Sick days...

Kids had fevers, sniffles, and sore throats today.

I was tired.

So we are home today.

Ahhh rest....maybe the weary will find it at last, eh?

What Goes Up Must Come Down....

Sunday, LMNOB was AwEsOmE - our church group had signed up to volunteer, manning the posts at a couple of grocery stores for the local Food Bank's food drive.

The idea was to ask people if they would like to pick up a few nonperishable items and put in a Food Bank sack, to drop off in a barrel after they checked out.

In attempt to give her some practice with confrontational speech, I asked LMNOB if she would like to ask incoming customers if they would like to help the Food Bank out. I went before her, showing her how easy it was - only to be rejected with a lame-o excuse. She saw the challenge in becoming a better salesperson than Mommy, took it and ran with it!

She did great - and scored 2 barrels full of food for the Food Bank! She was so proud afterward, as were we - a fact which required copious amounts of praises from us - and practically floated on cloud 9 all day that she had done something brave and worthwhile in order to serve as the hands and feet of Christ.

Enter this week....

We are in post-finals, harried Christmas planning mode - and have been very off of our routine. The only sensory activity that we have been doing is having her wear the weighted vest in the mornings and evenings. Plus whatever she gets at school. But, it having been colder than a witch's heart (sorry to any Wiccan friends) lately, the kids have had limited recesses outdoors - and so suffice to say that LMNOB's gotten shafted in the sensory realm of late.

We had OT today and she was really into it - we had a great session.

Tonight, we went to do some Christmas shopping. LMNOB had been telling me about these special baby doll twins that she'd seen and has since elevated to numero uno item on The List. I had told her that we could look at them, but since Christmas was in just a little bit, there was no chance that we would buy them tonight.

After dinner and a few stores tackled - we went to Target. And she showed me the dolls. And then when we made her part from them, she went into psycho, bloody murder screaming mode. After it became clear that we were not capable of calming her down, Charlie Brown hefted her raging, flailing body over his shoulder, grabbed Punkinhead and hurried out of the store. I had to pick up her snow boots, as they shot off her feet while she was kicking. This was such a tantrum of mythic proportions, that she was heard throughout the store, and people peeked around every corner, just to ensure we weren't beating the poor girl to death.

Then, I went and picked up the Santa items, and paid. As I sat the snowboots down while I paid, the cashier asked if I'd like a bag for the boots.

I replied, "Sure, that'd be great. They're my daughter's and would still be on her feet had she not been throwing a royal fit - my husband took her out to the car."

"Ah, so that was yours?" Eyebrows raised.

"Yup. My pride and joy that one. Merry Christmas!"

Welcome to the life - all over the map behavior. And who knows when all hell is going to break loose. Or where.

Another Meme or Soul Searching?

Niki has some big questions up at her place - brought to you by the angry mobs of people who came out of the woodwork with her scrutinizing, SEEKING, insights re: The Golden Compass.

I am going to attempt to answer...it may have to come in installments, but here goes nothing...

