Me, a Celebrity

The CBS station out of Cheyenne called The Boss Monday morning wanting to do a camera story on homelessness - due to press on my part of the homeless count project and another study recently done on affordable housing in our area - and she says, "Actually, there is a woman in my office who is much more knowledgeable about those things than I am - let me put you through to her."

Have I mentioned how much I love The Boss? Sure, she's quirky, but so am I. But really, I mean, here she is equally as smart, or moreso, as I am, and she's giving me opportunity like this.

So that night it was study, study the report (all 150 pgs - gah!) and comprise something intelligent to say for Tuesday.

This is exactly the opportunity for education, awareness and advocacy we had hoped for once we had the numbers.

I just was caught unawares - with respect to having TV coverage, but then it turns out, I don't even get that channel; I get the Denver afilliates for NBC, ABC, and CBS, all of whom are extremely metrocentric with their coverage, as if the entire rest of the state doesn't exist.

There have already been a few newspaper articles I was involved in with the release last week., but TV coverage!?!?

As it turns out, the town of Wellington, which is serviced by U.S. Cable, gets this channel. Anyone else in the county, who is on another cable provider who likes to say they are something that rhymes with Bombastic, (Hint: with C's) and won't carry this channel, is out of luck. But hey, baby steps in getting local media attention, right?

They also don't put their broadcasts on the web, either. That's a bummer b/c now I don't even get to see the fruits of my labor.

I'm not crazy...not pregnant either!

Houston, we have validation!

I posted on a msg board of women that I've known for nearly 7 years, about this phantom baby kicking, and SEVERAL of them have had it too.

I just wish they'd have said something before my inner drama queen got all unleashed!

Psycho-somatic

Geeze, talk about a psycho case.

Last week, I kept feeling this fluttery feeling that is identical to a baby kicking. Yeah, that's right, that indescribable feeling that only a mother would recognize.

It wigged me out, and despite the fact that I've had periods the past four months, despite the fact that I have an IUD, and despite the fact that sex has been rare at our house these days, I still felt compelled enough to seek the answer of an HPT.

Negative.

Meanwhile the fluttering has continued. And gotten strong enough for another person to feel it - that'd be Charlie Brown.

Friday night, we were fooling around and it started. Down near my left uterine area, which is always where I felt the other two. I hadn't told him about all of this, but said, "Hey, put your hand right here for a few minutes and tell me if you feel anything." I felt a few movements and prompted whether he felt anything, to which he sarcastically said, "No, Heather, I didn't feel your baby kick."

I gave him a look, and told him to just wait, and bear with me. Then there was a big one and he goes, "Holy God, what was that?" I said, "I have no clue but they are getting so hard and frequent I had to have a third party verify so that I wouldn't keep thinking I'm nuts."

We talked about it around and around and around. Could I be? How? It'd be a statistician's miracle. But, my periods have been weird lately, albeit totally and completely happening and in cyclic form, and I have been gaining weight like no one's business lately. If everything menstrual holds in this pattern, I will start again next weekend. He did the nipple check, lol, and said, "I don't know, Heather, they're awfully big." wink wink.

We ended up calling a friend of mine who just became a nurse, mainly for an alternative explanation, because we simply could not believe the plausibility before us. She was awfully, "I don't know...." and telling me to schedule a check with the doc, but said it could also be like when you get a tic in your thigh muscle, which is due to irregularities in the blood flow.

I clung to that all through yesterday while there was no fluttering.

But then last night, it started again. And as I realized it's been a constant thing for a week now, my resolve to cling to the tic theory flew out the window.

So after church today I bought more HPTs.

Negative again.

It's ok, I'm just officially crazy now, right?

Then I took a nap this afternoon, and awoke to the rapid punching in what feels to be (if memory serves) my womb-ish area. I can feel it externally.

What the hell is this???????? The second coming of Christ? (I'm being totally facetious with that and do not mean to offend anyone)

Anyone?

Let the rumors begin.

Another change

When I first started this blog, I was basing my identity on motherhood, which - at the time - I felt I was completely sucking at, and I suppose that including "Mommy" in my profile name was an attempt to say, "Hey, I'm identifying my maternal side, doesn't that count for something? Doesn't it?"

