I May Not Cry Over Spilled Milk, But Spilled Motrin?

On the floors that I JUST. MOPPED. yesterday? The floors that made me ache with horrible pelvic floor pain?

:sigh:

Yes, I totally lost my cool this morning.

Back up a bit and let me just say that Friday afternoon, I received a call from the school.

"Uh, hello, Mrs. Meyer?"

"Yes?"

"Hi, it's School Nurse, but it's not an emergency. Punkinhead came down to the health office for a bit this afternoon to rest as he was not feeling well. After about 20 minutes he returned to class and proceeded to throw up. Do ya think you can come get him?"

So I went and got him, and LMNOB since it was like 20 minutes before the final bell would ring. We made a trip to the grocers to get some gatorade and soup supplies - you know, things for an upset tummy. In the parking lot, he threw up again, poor guy.

Saturday he stayed home from the Daddy and Kids Snowshoeing extravaganza that had been planned. (Charlie Brown and LMNOB went and had a great time). He was puke free and showed no signs of fever or any other maladies.

Sunday night, he complained of being "cold" despite it being completely warm. And again last night, plus he put himself to bed at 7:00 instead of pushing the envelope past 8:30. So the bug is not totally gone and he was running a small fever right?

This morning he was A-OK. Until we started REALLY getting ready for school - then it was a fuss and suddenly his throat was hurting terribly. Remember, Punkinhead is pushing the limits lately, too. I proceeded to get the Children's Motrin and Tylenol out and stagger dose him for the pain. This is after all just a rotten virus going through the school.

And the struggle ensued.

My kids HATE medicine. Of any sort.

To the point that I usually have to tag team them with Charlie Brown, plugging their noses and prying open their mouths with the Jaws of Life to force the medicine down. If our society suddenly turned Christian Scientist (or whoever it is that doesn't believe in medicines), we'd undoubtedly be reported as child abusers. In the absence of Charlie Brown and the presence of a 3rd trimester belly, this proved to be more than difficult, and my painstakingly mopped kitchen floor wound up wearing the first med-cup of Motrin.

And I lost my cool. First I screamed a primal roar that conveyed my rage and frustration at the situation. My kids looked at me in fear, which was awful but I couldn't stop.

"YOU ARE THE CHILD AND *I* AM THE PARENT! YOU DO WHAT I SAY, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND! I KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU, SO JUST STOP FIGHTING!!!"

Punkinhead began to cry (again) and I snapped out of it.

"Honey, you need to take this medicine if you are going to feel better. Otherwise you are going to hurt all day and it's going to be no fun at all. You ARE going to school."

And that did the trick.

As we'd missed the bus by now, I drove them to school. On the way, Punkinhead announced, "Now my throat doesn't hurt anymore!"

I don't think they heard my teeth clench.






© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Ooooh, and I Just Can't Fight This Feelin'

I have always loved REO Speedwagon.

And because I think in reference to pop culture at any given moment, it is no surprise that this song popped into my head this morning.

You see, I am still puking in the mornings, despite being in my 3rd trimester, despite eating protein at night and taking my prenatal with food earlier in the evening (as opposed to right before bed), etc., etc. But it's ok, really because once I'm done (usually before I eat or drink anything) I'm done for the day and good to go. No all day nausea or inability to eat/drink for fear of not keeping it down, or anything serious like that.

But there is this rather indelicate problem that sometimes arises. Sometimes the urge to purge strikes me before I've had a chance to eliminate the night's culmination of holding my bladder.

And so I puke and pee simultaneously. Each heave forces a new trickle of urine down my leg. Makes me feel SOOOOOOOO grown-up and self-assured, let me tell you.

So how in Hades did my twisted brain connect the dots between an 80's love song and this disgraceful phenomenon?

For starters, the original video (see below) has a baby at the beginning of it - coincidence? I think not.

Moreover, check out the first two lines of the song:

I cant fight this feeling any longer
And yet Im still afraid to let it flow

I know, I've got a sick sense of recall at the strangest moments.





© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Transitions

I am now two months into my venture as a SAHM.

LMNOB has loved having me at home more and is thriving.

Punkinhead, on the other hand, is not as pleased with having a mama around 24/7 who now has more energy to devote to enforcing the rules. He's pushing the limits. Constantly.

