Cel-A-bration Time C'mon!

So.........I wrote a ton of scholarship essays this spring.

The big'uns, from my school and the Government Finance Officers Association, responded with something to the tune of,

Dear Ms. Meyer:
You're great.
But not that great.
Sorry, better luck next time.
Signed,
The Rejectors

Which was ok. I mean, it's not like I had something and their rejection took it away from me. Nah, I came out of it with as much as I had going into it: Absolutely Nothing! (save for a buttload of student loans)

I still hadn't heard back from one source - but didn't really plan on hearing from them. It's a memorial fund and two of the benefactors attend my church, so any students from my church and some in the Denver area are eligible to apply. In filling out the application, it was very catered to a high-schooler who was going away to university for the first time - high school GPA, activities, and the like. I communicated with them and got the A-ok to proceed and make my case clearly. But I didn't feel like I'd done it very well - it didn't feel "official" enough.

Tonight I opened the mail, and saw a letter from the committee. I braced myself for another, "You didn't really fit our mold, but everyone who applied was a winner in their own right," kind of let down. Opened the letter, unfolded the trifold, and saw: "Congratulations!" straight away. Read further, and the amount (I'd forgotten) is for $3,000!

Between this scholarship and next year's tuition reimbursement from work, I will have virtually no loan debt for Fall07-Spring08, and that is a tremendous blessing.

So...did I ever tell you that I am a giant nerd?

B/c I am.

Case in point.....

Class has been done for me for just over 2 weeks.

In 2 more weeks I will begin my summer classes.

Which means, "Wheeeeeeeeeeeee, playtime," right?

Nah...it means, I want my hectic pace back and I want it now.

The Boss puts it ever so kindly when she says, "You just seek a lot of intellectual stimulation."

What she means is, "Get over the fact that everyone is stupid compared to you...NERD!"

Hodge Podgery

*****
So...today, I was in a bathroom stall seriously glad for the fact that I am not a conspiracy theorist who is constantly fearful that big brother is watching. Reason being? I spent nearly 5 MINUTES wrestling with the damn cellophane wrapper on an OB tampon, and couldn't for the life of me get it to open. So you can understand the gratitude that I silently felt when I realized that I could be under the delusion that everything I do is seen and heard and that this would be grounds for serious mental anguish were I to actually be in the paranoid schizophrenic camp. It's the small things sometimes, I tell ya.

******
Then...at LMNOB's school, two things of note:
First, Ms. S marveled at how well LMNOB is doing recently. Particularly in regards to separating from me in the mornings. I KNOW!!! She basically has been kicking me to the curb every morning, instead of having to be pried off of me with the jaws of life. A miraculous improvement, among others.

Second, M tells LMNOB loudly, "You're the smartest girl I ever met!" and it's all because she made the distinction that "next recess" was actually going to be tomorrow as they were planning just how they were going to play together next. All the other girls are so obviously NOT detail oriented, and you most certainly ARE, LMNOB - to the point of obsession. I dunno...it just cracked me up, the level of awe that was genuinely in his voice. LMNOB, you might consider this in your future with M - men who are in touch with their feelings are great.

********
How many ADHD kids to change a light bulb? Hey, where's my bike?
(thanks Ms. S)

The Blame Game

Good night...does no one take responsibility for themselves anymore?

I'm really disappointed.

So - I offer this cathartic letter, filled with things I would never actually say to the people who really could stand to hear them...for random people who care to read about my work, and who are probably not at all my intended audience:

If you are the director of a non-profit agency and you were to write a grant...and;

If you knew in advance what the scoring criteria for said grant was...and;

If you knew that the pool of applicants and their requests MORE THAN DOUBLED the funds available to award... (Why yes, I do design and write that newsletter - pretty huh?)

Then chances are, you've considered the possibility of receiving a.) far less than your requested amount, or b.) not receiving funds at all. Particularly if you do not clearly impress the scoring Commissioners that your agency is a top performer in a heavily weighted score criterion, and fall into the bottom 25% scores .

Which, going back to point number two, you had plenty of time and knowledge to strategically craft and market your request such that it fit the goals of said grant program.

There is, however, more probability in our area that you had your head completely buried in the sand. In which case, you probably got it abruptly pulled out this week. Sorry 'bout that.