The other night LMNOB and I were discussing initials, and I shared that my initials spelled "HAM." She thought that was hilarious, since hers and Charlie Brown's do not have any vowels and are thus, unintelligible. Then she branded me. "Mommy, you should be HAM I am, like Sam I am in Green Eggs and Ham."

So there it is - the new me: HAM*I*am - it fits.

Lest I forget...

Gigglers from my kiddos.

As recounted by M, our daycare provider: Upon discovering how unseasonably warm it was today, M changed into shorts before they went outside. Punkinhead incredulously informed her, "M, you got new legs!"

LMNOB last night: as I read from an older children's book, "...is a store where a captain can buy things for his boat," she corrected me; "Or her boat, Mama." Yes, indeed, LMNOB a woman can be a captain of a boat, it doesn't just have to be a man. Good for her to notice these things, but I'll be honest and say that it took me aback a bit at her vehemence.

Another daycare funny; yesterday M took the kids for a rather long walk. She told me about halfway thru, Punkinhead stops, furrows his brows and shrugs his shoulders to ask, "So, M, how we get back to your house, anyway?" It's the anyway that kills me on that one....like, "Did you not think about this, because I sure have!"

These funnies made me want to immortalize them, b/c who knows how long they will stay in my mind with specificity? Without the exact words, I'll be left with a general, "You kids were damned funny growing up," and where's the fun in that?

In thinking about these, I'm reminded of the one LMNOB pulled out of thin air several years ago. Punkinhead was just a new baby so she was not quite 2 1/2. We'd been out and had just gotten back in time for lunch. Thje menu de jour was PB&J. I pulled out the jelly and put it on the table.

Itty bitty LMNOB pointed at it and said, " 'at kind, Mama?"

"Boysenberry."

Tears and protesting.

"What's wrong honey?"

"I don't wan' boys 'n berries, I wan' gils [girls] 'n gwape [grape]!"

I laughed for about 30 minutes, then called everyone I knew to tell them about it - kinda like I'm doing now, 3.5 years later.

But that's why, b/c they are wicked funny. And, me being me, I fall hard for the hilarious types - that's why I'm still with Charlie Brown, after all, b/c he makes me laugh like few can.

A Grateful Existence...

This morning was not unlike many others.

Kids didn't want to get out of bed, which resulted in the ever-frustrating power struggle we experience every weekday.

I had a caffeine headache, indicative of my growing dependency on java. Perhaps Betty Ford's people need to start talking to Starbucks' people?

I recounted a discussion Charlie Brown and I had had about spending last night, particularly motorcycle spending, with a frown.

All this to say that it was an entirely ordinary day for me, and not exactly filled with positivity.

But, I've gotta tell ya, I am feeling overwhelmingly grateful today - no "reason," just a totally random feeling of awareness and the gratitudes that come with it.

Such as,

The skies are blue with nary a cloud to be seen today, sun shining brightly, and the Rocky Mountain peaks looked especially stunning this morning on the drive in to work. I thought to myself, "What a privilege to live in the midst of such wonderful beauty."

Which put a smile on my face. And then there was a chain reaction.

Like my work - I don't know many people who enjoy their jobs as much as I do mine. For a lot of people work is just an obligation to pay the bills. For me, the income is second to the fact that this is what I want to do. And how lucky I am to be in that situation is not a fact I lose sight of.

Or how blessed I was by the intimate discussions we had at our life group on Sunday evening - and how, as oddball of a group we are, it is a good group, and Charlie Brown and I are really excited at the potential our little "Island of the Misfit Toys" life group has. We've got some serious heart, ya'll!

Then, as I walked into work this morning, the bulbs are poking through, little sprouts of green. The promise of spring and all of its wondrous growth is around the corner! In more ways than one.....

And I am excited.

Thank you, Father, for all of the blessings flowing from your hand. Help me to pay it forward.

The Results are Out

The Homeless Count Results are now public. They are found here.

My summary - very preliminary and rough is as follows:

Of the 580 Larimer County surveys turned in, 353 met the criteria for “homeless” designation. Including the household members of these 353 respondents, the total of homeless persons identified in Larimer County was 556.

As noted in the report, this is undoubtedly an undercount.

The one consistent finding in all the research on homelessness is that surveys
undercount the homeless. It is particularly difficult to count those homeless persons who are unsheltered.4 The total number of homeless individuals fluctuates over time. People who are homeless typically move in and out of homelessness as conditions in their life change. Data collected during one day of the year only represents a snapshot of homelessness on that day.