1. What does it mean to be a follower of Christ? I believe it means someone who is seeking to reconcile their earthly lives with the purpose of the soul - to find Christ as the missing piece between you and the God of all things. Once having realized this, a follower strives to know Christ, to know His teachings and follow them through a life of devotion, study, service to others, and above all, radical acts of love.
2. Does it mean that everyone who is has to have the same core beliefs? If so, what are they? I used to think this was yes. I used to think it was some kind of profession of faith, that we all had to agree on a common denominator - Jesus is/was the Son of God. What I'm finding is that appearances aren't everything - some people have fruits of the spirit in their lives without going through the "necessaries." What I think now, is sure, there probably are core beliefs that are irrefutable in God's eyes - but I need to quit looking for the harvest (i.e. that someone has come to the same conclusions that I have and is, thus, saved) and put more faith in the sowing of seeds (and allowing God to work the hearts of others).
3. What does it mean when we can’t agree on what the core beliefs are? What does it mean? In a few words; Division, Confusion, War. What should it mean? That God has opportunity to work in diverse understandings.
4. Can two believers be convicted by different things? Absolutely - and neither one is "wrong" per se.
5. Can two believers be convicted by different things when the focus is on the same subject? Yes. And again, neither one necessarily has to be wrong - the Bible recognizes these as "disputable matters." Paul acknowledges that they are bound to come up, but that they should not become the point of our devotion, lest we totally miss the mark.
6. How should I handle conflict when I disagree with another believer about a conviction? I believe that we can agree to disagree, but often don't. I first ask myself what my motivations are to discuss this difference of opinion are - do I wish to justify questionable behavior; do I wish to "win;" do I wish to gain approval? These are not good reasons, and if any are the underlying reason I am pressing for discussion - then I should just keep quiet. If I wish to understand, to seek perspective, then there is room for dialogue.
7. Can we still be friends, or have I just made an enemy or lost my witness with them? Solely on the presence of disagreement? Or because of the things said about this disagreement? I think if only a difference of opinion is present, then by all means, nothing is lost! If harsh words, judgment, pride, etc. have at all entered in, then yes, it is possible that one person may feel attacked and the relationship could be damaged.
8. Is it my responsibility to make someone choose Christ? Absolutely not. We cannot force choice on anyone...Is it my responsibility to represent Christ in all things spoken and unspoken in my life when with this person? Sure...thus the seeds are scattered.
9. If someone hasn’t made that choice yet, what is my responsibility then? See above. If that person is not ready to even question, our responsibility is not to force the issue, but to aid in the ripening of the heart.
10. What does it mean that it takes some longer than others to make that choice - if they ever do? Different circumstances, different experiences, personalities, etc....but in the end, God knows that and I do not. I have to trust that He's in control.
11. How should I treat someone that hasn’t or doesn’t want to choose Christ? As good as you would treat yourself. Love your neighbor as yourself is not written, "Love your similar-believing neighbor as yourself." Thus we treat unbelievers the same as anyone else - with love, respect, compassion, patience, and all that other good stuff.
12. How do I show compassion towards others? I don't think that there is a formula for compassion, and I know that different things "speak" to others - but I know that gratitude, reservation of judgment, and consideration for others are a few things that tend to carry a lot of weight.
13. Can I choose to look for God and his message in all things? Of course. We often don't though. We as finite human beings place finite standards on an infinite God.
14. What do I do if I find Him in something not meant to be about Him? Praise God -

______________________________

More later....
What do I do if I can’t find Him in something not meant to be about Him?
What do I do if I can’t find Him in something meant to be about Him?
What is the difference between dialog and debate?
Is it my job to change people’s minds if they don’t agree with me?
What is the proper way to handle being told I’m not really a Christian?
Who is my enemy?
What is judgment and how often am I guilty of doing it to others?
What is the phrase, “causing your brother to stumble” really about?
What is the meaning behind the scripture about whether or not it’s o.k. to eat meat sacrificed to idols?
What is fantasy/fiction and is it o.k.? (Fantasy as in characters and situations that don’t exist in our world)
Is it o.k. to think about things through the lens of fantasy fiction that wouldn’t be o.k. in real life? (magic, ghosts, witches, etc)
What does it mean to explore life, human nature, spirituality, and how they are intertwined?
If I’m displeasing to another believer does that mean I’m displeasing to God?
Is it o.k. to have questions about and struggle with faith?
What kind of spirit did God give me and why?
Are my sins covered by Jesus’ blood or not?
Can they be uncovered once they’ve been covered ?
What does it mean to work out my salvation with fear and trembling?
What do I look like to other believers?
What do I look like to unbelievers?
Am I loving as Jesus loved?
Do I have the right or responsibility to rebuke the pharisees around me?
Is that a form of judgment?
Why is it important to me to dialog with other believers?
Am I surface or am I deep?
What am I doing to bring the kingdom of God to those around me?

IT. Is. FiNiShEd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like I have been put thru the wringer, but by golly, the Fall 2007 semester is

O.V.E.R.

And guess what?

Because I was waived for the internship requirement, because of my work history, I am HALFWAY done with my MPA already!!!

On Sensing a Pattern in Her Sensory Issues

LMNOB has a great vocabulary. She's a great reader and she's very creative in making her own stories/songs/poems up.

The girl is smart.

And, at home, she is a talker. Between her verbose tendancies, Punkinhead's desperate atttempts to get some of the attention on HIM, and my yakity-yak Charlie Brown, we are all usually talking at the same time, attending to multi-layered conversations.

All the noise drives me bonkers.

But, I'm putting all this out there because despite her definite ability for communication, BT the OT and I have noticed something about LMNOB's communication that is fairly consistent.

While LMNOB is a great one-way communicator when it comes to things "off the top of her head," she struggles to interact in sociable, two-way communication. Especially when things are asked of her, requiring a concerted effort to provide a relevant answer to what has just been questioned. Similarly, she has always struggled to ask questions that are of an assertive nature - like, "What's your name?" and other questions that require a response. This decreased ability in "confrontational speech" is exacerbated when the other party is not familiar to LMNOB.