And I'm pushing back. Isn't that my job as a parent, to reinforce the boundaries?

That part of it is not so fun, but overall, I can say that this decision has been a great one for our family. God has blessed us in so many ways already.

For one, we anticipated a substantial decrease in Charlie Brown's pay given the ginormous new health insurance deduction. But his first two paychecks this year have both exceeded last quarter's average checks - so we're good! And, thanks to my draining my sparse retirement account that I had with the City, we paid down some lingering debts and are all caught up financially - which feels great!

The part of it that I didn't quite expect was the new closeness Charlie Brown and I are experiencing. I was hesitant about this change and entered into with fear and trepidation at the back of my mind that the stress of being the sole provider would make Charlie Brown resent me as I stayed home and did "fun" things with the kids, or truth be told, slept and lazed about while they were in school. Hey, we'd been there before, (minus the kids in school part) and history has a thing about repeating itself.

But wonder of wonders, if anything, he has been harping on me when I OVERdo things and telling me I should rest more and take care of myself more. We have synched up spiritually and emotionally, and our marriage is a beautiful thing that I feel so blessed to be a part of. It is far from perfect, to be sure, but the journey we've had in getting to this point so makes me appreciate the beauty of where we are now.

We had a date night on Friday - the first really since our vacation in July :note to self - NEVER go that long between dates again!: and had a great time. HE said all of the mushy gushy stuff that I just did first. HE told me that he loves this new life we are living. HE told me the things upon his heart without me having to pry it out of him. And I just love that.

The past two weeks I have been going back to the office to train my replacement and it is amazing how 2 hours (plus travel time) eats into the day - I can't believe that it used to be 8+. It has been more difficult for me to keep things on routine with just those two hours gone (see sporadic blogging, among other things), how did I ever hold things together before, I wonder. Sometimes I suspect that being pregnant factors into it.....but I don't know.

Speaking of the pregnancy, all is going well on that front. "Bud" is moving all the time and especially so when I lay down (already he has learned to keep mom sleep deprived and on her toes). We are fairly set on his name now - though that is to be kept a secret on here until he comes - the insiders already know and well, it would be nice to have some element of surprise! I suspect he is still transverse as I am still feeling movement on the far left and far right simultaneously most days, but he's still got a trimester to go and get in the right position. I am begging and pleading with him to do so as I REALLY have a phobia about c-sections (don't know why as I've never had one, but it is there rational or otherwise).

Well, I should get some laundry done.

More, later.





© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Neighborly Challenges

Friends, we have this neighbor.

He's the guy who makes my heebie-jeebies flag wave on a fairly consistent basis. And his second wife doesn't live with him anymore but they carry on as husband and wife in all neighborhood introductions - this is just weird to me.

When he moved back into his house last winter, Charlie Brown and I just kept a low profile and hoped our paths wouldn't cross too much.

Recently though, Charlie Brown did some work for him on his truck, and the door of interaction has swung widely open again - I find him outside every time I'm taking out trash and conversation is forced on me, he's over here asking a question, etc, etc.

Yesterday while walking the kids to the bus stop, he was returning home from work and rolls his window down. "So, ah, I'm having a BCS Bowl party at my house tonight - you guys should come."

I smiled, and muttered something about checking with Charlie Brown about our schedule, then thanked him for the invite.

Later, I told Charlie Brown and wondered how to get out of it. "We could just say the kids need to go to bed early tonight and get their homework done - which is true...." we thought. Charlie Brown thought he might pop in just to save face a bit, and we were pleased with ourselves.

For awhile.

Charlie Brown called me later, "You know, we should probably just go on over. This is exactly what we were talking about last night at church. We don't have to stay too long, but he's reached out to us and it would be dumb of us to not take this opportunity."

He was right. At church we'd been talking about how we as Christians often shirk the opportunities to be relational and share God's love with those who are not in our "circle." Not a in a preachy, "Hey, sinner, do you know Jesus?" way, but more just sharing our lives with those with whom we don't go to church and/or don't necessarily "like." One of the ladies in class put it best as she commented that we're all about supporting a brother/sister who is struggling on Sunday morning, "but you know, don't call me at 11 at night for months on end when this struggle pops up for you." Ouch.

