Because Menstrual Misery Loves Company

Despite being thousands of miles away, many of my fave bloggers are on the same schedule it would seem....

So, without further ado, I share with you a great e-mail that my MIL just shared with me:

The Hormone Guide

Women will understand this! Men should memorize it!

Every woman knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every Man, husband, boyfriend, co-worker, significant other, just all men in general!

13 Things PMS Stands For:

• Pass My Shotgun


• Psychotic Mood Shift


• Perpetual Munching Spree


• Puffy Mid-Section


• People Make me Sick


• Provide Me with Sweets


• Pardon My Sobbing


• Pimples May Surface


• Pass My Sweat pants


• Pissy Mood Syndrome


• Plainly; Men Suck


• Pack My Stuff


• Potential Murder Suspect

© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Things I learned today

• LMNOB is entertaining thoughts about S-E-X, in the sense of context and definitions, and trying to piece together just what this mysterious word means, exactly. She's not too far off the mark, either...in that playground knowledge sense of things, which means we will be talking more about this. For sure.
  
• That mirrors should be banned when a woman is a.) depressed, b.) presently bleeding like a stuck pig and therefore looking like someone pulled the "rapid inflate" cord, c.) a recovering bulimic, but best of all, D.) ALL OF THE friggin' ABOVE!!!! But, alas, because I do not walk around with signage announcing all of my inflictions, people have made the mirrors in my surroundings all too readily available.
• BT the OT loves me - as she breathed when I broke down and said how horrible I've been at meeting LMNOB's sensory needs lately because I've been so damned wrapped up in my own neuro-atypical issues. (why can't I have serotonin readily available like balanced people?) This is good, because I too love her, and I know that she loves LMNOB and vice versa.
• Today was the last day for LMNOB's class to meet with their 5th grade book buddies. (Read: HUGE transition for LMNOB) Guess when I learned about said huge deal? This afternoon as I picked LMNOB up for OT - right as the class was going to party hearty (replete with, "Popsicles, MOM!") with their reading mentors. LMNOB was extremely upset - so much so that 20 minutes later the front desk staff at BT's office said, "You can just go on back to pediatrics - no need to wait out here..." :sigh:
• And, it is pretty damned hard to get the house cleaned such that it is worthy of inlaws when one has been a.) only home for 2 days after a 5 day vacay b.) catching up at work so much that doing housework (read: laundry, cooking, laundry, dishes, LAUNDRY) is a nice thought, but not so much getting done in actuality, and c.) receiving no spousal support in the housecleaning arena. They're supposed to be here tomorrow. Before I get off work. Joy!
  

© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Words for Me: Week of 5/26

D.K. Brainard's words are again spot on...this time for both my husband and myself.

Taurus -
What would your life look like if your greatest weakness became your greatest strength? Who would you be in the world if the thing about yourself that, since childhood, you've struggled to accept and integrate were suddenly revealed to be a great gift given to teach you love and compassion for all beings - especially including you? This seems to be the subtext of the current Mercury retrograde in your 2nd House of money, self-esteem, and values.

It's funny that we Americans think of ourselves as the great individualists, when in reality the myth of the individual is just a story that is utilized by the power-hungry to keep us locked into conformity with the struggling masses.

But what if you woke up one morning this spring or summer and realized you could step outside of all those programmed security, status and power goals and just be yourself, warts and all, doing what you love to do?

What resources would you need to live that simple, clear life?

How might living from your own integrity open you up as a channel for abundance?

As I'm sitting within the belly of depression, evaluating life, my purpose and all of that jazz, this actually is some of the very stuff I'm wrestling with. Thing is - these are all good questions, but where are the answers?

Deep within myself, according to the book I'm reading, The Power of Now by Eckartt Tolle. (And Christian readers, please, do not flame me. I've not become a New Agey "Church of Oprah" follower...much of what Tolle has to say aligns with the Christian faith, if one can wrap his/her mind around it. I'm reading with an open mind for now. Also...the fact that there is such vitriol about Oprah and Tolle and his books just astonishes me....)

Thing is...I'm starting to wonder when this season of introspection will be over. I feel like I've been checked inward for so long that I'm forgetting what it is like to check myself outward and be social.

On to Charlie Brown....

Scorpio -

In some way or another over the next three weeks you will be dealing with the limited nature of your ability to control the situation. This doesn't appear to be playing out in your career, where your energy continues to be exceptionally strong.

It may involve an old friend or romantic partner, or a person or institution to whom you feel you owe something. It could also involve a situation in which you appear to be powerless to control another person's speech or behavior, such as an annoying neighbor, needy friend, or obnoxious coworker.

What is extraordinarily clear about this situation is that it is designed to help you heal a wound within your own psyche. This appears to relate particularly to your family of origin issues, and a subsequent pattern of creating fantasy scenarios around home and security needs that result in your constantly being let down because real life people fail to match the fantasy.

This all sounds rather dark and grim, but your chart actually shows you're set to discover a nurturing and liberating new way of letting go of the need to control things you can't control anyway.

That next to last paragraph is eerily accurate, in light of Charlie Brown's past issues with escape via fantasy.

As to the control stuff, I know he feels quite helpless about my struggles with depression. Note to Charlie Brown - How do you think I feel? It's my damned mind and I can't even control it! But, he's been, quite surprisingly, very nurturing and supportive in my journey out.

We're making it. Slowly but surely.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Home Again

5 days gone with very few check-ins.

Got lots of catch-up at work for sure, and laundry. Always laundry.

The meds are kicking in, slowly but surely. My period started today so that always throws things, but meh....

Will update with something much more fascinating soon.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

It felt like Armageddon

Six tornado touch downs occurred in my part of Colorado and the Southern tip of Wyoming today.

Each system was very large and in the F3 category.

This is un-freaking heard of in our neck of the woods!

We are ok, but members of Casa del Meyer were in varying stages of lockdown at work, school and daycare today. And that was pretty dang scary.

After the weather cleared up this afternoon, we hightailed it to C-town to visit our family for an extended holiday weekend. Where it's flooding.

Always an adventure.


© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

For Better or For Worse in Practice; Part 2

Last Sunday's episodeof La Vida de Casa del Meyer – appropriately dubbed La Señora Roja Va Loca – left off where I’d just told Charlie Brown that surprise, asking for help is hard, and more importantly, it was crucial that he helps me – when he concedes to do so – in a relatively fast response time, because, shock, Heather has issues in the realm of asking others to meet her needs due an early learned expectation that her needs will either be 1. Ignored, or 2. Heeded, but will remain unmet. Failure to do so results in the following manifestations:

• Externally – I appear to be a nagging, raving, control freak – hence the “Heather’s gonna freak” statement in the previous post….true, but damn it if you must push me to that point, you know?
• Internally – I feel inadequate, because my needs are apparently of less import than whatever he is presently attending to – often TV, hobbies, etc. That feeling of inadequacy puts me in a self-preservation mode where I often vilify him in order to justify my actions and not feel so badly about myself. And, hell-o. That’s gotta be great for a marriage, eh?

Also….I forgot to mention the other point of my help-wanted/I’m sorry soliloquy – In Charlie Brown’s account of his talk with Prominent Male a couple of weeks ago, he had been upset with himself for his lack of spiritual study of late, including blowing off putting a lesson together for our Life Group the evening before said talk. Well, this past weekend we were in the same boat where time was getting shorter and I 1.) knew that he needed a little spurring on and 2.) was annoyed that he was avoiding this obligation…again. Anyway, suffice to say that my reminders were as much for me as they were for him to find some time and get his lesson done. And I told him that.

His response was slow-going.

Which made me think back to class that morning and he’d made a jab at my tendency to prod responses out of his silence – “I find that when I’m looking to God to help me guard my tongue during a conflict, she says, ‘Well, don’t you have anything to say?!?’” There had been some truth in his comment that morning, but the requisite kindness in tone had been lacking – ironic, as we’d been discussing the whats and hows of speaking truth in love

Meanwhile, my head was going 95 mph.
The porn..we still haven’t talked about this issue.

My God, my Abba, how bad is it and can I possibly endure another blow right now?

Hold me, wrap me in Your Love.

Eventually, Charlie Brown spoke. “About the lesson, I get what you’re saying, but here’s the thing, Heather.”

Oh no….here we go with excuses….

"No one’s given me this guide that we’re supposed to be using – so I don’t have any guidance, and last time I read the passage in Ephesians we were on and it just didn’t hit me on how to make it relevant or interesting. Of the people here tonight, that group is a hard group, we have no real talkers who make discussion but you. So I ask a thought provoking question based on the key-point of the sermon and apparently it wasn’t as deep as I thought it could be – because they all essentially said, ‘It’s totally easy to honor God in a life-threatening situation because it’s a win-win – either you sway their thinking with your faith, or you go to heaven,’ and honestly, come on! I mean in theory, yeah, totally. But really? None of them have kids yet, or other things that might gray it up for them…. I mean if I were in a situation like that where I might likely be spared if I denied God and did what everyone else was doing – I could see you and the kids again, provide for you and do everything I could to ensure you were cared for. By dying for God, I’m not guaranteed anything about your welfare, you know?"

I nodded. Good grief Heather, you have got to start giving the man some more props!

It all made perfect sense and slowly the perspective shifted…

Ok, but still no thoughts on the whole vulnerability thing. Hopefully it registered with him. I don’t know that I’ve ever spelled it out quite that way for him before.

It was silent for quite some time – and then a subject change was made by Charlie Brown – about just what I don’t remember, but it felt as if the elephant in the room – the inevitable porn conversation – walked over and sat squarely on my chest, constricting my airway.

That elephant teetered uneasily as I inhaled deeply and evenly, summoning my courage.

“So, I know that we've talked a lot lately, and that that is not your thing. This is hard. But since you talked to me about
your talk with Prominent Male, I can't stop thinking about what you meant when you said that 'sometimes you get things in your head.' I can't put it out of my mind and then it spins out of control, and your answer is the only thing that is going to really effect change here." Tears resumed.

With compassion, not defensiveness, he responded, "That's why I hate saying anything. But truly, it was a minor part of that conversation. Seriously, like 2 minutes of an hour and a half was spent on that. I guess it's just like an alcoholic or drug user, you just crave a fix now and then - and recently that craving's been there."

Is it contemporaneous to my depression? Did I trigger this?

Or is it the weight, because there is that.

:gulp: And here's the part that is my inner masochist - I need to know more.
That elephant teeters a wee bit more.

Silence.

"So...is there anything that triggered this craving, because I know I've put on weight, and..."

"No, it's not the weight. Really, it's just you've been gone so much at night and it would just be so easy...it's been really tempting."

I simultaneously felt relief that the burden was his and my own burden of being so inadequate that he would need that - in both a sexual sense and the sense that living with me contributed to his own emotional pain that he must escape from.

"Well, have you, uh, indulged in that temptation? Because we've been getting more of that type of spam and unsolicited IM's from dating services." Pause. "I just need to know, and I'm sorry that I have so many questions. But we also had some issues with being in sync lately and I just need to know why that is because it is a little much for me to just shake all of these co-occurring things off without a little doubt. I mean, even if you haven't looked at porn, per se, you may have fantasy stuff that's going on and you're not really with me but with a fantasy, and I just need you with me, now." Tears are falling freely.

"No. Babe I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I've created a history that puts so much doubt and fear into you. I love YOU. I've been able to be on the straight and narrow, and all I was sayin' is that it would help to not have to battle alone. Ok?"

Nods.

"Now that we've got that out of the way, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah," I managed between sobby hiccups.

"How long have you been feeling down, babe? 'Cuz I hate that we have to get to this place before we see it."

I shifted....this elephant was about to tip over.

"I don't know when to pinpoint it. Months? But I thought it was just my period times and well, such are the joys of being a woman, and then I thought it was the change of the seasons, and then I thought it was just the busy-ness of this part of the work year," bawling, I continued, "and then, it just wasn't getting any better and I'm a shrieking, horrible shrew all the time, and I...just..can't...do...that...to you and the kids!"

And then I cried while he held me rocking me, murmuring that things would be ok, that I was doing the right thing calling the doc, and that we were turning a corner.

It's not the scene I would have envisioned if someone asked me on my wedding day where I saw us in the next 10 years. It's not a scene I would wish upon my worst enemies, because the pain that led up to this moment was so long in the making, so deep and yet so very raw at the surface that no one should have to deal with this.

But for better or for worse, we will. We will weather this storm - and what good it does me to know that Charlie Brown is strong enough to be my man, especially now when I need him most.

And that elephant? Tipped over and fled the scene - seems I'm not a comfy spot for him to hang at anymore.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

The Journey is Made One Day at a Time

And what a day today was for the first day of my journey out of the depths of depression.

The weather was GLORIOUS - I mean the angels must have been singing alleluia because it was great.