However, considering a couple of things - 1.) most surveys have a low response rate and yet are extrapolated such that they are considered to be representative of an entire target population, and 2.) in 2005 a Larimer County Point in Time survey estimated there were 700-1,300 homeless persons in the county - the numbers represented in the final results for Larimer, which correspond to 50-75% of the estimated actual number of homeless, are strong indicators of an accurate representation of the whole.

Findings of interest re: the 556 people counted as homeless in Larimer County:
- 134 households, or 322 (58.9%) persons, are households with children – this debunks the majority stereotype of a single “hobo” or “bag lady” and is consistent with the state total of 60%
- single parent households account for 45% of the homeless in Larimer County, whereas the state total is 39%
- the remaining 225 persons (41.1%) comprised 214 households without children – most of the people in this category were singles, though some couples are represented in this number.
- 11.6% of Larimer County homeless are veterans – this is slightly lower than the state total of 15%
- as with the state totals, minorities were overrepresented and whites were underrepresented in the homeless population compared to their make-up of the general population in Larimer County (compare Compass information with the information in the PDF)
- nearly 40% of those classified as homeless had never been homeless previously; this is a higher rate of first-time homelessness than the state total (32.4%)
- additionally, almost ¾ of the respondents had been homeless between a few weeks and less than one year, in other words, it is a small minority that is homeless long-term in Larimer County
- disabling conditions were more frequently cited in Larimer County than throughout the state. 55.2% had one or more disabling condition, whereas across the state, only 50.9% did. In particular, the number of persons responded they had one or more of the following are as listed: mental illness (28%), substance abuse (27%), or serious medical condition (24%) and are higher than state totals, (21.2%, 26%, and 19.5%, respectively). Interestingly enough, the mental illness and substance abuse incident rates are in keeping with the SAMHSA figures in the 2005 PIT.
- also, nearly 70% of the Larimer County homeless respondents were wage earners - that is to say, they are not the stereotypical ideal of someone who is "lazy" or a welfare recipient - no, these are hardworking folk like me and you

Another key thing to remember is that the domestic violence figures were reported as a separate aggregate to be paired with the State totals – it is not able to be broken down by county.

Implications abound. Both in the political arena and church arena for me, personally. More later

*****Edited to add:
Read what the Coloradoan and the Reporter-Herald had to say

It. Is.. FINISHED!!

That is my 3rd paper for the class.

Holy writer's block Batman!

It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that there was roughly 3x the material and yet the same allotted space (2-3 pages DOUBLESPACED) to convey I get it, could it? Nahhhhhh.....not for this verbose red-headed stepchild, no way. ;) Or maybe, uh-huh, 100%?

But get this...

I was able to highlight my hair this morning - oh-lah-lah springtime red, all streaky and golden copper. And, it's got that oh-so-sleek-you-just-conditioned-me -with-that-kick-butt-lotiony-after-color-rinse texture. Love it. That makes me hap-tastic :) and somewhat spastic. Maybe all the fumes took away my writing inspiration??

I cannot wait for spring break.

I was looking at the summer registration catalogue and nearly jumped out of my skin with excitement upon seeing a core class offered as an intensive. Meaning....instead of 14 weeks of this bumbling, time juggling grrr-ific experience, I could drive down to Denver for two weekends, Friday from 5-9, Sat/Sun from 9-5 both days, and. be. done! And still get some real classroom interaction, for the nerdy, teacher's pet me.

I really am a geek, huh? Who else gets their panties in a wad all excited over school like this?

I thought so - just me.

Pride

Enjoying the moment and the validation with it...

It reads, “2006 Annual Award, presented to Heather Meyer, as an individual who had made great strides in supporting the need for affordable housing. The time and thoughtful effort you put into the Homeless Count went beyond a job. Your true passion for helping the homeless came through in the consideration and effort that was spent in training volunteers and working collaboratively with multiple organizations.”