Way to go Charlie Brown for stepping up and being the spiritual leader of our home! I am so impressed at his growth, particularly in his recognition and determination to do the right thing of late.

I went over and told our neighbor to expect us over there at the start of the game. He then asked if he could borrow our card table to put the drinks on. I obliged and as he came over to get it, I got to hear a story told about his tv programming that I knew was false, but what good would it have done to call him out on it then and there? Besides, this guy makes me nervous, remember? And in the scheme of things, it's sad that he feels like he has to make up stories (he blamed his lack of satellite on his former tenants when I knew that his on again off again wife took the receiver in question when she moved out) about things as petty as tv programming - if he feels he needs to do that, then so be it.

We went, and had mostly a great time. Some other neighbors and a couple who used to live by us were all there and it was nice. Punkinhead had some issues with the kids (he was the youngest boy - all the kids closer to his age were girls and so he tried to play with them, as the big boys were watching the football game, but the girls were all tweeny and mean girl-ish to him) but eventually they meshed and he didn't want to leave when we said we needed to go at half-time.

We had some opportunity to share how God is blessing us - the baby, my recent decision to stay at home - and I just pray that we are capable of becoming the "salt of the earth" that we are called to be for Him.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

My First Few Days as a SAHM with School-Agers

Monday was the first day back to school for LMNOB and Punkinhead - my first day as a SAHM without the kids for the bulk of the day.

So I treated myself. It wasn't bon-bons and soap operas, (is that even a relevant diss anymore? I mean who still watches soap operas?) oh no, it was much better than that....

At my going away party last month, some commissioners that my office worked with pitched in and got me a generous gift card to a local spa. Knowing that Monday was my first "free" day, I had booked an appointment when we got home from Christmas.

I chose the Bora Bora package, and threw my facial virginity away. It was GLORIOUS. The only part that was remniscent of my other "first time" was where the lady did the "extractions," which is basically another word for "let me gracefully pick your zits and blackheads for you." The lady focused on the blackheads on my nose - tricky little suckers that I can never quite get rid of despite scrubs and washcloths designed specifically for exfoliation. Like losing my real virginity, this part hurt a bit, but the rest of it was like heaven. Leisurely lying on a bed with fresh linens against my bare skin is one of my favorite sensations. Added to that were the gentle touch of the aesthetitician's hands working her magic on my face, the warm, lavender and sage infused washcloths to wash each cleanser off, and the micro-dermabrasion massager, which was lovely. Tipping me over into bliss was the massage element of the treatment - neck, shoulders, chest, then the hands and arms, and finally the feet and lower legs - I had to keep from audibly moaning with pleasure. Once my hour was up, we headed over to manicure and pedicure. I left feeling rested, rejuvenated, and pretty - without an ounce of makeup on!

By the time all was said and done, my time at the spa totaled 3 hours and I was then starving, so I took myself out to a yummy Chinese place that we rarely frequent. They make everything to order from scratch, thus it isn't the fastest option for those with hungry children. Then I went home and prepped for a meeting I had with a lady from church who has agreed to host a lia sophia party for me in a couple weeks. Went to her house and got all the goods on the table so to speak and then it was time to pick the kids up from school. Later that night some friends commented on my radiant skin. I still hadn't put makeup on!

Yesterday I didn't do a whole lot. I did take the dogs out for a walk as the morning was GORGEOUS - sunny and bright and warmer than it has been. When I got home, I took a shower and dolled up a bit as Charlie Brown and I were meeting for lunch (found out that morning while trying to fix lunches that we were out of both mayo and jelly - so any type of sandwich was out of the question!). We went to lunch and enjoyed our "date." Then I had to run to the grocery to pick up our lunch staples and some items for dinner, plus the dogs were running low on food, so off to the petstore it was. Got back and unloaded and before I knew it, it was time for the kids to get picked up - Seriously, ladies, where DOES the time go??? LMNOB, Punkinhead and I whipped through the homework, and set to work on our gringo fiesta of a meal that I had planned for the evening: cheese enchiladas and tortilla soup. Mmmmm. LMNOB loves helping me with enchiladas because it is so messy. I love her help because it is kind of labor intensive and 4 hands are better than 2.