It is also highly likely that, despite having been given a score report with high score, low score, median and average scores, YOUR total score, as well as your average score in each category so that you could see just where you fell, you who had your heads buried would write letters, crossing the line between advocating your cause to just plain whining, filled with nonsensical rhetoric - "The City obviously doesn't support x-type of programs....our funding (which is only promised/allocated at a fixed amount one year at a time and varies from year to year) was cut..." etc. instead of taking the feedback as it was meant to be: constructive criticism and help
towards a stronger application next year.

I'm sorry - the funding "cut" terminology doesn't work for me when the amount is not a given from year to year. If you had been promised $4,000 for 2006-2007, and halfway thru the year we said, "Nah, $3,000 ought to do you," then THAT would be a "cut."

I'm not completely blinded by tunnel vision - I know that you're hearing the same kind of bad news from other funding sources, and I hate that too. But...that is precisely why it is no longer ok to rely on the warm fuzzies that your agency's work creates as a means of raising funds. Mediocrity in agency development cannot continue, lest your organization go belly up in times such as these. My employer and I are trying to help you gauge just where you're coming up short. And I know that other funders do NOT provide this sort of feedback - so some recognition would be nice, instead of the "I'm so shocked, hurt and basically clueless" routine.

In the meantime...your tunnel vision re: your agency being the only one, the ease (or complete lack thereof) in making the funding decisions, and participation in the blame game certainly don't help your case. Please, kindly pull your head out. It may just save your livelihood and your cause. And prevent you from further sounding like an idiot whiner.

Seriously folks...I don't get it. I don't get how you couldn't have known the odds - when the Boss and I did everything in our power to CLEARLY let people know the facts before AND after.

Also...after having gotten some of these "How dare you..." letters, I wonder...are these organizations this audacious with other funders - or, because we are small potatoes and strive to be user-friendly, do they just think they can be this way with us?

Talk about kicking a gift-horse in the mouth - potential or realized.

Actual Dinner Conversations this Week

After the umpteenth snarky utterance of "Oh yeah, you're a baby!" by my darling son, I decided to open up a can of Disney's teachable moments whoopa$$.

"Kids, you listen up and listen good. Remember Bambi?"

Nods.

"Well, on Bambi, Thumper's Mama said, 'If you can't say anything nice - don't say anything at all.' That's the new rule - okay? If it's not nice then don't say it."

When I checked comprehension and/or whether they were really listening, LMNOB asked wide-eyed, "Now, Thumper was the rabbit, right?"

"Yes, but do you remember what his mama said?"

:shrugs: ... "Thumper was a boy, right?"

I couldn't help it.

Hilarious laughter, indicative of new heights in parental exasperation, ensued between myself and Charlie Brown. Between belly laughs, I managed to choke out, "But Daddy, what color was Thumper? And was he a jackrabbit or a cottontail?" to which I thought Charlie Brown was going to either shed actual tears over, lose control of his bladder, or both. :sigh:

******
Tonight, Punkinhead asks, "Mama, are you goin' somewheres?"

"No...why?"

:groans and whines: "I want you to go somewheres dough!"

Muwah! Love you too, son. Sure am glad the feeling is mutual.

Actually, I'm not that bitter - it was again, followed by laughter.

One day soon my kids are going to say something brilliant at the dinner table, and I, having been conditioned to laugh at what is bound to be nonsensical, will guffaw at the most inopportune time of their life, therein destroying their self-confidence for the rest of their lives.

Embracing Motherhood; A Tale of Reluctance and Incomprehension

Disclaimer: I started this earlier today, but Blogger ate it :poof!: This doesn't happen much, but when it does I always wonder if it is equivalent to a thunderbolt from above - particularly considering the subject matter.

As a child, I was always something of a feminist. Enthusiastic renditions of "Anything you boys can do I can do better," oft were found leaping from my lips.

I find it highly ironic today, that despite this bend in myself, I cling to a patriarchal faith and find my church family in a group of fundamentalists. But, ya know, that God, He is a God of Ironies - you know the whole "first shall be last..." and the like?

My play habits were that of a tomboy/nerd. When I wasn't out chasing snakes and bees (I once thought I could produce honey with a single bee in a jar with some clover blooms), I was reading.

I wasn't this girl who dreamed of her future husband and the big day. I really never saw myself getting married. I didn't see myself unmarried, I just didn't even look to see myself wedded. Besides, who needed a man? I never had one of worth in my life as a child on a consistent basis, so why would I think that I would live with one, day in and day out for the rest of my life anyway? It was a completely foreign concept.