I felt as if a burden of a thousand issues had been lifted as I conquered those first frightening steps yesterday. While I know it was just the beginning, and am not overly idealistic about what lies ahead, the difference between Sunday and today is like the difference from east and west, night and day.

I got a fair amount done at work today, instead of illicitly wasting time on the internet as I have been doing far too much recently.

Home life was ok tonight. Not great, but not bad either. Just meh, suburban parenthood.

M came out with the baby tonight and was going on a walk just as Charlie Brown was telling me he was too sore from softball to go on a family walk, so we went together and caught up with each other, woman to woman over baby E's stroller. That was nice.

In all, it was a good day.

Tomorrow is a new day.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

What For Better or Worse Sounds Like

Better - as Charlie Brown was checking out my new layout last week....

"Well, whaddyou think?"

"It's nice....but this part where you're bashing me? That's why I don't read your blog."

"What do you mean, Charlie Brown?"

He points out:

Tuesday and the rest of the week has been kind of like a return to planet earth, if you know what I mean....

"I wasn't bashing you! It was just you kind of were grumpy, understandably because the kids were demons this week, but you know, it was just....back to normal?"

"Heather, I'm just giving you crap! We all gotta vent. Do you know how often I hear, 'My wife/GF really pulled a number last night...' at work? Every friggin' day. It's ok - it's not like you're calling me an asshole and stuff like that."
**************


Worse - as we were getting ready for Life Group yesterday and Charlie Brown had already mowed the lawn and done his stuff that he wanted to do before I asked for help in the house. Also, an already fragile Heather had the kids all day yesterday, while Charlie Brown worked the Saturday shift, and they had proceeded to be complete bastards (love you guys!)...she was still recovering. Also, Charlie Brown had kind of made her the brunt of a marital joke in the Sunday school class with their peers that morning. Irritability...Check!

"Honey, the yard looks great. I'm gonna need your help inside soon."

Nods. Proceeds to call his mom.

20 minutes later....

"Hon, I really do need your help in here, people are going to be here soon."

Nods. Waves his hand dismissively.

15 minutes later, my blood is boiling with frustration, overwhelm and the need for release. I walk outside to take out some trash and give him a look.

"I better go, Heather's freakin' out."

Hell hath no fury like a vulnerable gal who's feeling so low that it's a psychological kill or be killed match.

"I wasn't freaking out! But thanks a freakin' lot for throwing me under the bus AGAIN today! Damnit, Charlie Brown....like your family doesn't already think I'm crazy and not good enough for you*! Why do you have to say things QUITE like that?"

Phone call to MIL has since been discarded.

I raged for several minutes, sounding very paranoid and demented. Truly.

I said things that *I* felt, feelings that have never actually been merited or substantiated by actions or subtle nuances. Looking back, I see that now and how preposterous the spewage of my rage must have sounded, but at the time? It was rawly, painfully, and devastatingly real to me. I hurt deeply, to the point that I felt my id tearing out from my subconscious, coming to lick these freshly made primal wounds.

Charlie Brown yelled back.

And I cried. Like I have been for a month now.

I cleaned. Charlie Brown cleaned. LMNOB was at a birthday party.

"Hey babe, I'm gonna go to 7-11 and go get some lighter fluid for the bbq. I'll take Punkinhead. Do you need anything?"

No...nothing that would come from there.

I cried more while they were gone.

They returned and I was in the kitchen. Charlie Brown walked up to me, put his arms tenderly on my shoulders, looked me deeply in the eyes and said, "I'm sorry. Babe, I'm sorry."

I crumpled into a "Me too" sob fest on his shoulder.

"Babe....what's on your mind now?"

What came out of my mouth has to be the world record for the longest run-on, tangential sentence ever.

"I'm just feeling defective because this will be my third go with meds and I don't want to keep cycling in and out of depression for my whole life but then I am so scared to think that it will be life long because oh my god, what is that doing to my body and you know the shakes will come back and then I'm gonna lose my 'O' when I'm with you and that's hard on you because you are like me and don't like for things to be onesided in the bedroom, not to mention it's hard on me because I kinda like my 'O' and it's a shitty trade off to have to decide whether to be anorgasmic or depressed for the rest of my life and then I'm nervous because I want to share with the group that I'm struggling but then I keep thinking to the last time we were all together and they were talking about A's sister who has mental health issues and they were all like clucking their tongues and disappointed and what they don't understand is that is me too - they were clucking their tongues and exclaiming about some of the same crap I deal with all the time and oh my god............I'm a freak" (.............meaning there was more but I can't remember it all)

All of the above is a "worse" because I can't imagine it is easy for Charlie Brown to see me this way.....
**************************


Now we are going to get right to a Better......

He bent down to look eye-to-eye at my downcast face, tipped my chin up and lectured me with such love, concern, and compassion.

"Babe, no. Don't do this to yourself, ok? First, so what if you have to do meds for the rest of your life? I mean don't people with diabetes or high blood pressure also have to wonder about long term effects and weigh in the benefits - I get to live - over the litany of horrible side effects that their meds can cause? I mean geeze all you gotta do is watch tv to hear the laundry list of this drug or that's side effects, ya know?"

Nods.

"Second, you don't know that it'll be that way - there's new stuff out and it might not be as bad. Even if you lose your 'O' we'll be ok. And finally, regarding sharing with the group, that is exactly why you should share with them, because it will help them better understand this. They look up to you, you're smart, you're kind and capable of doing amazing things - but your brain has issues. And it sounds like they need to see that so that they know it's not something you've chosen, or that it only happens to certain kinds of people. But, whatever you choose, I get it, and that's important honey, because I want you to know that I love you, even this side of you, even when it is so hard to see and watch."

Keep in mind that I'm bawling the whole time and this just sends me over again.....

And so there you have it....the man could probably never write his own wedding vows if made to, but spontaneously, given the right circumstances, he can say everything that he needs to....and suspiciously enough, the whole scene sounds Lifetime Movie-esque, no?

**********************

I didn't share with the group. We didn't have a request for prayers, but rather a more low-key hanging out of friends, playing ball with Punkinhead, bbq on the patio kind of night.

And it was good.

After they all left, Charlie Brown and I got the kids to bed and talked some more.

I started.

"So I know that you apologized, but I just want to say that I'm sorry too for snapping earlier."

My throat got tighter and my voice went into that choked up nasally register.