At the dinner table Charlie Brown commented, "Doesn't Mama just look beautiful today, kids?" To which LMNOB replied, "Yeah, Mama you have this pretty glare on your skin," and Charlie Brown and I about choked on our beverages, laughing. "Whaaaaaat????" she protested, "It's all shiny and pretty looking on, like, your forehead and your cheeks, it's glare-y!"

"I think the word you are looking for is 'radiant,' LMNOB," Charlie Brown informed her with a knowing smile in my direction.

I smiled and thanked them both, assuring LMNOB I knew what she was saying. I told her that the spa treatment the day before had helped make my skin look so nice.

Later we took some pics - so for all of you who've been asking to see the baby belly, here it is:

I'm a little surprised at how quickly the days go by now - they seemed to crawl when I was working!


© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

My Own Little Marley

Porter is the newest furry baby at Casa del Meyer - we got him about this time last year when he was 8 wks old.

He is a grade A pain in the ass.

Right now his ass is causing my nose pain. He got into the cat's food (again!) and has dog farts that rival any noxious stench I've ever come across.

(Update: the stupid bastard just got into it again when I went for a potty break - grrrrr.....)

He knows one speed - one that results in him slipping all over the linoleum downstairs and peeling the the rugs off the hardwood floors (despite anti-slip backing): I like to call it "Bat out of Hell" fast. It has often toppled over my children and even myself a time or two - even though the little guy is a mere 40lbs, read: not a big dog.

He is a bully to our sweet lab and first furry baby, Gracie. Gracie of course is a docile lover that is too passive to assert herself against him and such Porter terrorizes her, namely in the hopes that she'll roughhouse with him, but he's too rough. We try to break him of it, but so far these efforts have only affirmed for us that springer spaniels are in a word, retarded thick-headed.

I know he is still a pup (just over a year old), and despite all of his frustrating traits, he is a sweetie.

There's a scene in Marley and Me (LOVED that movie btw....Charlie Brown and I both cried our eyes out multiple times - and for different characters) when Jennifer Aniston's character miscarries and the "worst dog ever" loves on her in that sensing way that animals have when she is crying her heart out.

Porter does this too. Along with many other of the sweet things that Marley did for his family.

Like with my children, I need to make sure that he knows he is a valuable part of our family, not always in trouble, before he's lying on the vet's table drawing his last breath.

If only I didn't feel like breathing his farts could be my last breath.

© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

2008 Recap

On Christmas morning, Charlie Brown gave me a beautiful card with words that touched my very soul with sentiment so rich and meaningful that I cried. Following the card-maker's verse, in his own scrawl were the following words:

Our best year yet and there is more to come! I love you so much, Heather, and can't wait to see what the future holds for us.
Love,
Charlie Brown

He's right, 2008 has been our best year yet and things just continue to look better for us. What a blessing it is to be able to say this!

On the marriage front, we celebrated our 10th anniversary in 2008 - and honestly, it's like a different world since hitting double digits. We've weathered some serious storms in our years together and at times I thought our ship was sunk, but miraculously through prayer and divine intervention, we've managed to stay afloat and cling to God and each other. Charlie Brown has experienced tremendous growth this year (emotionally and spiritually that is) and makes me feel like that clichéd woman who's always asking, "How did I get so lucky?" A stark contrast from just a year ago.

On the family front, LMNOB and Punkinhead became schoolmates this year and what a difference this has made in their sibling relationship. They are now very close and play so well together. On the flip side, they now know how to really push each other's buttons and do so periodically, but the perks totally outweigh this. Seriously, LMNOB has often been found to say at dinner that her favorite part of the day was "Seeing Punkinhead at recess." And that just melts my heart.

Another family matter is that of baby #3. We thought we were D-O-N-E, DONE, after Punkinhead, but with my IUD having 10 good years before we needed to do something permanent, Charlie Brown had been in no rush to, ahem, "lose his balls" (as they so delicately put it in Marley and Me). While we were on our 10th anniversary vacay this past summer, we decided that we would start trying for another baby after we returned. And being fertile like we are, he pretty much looked at me and I was pregnant. I'm now on the verge of my 3rd trimester and he'll be here before we know it (or have a name selected for him to bear). The pregnancy has been harder than the others were, but Charlie Brown and the kids have been so good to me that it all balances out.

