Just thought I'd balance out my last post with some more diplomatic, dare I say, tactful, words about current events.
One of my favorite quotes, and a challenge to which I aspire!
Yesterday I sent a message to our Celebrate Recovery group at church regarding our need to pause our meetings while we figure out remote options during COVID-19 mandates for social distancing.
I got several messages back saying, "Wow, great message," so I figured I'd share in the event that something resonates with anyone else.
COVID-19 Changes to CR
Hello brothers and sisters, it's Heather here with a message from Bob and myself.
This week there will be no meeting.
And, despite what was said in the group text thread last night, we are recommending that group members do not push for meetings on our own as individuals.
This is in compliance with recommendations from the Centers for Disease Control, Governor Polis, Larimer County Department of Public Health and Environment, and our own elders here at Meadowlark. This virus is real, and while most of us would have a mild occurrence of it personally, if we are still going out to occasionally get groceries, gas, etc., you never know if/when one of us may have been exposed and whether we could transmit it to people who may be especially vulnerable to the infection. This is a time for mutual submission and humility when it comes to doing what we need to do.
Coping with Feelings
Some of us may be feeling like this is all a bit much, possibly overkill, in the response, and that is ok - if we do this right, that is how it will especially seem in hindsight. On the other hand, some of us might be feeling like their fellow Christians are being dismissive about the concerns, and therein, testing God. This is not an either/or time, friends - it's both/and. Both are completely valid.
Some of us may be anxious about the economic impacts this may have for you individually, locally, nationally, and/or globally - and that is also ok. This is a time of confusion and a lot of unknowns. Fortunately, we serve a God who does know and is watching out for us.
Some of us may be freaking out about being "up-close and personal" with the whole fam-dam-ily for the rest of the school year (especially those of us with kids still at home). That is also a valid concern. There are a TON of resources online for families to refer to regarding this. I also know that Shannon Chandler and Daniel Wheat (Children's Ministry and Youth Ministry at Meadowlark, respectively) are working to develop tools and activities as well.
There are going to be a LOT of feels right now - and the best way to temper them is to examine those thoughts and make them submit to the will of Christ (Romans 12:2).
So, let's all be still, take a pause, and gain some perspective in the spirit of Romans Chapter 14 with respect to our various thoughts and feelings about the coronavirus and how we are dealing with it en masse.
Moving Forward and Staying Connected CR: Bob and I are working on ways to get CR meetings accomplished remotely starting next week. I think we can utilize Zoom to do meetings remotely, and will be getting information out to people later to explain how to do this. In the meantime - I've linked a roster with everyone's contact information (except M's as I don't have it). Do not hesitate to reach out to anyone in our group "just because," or if you are:
Feeling triggered and/or tempted to use/act out in sin
Struggling with your thoughts/emotions
Want to pray/study with someone
Have a physical need for food/supplies
Meadowlark Information: If you do not receive the members-list emails from Meadowlark, please email secretary@meadowarkchurch.org to get added to the distribution list. There are communications coming out frequently with updates as to the state of current affairs, as well as prayer requests that are made known to the body.
Inspiration: If you are like me, inspirational scriptures and quotes are helpful to meditate upon, particularly with imagery. To this end, I have a Pinterest Board I've called CR that I'd like to share with you that could help facilitate some quiet time of reflection.
Retracted: Prayer requests specific to the folks in our group that stay in CR.
Oh, friends, sing that to the tune of Farley's signature song.
What a time to be alive - eh?
I have so, so, so, so much to say, but am finding myself reluctantly having to face the music of tasks that need doing.
We were supposed to be on spring break, visiting San Diego and Yuma (AZ) for the first times. Feeling sun on our faces, sand and surf on our toes, adventuring with new flavors and experiences.
Instead, we've been confined to our 1240 square foot home, with 4 full-size people, 1 tween, two dogs and two cats.
It's like we're on top of each other all the damn time and we're gonna bust the seams of the house much like the little coat before long.
If I hear one more whiny argument about Xbox time distributions - on the only common tv/sitting area in the house - not being fair, one more frustrated "You're such a dick*!", or have to ask one more time for a basic chore to get done, this perimenopausal, PMSing, COVID-19 at-risk-group** mama is gonna lose her crap in an epic way.