"I just...have a hard time asking for help, Charlie Brown, and I know you've said before that you don't mind helping but you hate that you're on Heather's timeline to help when you agree to do so. I just thought that if you knew what was going through my mind when we had our tiff that it might help you. Just like before everybody got here, my mind was doing that racing thought thing. I kept seeing us at Counselor S' and her saying to me, "Heather, you don't have to be perfect and do it all. You can [and should] ask for help," and here I'd already asked twice for your help and I felt ignored, which made me revert to my old self and suddenly I'm a little girl who can't ask for help because no one is gonna pay a damned ounce of attention to her, and then it's like well, I can't count on you either and guess what Counselor S, you were WRONG, because all asking for help does for me is make me vulnerable and open my self up to more hurt when people don't follow-thru and reinforce that HEATHER DOESN'T MATTER SHIT TO ANYONE BUT HERSELF. So I do need for you to help me, on my terms of time, because whenever it looks like you might bail on me, it causes me to stress and feel like you're just like every other person of significance in my life thus far. And I need you to be different than that."

There's more of this conversation....but it's 12:30 am and I must needs to get some sleep.

To be Continued....





© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

P.S. I went to the doc today. It went very well....my doc is very compassionate and has had her own struggles with anxiety and depression. She gave me some good pointers on therapy and self-help as well as an in-depth med consult that resulted in a 6 wk sample supply of Lexapro.

Tech SOS

Ok, so I'm pretty tech savvy when it comes to computer Microsoft applications.

Heck, I'm even starting to gel with CSS and HTML.

But today my lappy lost her internet mojo. The little HP Wireless Assistant icon has left the friggin' building (normally I just click it and say, "On, mother..." and everything works...in case you couldn't tell, that is the way I like things to roll...predictably) and the troubleshoot feature had me going to the Start/Run route which is friggin' Compu-Greek to me.

It won't let me do ipconfig because it says the ethernet blah de blah is disconnected. My question is twofold:

• how did it do that, because I sure as heck didn't tell it to, and
• how do I get it back to connected?

Anyone? I hate having to use the desktop to get on the net, 'specially on a day like today when it is nice to laze outside.

Edited to add: Looks like this is a common experience. What's a girl to do?



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Almost Like SqUeezing Blood From a Turnip

Except that it wasn't totally impossible.

I found some time for myself. To truly write about what's on my heart, to brave the rapids that my streams of consciousness have become. Expect multiple lines in this post as the topics are many.

MENTAL HEALTH

• I've been avoiding the warning signs...thinking that my shift in affect was either 1.)situational or 2.) tied to my menstrual cycle. And while these two are always partners in crime in being factors leading up to my depressions, they are not IT. IT is a biochemical tendancy towards depression. I need to call my doc and be seen, figure out meds, etc.
  
  I hate this shit. As much as I am NOT anti-meds, it really sucks when having to weigh the very real pros and cons. As in, I can pretty much kiss my sex life goodbye, welcome involuntary body tics, the worst cottonmouth I've ever had, etc. Not to mention wondering what the hell the long-term side effects of psychotropic drugs are having on my body. But, is it worth it for me to be a sane, peaceable mama again? Probably....
  
  I hate knowing that I've gotten to this point, because I feel like I've done it to myself. That by taking on so damned much, job going full-time last year and starting up grad school in addition to the family life, that I sent my brain into overwhelm - I mean everybody else is overwhelmed with my life, why wouldn't I be? And knowing that my brain has a tendancy to get stuck, well I keep hearing my MIL's voice when I told her I'd decided to go back to school, "I just hope you don't put yourself back in a place where you were last year, Heather."
  
  Then again, who the hell knows just what the magic trigger was?
  
  I also feel like my mind is my greatest and worst single asset I possess. I mean I'm very intelligent and aware which are good things, right? But sometimes these things turn on me and I implode with intelligence and self-awarenesses that have magnified things within my soul that most people are not aware of in themselves.
  
  I'm so dysfunctional that even my defense mechanisms suck at protecting my own psyche from myself...and I don't say that to be all woe is me, I have no self-esteem, but more as sometimes I wish I could be more clueless and not see just how much my actions impact others. In other words, sometimes I wish Charlie Brown and I could meet more in the middle on this realm.

SELF ACTUALIZATION

• Part of my cognitive dissonance is because with school, work and family, I feel that I have become less engaged in my community than I'd like to be. I'm feeling more inwardly focused when I value serving others. In doing so, as I told my Mum, I feel like while I'm going to school to gain the credibility and authority to really impact the lives of people like myself that I'm losing connection with that part of myself and becoming one of "them," i.e. the social do-gooder that really doesn't know what people in poverty want/need to succeed because they have been warped by academia. Life is not textbook, folks, and thus neither should be my experience.
  
  My Mum is the director of a local IHN, and their organization is getting ready to add the role of landlord to their services as they are building property specific transitional housing for families completing their program. It is alien territory for them.
  
  But not for me, former housing coordinator extraordinaire.
  
  And her board is rather full of upper middle class WASP-y old men - good hearts, but lacking the wherewithal and knowledge to help their ED really transform the lives of the people she works with by sharing her burdens.
  
  So, I cleared it with The Boss, to ensure no huge conflicts of interest since the City is a funder, and looks like as long as I do not process their grant draws (rather, the Boss would) and steer clear of City Council presentations on behalf of the organization, it would be perfectly ok.
  
  So I'm stoked about that.

SCHOOL

• I'm registering for summer school today. Am torn about one class or two because one of the electives being offered online is near and dear to my heart - a more advanced policy class than the core one - and poverty policy is where my heart lies. I'm pouring over the syllabi and will see if I think it is do-able.


• Punkinhead had kindy visitation (kind of like an orientation where they shadowed real kindergarteners for an hour while the parents had a presentation with the principal - whom I love btw) on Wednesday and it melted my little heart to see just how super excited he is for kindergarten. "Mommy, I'm gonna go to school and EVERYONE will know who I AM!!!!" Honey, with that winning personality of yours, they certainly will.


• LMNOB's last day for school is May 30 and she's getting a bit anxious about the transition to summer. Not because she doesn't enjoy being out of school, but the friends who are constants in her life right now might not be so constant over the summer. And with the new school opening next year some of her friends will not be back at our school....including our neighbor A who is LMNOB's BFF. She will be going to the other school b/c her grandparents live in the other school's neighborhood and since they are her afterschool care, it just works out that way. I told LMNOB that they will still see each other everyday since we live next door to each other, but she's not totally convinced.
  
  I'm a bit nervous about next year's schooling for LMNOB because it means explaining SID and the terms of our 504 plan all over to a newbie. What if they don't get it?