Occasionally a doll would creep into my diet of playtime activities. I always played with them like they were babies - but not my babies. Because as much as marriage was vague territory, motherhood was just something I was altogether reluctant to touch, period. Even if it was eons in the future. Sure, as I grew into babysitting, I liked kids enough, when they were yours! Motherhood was a charged issue for me and I was simply not going to have anything to do with it.

Funny how God changes your mind on these things.

As much as I was reluctant to even consider taking on motherhood, as soon as the idea of my children's existence was even planted with that initial seed of my-period's-late-could-it-be? doubt, an indescribably anticipatory joy crept into my heart, and the tremendous emotion I felt for my babes left no room for reluctance.

It's incomprehensible how this mother I've come to be is sitting in the same skin that encased the old anti-mothering girl I once was. Somewhere along the way, I realized that most of my reluctance stemmed from me clinging to fear. Fear of losing myself, fear of becoming every other woman in my dysfunctional family, fear of not doing right by the future.

When God threw me a curve ball - that being LMNOB's conception, the fears were still there, but they were just passing fancies. Now I clung to doing what my child, later my children, needed me to do.

My kiddos are pretty special. Special needs, special talents, and special personalities. I try to be the special Mama they so need and deserve. Most of the time, I struggle to see how well I am doing with that, especially on a night when LMNOB says, "I just want you....don't go to your meeting tonight," and yet I have to go. Or when Punkinhead is pouty and calling everyone Stupid.

But, I love them with all my heart. And today I took inventory of the things I think they will appreciate later in life:

I stayed home with both my babies their first year of life
When I had to work, I scrutinized providers, seeking out quality child care
I have worked on my marriage when I felt like giving up
I notice them for who they are, and seek to develop their strengths
I also noticed differences and sought help
I play with my kiddos
And we laugh
Instead of yelling, sometimes I just raise an eyebrow and let them figure it out on their own
I volunteer at LMNOB's school
I take vacation days, not for grandiose outings, but for days with my kids where we just hang
I tell them I am glad they are mine...

I'm sure they will tell me more in the years to come, and their answers will surprise me. In the meantime, I'm just letting the Lord lead me through this mystery called motherhood.

Happy Mother's Day, ladies.

Just What the Dr. Ordered

Last night was delicious.

Realistically, anything would have probably done, as hungry as we were for time alone with each other.

But...on top of 18 blissful hours sans kids, I:

Saw my man in a suit and tie. And it was good. Verra good! Pic to come...he wouldn't let me snap one of him, but the photographer got a nice one of both of us. He showed it to me - and it is quite lovely with the state capital building right behind us.

Dressed myself up...both on the outside and in my
intimate wear that lurked beneath, which kept me feeling like quite the sexy little kitten all night, primed for the moment we would find ourselves, :batting eyelashes: all alone. :giggle: Here's the dress - no dice on ya'll getting to see me in the other new garb. I know, I'm not all fun and games. Damn!

Got to be in Denver...I LOVE me some good urban environs - don't know what it is, but I practically buzz off of the energy that abounds in the metropolitan cosmos(es? Because, really, Seattle, Denver, LA - any will do).

Drank, which in turn = relaxed. Champagne at the hotel (Doubletree's Romance Package is quite nice, and yet afordable, ya'll). Cranberry Vodka at the banquet.

Arrived early to the banquet, and much to our surprise, were told, "Heather Meyer, oh, you're at a reserved table," when we checked in. That made me feel special at first, though later, the "Mystery of Reserved Table #2" was only spoken to with shrugged shoulders. No matter.

Went and checked in with the staff person who'd requested I get my poster child head shot taken. Went and acted like a model for 15 minutes.

Got asked several times if I "was walking tomorrow?" (Graduation). Oh, no, I waved them off, this was my first semester! Marketing staff person that I had met at the orientation thought I was getting an award tonight - she'd seen my name on something recently. Not that I'm aware of. Well then, you are definitely on the "Up and Coming List," your name is known around here. Silently - Holy buckets, Batman!

