we had 1 CURVE LEFT before being on the straightaway!

We got home, with enough time to feed Lil Guy, change into softball garb and load up in the CAR, and go to softball, where we also purchased dinner. Came home, put kids to bed and cleaned the truck upholstery and unpacked.

Wednesday - VBS in the morning, a couple of hours at a spray park, and then church at night.

Thursday - VBS in the morning, lunch, and then we were off to see the Wizard, er, Great Mombi, in the local community college's Journey Back to Oz play. I cooked dinner that night, but the rice didn't cook (my burner's low was apparently too low for this rice to simmer on as it was still crunchy) and we ended up needing to augment our meal - but being as no one had been home all week that meant no groceries and thus we ended up out to eat.

Friday - last day of VBS and mad cleaning at our house since we hadn't done any all week.

In the meantime, I read a book and wish to blog my thoughts about it soon....

Also - today is our anniversary. 11 years of me and Charlie Brown :)




© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Transitions, Tantrums and Temptations

Well friends, I am officially HEALTHY. Had my last follow-up appointment with the Infectious Disease doc yesterday (sounds so insidious, as if I could be living my own personal Outbreak, right?) and all is well in my body. Which I pretty much had figured, seeing as the pulmonologist was pleased with my progress the week before, AND (perhaps most significant to me) I was able to do a Billy Blanks DVD on Sunday. All the way through. And I'm alive to tell about it.

Switching gears.....

So, this SAHM thing is not so new anymore, as we've hit the 6 month mark this month; however, until 2 months ago, LMNOB and Punkinhead were still in school and Lil Guy was yet to be born. Now we don't have school and Lil Guy is here with his need to feed and interact and all that other time consuming stuff that newborns require. And truth is, I'm finding it all a bit overwhelming. Not PPD overwhelming, but more like it's-4 o'clock-in-the-afternoon-and-I'm-as-yet-unshowered-in-a-uniform-of-yoga-pants-and-a-nursing-cami-accessorized-with-spit-up-and-crumbs-from-today's-lunch-dinner-needs-cooked-the-house-is-a-pit-and-your-father-is-going-to-be-home-soon-kids-overwhelming, can you hear me gasping for air?

I'd like to think that this is normal, that due to my sickness we lost a month of the transitioning period and really we are dealing with the first month stuff. I'd like to think that a few more weeks and we'll get this gig down pat. But nagging somewhere in the back of my mind is a voice that plants the seeds of doubt: What if this is it? What if you changed your life so dramatically, gave up your self for this chaos?

Immediately upon feeling these things, is the guilt. The reminder that I chose this, planned for this, and that I knew going into it that there would be sacrifices and days like these. And, of course, I'm wondering this and writing this on the heels of a few bad days where the kids' listening abilities have been highly selective and bordering on downright oppositional.

Yesterday, after multiple tantrums from my spawn children and yelling for the umpteenth time which yielded still unsatisfactory results, I had a little mama meltdown fantasy, totally in my mind, whilst externally putting on a sympathetic and compassionate face as I had a heart to heart with LMNOB, the lead instigator in the week's events.

But what do you do when your child tells you she wishes things are the way they used to be before the newest sibling came along; including your physical appearance? Yes, apparently I am raising a shallow little mean girl as she so kindly pointed out that it "looked like I had two stomachs," and she wished that I looked like I did before Lil Guy. Yes, I watched yesterday's Oprah where we are told as parents not to defend, fix or deflect our children's feelings but to just hear them. I get the whole validation thing, but what are we to do when our children want change? And change that we are unwilling/unable to accommodate?

In dealing with all of this I've come to face my old temptations. Those of eating....remember my post about eating a whole pan of brownies? Wasn't just a one-time occurrence, and sadly I don't think I can justify a daily caloric intake rivaling that of Michael Phelps' due to me being a breastfeeding mother. Hyperbole, there in that comparison? Perhaps a smidge, but the fact remains that I need to get a grip on my eating of late. Moreover, I need to be more conscious about the reasons why I am eating, because I don't think it is all hunger.

The other temptation? To zone. To waste time and not be present with my kids or in tending to my household. To surf the web and to just escape.

My solution to these temptations is to return to structured days with the kids. Structured, scheduled bed and wake times, structured activities each day, and goals to achieve for myself, the kids, and the house chores. Should be interesting given that we have a newborn who can often throw a wrench into things, particularly sleep, but if the kids get more structure again some of the behavioral stuff will wane (hopefully) which will (again, hopefully) decrease some of the overwhelm I am feeling.

Wish me luck~




© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Not Me! Monday - 6.15.09

Recently my friend Angela began blogging, and as often happens when one begins to read someone new, introductions to other, new-to-you bloggers are made. Angela reads MckMama, who has this fabulous blog carnival/meme called:



MckMama explains:

Embarrassed that your child urinated in their pants at your mother in law's house?Ashamed about the cupcakes you ate for dinner? Would you like to hide the fact that you put your child to bed in their dirty clothes from the day instead of in clean pajamas? We'll don't be! Not Me! Monday was born out of my desire to admit some of my imperfections and reveal a few moments I'd rather forget. You may find it therapeutic to join in and do the same thing!