LMNOB

• We had some weirdness this past month, but my schedule was wonky and I wasn't as consistent with the sensory diet as we should have been. She complained several weeks ago that her top teeth were bugging her, and I thought, "Well, maybe they are starting to get loose."
  
  Last week she told me that her teeth felt sharp again, and sure enough, she had another permanent tooth erupting behind her bottom front baby tooth, which was not the slightest bit loose. I had a dental appointment set for today and said I would get her in with me. Last night she was talking about teeth being sharp again and both of her top front permies are coming in too. Only they are fairly far back, almost in the roof of her mouth.
  
  So we are gonna have a hella time at the dentist today. :sigh:
• Recently I commented to my friend DSW (who is an RN) that LMNOB seemed to have really horrible “poopy-smelling” breath – to which she responded that perhaps LMNOB was badly constipated because she’d noticed people who were really constipated having breath that smelled like stools at the hospital. So for the past several days we have been making LMNOB drink more fluids and juices (we already eat several helpings of fruits/veggies each day), and the immediate results have been stunning. The sheer amount of crap that has come out of my baby is baffling. She told us it had been over a week since she'd gone poop.....by the looks of it, I wouldn't be surprised if it had been longer. I asked her if her tummy had been hurting because she hadn't gone in such a long time and she looked blankly at me and said, "I don't really know."
  
  Then I found this article which confirmed all of the thoughts we'd had.
  
  BT the OT and I had talked before about the fecal smearing possibly being tied to elimination issues and what not; however LMNOB’s reports had me thinking she was more irritable bowel-like because she was having alternate episodes of constipation/diarrhea. We definitely had known that LMNOB had a hard time recognizing/sensing the urge to go, but I had no idea that it would go this far. At yesterday's session, BT the OT told me of an autistic girl on her caseload who'd recently had to have her feces surgically removed from her bowels because she hadn't eliminated in over 3 weeks and there was a massive impaction.
  
  So this is just another shoe that can drop on us that I need to be on the lookout for. Fun times.
  
• BT the OT wants us to start the brushing protocol with LMNOB this summer. We'd talked about it last year and our former daycare lady just had so many young kiddos that I didn't think it was feasible. This year I think it is more feasible, just gonna be a lot of work.

And there's more, always more, but I'm running short on time. Seems this writing things out thing takes a honking big chunk out of personal time.

But if nothing else, I feel better. :)

ETA- Why did someone not tell me I misspelled Squeezing? Fixed now.





© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

And, Avoidance Leads the Race

I'm sure if I would have actually said, "Honey, we need to talk" that Charlie Brown would have put the video game down.

But, always a but....

But that would instantly put him in defensive mode.

And I so do not want that. I think confrontation would send me to the looney bin right now.

Tonight just wasn't the night.

And it's not his fault. Nor mine. And I'm ok with it, for now.


************
Let's see....how about bloggable happenings in headline format?
5/13/2008 Moderately Violent Video Game Said to Increase Fraternal Cooperation and Kindnesses.
Yesterday after school, LMNOB and Punkinhead were playing Ultimate Alliance, which is a roleplaying superhero game with Spidey and all his comrades. I have never heard more courteous and considerate discourse between the two of them. Who'd have thunk it?
"Thank you brother, I needed to kill that guy!"
"You're welcome! That was totawwy awesome, sister!"
:giggle:


5/9/08 Mother Secretly Pleased at Son's Confession
Friday when I picked up the kids from daycare, M shared with me a tickling conversation.
Kids: We're getting big.
Punkinhead: M [former childcare provider and neighbor] says that when we get big enough we can have our own kids!
M: Well, Punkinhead, if you find someone you love and get married, then you can have your own kids when you're big.
Punkinhead: Well, I love my mommy.
M: Yeah, but she's already married....to your daddy.
Punkinhead: Well that's just dumb - I love my Mommy!
Awwww, nothing warms the heart quite like a little Oedipal action.
Because it sure beats the "Oh yeah, well, I don't wike you Mommy. I wish you would go to jail," that we have been hearing of late.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

When the Stream of Consciousness Looks More Like Whitewater Rapids

I can't turn my thinker off.

I just took a shower and literally dizzied myself with rapid fire missives.

Thoughts about tonight's walk being so idyllic, stopping in the pastoral open space that will soon be a bustling city park at the edge of the subdivision, basking in the glorious sunset of a sky swollen from giving birth to heavy rains earlier in the day, smelling the cleansed earth, watching the kiddos entertaining themselves by sprinting down the backside of the dyke, the other side of which held back a lake where Charlie Brown was giving the pup his first swimming lesson while Gracie showed off like the seasoned pro that she is. They giggled and chanted out, "Run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man," as they hurled themselves downhill. Punkinhead's behavior foreshadowed a future audition for his generation's equivalent to Jackass as he purposefully did faceplant after faceplant in the dust - "But Mom, it's ok I have my helmet on!" :sigh:

For about an hour tonight, time stood still...my only regret was that I didn't bring my camera along to capture the beautiful light and these little moments with the kiddos. Guess I gotta try and come up with the thousand words equivalents, eh?

On the way back, Punkinhead, wobbling on his raised though not yet removed training wheels, began singing, "I can ride my bike with no training wheels, no training wheels..." like that No Handlebars song, as a demonstration of his overconfidence. As he went on, continuing to show off, his concentration on the actual riding waned and safety became an issue multiple times and after several "oopsies," all of which had been accompanied with a precursory warning, Charlie Brown became a bit Homer-esque to Punkinhead's Bart-like antics.

Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssshh!

That's reality coming back to the night.

Enter the racing thoughts.

We still have a lot of things to talk about.

What did he mean by "Sometimes...?"

Is he going to go out with Prominent Male this week?

He was right Saturday night when he said, "You seem off. You've been off for quite awhile."

Off is code for mentally ill....misunderstood....overwhelmed...and we haven't talked about it since Saturday.

We need to.

Instead, we've made jokes to de-escalate our communications, as I did on Sunday when he kept jabbering while someone was talking at the podium in church and I whispered, "Stop! Don't make me use my 'angry hands!'"

Will my being off be a smoke and mirrors trick for him to skirt his own issues, as it has before?

Or will we rely on avoidance for the time being?

And that is just a sampling. Many more thoughts whizzed by tonight, to the point that I was physically dizzy, on the verge of tears, and close to calling out for help.

Now...it is after 11. He's sleeping, as he should be. I am not. Nor have I initiated anything. It sucks being so painfully aware and yet so paralyzed to take action.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Still Tinkering

Well, folks we have a header!