72 thoughts on loving her; why's, how's and what's

1. In my best Van Morrison voice, cuz she's "my-y brown eyed girl!"
2. Sometimes...
3. Other times, she's a "Green eyed lady, ocean lady, child of nature, friend of man."
4. But regardless of their color, her eyes are totally expressive of her heart
5. She's tender-hearted
6. And painfully aware
7. And yet, she doesn't let that awareness depress her
8. Instead she asks me things like, "Mama, next time we need to put water in the homeless bags, cuz in the summer it's hot and they're probably thirsty."
9. In the next breath, she's planning a royal princess wedding
10. Down to the party favors and custom vows
11. Which is why I think she'll be a professional events planner
12. Because she is me as a child, incarnate in all respects, and stands as a constant reminder for me to love that little girl, both in her and in myself
13. Her laugh is infectious
14. She's a wonderful, albeit bossy, little mother to her brother and her peers
15. She is confident enough to say, "Remember to make me a card that's nice" when she feels it is appropriate
16. She doesn't back down
17. (I love this for her future, not so much for the present)
18. She is unusually creative
19. In writing
20. In music
21. In drawing/sculpting/painting or just "art"
22. And that's not just me sayin', her teachers do too
23. Which makes me think that she might donate her art to charity auctions for the homeless
24. She's a serious little bugger
25. Pondering the deep spiritual truths of this life
26. And keeps me honed on how to answer those angles
27. but mostly, I look forward to the inevitable creation of her own faith
28. She loves yoga/pilates
29. And wearing skirts over pants
30. She is in tune with the earth
31. and is a green thumb, naturally
32. As such, she is a comfort, reminding us of beloved Grandma Nina who is in Heaven now
33. She is beautiful
34. And I marvel that she came from my loins
35. She grounds me, and reminds me of my limitations and when to reprioritize
36. She makes me want to be a better person
37. And usually gets me to do it, usually
38. She's a slob - the only way I can justify putting that on this list is that Charlie Brown is too, and so she reminds me of him in that regard? A reach?
39. She's a smarty, always thinking
40. About EVERY.THING
41. Everything I love in me is in her
42. So is everything I hate about myself
43. And while those are difficult to face, when they are wrapped up in her, it makes it somewhat easier to see more objectively
44. She doesn't buy into traditional beauty
45. Telling me frequently that some goth chick or a heavy woman is beautiful
46. And sometimes, it makes me wonder if she can see into people's hearts without knowing them?
47. Her enthusiasm is contagious
48. She understands that my work is important to people less fortunate
49. And she wants to help, too!
50. She's getting really good at folding laundry - love that!
51. She tells me the things I need to hear at all the right times
52. She's something of an oddball, and I'm nothing if not a glutton for the oddballs in my life
53. She gives me perspective, often that I've lost
54. She's seen me at my absolute worst, and still loves me with everything she's got
55. And I hope that I prove to be worthy of that love and trust
56. She's my spring sunshine baby and brightens the darkest of days
57. She can also roar in like a lion, much like the month of her birth, though
58. Spring can be stormy too
59. But we weather thru and are greeted by the wonder of new growth at the end of it all
60. she mumbles when she talks and thus creates a special role for me as interpreter
61. She also thinks faster than she can communicate, reinforcing my role of interpreter
62. Cuz she's pink on a craptastically brown day
63. She's re-taught me that pretty flowers make everything better
64. and that band-aids don't always
65. which is why I try to discipline the goods and the bads with lasting solutions
66. but when I don't, there are always smiles when cookies are involved
67. She takes turns leading and following
68. And I'm glad to see the balance she has adopted
69. Her friends are a diverse group, evidence that she is inclusive
70. She still clings to her blankie at night, and that reassures me that she's still a baby
71. She negotiates, often pushing her luck, but she's learning
72. Because she's ours, the first fruit of our union

LMNOB is 6 today!

How can that be????

She's got a "12 days (+) of b'day" theme going on here, lol.

She got to do her b'day gift from Nana/Papa and Uncle J's crew the weekend before last when they all came up to visit.

We did frosted cookies (b/c Sam's Club does not do cupcakes and her class is 25 kids!) at school today, and dh ordered 6 carnations to be sent to her school today. Tonight we'll do dinner at her restaurant of choice.

Then, the party. It isn't actually until NEXT Saturday, b/c mom has a paper due this Saturday ;) But we are doing a "Spring Cheer" party where the kids will all plant a potted spring bulb and take home to force it into early bloom - B/C WE ARE ALL TIRED OF WINTER!!! And b/c LMNOB loves gardening, and b/c I hate to send kids home with a bunch of useless junk for party favors, lol.

Then, later that night, we have tickets to see Monsters Inc. on Ice. Fun times :)