Complicating this pattern, is that it is somewhat inconsistant. I.e., in the classroom, when a question is raised about a concept, she participates - but I'm not sure if that is different because the question is to everyone?

Last Monday, I got a call from Ms. M, LMNOB's teacher, after school.

As the call began like this, "Uhm, hi, Heather. I just wanted to let you know that there was an incident with LMNOB at school today," my heart sank into my gut.

Apparently, some kids had gone to the teacher on playground duty and said, "LMNOB kicked us!" but since the teacher had not actually seen it, she went to go ask LMNOB for her side of the story.

Said teacher was a kindergarten teacher that LMNOB did not know. So she ran from her. Then refused to talk, when questioned. Because what LMNOB did fell into "defiant and uncooperative" behavior, the teacher wrote LMNOB a pink slip. When Ms. M took LMNOB out of the room to try and determine what had happened, LMNOB remained non-responsive.

Ms. M continued, saying how this was so unlike the people pleasing LMNOB that she knew, and that she wasn't sure if she should automatically chalk it up to her issues, as occasionally all kids have behavior.

I asked Ms. M if LMNOB just blanked out at her and seemed to be in another world.

Yes.

My heart sank further. This confrontational communication is going to be the worry that nails my coffin shut.

I envision a high speed chase in LMNOB's future, which would have been totally avoidable if only she had stopped as a police officer tried to tell her her taillight was out.

Ok that's a bit melodramatic, but really...it's the same concept as the time she stood out in the cold for 30 minutes at the daycare lady's home. It's this inability to assert herself, in action or in words that has me really concerned for her growing up process.

At home, when I innocently asked to see LMNOB's homework that night, she was up front and told me that she had gotten a pink slip. Not like that time last year.

When I asked her what happened, she got embarrassed and teared up. "Mommy it was just so hard to talk - like my brain is broken!"

I told her not to worry, that she was with me and we talked. Apparently, she and her neighbor-girl friend had tried to play soccer with some boys. The boys took offense at merging the genders and told them no way and to go away. LMNOB didn't respond. She said, "I just stayed there, b/c my words weren't coming, but Mommy we could too play!" So, she reported, the boys said they were going to tell on her for something she didn't do so the teacher would take her out of the soccer game. Then they did it when she still didn't respond.

By then she was very upset and crying.

"Mommy, even if I said they were lying, the teacher wouldn't believe me b/c they lied first and I would look like a liar!"

I told her I understood why she had thought that, but that the teacher had not seen anything, and just wanted to get everybody's side before doing anything. I then asked her if she realized if she knew that by running away and not talking it made her look like she had done something?

She nodded. "And that's why no one would EVER believe me! And it's just so hard to talk when no one believes me."

I believed her. My girl may have some issues, but she's not a sociopath who can lie expertly at this age - no, her lies come with fantastic explanations and little emotion, clear indicators she's only trying to avoid punishment.

So I had her do some "scenario sentences," (I will not...when...) and then write a letter to the teacher whom she'd run run from.

And when we talked to Ms. M and showed her the papers the next morning, Ms. M said immediately, "Honey, that makes much more sense to me - because that is who you are, not some kiddo who kicks when she's mad! Wanna go take these to Ms. Other Teacher with me? And LMNOB, do you realize that by excluding you, those boys were breaking a PRIDE* rule?"

Nods.

"Do you know which one?"

In a teensy voice, "Everyone belongs."

*P- Positive Attitude
R- Respect myself and others
I- Independent thinking
D- Do my best
E- Everyone Belongs

Technicalities, schmechnicalities....

It may not be "Margarita" Monday as LMNOB so cleverly suggested last week, but let me assure you all...

Alcohol will be consumed. By me. Tonight.

And then, I hope to retire early and get as much shut eye as possible.

Actually, I've been toying with the idea of checking into a local abbey, up in the mountains. The thought of simplicity, in meals and accommodations, merging with meditations just appeals to me. And I'm not even Catholic - but the thought of the nuns interceding with and for me in prayer is a beautiful image.

Oh how my fundamental-ish church would probably disapprove, but I don't care. God knows what I need and HE sanctions me, not man.

I have so much to tell you, internets. About LMNOB's sensory issues/Rain Man like tendancies, Punkinhead's adorable witticisms, SNOW!, and how my Charlie Brown has been my rock through this crazy time. He melted my cold heart this morning, and I am just left thinking, "This whole idea of 'putting up with one another's $h!t' is such a two way street."

And I am glad for my life.

Sweat Drops of Blood...and Lessons in Grace...Maybe

OMGoodness!

As of 4:00 today, I had spent 20 of the previous 26 hours working on this paper.