On the career front, God led me to make another sharp 180 in my thinking. My last day with the City was December 19th. And now I am a SAHM - you know, that thing I thought I could never sanely be? But I needed to return to this. Juggling FT work, LMNOB's special needs, a desire to work with them in their schools, my master's degree program, marriage, housework, and all that other domestic stuff just wasn't cutting it. I was having more and more difficulty staying sane doing all of that than I ever had while being a SAHM. So it was time to re-prioritize and the health and well-being of my family and me came out on top.

After having made this decision, the opportunity to work with lia sophia came up and I took it. I get to keep fabulous jewelry for myself and make money for my family, in addition to keeping a social outlet - what could be more perfect, right?

On the LMNOB front, her sensory issues are still there, but as she's matured this past year she has gained more self-awareness and the ensuing ability to recognize her own signals and meet her needs independently, with less and less adult intervention and/or structuring. This is HUGE!!! After the big school transition this year, we cut back on the OT and just last week we saw BT the OT for our discharge session. That was bittersweet, as she has changed our lives so much for the better with regard to parenting LMNOB and better family functioning. But, as she reminded us - we have her e-mail address and LMNOB is welcome to write her anytime, and we can also schedule a drop-in, consult session with her for addressing transitions and/or other issues that may arise at anytime.

As for Punkinhead, he's quite the character. Full of energy ALL. DAY. LONG. and ALL BOY. He is something of a schemer, prone to drawing outlandish conclusions when he doesn't get his way (i.e. "Punkinhead, no video games right now," "You don't wuv me!") just to see if he can weasel his way into doing whatever he wanted to do. As frustrating as that sounds, he is my sensitive little guy - first to apologize without prompting, always hugging and loving on us, and lover of the babies in our lives. He's a charmer on either side of the coin for sure.

It's been a great 2008, and I'm looking forward to a divine 2009.

:groans: Bad, I know - but I couldn't resist!

Love to all!




© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Settling Back In...

:big contented sigh:

So I officially started this SAHM thing last Monday, but it was too overshadowed by Christmas and felt a bit vacationy.

Yesterday was the real deal. No office to jump up and get to, no harried breakfast or drill sergeant routine. Of course, next week may look a bit different as we will be back to making the school bus again, but *I* will not have to have myself together and ready to leave at the same time as them.

We had errands of course; my end of the year dental work that I needed to squeeze in before my coverage ends tomorrow (fillings - fun!), grocery shopping for a home that had been uninhabited for nearly a week, etc.

Grocery shopping with both kids - who were rather opposed to such an outing, even if it meant no food in the home should we have opted out - was not exactly fun per se. They were in re-entry mode and pushing every button possible on each other, or even worse, on me - together.

In all, it was a good day though. And we finished it with a fabulous home-cooked dinner (I love to cook but with the FT work gig we often ate out to avoid further exhaustion) of lemon-teriyaki chicken, rice pilaf and green peas. The kids ate it like no tomorrow and Charlie Brown was very appreciative of dinner at 6 o'clock instead of 7:30. As was I.

Today we've accomplished a fair amount of laundry and unpacking of the Christmas stuff, I've done my prenatal yoga DVD, showered, and got to enjoy LMNOB's heart-felt sing-along with the Francisca Battistelli cd I had in.

These are the days....to enjoy and savor.

I'll be around a bit more hopefully and can settle back into the regular writing thing.






© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Merry Christmas, Y'all!

We've officially "done" Christmas with both sets of parents and we are officially blessed with loving, kind, and thoughtful family.

On both sides.

Loving life.

Hoping the same for all of you!



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Surreal Surrenders

What a week.


At any given minute this week, I felt as if my head would just wind up and spin Linda Blair style and life as I've known it would just stop.


There were the mornings, the relentless "Oh my hell, child how many times do I have to tell you to get your shoes on before you even motion to do so," preparations before school, the incessant and shrill "Go, go, go - Do this - Don't do THAT's," that automatically fired out of my mouth like a machine gun, and tears, always tears. We made the bus none times this week. None. These mornings leave me so frustrated - but hopefully they are a thing of the past.