Met my instructor, vis-a-vis, as well as her husband, who is my advisor. They are incredibly smart, very REAL people. And very sweet, in a sophisticated, fine European, dark chocolate way - as opposed to the bright, obnoxious, artificially flavored kind of way. I'm glad to have met them in a more concrete manner than phone and cyberspace have afforded thus far. As is Charlie Brown, because, they have a Subaru, and they hit it off smashingly. (In case I have neglected this detail of Charlie Brown's livelihood - he is the only Subaru SENIOR Master Tech in Larimer County - and one of a handful within the state - he's a car genius. And that's not just me sayin' - that is the regional tech assist reps call him on a consistent basis when they are stumped) My instructor and I chit-chatted about the class. I told her that I was particularly stricken by the number of what seemed to be high calibre students in the class, to which she smiled and said, "You'd be surprised. Of 40, there were 3-4 REALLY good students, yourself included, and many who seemed smart but really didn't show it. I scared 14 of them out of the class, too." She chuckled mirthfully at that. I smiled with my eyes raised. Hear that, red? You really are smart! Not that I really doubt myself, nor do I own the ego of the narcissist who constantly needs to stoke those fires of aggrandizement, but validation - particularly from a professional woman who's "been around" - is a sweet, sweet victory.

And...I think that hearing as much in this setting made my schooling more than, "that thing Heather does on the computer," to Charlie Brown. This made it real to him, and that is no small thing.

Back to the list of achievements:

Noticed Reserved Table #1 had some of the award winners sitting at it. Reserved Table #2 ended up having me and Charlie Brown, a PhD student who had also been instructed to sit at Reserved Table #2 and didn't know what for, and then a fairly obnoxious woman who was graduating with a PhD, her two sons, and two members of her dissertation committee. They were not told to sit at Reserved Table #2, and put us to the grill as to why we were so special anyway. The politician in me won out as I smiled and told her we didn't know, then silently I tacked on, "Maybe cuz they knew we had manners?" LOL.

Ate a yummy steak dinner in which I didn't prepare some or all of what I ate!

Listened to former U.S. Senator, Gary Hart, deliver a pseudo-commencement, inspirational speech.

Saw people who'd finished the programs at GSPA this year receive awards.

Left. And got lost with Charlie Brown. I could have probably found my way out if I were driving, but I let Charlie Brown try to get it figured out. When it became apparent that was not happening, I tried to use memory and common navigational sense - but it was too late. So we took a long route back to the hotel. It was all good though. The events to happen upon returning to the hotel were discussed; this kind of delay and anticipation was a good thing ;-)

Got back to the hotel - reconnected with my husband :winkwink: and slept blissfully in the most comfortable KING bed - oh how I want a KING bed now - until just before room service came with our breakfasts.

Dallied around and eventually made it home.

Life is good.

I always wanted a domestic birthday gift...

Titles that were runners up for this post:
"What goes up usually comes down."
"The most expensive birthday, EVER."

Yesterday the Boss was out ill. I had very little to do, and had planned on asking her foradditional assignments, which I told her via the most bestest thing ever: e-mail. Since she was gone and all, I supposed I'd check out early? And that got the greenlight.

Thereafter, I spent 5 hours shopping. Alone. (BLISS!) For a dress to wear Friday night. Many more details that are not pertinent to this post will follow in another post.

Came home grabbed Punkinhead, and ran upstairs to try the whole ensemble on. Mah-velous dahling!

Came downstairs, barefoot. Enter, a very wet squish.

Punkin, did you spill something?

He looked at me like I was nuts - uh ma, we've only been home for 5 seconds, WHEN would I have gotten myself a drink and then spilled it - his 3 yr old eyes seemed to question (with much sass, too I might add)

I looked up at the ceiling and there was a water stain. Dripping right onto our carpet.

It was our second hand washer. It's first hand owners were FIL and MIL and we were oh so grateful to take their leftovers when their new purchase coincided with the purchase of our home 3+ years ago.

It has always had a leak, but we had one of those protective drain cover thingies to prevent such happenings. Or so we thought.

Called Charlie Brown - who was out suit shopping with LMNOB.

Change plans, no home cooked dinner tonight - go to Fazolis instead, much to the delight of LMNOB. No picture schedule tonight, sweetheart. Then Sears, and later Home Depot.

Apply for the Home Depot card so that we get the 10% off. Charlie Brown goes google eyed at our approved line of credit $4,100.at.Home.Depot!! I tell him, no, we are going to purchase this set, which came in at just under $1,000 when warranties and taxes and pre-rebated prices were considerred, pay it off with my $1,000 tuition reimbursement check I will be getting from my employer, whenever my grades become official, and we will then use the Home Depot card sparingly. Love you honey! He rolls his eyes at me, in that, thank-you-so-much-for-your-patronizing way he has and says, "Duhhh....I know that, Heather." I knew he did - but, well it wouldn't be me if I didn't overstate the obvious, right?