Thanks so much to Jen and the help she gave me on it.

And to Charlie Brown for entertaining my hobby the past few days as I:

1. Asked him to play photo-shoot with me
2. Stayed on the computer for obscene amounts of time trying to get just the right look

Thank you....it means a lot.

Now....I just need to figure out how to:

1. Make my "paneling" the same length as the whole blog
2. Fix the paint splatters

And focus my energy on the things begging for my attention...

This little project has been a perfect excuse for me to ignore the elephant in the room....

© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Words for Me: Week of 5/12

Again, D.K. Brainard’s words leave me speechless:

Taurus –

You have oodles of personal power now, with the mighty Sun and Venus lighting up your sign for the next eight days. This is an excellent time to take action on the insight, resolution or "seed idea" that came up at last week's Taurus New Moon -- the Sun in your sign is giving you exceptional energy and Venus is blessing you with an aura of beauty and desirability. If you can imagine it, you can probably pull together the resources (human and financial) to pull it off. One thing to watch out for: with Mars in your 4th House of home, family, and emotional make-up now, you could be wearing your emotions on your sleeve without realizing it. Remember that upsets or conflicts involving your home and family are always created by unconscious emotional habit patterns that you have yet to resolve in your own psyche.

That last part was Saturday night at our place.

More to come on that.

It Was Aliens, I'm Telling You...

So, I kind of left ya'll hanging the other day with this post.

This one is a follow-up with the 411. It's a doozy. Long and rambly (true to form!) and all over the map.

First, though, I gotta set the stage.

The last couple of weeks have been rough ones. And ones wherein I was not feeling particularly beneficent towards Charlie Brown.

Our house was a veritable health code violation:

• Animal waste residues (despite scrubbing and wiping and numerous potty training attempts for a certain pet that I did not really want in the first place)
• Tripping hazards (carpeting consisting of dirty laundry strewn everywhere 4 inches thick will do that)
• Unwashed dishes (with foods in various stages of decay still stuck to them)
• Filthy floors
• Unmentionable bathrooms

Yeah, FILTH-Y. Gross. And not just me being hard on myself. But real, legitimate, and utter squalor.

Oh, but wait, we'd planned on having neighbors over Saturday night and church group at our house Sunday. Translation = Heather had a big assed (almost true-to-life-size!) load of housework to do, because Charlie Brown had planned to go riding with the male unit of the couple we were having over Saturday night.

I was ready to dig into the cleaning, though. IT WAS TIME.

So I did. Our neighbor bailed on the motorcycling trip, though and Charlie Brown acted despondent all afternoon.

He had been planning it all afternoon, Heather.

Yeah, but life's a bitch sometimes. Gotta put on those big boy pants, eh?

And so went the voices inside my head. You know it's bad when you argue both sides for someone else!

Long story short, after a couple hours had passed, I told LMNOB to tell Daddy that we were going to the track, and that I would watch the kids, with a book in tow, while they played in the dirt during his riding time.

We left. Got dirty. Ate Taco Bell. Went home and had same-sex parent and child showers, tucked the kids into bed and relaxed. A spirit of intimacy and contentment enveloped our home. Charlie Brown and I fell into bed that night, only to wake later for a middle of the night tryst :wink, wink:
of an "alternate" variety :nod, nod: as I was still entertaining a certain visitor.

The next day, we did church. Then he had softball practice, and I continued cleaning before everyone got there.

While doing gobs of laundry, I had a pity party for myself:

Why can't he see all that I do?

I just don't want to have to ask.

Like Cheap Trick, I want him to want:
- me
- to help me
- an others focused heart
- to be a partner in parenting
- et cet er a.

This is not the life I envisioned for myself.

I don't want to have to be the one who always initiates peacemaking, especially if it isn't really my fault in the first place.

Why won't he be the spiritual leader in our home?

Seriously, I felt like singing "Where have all the cowboys gone?"

Yes, I do think in pop culture references - ya'll should know that by now.

Ok, caught up? Sorta, in that "as-much-as-an-outsider-can-be" way?

Alright, let's go back to Monday afternoon.

Charlie Brown calls me, seems really upbeat. Tells me that he'd spent the lunch hour with Prominent Couple from church whom we've known forever. (I'm trying to keep from totally outing them).

Charlie Brown and Prominent Male had shared burdens with each other.

Charlie Brown told Prominent Male that he really wished our church had the men's accountability groups they'd tried to set up (and failed at doing so) a couple of years back, because he needed them.

[insert a mental rendering of the record scratching, "say what? Go back over that" sound here]

Winter weight suddenly sits heavier than actual poundage accrued.

Heart lurches into gut.

Let him talk it out, Heather, slow down.

Also, why do these convo's happen when I'm at work and The Boss is rightthere?

He continues, saying that Prominent Male and he had decided to meet for lunch once/wk and see how things go. I can hear him beaming through the phone. This is huge - Charlie Brown doesn't have a lot of friends, yet is a social creature so tends to be bogged down by that lack of testosterone networking.

I'm happy to see him take initiative.

Also worried.

"So, honey....uhm"

try not to cry, loosen those vocal cords back up!

"So, uh, the reason why those groups were started in the first place?"

Pause...this is where I point out the elephant in the room..I see him, do you?

"Uhm, are you having problems with that again?"

I want to know.

No I don't.

Please say no.

If he says no, you won't believe him, though.

He's rejected you recently.

Is this why?

Is he back to taking care of himself and checking out of the relationship?

Shit!

He says, "Well, sorta....Sometimes I get things in my head..."

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

You're too fat.

A used up mother.

Your body is aging, sagging, stretched out.

Not what he wants.

He will always want something other than you.

He's still talking!

"But, that's not all..."

Shit!shit!shit!

"But not really, I mean, it's a lot of things. It's last Sunday when I got mad at you. I shouldn't have, it was wrong - and yet, I cannot tell you how angry I was at that moment. That's not right, I shouldn't be that way. And I'm not motivated to do anything. At home, at work. And you're stuck with doing it for both of us. My relationship with God is not where it needs to be - I mean I tried to get a lesson together for last night and I couldn't focus...."

"Ok...."

He hears my doubt.

"I shouldn't have said anything, now you're going to be all worried about That, and it's not about That, I'm telling you."

"I know. This is just hard. And I'm processing. I'll be ok. I just need to think, my head is spinning."

And on it went.

Introspection at a level I've never heard come out of his mouth in the 14 years that we've known each other.

I've always asked for honesty.