There was the Particularly Bad morning - Wednesday - this week where Punkinhead had once again misplaced his snow boots and mittens (I am finally beginning to understand Mother Cat's wrath towards her kittens in new light) and of course this was made known to me at 8:10 a.m.. We leave for the bus stop at 8:12 a.m. So the hunt for the aforementioned boots and mittens ensued, and as you can imagine, took longer than the 2 minutes we had allotted to Make The Bus In Time. I had decided to give up the search, Punkinhead would just have to live with the natural consequences of being irresponsible with his boots/mittens: be unable to play in the snow at recess and have cold hands, respectively. I threw everything together, grabbed my lunch, grabbed backpacks to cram into the car, locked the door and proceeded to the car.


Without my keys.


The babysitter has our spare!

Called Charlie Brown with a plea for him to come be my white knight and open the door so that we could get the kids to school and me to work. He was soon on his way.

In the interim, I called my OB's office as the night before I'd come home to a voicemail asking me to please call them back about a lab result...I hadn't had any labwork done at my previous appointment so I was a bit confused. Then the nurse proceeds to tell me that my urinalysis was suspicious, so they'd cultured my urine and I indeed had my 2nd UTI of this pregnancy - I was supposed to begin antibiotics immediately, and had I had any symptoms? Nope.

So I had her call the rx into the Safeway by my office. Call my boss to let her know it is a morning from hell and I am running late. Get to Safeway and the pharmacist tells me that they no longer carry the old antibiotic that the doc has rx'd. He calls Walgreens to see if they have it.

They do.

Backtrack a bit and go to Walgreens, and proceed to wait 45 MINUTES for them to fill my Rx. Ya'll I so will not be fun when I'm elderly and on a million drugs, because my idea of a trip to the pharmacy is 15 minutes total. Plus, you know, I kinda had a place to get to. Called WORK.

That all was frustrating enough but the realization that I had had some menstrual like cramping, which I'd written off as uterine stretching and/or round ligament pain, and had also had an untreated UTI going on meant that this babe could now be at risk for preterm labor. Not to mention all the frackin' stress that we'd had lately in the mornings. I really am questioning whether to stay with my present OB or if I ought to be shopping - I mean, she's the one who was so concerned about the POTENTIAL of me having preterm labor before these UTI's came on and yet when I have something that could actually CAUSE preterm labor, she is inattentive to detail (the prior UTI she put me on antibiotics the day of my urinalysis, before the lab culture even came back as a preventive measure) and potentially put me and the baby at risk. Nice.

So there's that.

Later that day (Wednesday, still) was my going away party at work. I could lie and say it was overwhelming that so many people showed up and embarrassed me with their kind words, but truthfully, it was really energizing for extroverted ole me and I felt really loved and encouraged by a lot of people whom I respect greatly. I was surprised by the turnout being as big as it was - and with so many community players (as opposed to strictly City employees) - but it was a great time in the spotlight for me and I felt like a shining star.

Thursday and today were a bit anticlimactic at work after that, but they flew by.

It was bittersweet.

On the one hand I am so looking forward to being with my kids - and this week really hammered home for me that they are too. Sometimes you wonder if kids really get it, and LMNOB dropped enough clues in her conversation for me to say, "Yeah, she does get it and it means a whole heck of a lot to her." I.e., "The bus driver is going to be really surprised to see you every day when we get back from break," and other things that illustrate the nuances of what my being home with them will mean to her.

On the other hand, I had to keep telling myself - especially after Wednesday - that I am not putting my SELF on a shelf. I am kind of mannish in this regard that I tend to overly identify my sense of self with what I DO, and I think particularly because I have long felt that I'm better able to use the gifts God has blessed me with in the career path I've taken than say being a SAHM. But that's the thing...Just because I'm not going to be on a payroll doesn't mean that I'm going to become a recluse and insulate myself from my community. I'm still on the IHN board of directors, I'm still going to volunteer at my kids' school, etc. My gifts will not be "wasted" says my head, but my heart struggles with believing that at times.

And, I was with the City for 4 1/2 years. It was my 2nd post-college job and by far the longest one I've held. It's a pretty big chapter on which the final page was turning for me.