I digress though - what I was trying to say was that thru yesterday, we were doing pretty well. We were social-distancing ok by getting outdoors and enoying some activity/Vitamin D, and mostly making lemonade with this big old pile of mouth-puckering suck that Mother Nature has handed us in spades.
Because we were all off work/school for Spring Break. We have been together and that's all that matters, really, in the end.
But, reality looms.
Kelsey has had a shitty start to 2020.
First her bike got stolen while she was at work.
Shortly after that her manager quit scheduling her at work with no communication. She would check each week for the schedule only to find she wasn't on it. For four weeks she was constantly asking what was going on, when finally the vapid 20-year-old with a smidge of seniority over her informed her via text that she'd seen some things she didn't like in Kelsey and couldn't have on her management team (Kelsey was a shift lead) thus she had been terminated. Nothing like getting fired via text with no real explanation and after FOUR WEEKS. Anyway....Kelsey is a hard worker and anytime I've met any of her co-workers in public they have sang her praises, so this was a blow.
In the midst of all that, Kels was informed that she was not selected to be an RA at CSU next year which has really cranked up her anxiety about getting her education with as minimal debt as possible, gaining valuable leadership experience, etc.
Then - the first real vacay we'd ever planned as a family got canceled. Her boyfriend has been quarantined. He never got a COVID-19 test, but was told by doctors to isolate like he had it. Don't get me started on the craptastic-ness of that response.
And now, CSU is having all on-campus students who can leave come and move their things out this week.
As you can imagine - this threw my transition-averse, rigid-thinking, over-planning, self-described autistic young lady into a sense of overwhelm and we had full-blown meltdowns Wednesday and Thursday as a result.
Not to be outdone, my boys can't leave each other the fuck alone. One of them is always stirring shit up, whether it's a balled-up sock pelted across the room - hitting the other in the face - fart wars, snide comments, antagonistic measures ad nauseam, there's always a cry of injustice and cruel words getting hurled at each other.
I can only imagine what this will be like next week when I return to work, albeit remotely from home. In theory, my kids are too old to require child-care, but that doesn't mean they are going to self-manage while I'm trying to Do The Things.
Also? It freaking snowed yesterday and is now cold and wet and no one wants to go out in it.
In short - I need your prayers, friends. And this is just me asking for my daily bread. Some people are carrying so much more.
We have friends/families whose husbands are recovering from strokes/bypass surgeries (one of each) in the midst of this weird and difficult time.
I saw on Facebook that a former co-worker's uncle was a COVID-19 casualty.
Another friend's parents live in Italy and were both ill, though they are now recovering.
I love several peeps who work in healthcare, corrections, and other remote-work-not-optional fields who are trying to manage all of what I've shared plus the stress of their occupational hazards of having contact with the world.
My heart hurts for them all.
I'm feeling stretched already and I'm in a bit of a sheltered circumstance right now.
But now, I gotta figure out how to make "office space" for me, Kelsey, and the boys to continue my work/their schooling for the remainder of the semester.
I may be making good on the offer U-Haul has made to displaced college students to make that happen.
Hang in there folks - we're all in this together. * The official Sweary Magdalene™ policy on swearing in casa del Meyer is that curse/coarse words may be used to express strong feelings, describe things, but ARE NOT to be used to denigrate people, so this is not okay with me... ** Thank you Pneumogedden for making me permanently susceptible to respiratory illnesses.
I've only told a few people, but part of my no-holds-barred, This-Is-Me-bellowing, I'm a hot mess mommove to radically accept myself WHERE I AM AT means no secrets. It means giving up the illusion of juggling* so much "just so well" and showing everybody that the reality is that I'm not even juggling, I am basically dribbling all the balls I have dropped from the juggling circuit. *There may be some folks out there that I actually lied to, in effort to save face, saying that I had finished the incompletes. That's embarrassing to admit, and I hate it because it feels like I let my integrity go by doing that, but anyway...celebrating that mistake right now.
You thought this girl was perfect? That's cute.