The set is being delivered on..............Friday. I will have to beg, plead, and threaten the death of the delivery person's first born to ensure that delivery/install is completed before we whirl away to our getaway.

Now, if you'll excuse me - I have to get my butt to a laundromat.

Oh, yeah - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! :-D 28 - and yet for some reason, it feels like that number should be higher?!

On this NEXT weekend

I was really vague, wasn't I?

Here are the details, ladies...

My birthday is Wednesday. It is also close to Mother's Day - in fact, whenever my birthday lands on Sunday it is Mother's Day. So I usually get a two-fer.

Add to it, that historically, springs are slow for Charlie Brown (who is a mechanic and gets paid by jobs done - not hours actually in the shop) and we are usually flat broke for my b'day.

Not so this year!! Yay!

Then...I got an invite from my school's Spring Banquet, which will be on Friday, May 11th. A catered, dress-to-the-nines, boozy-schmoozy event next to the State Capitol. They are going to award the Public Administrator of the Year to some local politician/administrator (read: networking, baby), as well as highlight some of the graduating students' achievements. Charlie Brown will probably snooze through it, but I thought it sounded, to the opportunist in me, as a fun, and valuable shin-dig to attend, because, you see, I'm an online student - and best to really get to know my professors, and get a read on them so that I can make the most impact possible.

In addition...I have to pose for the camera to finish the spotlight they are running on me in this year's marketing mag for the school. It's going to make me so much more famous than this small-time blogging thing. Weird, huh?

*sigh* I suppose it's true... I protested this fall when a friend called me a "politician" - but, listen to me, I think he may be right?!?

Anyway - I told Charlie Brown that we were going, and it would be my birthday/Mother's Day two-fer - there was no asking! MIL is going to be in a training in CO Spgs and is going to drive up and stay with the kiddos while Chuck and I live it up, at the party and later at our own post-party for two. ;-) We've had a rough patch lately and it's time to detach from the stress and reconnect to each other.

After all, we've only ever been away from both kids for a total of 3 nights EVER - one last April, and two nights before Thanksgiving this year. It's been almost 6 mos - I think we've earned it - don't you?

In the meantime - we had a lovely family weekend this weekend; a rare one where I actually felt rested and relaxed by the time this morning rolled in.

TGIF

Charlie Brown and I are going out of town next Friday.

For a whole night away.

We are in the process of finding a nice, yet affordable hotel in downtown Denver - this may prove to be a challenge.

But...it's fun.

In the meantime, it is FRIDAY!!!!

And no one has to work this weekend. And no one is going riding this weekend. And that is cause for celebration.

Some Spring in my Steps

Yes, Mama P - I am feeling better this week.

Sunday I did some sensory stuff with both kids - crab-walking, wheel-barrow walking, and what we used to call "shuttle runs" when I was in elementary school (you know - run 1/4 way across the gym, touch down, turn around and run back, run 1/2 way across the gym, touch down...anyone??) out in the yard.

Punkinhead is a pro at wheel-barrow walking. LMNOB, not so much. Ahhhhh, a spot of body weakness, hmmmm, shall we try to STRENGTHEN it - in turn strengthening other trunk muscles and thereby increasing SENSATIONS in them? Mayhap, indeed.

Yesterday...since it was the LAST grant hearings night, but was also going to be a late night, well, I came into work later to compensate the hours. That elusive thing we women call balance is nice, after all.

Prior to going in, I scrambled to take advantage of a coupon I'd gotten for 1.) a free bra fitting, 2.) free bra, and 3.)free panty from this store - so long as I purchased $25 of stuff. If you look at their bras, you'll see this was a STEAL of a deal. I bought 3 pairs of panties for $27, and got another pair PLUS a $45 bra free! So that was nice - because I love quality undergarments.

When I got into the office, I pulled up my e-mail and started writing some minutes that were long overdue, but neglected due to the grant process. The Boss logged off her computer, and said, "When you're at a stopping point, let me know - I need your help on something." I finished typing my sentence and said, "Ok, what's up?" And next thing I knew, the phones were forwarded to voice mail and we were exiting the building.

We got into her car, and she says, "We are not going to have another sucky week, so we are getting pedicures!" The Boss is seriously my hero!

The next 90 minutes were heaven as the our backs and necks were massaged, feet soaked, exfoliated, massaged and beautified. We talked about LMNOB, the OT work we were doing, and preliminary results. And cute men that we knew. And, did I mention that it was GORGEOUS weather here yesterday??

How could I not have more spring in my step after that?