As in, I started working on it at 2:00pm yesterday, went to bed at 2:30am, woke up at 9 (which felt like bliss, compared to the 5 hours I've been living on each night recently).

I just got into that "I'm on a roll" mode, (oh and not to mention, holy crap this sucker is due SOON and one of our trio is inexplicably AWOL mode)that means, yes, I probably am a workaholic. There are worse things, right? Besides, tonight, I totally spent quality sing-song time with LMNOB - balance, baby, balance. What is Hammy without a feeble attempt at rationalization?

Today, the drama escalated as AWOL partner jumped back in with, "I sure wish you'd commented on my draft earlier - now it looks like there is nothing I can do but accept your heaping pile of edits." Ok, so I made the heaping pile up - but I do believe the word "extensive" got thrown out. Same diff, right?

Well, hon, lemme tell you - I would have, had you turned your draft in ON TIME WITH OUR PREVIOUSLY AGREED TO DEADLINE.

Buuuuuuuut since she didn't until yesterday morning, while I was AT WORK - uhm, hello, so sorry Boss, I have to go read AWOL partner's paper that just magically appeared in my inbox. I just didn't get to it until last night.
But, suffice to say....it got worse.

And the professor got involved.

And I'm in the middle.

And now, I just don't care if she rides our coattails and totally gets a rocking grade because of me and my other partner's contributions. I am ok with her getting a grade she doesn't deserve, that's grace, right?

What if I am still really perturbed though, that she doesn't get that if you write "blah, blah, blah, (name, year)," you HAVE to include a full bibliographic reference, more than (name, year) in the Bibliography section. Especially because I feel that it is just a little MUCH to have to hold your fellow GRADUATE student's hand in that regard and give her a play by play of what you are asking for.

Is it still grace?

Albeit begrudgingly offered?

Whatever....I've got peace of mind that we are now on our 5th edit and it should be the keeper - all we need are the two references that AWOL partner has neglected to disseminate.

When in Doubt...

Play Maroon 5...

Loudly.



Not really a love relationship that is (:sing it!:)

"Taking its toll.

On me."

But an unrequited partnership is.

A 3 way relationship even...

Rife with "she saids," the unrequited third of this collaboration has me just hoping a particular "She said goodbye..." will eventually come true.

Hopefully the paper will be done tonight...

This is why I do what I do...

Today at the office, my to-do list had "graphics" on it.

As in, design a cover (for our grant guides) and similarly themed covers for the grant application books that will follow later in the year.

No, prior to this job, I had never had any graphic design experience/responsibilities. While I am not at all a creator of images, I have turned out to be quite adept at the finding of quality stock photos and editing them into professional publications.

As I set about the creative process, I got set on the theme of "helping hands." The collage below is just a compilation, graphic "brainstorming" if you will, of what will be on our grant application books -

And it hit me....this is why I do just what it is that I do here. We help persons from all walks, from infancy to death, in the meeting of basic needs like food, shelter and clothing, to accessing health care and education.

I couldn't do just one "thing," me being me - ever the proponent of wholistic solutions in life - and seeing it put like this just made me really happy.

Rockin' My Inner Lennon Groove Thang

Cuz, I swear I just sang,

Come together!

Right now....over me.

And the paper, it did. Oh, yeah, man - it came right together before my very eyes. Or was it over???

At least, my part did.

I'm just gonna sing this song until all the other pieces trickle in from my partners - I figure it should work like the Pied Piper, eh?

Seriously, though - I think my argument to propose legislation similar to this act, (only substituting "sexual harassment," with suicide prevention), is sound, and could go somewhere. Also, my recommendation to take the state's suicide prevention presentations already in existence, tweak 'em to have info about the great investment of EAP's and how much suicide costs the economy, ergo, employers, go buy you some EAP providers for your company and voila! Happy Endings all around....I think so.

I'm good.

LOL....that is my pep talk so I don't shatter into a million little pieces from exhaustion talking.

Ya'll probably don't know what the hell I am talking about.

Suffice to say - change, I want to effect it - and I think this might.

She Has NO CLUE What a Great Idea That Was...

Monday morning, I wondered aloud what we should have for dinner that night.

"Whaddyou think, is tacos a good dinner idea?" I pondered.

LMNOB, "Yeah! Taco Tuesday!"

I chuckled, "Except that it's Monday, hon," and smiled wanly at her.

She shrugged and and offered, "Margarita Monday?"

I laughed then, but I'm thinking, "Day-umn! The girl is good - we SHOULD implement Margarita Monday at casa del Meyer...."

Especially next Monday, When. The. Semester. Is. O. V. E. R....