But it is so hard to swallow.

And so hard to gracefully say "Thank you," when given the truth, instead of hammering away at him because 1.) it's taken so damned painfully long to get to This Moment, and 2.) that he had to admit to screwing up because he did screw up in the first place.

I mean, gosh, can't he be perfect?

Kidding.

Like you are perfect? God would ask me.

And I'd cast down my eyes and mumble, "No....but...."

He's hurt me how many times and I still do so much....

And God would say, "My dear sweet child, I understand...and yet, it could be so much worse."

And He would be totally, dead on right.

Sucks, huh?

Later Charlie Brown texted me with a msg of appreciation for my "sacrifice of time" on Saturday at the bike track, it meant a lot to him.

I replied telling him he was just in a good mood because he got a little sumthin' sum on Saturday night.

He replied back:

Hee hee.

Like he was totally 18 again when we were madly in love and lust.



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Whose Birthday Is This, Anways?

Last night Charlie Brown and I are lying in bed. All cuddly, even – BONUS!

Charlie Brown: “So you never told me what you want for your birthday.”

I guess time away is kind of vague, eh?

Me: “Well, a massage is always good. And I’m still really wanting to do the whole night at the abbey thing."

Charlie Brown: “I thought we didn’t have that much money?”

:cough: that is a bullshit response :cough:

Me: “Honey, it’s only like $50 – not a fortune. And if we don’t have that (read: we do) then I guess we never have money at my birthday.”

Then he presses on to the heart of the matter…

Charlie Brown: “What do you want for your birthday that will last?”

In other words, what material item can I get you for your birthday that will remind me of how good I done did?

Me: “Whoah, let’s back this up. Do you really want me to say, ‘Honey, I would like _____ for my birthday,’ and you will get ______? Ooooooor do you want me to tell you, ‘Honey, please get me whatever YOU would like to get ME for my birthday'?"

Charlie Brown: “Now you’re just being mean.”

Me: “No, I’m asking for your honest response. I couldn't care less about some THING, but would love a memory of feeling appreciated, loved in the language that I hear and speak. In case you’ve forgotten, my love languages are 1.) words of affirmation and 2.) acts of service. YOUR love languages are 1.) Gifts and 2.) Physical touch, and I feel like you are projecting your wants for my birthday gift onto me. But, isn’t my birthday about me and what I want?”

Grunts.

Damn, but I hate being right. ;)




© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Got the Memo

So this yesterday morning I get to work and The Boss walks in.

I joked about our coordinating ensembles, as we both were wearing black tops with a black and white skirt/dress. We've been known to dress simlarly many times before.

In walks the city's Business Development Manager. Also, she too is in black and white.

So we giggled and laughed like junior high'ers and then did what any tween would do:

We took a pic with the Biz Developer's cell, in front of our office's black and white photo, lol:




Faces edited b/c I doubt they would appreciate being plastered on the web. Shhhhhhh!

Also - this counts for my contribution to Dress Thursday this week.


© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Words for Me: Week of 5/5/08

I thought I would start posting these weekly, since they ring so true:

One of the great myths of the modern Western mind is that we are the owners of a stable self. We grow up learning to be someone, we spend our early adulthood doing our best to make that someone into a person we can live with, and then we spend the rest of our lives defending that someone against perceived attacks from both inside and outside the self. But the fact is we're energy perceiving energy, and the self we work so hard to protect and maintain ends up being - for most of us - the biggest enemy of all. Trapped inside a limited and limiting conception of self, we ignore the vast potential available to us at any given moment to change our reality from hell into heaven. Stepping into heaven is only a matter of de-identifying with the controlling thoughts we mistake to be ourself, and Monday's ultra-powerful New Moon in your sign is bringing you a unique opportunity to do just that. Who would you be and what would you be doing with your time and energy if you weren't controlled by the voice in your head? Play around with this idea, because life is offering you a shot at freedom now that doesn't come around every week.

Schnikes - I have been feeling this comin' on, too....



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Careful What You Ask For

Yesterday was a strange day.

In a good way. Sorta. It was the same kind of good as squeezing pus out of an old wound is - hurts like a mofo, but in the end aids the healing process.

But still left me wondering if aliens had stolen Charlie Brown's mind. Such introspection and insights from a man who is the epitome of an emotional blockhead - threw me for a loop!

I will elaborate more, later.

But suffice to say that my initial reaction wasn't gratitude but suspicion and fear, things that aren't exactly pride-inspiring. I have a lot of work to do on myself.




© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Lunchtime Translations

Today I made sandwiches for lunch. Ooooh, glamourous I know.

Punkinhead calls out, "I'll have a PB & J, Mommy." Then he turns to LMNOB and sagely informs her, "Dat's how we say 'peanut buttewr and jewwy in Spanish."

Charlie Brown and I guffawed for a good long time.

Sure, and Casa del Meyer is how our neighbors to the South say, "a house-full of gringos."



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Temporary New Digs

This is a quick template download....but I have bigger plans.

Jen, look for an e-mail from me...I have a favor coming up :D



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Decluttering and Other Bloggy Miscellany....

So the Google ads are gone.

Three of the four ads on the banner were pornographic, when I specifically stated I would not host those kinds of ads. Also, is "lesbianity" a real word? Seriously, ya'll it was bad.

I'm going to be playing around with the colors and all that jazz, cuz I want something a little more 3-dimensional and real looking - and will continue to declutter in my blog roll, bling, etc.

In other bloggy areas....

I had someone specifically query for my site from UC-Davis today....

I kept thinking, who do I know there that would be looking for me? I don't know, but it's kind of unsettling. I mean I know who most of my regulars are on statcounter, and most random googlers are looking for a topic, but not ME.

(Side note: I had someone with the ISP ID'd as The Denver Broncos reading fairly consistently a month or so ago - that was kinda cool, but alas, I haven't seen them around lately)

Then again tonight, some one in Longmont (or at least in CO - Comcast ISP's are screwy) Googled just for my site:

I *think* I know who this one is. I have two guesses: 1.) a former colleague whose e-mail announcing she would be graduating from law school I replied to today, or 2.) a certain local someone who crossed my mind today...and whom I miss frequently. It's kind of wishful thinking for the latter, just to prove that connection we have, but no matter....

Again it's just weird when it is not a "regular" but not someone who just stumbled onto me either....

So give a shout out, if you're here again, will ya?

© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

It's Like the Dude Knows Me or Something

So, last month I stumbled upon the astrology site Words for the People, and it had words that spoke to me, a down-in-the-dumps Taurean:

Your best ideas in the next two weeks or so will come from your unconscious mind. The weeks before your birthday are astrologically designed as a time for reflection on what you accomplished in the last year. The idea is not to judge and punish yourself, but to take time out to review what has transpired: what did you do well, and which areas of your life demand more attention and energy from you in order to work the way you'd like them to?

I should have heeded the advice to reflect, re-evaluate and re-energize, too, because now I REALLY feel like I need that.

This week's 'scope says (emphases mine):

After a period in which life seems to deal out nothing but hard knocks and tough lessons, it can be easy to fall back into an old belief system that says that life is a vale of tears and the best you can hope for is to endure with a little dignity. Allowing yourself to stay stuck in the past (recent or not so recent) would be a big mistake this week. Life is made of patterned energy and the patterns are constantly changing, and this week the energy just keeps getting better, stronger and sweeter for you. Venus moves into your sign on Wednesday, tripping off the same Grand Trine to stable Saturn and transformative Pluto that the Sun made last week. This is powerful creative, attractive energy - in fact, you can almost count on someone you meet on a short trip or in the course of your daily routine offering you a gig, job, or other money-making opportunity. Just remember the door probably won't swing open if you don't unlock it.

Now...I'm not an astrology fanatic or anything, but I've always been drawn to it, more as a self-awareness tool and the like. Also, it just makes sense that God would put patterns in the stars and combined with the earth's rotation they would make up a natural law of sorts. At least to this Christian with a taste for mysticism it does. I mean, look at the human body!

I digress, though. Onward....

I have a million things milling around in my head, from school to career to creative endeavors. And I'm a little unsure of what to make of it. Some of the ideas frighten me....as I'm not sure I believe in myself this much, but a little whispering in my heart has been heard surrounding this project, which is finally moving forward.

Moving on..........

I have felt a little more venturesome and creative of late. Trying to reorganize and dig out of the funk so to speak. In doing so, I decided that my current generi-planning system (Franklin Covey, I love that you have a more affordable option at Target, but I hate the pages! They are BORING and do not have enough writing space for big writers like myself. Also, while I like your fully leaded products, they cost more than I really want to spend) wasn't cutting it, so I went surfing and found the Shabby Princess.

Her site is awesome, says me - the first time digi-scrapbooking peruser. I downloaded some of her free stuff, set about playing, and voila! I have cute new dayplanning pages:


And, I'm onward marching again....

So...I'm left wondering what exactly I want to do for my b'day. Charlie Brown has said he'd be ok with me taking a day to myself, but I'm ambivalent about that. I REALLY want it, but I also REALLY want social recognition from my friends and family....my love language is words of affirmation and well, my love bank is a little in the red right now.

Next Friday I begin the last year of my twenties.

(BTW that is NOT a shameless plug for kindness and niceties next week, but if you are so inclined, lol. KIDD-ING....I am ok, just being a smartass)

And I am so ready for it.

This decade has been a rough one. And I have this fantasy about 30. Like 30 is when I will be a "real" adult, taken seriously, accomplish things, etc. That 30 will bring confidence with it that 20 didn't even know existed.

But, all of that said, I also want to enjoy 29 as I start it out, to know that I'm living NOW, and am not waiting to begin living boldly and courageously until 30 reaches out and snags me.

Hell, why wait for a week?



© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

Feeling Like a Popular Kid

For one of the first times in my life.

Several days in a row, people have taken note of my "fashionable ensem's" and "rockin' hair" which just makes me swoon, because I am so in need of external validation these days. Even if it is shallow and based on my appearance. I'll take it!

And if that weren't enough, I have been ranked 10th out of the Women community at Cre8Buzz for TWO THREE DAYS STRAIGHT! I haven't quite figured that one out yet as I am not a great Buzzer - heck I haven't been a good bloggy lately, lurking but not really commenting that much - AND my hits have been low lately, but I'll take it.

AND...

Cyndy gave me this recently:



Yeah, took me long enough, I know, see above!

This was really sweet, Cyndy, given my recent Eeyore-like writings. (BTW everyone, guess who began her visit yesterday? Yeah. So let's see the PMS thing is turning very PMDD over recent months. Yes I will be talking to the doc soon)

So...now I gotta pay it forward to 10 other bloggers....

*Becky* - where else can I read about a darling little boy who declares that calcium is his 6th favorite word? And, I get your dysfunctions, hon, cuz I got 'em myself!

Jen - babe, you get the award for aesthetics alone (and not just for your cute scrappy stuff, but for your adorable smiling face too! Gorgeous, doll!), but then you go and one-up that blog with your sassy little 'tude, K-lish and well, I'm in love.

Princess in Galoshes - I swear we must be long lost fraternal twin sisters. She got the long end of the pretty stick, though. The princess curses more than I do, but it's ok because it is freakin' hilarious.

(sensing a pattern? I likes me some sassy humor)

Liz - Girl is smart, and pursuing a psych degree. Why wouldn't I like her?

Heather - Girl you are like the energizer bunny...at least that's what reading you does for me. Picks me up, makes my day. Even if I don't always comment.

Piper - Another long-lost twin out there....Piper needs to come home to the Fort and be my neighbor! ;)

Huckdoll - She talks like she's all bad and has reason to too, but she's got heart thru and thru. I love that. Plus she's in the Pacific NW, albeit on the Canadian angle. And that part of the country has my heart.

Brillig - Super smart, tons o' fun and just plain relatable for me.

Lynne - Though not a frequent flier when it comes to posting on the blogosphere, every last post is so good :) Plus, she's one of my girls.

And Andrea....Andrea is hilariously zany....has made me spit out so many liquids while reading that I now refrain from eating/drinking near her blog.

So, there, I've shared the love. Pass it on, ya'll




© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved

The Face of Homelessness and The Poor

Denver's Road Home Project Manager Dr. Jamie Van Leeuwen recently shared this fabulous photo essay with me.

He's working on a new photo essay, same song different verse, for Ft. Collins' UniverCity Connections Homelessness Initiative, with which I am involved.

Another project I am involved with around homelessness finally broke ground on Tuesday. It's been in the pipeline for the 6 years that I've been in the field....that's what NIMBY does, folks.

Next week, I'll be hosting a community forum for a similar initiative.

Yeah, we're finally nearing the tipping point....

Here's for a local 180 on poverty policy, eh?

I love my work. I do.

In the meantime, here are some local stats on the matter:

© 2008 Ramblings of a Red-Headed Step-Child. All Rights Reserved