So without further ado, here's my attempt at my first Not Me! Monday

I definitely did not, in effort to boost my protein intake as recommended by a home health nurse, take out my [realtively] new Food Network blender (read: not cheap), throw some protein powder, milk, peanut butter and a banana in and proceed to blend without first remembering that the seal was not in place, but had been thrown in the blender by Someone (Not Me!) last time it was washed. I definitely did not put 2 and 2 together when the smoothie oozed all over out the bottom, and, because this didn't happen to me, I did not later fish out the shredded bands that were once the seal to my beloved blender with a saddened heart. That would be completely boneheaded!

I surely didn't place a towel on the sheet and sleep on it the other night when Lil Guy decided to wet my bed, and also proceeded to spit up like Mt. Vesuvius, during a midnight diaper change. Further, I didn't continue to sleep like this for a few more days before changing the sheets - that would be disgusting!

Finally, I definitely have NOT been eating family size servings of the desserts that have come with the meals people have been bringing over. For example, an entire pan of brownies (that the family never even got to taste) disappeared over the course of 2 days, and I definitely did NOT eat them ALL.

Or maybe I did and that is why the pregnancy weight is no longer falling off me ;)

© 2009 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

The Post I Keep Starting But Never Finishing

I keep trying to sit here and type out a post that says life is slowly transitioning from the Surreal Near Death Experience to the Blessed Hum-Drum of Normal, or at least Normal as we at Casa del Meyer knew it to be.

Which, really if you think about it, we were in the process of defining a NEW Normal prior to the Surreal Near Death Experience seeing as we'd recently added a family member and that always shakes things up a bit, so really, apparently I'm liking the really lingo tonight, do we even know what Normal, even the Casa del Meyer variety, is anymore?

I think I've just confused myself, and therein lies the problem of why this post has been started and stopped umpteen different times over the past 2 weeks: I'm at a loss of what to say because my mind spins a million different directions anytime I start to think about it.

So....as unoriginal as it is, I give you Bullet Points!

• Health front - I'm feeling more like my Normal self, physically and mentally. And as of Thursday I became PICC free! No more frustrating attempts to cover my arm in saran wrap and medical tape so as to keep my arm dry in the shower - how liberating this is, friends! My CRP's were back down in normal range (interesting trivia - normal range for CRP's is less than 10 and I was at a whopping 319 at the hospital - yes, I was one sick chica) as were my white blood cell counts, and now I just have one follow-up appt with the pulmonologist next week and another with the infectious disease docs in 2 weeks. Then, I shall hopefully be done and just watch the bills pile up this will all be a distant memory...albeit one that I will constantly be reminded of every time I put on deodorant and/or pay my bills.
• Parenting - LMNOB has been great and resilient about this whole episode, but Punkinhead has really struggled with it. Not only was Mom super-duper sick and couldn't care for the fam like he was used to, he now had to be around LMNOB 24/7 vs. having a nice 8 hour break from her called School, AND, he had a new sibling who happened to bump Punkinhead into the infamous Middle Child placement. Oh yes, Punkinhead has had a bit of a rough go at it of late. Add to it that Colorado's weather has suddenly decided to end its summer drought pattern and return to the Junes of yore, which were exceptionally wet and rainy, and well, we've all been a little stir-crazy. One day a week or so ago, he was tired and frustrated with it all and he exclaimed accusingly, "But everything is always ALL ABOUT YOU, Mama!" his eyes screaming at me, "This is NOT Normal! I want Normal back." And oh, how my little heart ached to try and explain it all away for him. But how do you explain to a 5, almost 6, y/o that sometimes you just gotta go with the flow of life, that sometimes the pecking order gets skewed and yes, everything can change to be all about someone else whether we like it or not? My standard "Suck it up, Buttercup," isn't sufficient for this one. Thankfully, he's getting back to his Normal self too, proportionate to our lives resuming normalcy.
• Marriage - Charlie Brown is great, has been great through this whole process, but we grew a bit distant having Crisis looming over our heads for a prolonged time. We didn't have the debriefing convos that LMNOB and I had had until one Sunday night at Life Group we were talking about the ordeal with our peers from church and I got to hear his take on it. Which was essentially that he was scared witless initially but that faith and the support of our church got him through each day. That same weekend, we'd been out for a walk and at the end of the subdivision is a house on a giant lot. They were playing their stereo loudly as it was nice weather and they were outdoors. As I listened to the words, I recognized the song as Martina McBride's Blessed, and the tears flowed from both of our eyes as we looked at each other knowingly. To top it off, the next song was LoneStar's Front Porch Looking In - which has a great sentiment too, but directly applies to us what with "carrot tops who can barely walk" and little blonde girls. Shortly after arriving home there was this hunger, this raw need for physical intimacy between us. Kind of like how, in the wake of the death of a loved one, people instinctively turn to their mates to make love as an affirmation of the fact that they are still alive, the desire to be united as one and the closest two can be consumed us. Afterward, I asked Charlie Brown if the scars, as well as my post-partum physique diminished his attraction for me. He held me, told me I was beautiful and that the scars only reminded him of just how precious my time with him was, and we both cried. Healing, therapeutic tears slipped out of our eyes, not in torrents of inconsolable sobs, but in a cleansing wash that rinsed our once-worried hearts with peace and gratitude. Now that we have that behind us, we're now just trying to adjust to the daily grind of him going to work and me staying with the kids, and keeping up that precarious balance between sleep and intimacy that is necessary when you have a newborn. No small potatoes, but in comparison to the last month, it is pretty Normal.

There's so much more to say as always, but time escapes me. I'll keep plugging away though :)




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