And it wasn't totally the end today, either, because I'm going back next month for a few hours here and there to train my replacement. But I still cried as I drove out of the parking lot after the Boss helped me pack up my things and gave me a hug. The tears almost felt foreign to me as I have been so happily looking forward to this day that sorrow seemed out of place. The uncertainty of our financial picture is nervewracking to say the least, but every day I'm asking God to help me grow in my faith that He will provide - and I know that He will. And then the relief flooded over me - the stresses of our mornings will be reduced, I can rest and take care of myself and my baby and not feel guilt for it, my kids will benefit from having more of me, and on the list goes.

And then I realized, it's all ok.

I've surrendered my old life and am now embarking on a new one. Filled with wonder and excitement.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Dream a Little Dream With Me

Ah, pregnancy dreams...they're so.......

• Vivid


• Memorable


• Wacky as hell


• Pleasurable (:wink wink, nod nod:)


• Terrifying

And on down the list we could go.



Some people say the dreams associated with pregnancy are due to hormonal shifts, while others insist it is because of more interruptions in REM sleep (nighttime potty breaks, waking up with hip pain and the need to flop over to the other side, and the like), and still others insist that these dreams are expressions of the mixed emotions a pregnancy can create.



I've had a bunch of dreams this pregnancy, but three in particular stand out.



Every Mother's Worst Nightmare

It's been awhile since this one ran - and the details are foggier than ever now - but in a nutshell, we'd been kidnapped as a family and our abductor was horribly violent, in the worst kind of ways.



Thankfully he was not putting LMNOB and Punkinhead through his tortures - but somewhere along the way it became clear that he wanted us to murder our own son. I pleaded with him to take my life instead, that if he was so sick as to want one of us to do it that Charlie Brown could kill me. To no avail.



I'll spare you the remaining details. They were awful and I can still recall that part of the dream as if it were yesterday. Suffice to say that I woke sobbing and screaming from that one. And when I realized it was "just a dream," I ran first thing to Punkinhead's bed and just sat there stroking him as he slept, telling him how much I loved him.



Ugh.....now there are two funny ones....



One Stop Shopping

This one is just so kooky to me. You know how when you're dreaming and something is this, but it's also that and this too? Yeah, it was one of those dreams.



I had a dentist appointment and upon arriving at my normal dentist's office, I soon discovered that the dentist was also now an Asian nail salon. Because they just pair together so naturally, right?



So anyways, a Vietnamese nail tech/dentist leads me to the exam chair and proceeds to tell me they are now doing routine ultrasounds with all expecting dental patients - again, it made COMPLETE sense to me in my dream, but after the fact??? WTH?



He begins the ultrasound and I tell him, "I DON'T want to know the gender because my husband and I are going to the OB/GYN ultrasound next week and we're finding out together then." He says ok, does the exam, does the cleaning.



As I'm leaving, the nail tech/dentist says, "You baby girl be beautimous like her mama! Bye now."



I was left saying, "I DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW!!!" and then debated as to whether to tell Charlie Brown or pretend like I didn't already know at the u/s we'd go to together.



Infant Style

This one is based on a true story, lol. Apparently a particular detail from my day stuck out at me and my psyche decided to make a whole dream centering on it.

Prelude: Earlier in the day The Boss and I attended a data release meeting re: homelessness in the highschools of our district. The man who sat directly in front of me was a principal at one of the highschools. He had weird hair - with a wiry texture that one could expect from a crack whore who'd fried her hair one too many times, and color that can only be described as harvest ORANGE. But the worst part was that he had a large comb-over; rather, and in fact exacerbating this fashion faux pas, it was a comb-up. The hair well below his crown (in line with his ears!) was combed up and over his crown to cover his bald head. I chuckled inwardly and wondered how anyone could even attempt to pull that off, let alone the principal of a highschool! I mean, it was straight out of a bad teen movie!

So the dream....I was in the hospital, had had the baby and it was a boy. With red hair similar to the shade of Punkinhead's. But, it was patchy and predominantly located on the back of his head.

So what did the nurses do?

You guessed it - my infant had a comb-over and was doomed to geekdom from birth. I gave the nurses what for for this and reamed them about not even giving the poor child a chance at social acceptance.

I woke up and had a good laugh at that one.

What's the wackiest dream (pregnancy or no) that you ever had?



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