So without further ado...roughly 10 days ago I rolled my eyes when I saw mail from CSU. I thought it was a reminder of our outstanding balance from Sunny's kidney infection adventure in November, despite just having received an e-statement days before. Nope, it was worse. It was the Graduate School writing to inform me that my lack of progress in turning my mountain of incompletes to completes had created a string of Fs, thus I have been dismissed from my Master's studies. Again. Ten years later, I am in the same sinking boat I was in after Christopher's birth and the ensuing hell I so fondly named Pneumogedden. This degree is never going to happen. Months ago, as I started to realize my need to bail water out of said boat, I was told by a professor that I was going to have to get my MA "in a way that works for" me. In other words, the set-up of the program (or, really, higher ed system in general) did not really make space for working professionals, particularly mothers (who are already doing the equivalent of 2.5 FTE jobs in the US - God bless the patriarchy), to attend, participate, and complete the assignments for their classes. So today I go to meet with the graduate advisor, whom I've never met before, because she was not in that role when I started this program almost 3 years ago (where does the time actually go, folks?) and I don't know what I'm expecting. Mostly because I am so self-flagellating, so exacting that I have zero grace for myself, I was not expecting the kind words of encouragement and acceptance that she spoke to me. After we'd talked about several things, including Pneumogedden, an opportunity to work with some state legislators to de-silo child abuse prevention efforts in the state - you know me, I love a great tangent to go off on - she said to me, with her Turkish accented English, "You know, you are MA - this coursework only confirms, but you are already performing like [an] MA." So basically, they are going to work with me. I'm going to get my assignments done for the classes I've already attended and participated in (just didn't get my papers written for) at the pace I can do, we're changing my advisor, and I'm getting this pro-paper done. Maybe it will be all wrapped up in time to be a 20th anniversary commemoration of graduating with my first post-secondary degree as a 1st Gen non-traditional student.
Dude....this week has been like....transformative or something.
I think Sunday was a start to regaining my muchness, but when I got my new glasses Tuesday, it was like Frosty getting that magical hat.
I came alive.
I was animated and witty. Competent and productive. Creative juices are like, flowing, man.
(This is not a put-on dialect, I'm writing it as I would speak it, you know, conversationally? I have an inner valley girl that comes out when I'm happy and excited.)
Seth said I looked like a hot librarian, and you know? I think Heather got her groove back with that boost of confidence, even if incrementally.
Between sickness, a 3-day training in windowless rooms, and gray weather, February has been a low sun month for me. As a serotonin challenged type, this is no bueno.
As a result of this compound deficit, I've been escaping via carbs, tv/internet and sleep instead of working on the things I ought to be, i.e. school work, family projects, etc.
I don't know who Alicia Cook is,
but that ^ is 100% accurate and
all happened this week.
Note - the links inside the body of this text are for your enhancement - they elaborate the points at which I'm getting.
So...I'm hesitant to go there, but the past 24 hours of my Facebook feed has pretty much made up my mind.
If you haven't seen or heard about the new Gillette ad from last week, I daresay you either:
a. Actually do live under the proverbial rock
b. Have an existence similar to Helen Keller's in which you are both deaf and blind, or
c. Really don't care
It's me sitting in the gray loveseat that swallows me up every time I visit, my left leg tucked under me. I have so much energy and the words, they are flowing. I'm talking and talking, and talking so much. The filler words are not as prevalent because my thoughts are ordered and navigable.
He asks, "So is it incremental, like each day gets a little better, or a more dramatic epiphany of 'OMG, my brain is back?''
"It depends," I shrug. "Sometimes it's both. Sometimes I just fake it - being functional, ignoring the feelings - that I don't even see when it happens or even have an aha, it just becomes. This time though, like whoa, I got so much shit done for my final paper - and it's just like, so amazing because this time last week, I didn't know what I even would write. Hadn't done my lit review, no clear hypothesis of research questions to guide me, and now? I'm almost done. It feels good to be back."
One completed class out of three total this year. Two incompletes.
But the incomplete is a tool in a grad student's hand, I'm told.
I'm choosing to look at it that way, too, because otherwise, depressed Heather sees it as Exhibit #5967 in the case being argued in the court of my mind that I have lost my Sweary Magdalene™, no-bullshit-high-achieving mojo.
